I smile into my knees and let out a laugh. Maybe I'm insane.

They pushed me away, all of them. Friends are a luxury, but these weren't. 

I needed them. I tried and I tried and I tried. And when it all fell down, they decided I wasn't worth it anymore.

They threw me out. No family for me.

I finally opened up, and they looked at me, and they saw a mistake. They saw someone that wasn't worthy. They saw the truth.

Roman yelled at me, words I'll never forget.

Mistake

Disgrace

Nightmare

Destroyer

Villain

Fool

Jerk

Disease

Pain

Disorder

You only hurt Thomas! Why can't you just go away! Why did you ever think we could be friends? We're opposites!

Mean

Fat

Pushover

Weak

Liar

Mess

Parasite!

I laugh harder. It hurts so bad. I'm never needed, I'm just the dude who hurts everyone.

Tears spill down my face and I laugh harder. Air can't find a way in. It doesn't need to.

I'm glad I stocked my minifridge before. If I eat once a day, I could survive 3 more weeks here. It doesn't matter. I'll be long gone by then.

No one needs me. I can't help Thomas. I can't help anyone, only hurt them.

If you want proof, look at Patton.

If you want proof, look at Logan.

If you want proof, look at Roman. 

If you want proof, look at Deceit.

If you want proof, look at Remus.

If you want proof, look at Thomas.

If you want proof, look at me.

The bandages on both arms and legs don't matter. They never did.

They couldn't kill me, but they still felt necessary.

I can't die. I can't do anything to end the pain.

The only thing that could kill me would be to fade.

I'm not far from it. A few more days, and I'll be gone.

I visit Thomas occasionally, but while I'm gone, he feels no effect from me. None of them do. The only Anxiety they get is their own.

I go down to visit Thomas.

He's curled into a ball. He gave up a while ago. He no longer has Logic, due to Logan's disappearance. He occasionally has Patton, but Roman has mutated. He's more of a dark side now. He can't control it, and it scares him. He lashes out, without realizing it. He's so messed up. He's so... broken. So why do I like him still? Haven't I learned my lesson?

I think I used to love him. I think I still do. I know that he's not someone anymore. He's a something. Maybe I no longer love him. No. I love Roman, not what he's become. He used to tolerate me. We used to be friends. No longer. 

I know that I shouldn't love him. It's not at all logical. But I can't help it. Every time I see him, my pulse jumps. I still love him. Or maybe the person he used to be to me.

He hurt me, and badly. He never should have done it. But my stupid heart still loves the person I thought he was.

I thought I could be angry, but I miss him. I miss the closeness of another person. I miss his voice, I miss his words. The nice ones. The past. I miss the past.

It still hurts. It was a while ago, but we were friends for a while, and feelings don't die after a little time. I've learned that the hard way. 

He said he loved me. It was all sunshine and rainbows until he changed. I was such an idiot to not see the change. I thought I knew him. I thought he was like me. But he wasn't.

I was broken, and he helped me. He saved me. And then he hurt me.

I'm not sure I can ever truly trust another person again. I'll keep testing them. Trying to see if they'll hurt me. I'll never be able to get over him, but it helps that the end is nearing. I'm not sure I could keep living like this.

Thomas is whimpering, crying. Patton left his room. Joan is by his side, but they can't help him. I suspect all the sides are fading, not just me, and eventually, he'll just be an empty shell.

 He'll be as broken as we already are.