^there's a reason I spelled it that way, chill.

It's Roman and Remus's birthday! 

I'd go tell Roman happy birthday, but he hasn't been in the best place. I'm a bit scared he'll... hurt me.

I know I should trust him, he's my best friend! But... he hasn't been ok for a while, and he could lash out.

It doesn't matter! No one should be alone on their birthday!

I head over to his room, and I see Roman emerging.

He's grinning and looks a bit... insane. The outfit he used to pride himself on is stained, and I can almost smell it from here.

He smiles even wider on seeing me.

"Dad! It's so good to see you!"

Maybe... he's having a good day? 

"Hey, Kiddo! Happy Birthday!"

His smile gets a bit less insane, and a real smile takes hold.

"Thank you! Look, I'm sorry for the way I've been treating you guys. You don't deserve it."

I can't help the smile on my face. Maybe we're not doomed after all!

"It's... ok. It's ok because you're finally here! We're going to have such a good day! I'll get Logan and Virgil!"

He grins, and I see some red seeping into his sleeve.

"Ro, is that blood?"

He looks at his wrist.

"I'm ok! I think it's just... an old stain."

We both know he's lying, but that's not the most important part right now.

"Ok."

I leave and go to Logan's room.

"Lo! Roman's birthday is today! You should join us! He's... better!"

No response.

My heart breaks a bit, but I move on.

"Virge! Roman's out here, and he's ok! He's better!"

A muffled voice sounds. "Pat, you sure?"

"Yep! We should celebrate his birthday!"

The door creaks open, and Virgil shuffles out. I can see the hope in his eyes, and I just hope I didn't set things up awfully.

I stop by Logan's door one more time, just to be sure.

"Lo! Uh... I miss you! You should come out!"

No response.

I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up. Logan definitely doesn't like me.

I head out and see Virgil timidly smiling at Roman.

"Logan's not coming, but we can still have a great time! I made cake!"

I also got Roman a present. I was hoping he'd come out.

(He's gay!)

Roman smiles, and it's real.

"Disney marathon?"

We all smile, and I say "Is that even a question?"

I turn on the Tv. "Ro, what do you want to watch?"

"Beauty and the Beast!"

I click on it, and Roman dives toward the couch.

Virgil follows, and sits far away from Roman. The longing on his face is clear, but he's scared.

I turn off the lights and sit down.

Roman starts gushing about how much he loves the movie, and I can only think about Logan.

He must be so lonely, holed up in his room for so long.

I should check after tonight, and make sure he's ok.

I watch the movie.

After that, we do Inside Out, which always makes me laugh.

And then Frozen 2. By the time it's Midnight, Virgil has migrated into Roman's arms and fallen asleep on top of him.

Roman is smiling at him, and I really hope they work out.

I start Cinderella.

When I wake up, it's 11 am.

I should check on Logan.

I go to his room, seeing as we can't rise up into each other's rooms anymore, and say "Hey, Logan! Um... Can I come in? I just want to talk!"

He doesn't respond, and no noise comes from behind the door.

Thoroughly worried, I knock.

No response.

I'm about to panic, so I knock once more.

Nothing. What if he's hurt or... something? I have to know!

I grab a paperclip and lockpick his door.

Don't ask.

The dor swings open, and I look around. Logan isn't there, but it's a real mess.

I look around, and see pictures of myself, books, and just papers full of Logan's handwriting strewn everywhere.

I see a piece of paper in the middle of his desk, and read it.

"Patton, I have discovered something. I have romantic feelings for you. No. I can't say it like that... What would Roman do... no! I'm not Roman!"

He likes me back! 

I want to jump in joy, but I don't know where he is.

I find a small black book, and read the first page.

Day 145.

I feel it getting closer.
I'm going to fade soon, and I will have done it without even telling Patton how I feel.
It doesn't matter. He'd never like me.
He's sunshine and emotions, and I'm cold hard logic. We'd never work.
Opposites. We'd only hurt each other. So why won't my stupid heart shut up?
I just want to hold him, kiss him- but none of that matters. Soon, I'll be gone.
The tingling is spreading. I may not know what it's like to fade, but I'm sure it's something like this.
I just wish I'd done more before this. I wish I'd told him how I feel. 
It's almost here. I don't want to die, but some things are just going to happen. I've doomed myself to this, so I shouldn't complain.

The tears fall from my face and smear the ink.

He died. The love of my life died. 

The only person I've ever truly loved, my one and only Logan, is gone.

He died, and I'll never get him back.

Just the thought of never seeing his smile, never hearing FALSEHOOD, never seeing his beautiful onesie, never seeing those beautiful eyes, never holding him or kissing him or talking to him...

I really want to just scream.

But there's another paper.

Patton. If you're reading this, I faded. You probably found a way into my room, and you probably are sad now. I'm sorry. It's my fault.

I locked myself in my room because I didn't understand my feelings, and I couldn't handle it.

I just couldn't do it, and I'm dead because of it. Never blame yourself for my demise.

I love you. I love you more than anything, and I'm sorry I never said it.

I'm sorry I couldn't be enough. I'm sorry I never treated you right.

Just know that I am gone, and I love... loved you.

I feel it. I'm about to fade. I'm sorry for leaving you here, and I'm sorry it had to end like this.

I just wish... it doesn't matter.

In this room, you'll find... a mess, mostly. But you'll find all the words I wish I could have said to you.

You should read them. It's... yeah. Just... I love you, and I'm sorry it ended like this.

Tears already stained the paper, long dried, but now there were so many more.

I just want to tell him how much I loved him.

I just want to say that I wouldn't have left him, no matter what.

I just want to hug him, kiss him, anything!

But he's gone, and I'll never see him again.

I finally scream, not caring who hears.

It doesn't matter anymore. My heart is broken, and it'll never matter again.

The world narrows to just the words in my head, and the constant scream in my head.