I'm sorry, I know this is late, but I just got the idea and wanted to write it.

Warnings: blood, suicidal thoughts, self harm

I look at the candles burning.

I look at the cake, the balloons, the streamers.

A twisted smile rests on my face.

The cake reads "happy birthday to the fallen hero"

I made it myself. Aren't you proud?

The others don't care. 

Heck, they've probably forgotten me.

Even Patton hasn't knocked on my door.

They don't care about the person that screwed up. 

They don't care about the good guy.

They don't care about the person they used to love, used to respect, used to praise.

They're probably celebrating Remus's birthday right now.

They love him so much, I bet they threw a giant one.

I bet Virgil went to it.

I bet he smiled, laughed, kissed Remus on the cheek.

And there goes the cake.

I threw it at the wall.

Not that I would've eaten it in the first place, but now the wall has red and white smears on it.

My beautiful black wall.

Darker than the heart I lost.

Deeper than the lies I told.

A picture of a perfect mess.

I'm just a mess.

And the wall has red and white running down it. A cake that slides to the floor.

Red... the color of blood. The color Remus and Virgil would be if he kissed him.

Virgil is mine.

I never had the right to claim him, still don't, but I know it in my burning soul.

Virgil is mine.

Because if anyone tries to take him, I'll kill them.

I'll murder them in front of Virgil, just to show him that he is mine, and he's never getting away from me.

I hate this. This part of me.

I hate the monster that lurks beneath the surface, ready to snap and claim what is his.

I hate it because that is a part of me.

An insane, disturbed, Remus-like part of me, but still me.

Still me. I'm still a monster.

I'd still kill someone.

I'd be the thing I always hated.

And I'd do it purely for myself.

I look back at the streamers.

They need to come down.

Down down down down down.

All

    the 

         way

               down.

Down

down

down

down.

I rip them from the wall. 

It's been so long since I've done something so physical.

It feels... good.

I want to run around, hitting the walls and ripping things down.

down

down

down.

Down like everything I once was.

Down like the fallen hero.

Down like the thing I now am.

The balloons are next.

Pop. They need to pop.

Pop

Pop

Pop

Pop

Pop

Pop

I want more things to pop. Like someone's organs.

No, they need those. Fight it. Don't let the monster take over.

Repress it.

They say not to, but they would be dead if I didn't.

I should accept it. That's what they say.

But how can I accept it and keep them safe?

Why do I still care about them when I'm stuck rotting away in here?

Why can't I just die already?

My death might just save everyone.

So kill me.

Kill me, universe.

You know I deserve it.

The things I think, the things I want, they're not something that deserves life.

So do it.

Kill me.

Nothing happens.

And then I feel something.

An urge.

One I've never had.

I don't think I should do it.

And then it gains.

It washes over me, and I have to fight it.

It doesn't seem right.

But it gains.

And now I want it.

I bring my mouth to my wrist and bite.

I don't bite hard, still unsure, but my teeth break the skin.

It tastes disgusting, but the monster quiets.

He goes away.

Maybe just for a bit, but still. My mind is my own for a minute.

It's a wreck.

Everything is.

Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

I am a prince, and I have locked myself in my room like a silly princess.

But the alternative could hurt everyone I love.

I should go.

I should apologize to them.

But first...

I grab a kleenex, pressing it to my wrist.

Can't get blood on my...

I look down.

No longer white shirt.

It's stained and gross.

Oh, well.

I leave the room, grinning.