[A/N: A beautiful song up there, trust me]

In the gym, there was a completely different setting compared to the other side of town. Alejandro dropped the weight almost aggressively in relief, wiping a bead of sweat that dropped to his eyebrow. 

It had be a likewise even longer day for him and he did what he always did best. He left behind what was bothering him and took some time to himself. That rarely ever happened to him, but it just so happened that this time, what was bothering him for what felt like the hundredth time was Nadia Shanaa.

Alejandro liked to this that he was a fairly patient and considerate person, but dealing with Nadia was starting to take a bigger told on him than it should have. It was starting to feel a little draining having to deal with Nadia wanting him one day, wanting to be all in, willing to risk so much and then rejecting him the next, talking about how she wanted to be alone and that she had too much stuff going on to deal with trying to make some sort of relationship work between them. Ale had to admit that he then lost his cool slightly with her in school that day because he was beginning to feel used.

Noticing her dark brunette hair, Alejandro's heart skipped a small beat as he set his eyes on Nadia who was searching for something in her locker with a cute yet flustered look on her face. As he walked over to her, he reminisced briefly at the events of the night before when they shared several kisses on the little walk they took just around her neighbourhood where he also confessed he was developing feelings for her. It took him a lot to accept that he really was catching feelings he couldn't explain for Nadia, and it took even more for him to confess that to her for the fear of ruining their friendship. 

But alas, he couldn't hold it in any longer, so when Nadia told him that she was developing romantic feelings for him, he was overjoyed.

And of course, he responded by telling her that he was reciprocating similar feelings.

They cut it at that and proceeded to walk back. 

But then at school . . .

"What're you searching for?" he asked, leaning on the locker next to her. 

Nadia was slightly startled as she looked back and saw that it was only Alejandro, relieving her just a little bit. Her heart sunk regardless knowing that she was about to wipe the smile off his face. 

"English textbook." She replied, adjusting her bag strap.

"I'm 98% positive you left that in my car. We ca go get it right now if you want or if you was I could drop you home today and you can get it then." Ale suggested, but then noticed halfway through that Nadia's gaze dropped to the floor.

"What's wrong- Hey; what's wrong?" He asked attempting to put  a gentle hand on her shoulder to help relax her. 

"Ale . . . we need to talk." She spoke up again, more firmly.

"What's up?"

Nadia sighed and continued, "I don't think I can do this anymore."

"This?-"

"Like us. I know we said we'll see how things go but I'm not in the right frame to try anything ew right now because of everything that's going on at home and with my family, especially Omar-"

"Nadia hold on-" Ale tried to stop her, removing the had on her shoulder to try and calm how flustered he was getting. 

"No let me finish. It's my decision. I can't do this with you right now and h-honestly, I'm unsure of my feelings about you anyway-"

"You were the one who told me that you liked me-"

"And I wasn't thinking, there was just so much pressure in the moment and I-"

"Nadia stop." This time, he was affirmative and the tone of his voice let her stop rambling promptly. 

He felt his heart breaking.

"Nadia; you told me you wanted to be friends with me again, you told me you liked me, and now you're saying you're unsure of your feelings and telling me I put pressure on you which is bullshit because that is not a testament to my character. I have never pressured you into doing anything. I've always gone at your pace and had patience for your all year and you're ending it like this? If you don't like me, leave it at that. But don't tell me I put any pressure on you when I know well that I didn't."

With that, he got off the locker and stormed off, leaving Nadia behind, staring at his back with so much guilt because she knew he was right and she knew she didn't actually mean any of it. 

And later on, he just was not feeling like himself so he texted his sister saying he had a headache so he was going home early, but he'd pick her up after school. 

Alaska told him to take care of himself and that she'd catch an Uber. 

Fast-forward to the present, Alejandro still felt slightly upset, not only at Nadia, but at himself as well because he felt as though he shouldn't have talked to her like that and said those things he did out of anger. As he kept boxing the punching bag, that's all he could think of and the more annoyed he got with himself. 

So engrossed in this, he hardly noticed the raven-haired girl who creeped up from behind him.

"Hola, guapo!" Yves chirpy voice fluttered.

Slightly caught off guard, Alejandro flinched slightly before turning to face Yves. 

"Buenas." he had to admit it'd been a while since he'd seen her properly. If he wasn't mistaken, this would be his second time seeing her since summer break began. 

And Ale would be lying if he said she didn't look good either.

He could acknowledge that he wasn't blind and anytime he saw Yves, he couldn't help but give props to her in his head about how good she looked but her personality cancelled all those things out.

"It's been a while since we've caught up; how are you?" Yves asked, walking closer with a smile on her face. 

"It has; I'd give you a hug but I'm drenched. I'm doing alright though, what about you?" Alejandro replied.

"I'm fine, thanks." She smiled. 

And Ale couldn't tell if it was his shitty mood, the air in the gym, the fact that he hadn't eaten making him oddly hypoglycaemic or whatever, but Yves looked genuinely . . . kind?

Not that she was ever mean to him, but there was something different about they way she was keeping her arms folded and to herself (for once) and the smile on her face instead of her usual mischievous smirk that threw him off course. Usually, he didn't want to even exchange hellos with her because of how 'in his personal space' she always was, but watching her actually behave like they were broken up made him want to have a conversation with her. 

"That's good. How was your summer?"

"I was in Barcelona, actually. Mi papa sent me over to one of the branches over there to watch over things. So it was kind of busy, but productive compared to my usual summers. What about you?" 

"Same as always; Palermo," he nodded.

"Of course." 

They didn't say anything, and just looked at one another, nodding and smiling. That was becoming slightly awkward, until Yves looked at her watch and wiped her palms against her legging clad thighs. 

"I'm gonna go back now, I have to squeeze in one more set of curls I go home."

"No problem, I'm leaving in like five minutes myself. I'm starving so I can't really put all my energy into a workout right now."

"I was gonna go get a sandwich from that new cafe that just opened down the road on my way home, we can go together- only if you want though! I don't know your plans." She started and quickly added the last part to not make herself look bad. 

Ale swallowed, a feeling in his gut telling him that it was a bad idea, but nonetheless he said:

"Sure," with a small smile.

And it was like old times. Just like old times.

Yves was proving to be a good distraction from all the things he was dealing with. His mind hadn't even drifted to Nadia and what was starting to feel like mind games. The two laughed from inside the car, outside on the side of the road opposite the coffee shop. 

It had just closed, as it had turned to 9pm, and the road was almost empty with people already home or making their way home. 

The pair laughed in the car as they talked about the first season of Bojack Horseman and their favourite parts. It felt familiar to Alejandro to just be able to do that with Yves and they had definitely come a long way. 

But the night was getting weird. 

Alongside the food they were sharing, they had also rolled up a joint and were casually sharing it in the car. He didn't know how to describe it, but it was starting to feel intense. And even though it felt nice and familiar, he still had that thought in the back of his head that it was all too good to be true. The joint had worn off Alejandro and he was as good as sober but Yves on the other hand was still feeling the effects. She laughed and said:

"Ale what the hell happened to us, man? We used to have so much fun," with a smile, leaning back in the passenger seat.

"I don't know, b-but you're right." He smiled back, his heart starting to skip a beat with nervousness and not in a good way because Yves had began to play with his hair. 

"I kind of miss it, you know? Being next to you and just being able to talk for hours and hours . . ." She went on, lowering her voice a little bit, still strong through his curls.

"Mhm," Ale replied, tilting his head back ever so slightly so her hand could fall off, but unluckily enough, it dropped to his neck and that was where she began caressing. 

"Yves what're you-"

"Don't you see how right this felt just then? Me and you? This?" She asked, pointing between the two of them and then at the car. 

Although it felt familiar, it didn't feel right. 

Alejandro gulped, feeling the lump in his throat become thicker as he tried to form words to politely tell Yves that they couldn't go on. 

He knew that a part of him would have wanted Yves to proceed with her actions for a split second only because he'd been feeling so lonely all day. 

He wanted comfort.

He wanted to feel wanted. 

Whether Nadia couldn't or wouldn't was unbeknownst to him, but he didn't want it from Yves. That would be using her only for the night and that wasn't how Cesar Velazquez raised him. 

"Yves, we can't-"

It was too late and the blue eyed girl hastily connected her plump lips with his, with her left hand still firmly pressed against his hair. 

That fleeting moment of weakness Alejandro felt earlier had returned and that was what made him crumble and kiss her back. 

But as soon as that moment came, it went.

A split second later, he pulled back from Yves and pushed her back lightly, making her take her hand off his head.

"Stop fighting this, Alejandro. I understand, okay?! You want me to suffer. You want to play 'hard to get' because of what I did but I've learnt my lesson so you can stop now because its been over a year. Get over it."

He felt slight anger sizzling inside him.

"Hard to get? Yves, you cheated on me on holiday - what do you expect me to do? Kiss you back? Take you back? I'm not interested and I've already told you this a thousand times."

"Is it because fucking Alaska? Or is it the fucking hijabi-"

"Don't talk about Nadia like that Yves I'm warning you to tread carefully." Alejandro quickly stopped her, his voice lowering into a dangerous one of protectiveness. 

The seriousness in his tone made Yves sober up so quickly as she watched him through embarrassed eyes. 

"Go to hell." She snarled to his face, opening the car door and stepping out. Yves slammed the door and proceeded to walk the other way headed back towards the gym. 

Alejandro cursed loudly and frustratedly leaned his forehead onto the steering wheel. He couldn't let her walk to wherever she was walking to by herself, especially at that hour when it could potentially be unsafe. Turning the car on, he turned it around towards her direction to persuade her to get in the car so he could drop her safely and head home to sleep the day off. 

-

" . . . And you should've seen him standing there, it was -  I don't even know how to describe it. He's changing and I don't recognise him . . ."

Ander paced back and forth in the Alaska's bedroom, slightly frustrated as the brunette laid against her headboard watching him with a confused look on her face.

"You're upset because he wants to do a couple theme or - I'm a little confused." Ala replied, making Ander turn to face her and sighed, walking up to the bed and flopping himself on it.

"Not that . . . Omar is just being different and I don't know how I feel about that." He sighed, running his hands through his hair.

"Have you talked to him about that? You have to communicate, 'mano." Alaska replied quietly, trying to give any type of advice even though she was doing a horrible job at it.

But Ander didn't mind though.

He liked to talk to Alaska about things he was going through, not because he expected genuinely good advice, but because he wanted to vent and she was a good listener. 

"How do I tell him to dial it down without making him feel like I'm telling him to suppress a part of himself. What if this is really how he is? I'm going to have to accept that right? I don't have a problem with it, it's just new." Ander finished, turning back round to look at his friend, but she had a defeated look on her face.

"Lo siento . . ." she apologised for her lack of knowing what to say.

Ander chuckled.

"It's okay, I don't expect you to say anything back; you just listening is enough for me." He comforted, patting her knee.

Alaska pushed the pillow that was on top of her to the side and extended her legs to lay on her on her back. 

"Let's talk about something else. What're you wearing for the party?- Are you even going to the party?" 

Ala sighed:

"I've decided to go; what do I have to lose you know? You have to promise not to leave me alone by myself though." She said, turning to face him.

"Never." 

Even though they both knew that he probably would.

"I don't know what I'm going to wear to be honest. I feel like because the next day is our birthday, Ale would want to twin or something as a joke, but we haven't really talked about it and it's too last minute to go over the top. I can't lie, I might just throw a sheet over my head and go as a ghost." She sighed again, looking back at him.

"Bring a spare sheet for me so I can throw it over my own head in case Omar actually makes me wear those ridiculous shiny speedos."

They laughed again.

"Speaking of your birthday, what're we doing?" 

"I don't know to be honest."

"Eighteen is a big year to celebrate though so we have to do something."

"I'm not sure, I'll have to talk to Ale because he might wanna go out" she sighed again, "maybe we can make some dinner with Alba, like a proper dinner with loads of food and some drinks. Just us, you can invite Omar, obviously ad when we're  - I don't know, I'll talk to her about it."

"As long as we do something, I don't care what it is. And we're getting you drunk legally."

They both laughed and continued to discuss the possible costume options Alaska could do at the last minute, especially as the party was only two days away.

But her mind was not even fully there. 

Her mind was so so far away, yet so despicably close. All Alaska could think about was the text which awaited her on her phone. 

The initial plan was to ignore the text, drive home, and sleep the rest of the night away. But when she took a right turn on a curb, she put the car in park and just sat there for a full twelve minutes, feeling quite shaky because she didn't know just exactly how to or even if to reply to the text message. Eventually, when she parked her car at home, she replied and told him to come anytime after an hour. Soon enough though, Ander called to say he was five minutes out. Sending a follow up text, she the told him to come around 9pm.

It was 8:54 when Ander left.

Ala waited around in the living room, sipping some cold water to calm her nerves as she waited for a text saying he'd arrived or a ring of the door bell. Ale wasn't home just yet to help relax her, so she was running wild with thoughts and anxiety. All she could think about was what he'd want to talk about. 

Would it be about what happened between them? Did he want to explain something? Was it that he wanted his white Nike sweatshirt he left months before that she now had buried deep, deep in her closet? It could go any way-

A soft ring of the doorbell went off, cutting all thoughts short, and her heart did jump a little.

And man was it awkward.

It was awkward when she went to open the door, expressionless and ignoring his attempt to reach for a hug.  

It was awkward when she didn't invite him in, but rather led him to one of the many seats one the porch.

And it was awkward when they sat in silence for at least two minutes, not knowing who was going to break the ice. But eventually Guzman did.

"Did you guys do something with the bushes at the front cause they look a little diff-"

"We're not friends, por favor, no small talk." Alaska interrupted, finally meeting his gaze after avoiding it for so long.

That cut him short for sure.

Guzman cleared his throat again and wiped sweat that was gathering on his palms against his dark blue jeans.

"Sorry, you're right; I'm just going to come out and say it."

He shuffled around, not knowing whether or not he wanted to sit to face her or away from her; whether he wanted to look into her eyes when he said what he wanted to say, or away from her cold gaze.

Guzman had been fighting himself for days thinking about the decision he wanted to make and if he actually did want to make it. 

The fighting with Lu was getting too much to the point where it wasn't natural. Their happy moments were outweighed by constant arguments and it was beginning to drag him down. So he was beginning to avoid Lu by spending more time with himself. The problem with that was whenever he'd do this, he was forced to think about how his life was going and how unhappy he was with it.

His thoughts would begin with thinking about Marina, his absolute heart and should, and then it would end with Alaska, ad how he was starting to agree with the quote about how you never know what you have until it's gone.

He was definitely lying to himself by thinking he wasn't over his ex girlfriend and he was fully invested in a relationship with Lu. And as much as he felt so much love for Lu, he couldn't pretend as if he was in love with her with his while heart when a piece of that heart was with Alaska.

So he gathered up the courage to let her know how he was feeling. 

Chances of her taking him back were so slim he didn't even see that as a potential outcome, but he just wanted to at least try.

"Ala," He paused, meeting her intense gaze, ". . . I-I still love you."

Silence.

Alaska's heart was beating out of her chest so rapidly she could have had a heart attack as she looked into his eyes.

She was still so shocked even though she anticipated that one of the reasons he would come to see her was to try to win her back, but she couldn't assume he would actually have the confidence to do it.

It was still silent, with the only soul that could be heard was their breathing.

But the more she thought about what he'd declared, the more selfish she thought it was, making her increasingly angrier.

"So what do you want me to do about that?" She asked in a quiet yet harsh tone.

Guzman quickly tried to think of something to say because the only outcome he'd predicted was that she'd get up and walk away, maybe even hit him. But a response?

"I don't know what I expected, I just had to say this to get it off my ch-"

"Don't give me that bullshit Guzman, I'm serious," She interrupted angrily, standing up, "What did you expect from you saying that?"

"Ala, I didn't have-"

"To you, my name is Alaska." She spat.

Guzman was slightly nervous as he looked at her with wide eyes. He was freezing up and he didn't know how to help that.

"Alaska, I-I didn't have a preconceived idea before coming here, I promise," he said, also standing up, I just wanted to get this of my chest because it's been eating at me for days-"

"Oh how sad for you then right? It's been eating at you for days, how upsetting." 

"I didn't mean-"

"You didn't mean to what? Come here to tell me you still love after you cheated and lied to me and betrayed my trust for months? Embarrassed me, had me looking stupid in front of the girl you cheated on me with and got together with that same girl? Joder. You've got it tough."

Guzman cringed after she started listing everything he'd done because now he realised how silly he was feeling coming here because she was right and he had no right to.

"I'm so sorry, Alaska. And there is no amount of sorries in the world that I could tell you that would make me expect that you'd forgive me. But I need you to know I am because that is all I can say, it's sorry."

"So I'm going to ask you again. What did you expect to come here for?"

"A chance for me to prove how sorry I am."

"A chance?" Alaska scoffed with a chuckle.

One chuckled turned into two, which turned into several as she ran her hands through her hair and turned away from him.

She was so angry.

She was so angry that when she turned to face him again and looked into his eyes, she could feel the sudden rush of warm tears gathering in her eyes.

"Just answer this, at this point in time - and don't lie to me - Lu doesn't know you're here, correct? She doesn't know, and you are still with her, no?"

Silence.

Guzman wanted to open his mouth to apologise once again, but stopped himself when he saw a single tear trickle down her red cheek.

"You know what I wanna tell you right now? I want to tell you that I hate you. I want to hate you so bad right now because you don't fucking respect me. Whatever contortion you've created of love in your head is fucked up Guzman if you think that you still being with Lu and being here right now asking me to give you another fucking chance is love," She paused as her voice cracked halfway to wipe the fallen tear, "but I know deep, deep down that I don't hate you."

"Ala-"

"And I'm never going to hate you, because I have done absolutely nothing on this earth to deserve to carry hate in my heart. I don't deserve it."

"I'm sorry-"

"And that's how much I loved you."

Guzman stood silently at her use of past tense for love instead of the present tense like he'd have wanted to hear. But he wasn't ready to give up as he felt teats of his own gathering in his own baby blues. 

Walking closer towards her, he got a better look of how tight her hands were in fists , how stiff she was standing, how much she tried to hold her tears back, and this broke his heart even more.

"I'm sorry." He apologised again, looking down into her green eyes so full of hurt.

"Go home," she choked, reaching her palm out to push him away when they were so close that a piece of paper couldn't pass between them.

Guzman immediately caught her soft hand and clasped it in his larger ones. The feeling was so familiar -  too familiar, that Ala couldn't help another tear which escaped her eye but Guzman caught it before it could trickle down her cheek. 

It was as though it was muscle memory that she instinctively leaned into his touch. 

"I'm sorry." He apologised, rubbing her warm cheek.

The pair stared into each others eyes, and even though they would each not say that it was clear there was still so much love there, that had so much potential to be something beautiful, strong, and what they actually wanted, it was even more clear that the hurt and the betrayal conquered all that potential. 

Alaska suddenly pulled away from him and took several steps back.

"I don't forgive you and I never will, so live with that." 

A/N:

Whew Chile. 

Can't lie this last part was too emotional for me mannnnnnn.

Let me know what you think though!