Brianna
Toby directs me to the passenger’s seat, and I sit down obediently, though I’m shaking as I buckle.
This just… this can’t…
He starts the car and turns down the radio so that it’s little more than back round music. I still recognize skillet’s “The Last Night”, just starting. Another tear slides down my cheek. Because I know the story behind this song.
Before he pulls out, Toby reaches over and rubs my shoulder gently. “You’re gonna be okay,” he says softly.
Another tear fights its way out.
He’s silent for a long moment as he pulls onto the road and starts driving. I recognize the direction he’s taking as towards the nearest hospital. I just don’t believe this.
“So, can you tell me why you did that?” he asks finally, his tone gentle.
I exhale slowly. I mean, I’m being taken to the hospital, for a suicide attempt, by my idol. I might as well answer his question.
“Because…” I choke and have to start again. “Because… my best friend raped me six months ago, and everyone thinks it was me too, and now… everyone hates me, and… there’s no reason I should be here. Even my parents are done with me.”
“That’s rough, Girl,” he breathes, pure compassion in his tone. “I’m so sorry.” He hesitates before adding, “But you’re a believer, aren’t you?”
I nod wordlessly.
“So hear me when I say God is going to make good out of this,” he continues. “I know that seems absolutely impossible right now, but we serve the God of the impossible.”
I shake my head. “There’s nothing amazing I could ever do.”
“You’ll see,” he replies, with more assurance in his tone than I can imagine anyone having in me. “Just know you’re not alone, no matter what. He’s never gonna leave your side.”
“It doesn’t feel that way,” I whisper in return.
“I know,” he says softly. “but that’s why I’m here. If I can show anyone God’s love when they’re not feeling it, that’s gold to me.”
I don’t answer. If this wasn’t such a horrible situation, I would be freaking out right now. Especially because he’s even more than everything I’ve dreamed.
We’re quiet other than the radio until he pulls into the ER parking lot. And it hits me once more exactly what is happening. I’m shaking again, and there’s nothing I can do about it.
“You’re okay,” Toby says gently. “I promise.”
And we walk in. I make an effort to not listen as Toby relays my situation.
We don’t have to wait long before I dully realize I’m getting taken back. This just doesn’t feel real. And everything is even more of a blur than before.

I wake up in a hospital bed, in a hospital gown.
And everything hits me like a brick wall. That just happened. I just tried to kill myself. I just failed to kill myself.
And tobyMac was the one who brought me here.
This cannot be happening.
“Hey, you’re awake.”
I look up sharply and see him sitting next to my bed, a compassionate look on his face.
I desperately blink back tears. “I’m so sorry.”
“To me?” he asks. “Bri, you’ve got nothing to apologize for.”
“I…” I falter. There’s so many things. “You’ve got your family at home.”
He offers me a small smile, waving his phone lightly. “Yeah. And I also have the technology to tell them where I am.”
“But…” I shake my head. “Why did you even stay?”
“Because I wanted to make sure you were alright,” he replies, “and because I don’t think us meeting tonight was an accident.”
What is that supposed to mean?
I open my mouth, but a nurse comes in before I can speak.
She nods briskly when she sees me awake.
“Good, you’re up,” she says. “Well, you were lucky enough to run into him…” She indicates Toby. “Early enough to completely avoid risk of liver damage, so we’re ready to discharge you tonight.”
I feel a small ray of hope glimmer inside of me. “I get to go home?” I get to jump off a bridge on the way home?
She lets out a rye laugh. “No.”
And my heart sinks lower than it was before.
“You will be sent to an inpatient facility for treatment.”
Oh, please no.
“But first,” the nurse continues. “we’ll need to get a hold of your family. You introduced yourself to your savior here as Bri, but what’s your full name?”
“Brianna,” I whisper.
“Last name?”
I hesitate, but there’s nothing I can do. “Kelly.”
She nods, writing that down. “Great. Now, Brianna, whether you help us or not, we’ll be able to get a hold of your parents. But it would make the process easier and faster if you would give us their number.”
She shoves a piece of paper at me.
“So please do.”
I stare at it for a long moment. There’s no way I can do this.
“Anytime tonight would be nice,” the nurse snaps.
I start shaking again.
I just can’t.
And I feel a gentle, comforting hand on my shoulder, and I look up to see Toby standing next to me. Somehow, my shaking has stopped.
Slowly, I pick up the pen the nurse gives me and write down the number.
I can’t believe this is happening.
“Good,” she says briskly, “Now, while we get a hold of them and they get here, we’re going to run you through a test, as soon as you get up and change clothes.”
She turns to Toby. “As I told you earlier, you don’t have to stick around anymore. You can go.”
“I’ll stay,” he replies evenly, but leaves the room so that I can change.
I’ve always hated undressing in front of people, and it’s worse now that there’s cuts on my stomach too, so I go as fast as I can, pulling on my jeans and t-shirt, and wishing desperately that I would have brought a jacket. My fresh cuts are burning all too obviously on my arm.
“Alright, now follow me,” the woman orders, and I do, because there’s nothing else for it.
Toby is outside my room waiting, and he reaches out and squeezes my hand briefly as we walk by. And, somehow, I feel just the tiniest bit braver.
The feeling goes away as soon as I’m in the office the nurse leads me to. The doctor judging me from behind his desk doesn’t exactly help. And, without another word, the nurse leaves us alone.
I sink into the chair he waves me to, my eyes locked on the carpet.
“Alright, Brianna, let’s get started,” he announces. “I’m Dr. Carter and I’ll be interviewing you tonight.” He doesn’t wait for me to respond. “First off, what you did tonight was wrong. That is not the right answer, no matter what problem you’re facing. And on top of that, it’s illegal, which gives us the right to send you in for treatment.”
I don’t say anything. He doesn’t seem to care.
“Next, I want to know. Why did you do what you did?”
I take a deep breath. “Because I can’t take the pain anymore.”
“And what’s that from?”
“My best friend raped me six months ago,” I whisper, “and everyone thinks it was both of us, so now they all hate me. Even my family.”
“I see. And you think that gives you the right to kill yourself?”
“No one would care?” I reply quietly.
He doesn’t answer, making a few notes on a sheet of paper. And he indicates my freshly-wounded arm.
“And how long have you been doing that?”
“Six months.”
“Does your family know?”
“Yes.”
“Alright, good,” he says, making another note. “Now, I’m going to run a test. I need you to look me in the eye and answer honestly.”
I force my eyes to his and do as he says. I know what’s coming anyway. I’ve taken just about every test there is online.
“I believe I am finished with you, at least until your parents are here,” Dr. Carter announces when he’s done. “You may go wait with your hero out there.”
I obediently slink out the door and to a small waiting room that the nurse directs me to when she meets me outside.
Sure enough, Toby is sitting there.
I wordlessly sink into a seat and allow my head to drop to my hands. Toby doesn’t say anything either, but I feel his hand gently come up to my shoulder, and when I slip a glance his way, his lips are moving and his eyes are closed in a silent prayer.
I just… I can’t… why? Why couldn’t I have died?

A/N: And, here it is, a day late. Sorry about that. It was write this chapter or do my school yesterday and school had to win for obvious reasons. Anyway, though, I wrote it fairly late last night, and then I didn't edit it, so... yeah, not too confident on this one. But here it is anyway. :)