I can't seem to forget you
Why can't i forget you?
Everyone says that it takes time
It's been a month
And i still remember

The number of times i made you smile?
I could count that on one hand
Less than three fingers

The number of times you made a joke?
I think it was only once
Though i can barely remember that day
I do remember
That the joke wasn't very funny
Why did i laugh at it?
The joke wasn't even entertaining

It was degrading
And insulting
And i just didn't think you'd stoop that low
But you stared at me
With those expectant eyes

I remember now,
I hated that look
Especially when it came from you
It just meant that i had to do something
And it had to be right in your eyes

So i laughed
And it was so painful
I had to force myself to forget that joke
It was horrible
And it was about someone that i cared about

I ignored it
I continued on with you
Together in the nights
Strangers during the day

I was that insignificant
You didn't care about how I would feel
Because that joke had hurt

I don't know why I'm thinking of it now
I just want to forget
But i keep reliving it
Every single moment
I hate it

I tried partying, you know
The first few days, i wasn't sober enough to form a coherent sentence

I needed to forget you
And my mom let me
But it had to stop
I couldn't go on smelling like a bar
I had to stop

And then that night came crashing in
It was like i was reliving it all over again
I didn't miss the relief in your eyes this time
It was like you wanted me to find out

Why didn't you just tell me?
Tell me that you had enough?
Tell me you were tired of me?
Tell me you wanted it to stop?
I would've complied
I was so attached
But i would've complied

I wanted for you to be happy
More than i wished for my own happiness
I was so bloody stupid

Remember that time i begged you to come to the park with me?
That was the first time i made you smile
When i pushed you with enough strength to make you move a couple inches
I still remember how small that swing was

And how amazing your smile seemed
It could light up the world
At least, it lit mine up

And heck, i was so happy
Seeing you smile for the first time
I felt accomplished
Like i had done something great
Something to be proud of

But then it fell
And the mask was back on
And i didn't get a glimpse of that you until several months later
When you smeared ice cream on my cheek
On your birthday

Why am i thinking about this?
I'm supposed to be hating you
Despising you
You are the reason I'm sitting here right now
Feeling alone
With my tears
And the shattered pieces of my heart scattered at my feet

I should hate you
No matter how many times I've gone over that night
I still can't bring myself to hate you

I just feel so sad
So, so sad
I guess, i just wasn't enough

So tell me what to do
Please, tell me what to do

Cause i need to forget
Forget you