Warning: Self Harm Trigger

Heavy- Linkin Park

_________

Trigger starts:

Blood.

More blood.

More.

Jungkook's tears blurred his vision as he continues to slice his skin before slamming the blade down aganst the sink.

Trigger ends (Yeah it was very short)

Fifteen.

Fifteen more marks on his skin.

They aren't even around his pulses anymore. They trail around his wrists and a little bit higher above than intended.

He wanted to feel numb.

To feel nothing.

Be nothing.

Jimin's blurred smile keeps echoing his head with his new lover right beside him, staring at him with that similar adoration on his face.

Jimin is so beautiful.....

Why does he have to be so DAMN BEAUTIFUL!?

Inside and out....

Why does this hurt?

"Fuck!" Jungkook screams and punches the wall and then yells from the pain, while leaving a small dent behind on the wall. For a moment Jungkook felt like he couldn't even breath and the world around him began to spiral. So he slides down against the wall, wrapping a towel around his scars to stop the bleeding.

Why does this have to hurt?

Why?

Why is it so hard to breathe?

He needs Jimin.

He needs the other boy-

No.

This is getting toxic...

He's depending too much on him... It's not healthy...

Jimin doesn't need me anymore....

Jimin doesn't care anymore, especially now that he's in a relationship.

He's happy....

He doesn't need me to make him happy anymore....

A knock suddenly hits his bathroom door, not shifting Jungkook from his position on the floor. Instead he just leans his head against the wall with eyes closed, "What?"

"Jungkookie?" His mother's voice spoke through the door, only making Jungkook feel more empty on the inside.

Out of all people...

"I just wanted to let you know that your father and I will be gone for the week. He has this important conference to go to in Tokyo and I have to go with him as well."

Alone, now he's going to be really alone this time.

For a second Jungkook wanted to burst out crying, but swallows it down instead, "O-Okay."

"Jungkook.... Can you come out?" The sound of her voice is soft, almost concerned.... Jungkook only shook his head numbly and breathes heavily.

"I'm going to shower. I'll see you when you come back," He says calmly, covering a hand to his mouth, holding back the sobs that are threatening to escape his lips.

He needs to hold it in....

Just a little while longer..

No noises escapes from the other side of the door, besides a small sigh, "Alright son, I love you."

No you don't.

No one does.

All they love is the idea of me.

No one loves me.

Not even Jimin.

With that idea numbly in Jungkook's head, he slowly gets up and strips down. The blood is starting to dry out, so he needs to clean it off. He starts on the shower and limply cleans his bloody body. He didn't even flinch when the soap caressed his open scars, not as much as the bleeding wound in his heart.

And then he broke.

He leans back against the wall, sobbing loudly to the pain of his wounded heart, letting everything crash down before him.

His parents don't care about him....

His friends don't notice when he's hurt....

He lost the only thing that was worth living in this world....

He's alone...

He's all alone.

Jungkook crashes to his knees and wails loudly, trying to take out whatever this horrible thing in his chest is. That virus that's spreading like a disease, making him feel like he's so close to dying.

Why is is to hard to be happy?

Why can't I be happy!

Why?!

Some people have it worse, yet I'm here crying because I don't love my life.

I'm so selfish.

So cruel...

I don't deserve any of this.

I don't deserve my parents, my friends, the attention I get...

Jimin....

I don't deserve Jimin, and he knew that....

And now he's gone to someone else....

It didn't hurt as much as it did before but now... after Yoongi spoke to him, he knew he lost Jimin.

He doesn't even talk to him anymore....

Jungkook is now met with his biggest demon.

Loneliness..

Even though he was perfectly fine-ish without Jimin in his life before... But when he met him, he found what it is to be happy.... To look forward to something.

To live with a cause.

Jimin gave him a reason smile, to feel things.... To know what it's like to be cared for by someone and to care for someone else.

Now ..... Jungkook is left with that emptiness inside where Jimin use to lay.

Where the affections and cute moments he adored use to lay.

Now there's nothing...

He's nothing..

To anyone.

Jungkook wipes his tears away and stands up, rinsing off the soap and steps out of the shower. He goes to clean his scars better and then got dressed. After dressing up in a plain long sleeved black shirt tucked in light ripped jeans, he grabs his car keys and walks out of his room and out the empty house.

The ride out of his neighborhood felt so dreadful and long. He knew Jimin would be there soon with Yoongi, and as much as the other male did a fairly good impression of himself, Jungkook still didn't want to trust Yoongi.

Jungkook doesn't trust anyone around Jimin after everything he's seen.

The only person he trusts around him is himself or his friends, period.

But then again, this is Jimin's decision.

Jungkook just doesn't want Yoongi to hurt Jimin, because he knows he won't hold back at all.

While in the drive, Jungkook thought about inviting Lisa. If he's going to try to survive the rest of the night, he has to survive somehow. He knows he's definitely going to need it tonight.

So he sent Lisa a quick message, telling her to get ready. What Jungkook is very grateful for the other girl is that she knows how to look good in a matter of seconds. She doesn't try to pamper herself up by taking hours to get ready. She manages to look good in anything, and she knows that.

And she doesn't care what others say about her appearance.

So after a 20 minute drive around, Lisa sent him a message that she's ready and he went to pick her up.

Lisa is the only female that Jungkook tolerates being around. They're not friends, not enemies, but they just know each other enough. She's there when he needs a moment away from life, and he's there when life becomes too heavy to bear alone. 

There's no emotional connection there, they just get each other.

The small girl comes out of her house with her hair down, wearing ripped black jeans and a oversized white knitted sweater with her converse. For a brief moment, Jungkook twitches a small smile, seeing the girl rush to the car with a beaming smile on her face.

Lisa is a good girl, with a slight sex obsession but she can be bearable to be around.

But she will never be what Jungkook needs in life, and she knows he will never be someone for her in her life either.

She piles in the car and puts on her seat belt, "Hi Jungkook."

"Lisa," Jungkook says with a nod and drives away, eyes focused on the road, "Thank you for coming with me."

Lisa scoffs with a small smile, "It's nothing. I kinda figured this might be important since you don't usually reach out to me."

The words caused an odd stir in his stomach. He doesnt mean to use Lisa like that, but it doesn't seem she's at all offended by her own comment.

On contrary, she sends Jungkook a soft smile, "Don't worry, it's okay. Let just have a good time today."

Jungkook softly smiles to this and nods as he soon arrives to the large house. His heart is beating so fast against his chest when he gets out the car with Lisa. He's very tempted on just leaving right then and there, but when a hand slither onto his and holds on tight, he felt a little at ease.

He glances down at Lisa, a calm look on her face as she looks up to him, "Whenever you're ready."

Jungkook sends her a small smile and looks back to the house, talking a deep breath before leading them inside

________
A/N:
You guys have no idea how excited I am to write the next chapter hehehehe

JIKOOK SHIPPERS ARE WE READY????

Time to write it ahhhhh so so so excited!!!

Let's get it!!!

I PURPLE YOU GUYS <333