Song Recommended: Paralyzed by NF

Jungkook watches as Jimin runs out the door, cheeks glistening from the tears escaping his eyelids. His lips were sealed, puzzled as he recalls what just happened. He never met Jimin before, nor heard of him around the school, didn't know he existed at all until today when he caught him staring at Taehyung with those emotionless eyes if he's being quite honest.

Now after what just happened, Jungkook began to connect the pieces together. He didn't know that this was the same kid who he has heard everyone refer to him as 'Chunky Chimmy' or 'Heathen'. He definitely has heard those disgusting nicknames, but now he knows the face behind it.

And it's quite heartbreaking thinking it's someone who looks as defenseless as him. 

Kid looks like he wouldn't hurt a spider if he sees one crawling the wall. 

Wonder why he's a target-

"Hey! That's rude!" Taehyung snaps at Damien, who started the remarks, "At least he has brains rather than a poor excuse of a big ego."

Damien glares at Taehyung and abruptly gets to his feet.

Big mistake.

Jungkook shoots up from his chair instantly, along with Hoseok, Seokjin and Namjoon, all waiting for him to try something on Taehyung. Being popular always brings people who likes to start problems. Unfortunately, Taehyung is always targeted since he's too polite and perfect. Luckily for him, he's never alone.

Damien eyed the four boys and slumps back down to his chair, a heavy glare to the wooden desk in front of him.

Thought so.

The bell suddenly rings and Jungkook began to gather his stuff, eyes drifting off to Taehyung - who stood from his chair with his backpack and goes to Jimin's stuff he left behind. Jungkook furrows his eyebrows and follows the blonde, "What are you doing?"

"Taking his stuff to him," Taehyung answers bitterly, "He didn't deserve that treatment."

Jungkook glances between his hands and back to him, knowing well than to question his motives. Sure, Taehyung is nice, but he's not that nice. He usually minds his business to things that do not correlate to him. 

Must mean Jimin probably nudged him, or the situation triggered him - who knows.

So Jungkook lets him be. He slowly nods and turns around to leave but stops when he sees the tiny brunette-haired boy storming back into the classroom. His eyes are puffy and swollen, clearly from crying, gaze settled on the floor as he makes his way to his desk, not noticing the two boys already there.

Jungkook couldn't help but rake the boy's attire, as if he's on his way to church, in which must explain as to why they call him 'Saint' all the time. He looks like a saint, and not just his appearance. He has this energy about him that is hard to explain. This aura that just.... Bleeds of this innocence and genuine ignorance to the world.

Everything about him seems so untouched by the world, it's a little intimidating now thinking about it. 

Jungkook licks his lips nervously when the boy looks up, freezing on spot too. The eye contact they made was so intense that made Jungkook shift in his stance with sudden nerves by how fierce Jimin's monotone stare is alone.

He has a stare that pours emotions like a jug of hot water into a teacup. It's steaming and boiling, especially if not careful.

Despite his shy composure, Jimin's eyes hold something in them.

If he's being quite lewd and direct, it's the type of eyes any man would grow feral to the sight during sex. It's so submissive yet daring, provocative even. 

Like someone clutching to your neck but not squeezing, but the presence of their hand alone is enough to make you feel suffocated. 

That is Jimin - an unmovable hand, with the presence threatening is provoked. 

Jungkook gulps.

Jimin fixes his eyes to Taehyung now and his lips parted when he sees his backpack on Taehyung's grip. He instantly rushes over and yanks his backpack from Taehyung, "What are you doing?! There's nothing for you to take to show to the world!"

Taehyung stares back at Jimin, a clearly offended. Jungkook blinks to Jimin's exclaims, about to speak for Taehyung's defense but snaps his lips shut when Jimin's eyes began to tear up again.

That's when the boiling hot water starts to pour, just like the steam in his eyes.

"I-I didn't take any-"

"Right," Jimin snaps doubtfully and closes his backpack. He averts his eyes to the ground and walks away quickly, shifting the lace of his backpack over his shoulder.

Jungkook and Taehyung stand in silence, not believing that actually just happened. It was a bitter slap across the face to the reality of what's truly going on, and little to no trust Jimin has on people who act on kindness. Makes one think of what truly has been going on throughout these years to make him so detached. 

Hm...

"He didn't even say thank you," Taehyung mumbles with a small pout on his lips. Jungkook turns to his best friend and sighs, placing a hand on his shoulder and leads him out of the classroom instead of saying anything.

There are many things that could be occupying Jungkook's mind right now. Such as his incoming tests rolling around, progress reports, his essay due at the end of the week - School stuff yes, but truthfully, none of those things take up his mind. 

Instead, all he could think about was that situation that happened with Jimin. It bugged Jungkook thinking how he has this school mapped out by the palm of his hand, except for Jimin's existence. How? How is that possible?

Jungkook knows faces, he memorizes them, and yet Jimin is so new in his head that Jungkook can't comprehend how he never noticed him before.

Unless he's truly invisible.

But..... He has never heard of a Park Jimin before.

Well, obviously since this school coats his name with stupid nicknames.

Hm.... Now he knows. 

Jungkook goes to his locker with the thought pondering his head, just as a group of people passed by giving him winks and having one of the girls trying to lower their shirts to show more of their breasts. All Jungkook could do is swallow the cringe and send a friendly smile instead, Taehyung doing the same but more in a genuine manner, as he gets to his locker beside Jungkook's.

How can Taehyung be so calm about this attention? Jungkook never understood it. It always feels like secondhand embarrassment to him how the girls or guys try to attract his attention in a sexual manner. Yeah, he loves sex, but boobs or a big dick isn't going to lure him in.

It's not going to make him like the person any more just by seeing skin.

"Yo Kooks!" A hand slaps his back, making him look up to his friends all crowded around him as he gets his stuff him his locker.

"Yes?"

"What are you doing after school? We are planning to go out drinking for a while for pre-gaming," Seokjin says states while leaning against the locker beside Jungkook's.

Right, stealing from his father's supply.

Jungkook sighs when he closes his backpack, "As tempting as it sounds, I can't. I have to be home, strict dad rules after crashing his car the other night," he tells them, closing his locker.

"What? Doesn't he have like 50 other cars?" Hoseok asks, his arms wrapped around Taehyung's waist from behind.

"That still doesn't mean he wouldn't get angry," Jungkook huffs and walks with them to the exit of the school doors.

Suddenly Taehyung jumps in front of him, arms crossed over his chest, "But you are going to the football game, right? Or I will literally go to your house and steal your kneecaps!"

Jungkook couldn't help but smile at his best friend before nodding, "I'll go to the game, don't worry."

From there they parted way, Jungkook going inside his black Tesla car waiting for him in the parking lot. He plumps down on the seat the minute he got inside and throws his backpack at the passenger side, immediately having a wave of anxiety striking him his chest.

He really doesn't want to go home.

He closes his eyes for a few minutes to calm down his racing heart, starting the car up and moves out the parking lot and out the school premises. In reality, what he told his friends about going home due to his strict dad was a lie. Jungkook's dad couldn't give two shits about what happened to that car, no matter how bad it was crashed.

Jungkook just.... Needed a moment.

Away from the world for a minute.

The need to be alone to drown in his own thoughts.

Perhaps the anxiety is because he knows he's only going to beat himself up alone in his own room with his own mind. He knows he's only going to be alone, in his own void, where he has found a deep and darkening home. 

That's why it felt like a blurred haze when he finally gets home, going through the black gates and around the fountain, turning the car off and shuffles inside his large house. As always, the house is clean, not a speck of dust anywhere in sight. A few maids walk around as Jungkook goes up to his room, not surprised it's clean already - not like they have to do much, he's pretty much a clean person as it is. Jungkook's mom works around this time, usually coming back later on today for dinner, while his dad is probably in his office, always working - sometimes even all through the night.

They are always working.

It's rare the times he ever sees them.

The only times they speak to him are when they ask him about school or pressure him to be on top of his classes. Always the pressure. Sometimes he feels like he can barely breathe because of how suffocating his life feels like. He doesn't even know if he has a true identity to himself because of how his parents practically molded him to be a certain way, and he doesn't know if he wants to be that guy.

He doesn't know anything anymore.

When he's in his room, it's like it all weighs down on him.

The reality of his emotional state.

His lips shifted to a frown as Jungkook walks to the bathroom, splashing his face with water to refresh himself, cooling his anxious nerves down. His doe eyes slowly rise to meet the mirror, breathing in his reflection. 

He doesn't even know what to see anymore or should be looking for. 

This life he's living doesn't even feel like it's his, it's always controlled by his parents or someone else. The freedom many people talk about when they speak of their lives is something he craves for. Every morning he has to wake up, think of words to say that won't make him sound like he's depressed or is fight his own mental war: How he should sound, look or behave - It's all scripted in his brain. Always the need to be perfect is getting to his head, shattering and tearing apart the person he once was.

Or maybe never was.

"Who are you Jungkook?" He whispers lowly, feeling the tears beam his eyes, "I don't even know anymore."

His chest feels hallow; his mind not connected with his body anymore. It's funny to think that not once in his life has anyone truly cared about him. No one would ask, text or call him to see if he's okay. They just jump to the conclusion that he's okay since he always puts on a mask with a smile; always pretending to be okay. Even his friends.

Don't get him wrong, he cares about his boys, but they don't see through him. Jungkook doesn't want to weigh down his burden onto them, so he holds it all in, letting it break himself apart slowly.

They're just part of the illusion to be perfect.

Not like they have any real connection.

Jungkook's phone suddenly buzzed from his pocket, snapping him from his dark thoughts. He sighs and takes out his phone to see multiple text messages. From different types of people.

Lizzy:
Hey hottie, want some pictures? ;)

Gen:
It's been a while since we've done anything, want to come over? :*

Tyler:
I've been thinking a lot about you lately, care to let me please you?

And so the messages continued on like that from different people, only adding onto Jungkook's numbness and proven point. They only want him for his appearance, because he's popular. Jungkook at this point just wants this all to stop. For people to just stop looking at him in this type of way, but he doesn't have any other option. He has to be perfect.

Be perfect to get through it.

So, with a tear streaming down his cheeks, he ignores the messages and leaves his phone on the counter as he walks towards his bed. Jungkook peels his sweater off, revealing a white t-shirt. He lays down and closes his eyes, trying hard to block out the world around him.

Can he be saved?

Will people always see him as an object of beauty with no soul?

Ha, as if it were that easy.

No one cares about how he feels.

No one cares about how much of a negative effect this is causing to his mental or emotional state.

He's just living without feeling alive.

Just.... Empty.

Like a doll, a perfect untouchable doll.

Jungkook flutters his eyes open, seeing his wrist full of scars in front of him. Emotionlessly he trails each scar with a finger, many old and others new. The satisfaction he feels when the bade rips his skin has become addicting, being so near death when the blood streams out of the wound. So close to ending everything.

But never having the guts to end it all officially.

No matter how much he wishes he could.

His throat clenches and the tears continue to stream down his cheeks, letting out a small sob to escape his throat. Jungkook hugs himself, curling up into a tight ball.

"I don't want to cry," He sobs to himself, "Why can't I be happy?!"

So, he cries, and cries all his pain. Even after when his tears ran dry, the ache still remains inside his chest. He has everything, yet he's still empty.

This depression he has carried on for years haunts the dark corners of his mind, slowly eating him up.

And everyone is blinded by his smile to notice how broken he truly is.

___________

A/N:

Story of Jungkook's life. Just because one is popular, doesn't mean they are always happy or perfect. People fight their own battles while facing different situations.

Stay strong, everything will be okay!

Thank you so much for the reads!

Vote and comment lovely readers!

I purple you <3