Hello guys! Thank you for choosing this book to read! I just wanted to tell you guys that this book will have many triggers, such as; Suicide, depression, abuse, and self hatred. This story is more to set awareness that these issues does happen and it's okay to seek help. You are loved and beautiful! Keep smiling that life is going to grow with light. If you feel uncomfortable reading this book at any moment, please stop reading.

This book will also touch on religious concepts as well

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Disclaimer (Very Important):

This book is to set awareness of suicide, mental illness and bullying within teens-young adults. There will be many scene that can be extremely triggering and you have every right to stop reading or skip the scene.

I don't owe the characters of this story, this doesn't reflect how the life BTS is like, or any members of any other groups or celebrities that may appear in this book.

This book is also entirely my idea, so if there's a book that just so happens to have this same idea as well, it's entirely coincidental.

I have full copyrights of this book, so plagiarism is not tolerated. This story will also contain many scenes, such as: Suicide mentions, Suicide Attempt, Depressive thoughts, Smut, Violence, Aggressive behavior, drug abuse, Talk of self harm, rape, mental illness, lack of empathy, cult behavior, touches on religion, starvation, and gruesome language, so please be careful while reading this book, I want everyone to be okay, so if you are unable to read any of the contents it has, please stop reading.

I will be providing warnings when certain triggering scenes do arise. Please respect this book and me as an author as well, let's build a nice community together as a family!

Just a little note here, teachers are literally close to none existent in this book, so you'll rarely see a teacher or principal pop up since I want you guys to see a more focus to the students and the main characters emotional and mental roots.

I also want to add that, as I mentioned before, religious concepts will be mentioned in this story, along with cult behavior using religion as a disguise to justify their actions. These topics may be really triggering for many of you so please read cautiously. Not all religious people behave the way they do in this story, there's very respectful and genuine religious people in this world that spread love and believe in their faith, don't let this book remove this thought because as I mentioned this story will have cult behavior also involved.

Thank you <3

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Thank you once again and enjoy this book! :)

Main songs for this book:

- Teen Idle by Marina and The Diamonds (main song)

- 1-800-273-8255 by Logic ft Alessia Cara and Khalid

- Girl Crush by Little Big Town

- Hold On by Chord Overstreet

- Pray by Sam Smith

There's more and I will have a song for each chapter :)

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Song for this chapter: Teen Idle By Marina and the Diamonds

His small body slouches with head hanging low as he moves through the crowd of people in the hallways. No one noticed him, they never do, almost as though he was invisible. It's not uncommon, not like Jimin is the top face of this building or is gleaming with a flavorful reputation. Some people would find being invisible as comforting, even a relief to not being notice, and much as Jimin detests to admit, he hates the lack of attention he recieves from people.

No, don't get it twisted, he doesn't like being the center of attention or anything like that.

But...

It must be nice to be..... Known, or at least have someone appreciate his existence.

But Jimin doesn't have anyone, and that makes that void in his chest feel almost empty.

Well, not almost, it is empty.

He just has learned to live with it at this point.

"WOLVES FIRST FOOTBALL GAME! EVERYONE IS GOING OR I'M START STEALING SOME KNEECAPS!"

In a far distance a loud voice hollers down the hallways, only adding onto the brunettes self-annoyance so early in the morning.

Jimin breathes heavily, quickly making his way down the hallway to his class. His long legs scurries to the back of the class in his usual seat, placing his notebook on his desk and waited for the teacher to arrive - while avoiding the chatting of the other students hanging around or gossiping about a party or something around those lines. Jimin doesn't have a phone, so he couldn't scroll through social media to pass by time or whatever people do on their phones these days. Instead, he looks out the window to take in the beautiful day outside.

It's quite a moment when one just sits down and breathes in whatever is before their eyes, specifically when it comes to nature. It's the simple things, like the leaves gently fluttering with the wind, or the sun grazing the shadow with its fingertips of rays. It's the cotton candy clouds that create illusions of shapes up to one's imagination. The way the squirrels twirl around the tree beside the window, chasing each other in an innocent game to see who wins first. 

Those little moments: simple quiet moments, having it become an epitome to one's existence in this world.

Something so simple be so beautiful.

So beautiful, something he would never be.

The thought sat heavy in Jimin's chest, making him frown slightly as he looks around to the students and their confident auras, letting that thought sink in to brew a storm - slicing away the previous thoughts of nature away. 

How?

Just..... How?

How is it easy for some people to be so confident in themselves? Do they look in the mirror every day and tell themselves that they are beautiful? That they're worth this life on Earth because of their beauty or attitude? How does that even work?

Every time Jimin looks in the mirror, he can't find anything beautiful about himself. Only seeing boring brown eyes, lips too big for his thin face from his usual diets to remove some of his fat. Even being skinny, he still looks at himself to see the chunky kid he was two years ago.

Or how everyone calls him as, Chunky Chimmy.

That name still haunts him to this day. 

High school wasn't easy for him - well, isn't. Not like how it was for the idle teens of this school. He didn't have people peppering him with compliments every corner he walked into. His smile didn't light up anyone's day, only feeling more insecure by the crooked front tooth. People didn't file a line to just talk to him. No one ever came up to him for any interest whatsoever, making Jimin live his life a virgin pure.

He just hasn't had it easy.

While growing up, Jimin's parents were very religious -still are - so he would be spending his days always going to bible studies, to church, stay in his room to read the bible while his parents monitored him; checking to see if he took notes or is actually reading.

Not like he minded it too much, he likes learning about God either way. However, with his parents' intense rules and focus on him, it was hard for Jimin to really explore outside his bubble.

Well.... Kinda, people make it hard to do that.

One day during freshman year of high school, someone actually spoke to him. She was one of the popular girls of the school, but Jimin was so happy to maybe finally have made a friend, not noticing her curiosity in Jimin being only for selfish reasons.

His biggest mistake was taking her to his home, just because she insisted. So, he did, even met his parents. The next day, she spread it around the school how Jimin was a 'school little church boy'. Jimin never heard the end of the school calling him a 'pathetic saint' or 'church boy' along with insults from left and right. His locker was always filled with crumpled up bible verses, they even had the audacity to call him a 'heathen' just because he stormed out the class one time when someone wrote 'anti-Christ' on his desk.

He found it beyond disrespectful and got overwhelmed by that negative attention. Never did he ever want to go through that again.

However, that was an era that lasted a few months before he became invisible, with some cockroaches here and there still on his neck.

No one has spoken to Jimin since then, always picked last for everything, or just completely avoided him.

Even before that event people avoided him, but now they just let him be because they found him weird. Maybe it was the way he dressed up with a button up shirt with slacks and a sweater vest every day. Or how he doesn't even have a phone.

He doesn't know what was wrong with him for people not to like him.

That's why he is grateful for his bible study moments he gets at home, since God's word really does comfort him in his times of doubt - doesn't mean his depression is cured of his ongoing insecurities.

Jimin's attention snaps from the clock on the wall when loud laughter echoes the room, making him roll his eyes heavily. 

And here comes the Alphas of the school.

No, not omegaverse bullshit, they're just referred to as Alphas by the whole school since their mascot is a wolf. 

And luckily for him, they're all in his class.

Jimin watches as they all enter the classroom door, a big group of probably five people. The center of attention being the one and only Kim Taehyung. Jimin clenches his jaw to the perfect bottled blonde haired male, a wide smile always on his lips.

Kim Taehyung....

Oh how much Jimin envied him. 

He's just so damn perfect with not a single flaw on his face or let alone his life. He's crazy rich, driving the best cars and wears the best outfits. His grades are beyond perfect with a GPA being a 4.5. 

Like how the fuck is that even possible? 

He's the captain of the Soccer and Track n' Field team and the class president. Always being the prom king since he's always somehow invited every single year! People literally treat him like a prince, always trying to get on his good side. Everyone except for Jimin since he detested the guy. 

He didn't like how he acted as if life is always perfect, always great, always beautiful.

It's not.

Jimin bets Taehyung has never had to work for a damn thing in his life. Apparently, people line up to do his homework so that might explain his grades, and should he really get started on sports and being class president? He's popular! Everything is great when you're popular.

Then again, Jimin blames this envy on himself.

He knows he should know better, especially as a Christian on the harms that envy brings to life, but Jimin is no saint and he can't help it.

Jimin is envious of Kim Taehyung. 

If only he wasn't so pure, maybe socialized with people more or tried on his look a bit more, he would maybe he wouldn't be seen so down upon. Maybe if he was more risk taking or narcissistic about his appearance, would people love him like they love Taehyung?

Jimin lowly snorts to this, as if. Taehyung is handsome, something Jimin believes he isn't.

Taehyung's is just naturally charismatic and perfect, who wouldn't want to be around him is the real question? He just draws people in without trying, and no doubt that's a gift from birth. 

If Jimin could think of him to be like someone from his bible, it'd be Peter - the disciple. Peter was a fisherman, and since he met Jesus, he became a fisherman of people to Jesus. Peter just had a natural charm about him that made people listen to him, perhaps some leadership skills or something. 

Taehyung is almost like Peter, in the sense that he just knows what to say or do to bring people closer. 

Even God would be happy to have someone like Taehyung speaking of him, but as far as anyone knows, he's an atheist. 

So there goes the happiness.

Sorry God.

Entering in with Taehyung is who Jimin refers to them as, his golden boys. The main golden boy being Jung Hoseok, who's Taehyung's boyfriend. Like Taehyung, he's perfect. Raven black hair and a radiant smile like Taehyung's. They have been together since Sophomore year, up until now and they are known to be literally the power couple of this school. No one ever sees them fighting or have a day alone where anyone would sense that they must've argued.

They're.

Always.

Together.

Literally.

Well, what stands out about Hoseok besides being the boyfriend? His energy. He's radiant, and it seems to make Taehyung's own characteristics shine brighter. Jimin would believe if it weren't for the obvious in their reputation, they probably would've been friends. Hoseok seems like someone positive that Jimin would like to have around in his life.

Hoseok seems like the type who'd bring out that fierce and boldness out of Jimin, but unfortunately that's only a fairytale Jimin can think to himself. 

Next follows Kim Seokjin, the beauty queen. He's more of the vocal, sassy one of all of them. Apart of being insanely handsome, his tongue can slice anyone up if you get on his bad side, which rarely anyone does. He's like the hitman of a criminal movie, if anyone messes with anyone else in that group, he would be the first to snap at you and come at your life.

It's pretty amusing at times to witness that, but Jimin will never admit that.

He has a fiery personality, especially when he's alongside Hoseok. When the two are together, no one dares try to be cocky with them. They're almost like John and James. They were so united and so fierce in their personality and aggressive that Jesus called them the Sons of Thunder.

That name suits them quite well.

Another one in that groupie is Kim Namjoon, basically the brains. He's literally the king of all the nerds in this school, but everyone loves him. He's beautiful and has a confident aura wherever he walks to. As if he knows exactly where his life is heading.

Sure, nerds have their reputation and all, but Namjoon is a generous nerd. He's a gentleman with manners. He always comes to school as though he emerged from a 1950s film, a beauty so unique and fitting for him alone. And also having him be smart? That's just a bonus. He doesn't talk much, but when he does, it's something so quick and direct.

He's kinda like Joseph, the son of Jacob. Joseph was a favorite of his father that his brothers grew so jealous and sold him away. He was taken to Egypt and turns out ended up becoming an official for the pharaoh after being caged up. That's just a little back story, the reason why Jimin says Joseph is because whatever he said, the Pharaoh listened after he interpretated his dreams to accuracy of the future.

In other words, when Namjoon speaks, the world listens because whatever he says is true.

And last, the best friend, Jeon Jungkook.

He's literally up to Taehyung's level; popular, handsome, everyone fighting over him - for the sake of getting the kudos on taming the bad boy. What's different from him is that he gives off more of a rebellious vibe rather than preppy high school Taehyung. Jimin has heard many things about Jungkook, being the fuck boy and charmer from all of them. Many girls literally drool over him, since he's handsome. Obviously. His name is always mentioned in a praise, even if he's just breathing. Apparently, he's very vain about himself, always picked first like Taehyung, perhaps fueling his ego.

Just always so perfect.

What's difficult about Jungkook though is that Jimin can't really connect him to anyone in the Bible, not like the rest to give Jimin more understanding to them. Despite hearing all these things from Jungkook, seeing and hearing are two different things. Jimin has not see Jungkook do anything out of the ordinary - comes to school, does his work, gets good grades, talks to his friends, and then leaves. He doesn't stand out, but he does yet again.

His silence makes him stand out, with his mere presence alone provoking attention. 

So Jimin can't really say much about him, but he is Taehyung's level of popularity - of course since he's the best friend.

But Jimin's envy is more towards Taehyung than Jungkook since he's literally the center of attention in everything.

Even getting handsome friends.

They all sit at the center of the room, of course, and chat amongst themselves while the class continues to fill in. Jimin frowns to how people would just go up to them and gawk at their whole existence, in hopes to catch a glimpse of their attention. It's crazy how people idolize popularity like this, as though they're some Gods. 

Perhaps even a bit concerning. 

The more Jimin stares at Taehyung, seeing him giggle with everyone and be so polite, only defused his envy to self pity. Why can't he be as beautiful or as popular? Having life be easier than how it is now.

Why can't Jimin feel beautiful?

Jimin suddenly felt eyes on him, and his eyes shifted to be met with Jungkook's intense gaze in return. He's not even hiding his glare when they made eye contact, only making Jimin grow incredible nervous that he's been caught staring. He gulps and averts his eyes to his desk, still feeling Jungkook's heavy gaze on him.

He probably saw Jimin staring at Taehyung, and if there's anyone who defends Taehyung like a shield, it's Jungkook.

He has gotten into fights before for someone insulting his best friend, so best believe he doesn't take it lightly when the wrong intention is darted towards him. 

Jimin fought back his tongue back from asking Jungkook to stop staring at him, so he sat their uncomfortably, nervously fidgeting with the collar of his shirt. By the time the teacher comes in, the staring finally stops and Jimin lets out a sigh of relief.

Time to doze off to Literature.

Jimin could barely focus, only copying down necessary notes and then would focus his eyes back to the window. His mind only running blank with the thought of just going home, even though he doesn't feel comfortable himself to be home either.

Depression is a bitch.

"Park Jimin!"

His body jumps from the loud voice of the teacher, turning back to see all pairs of eyes on him, waiting.

He gulps and blinks at the teacher's annoyed expression, "Pardon?"

A few snickers echos the room to his vocabulary, only flushing Jimin's cheeks to a deep shade of red.

The teacher sighs and points to the book, "I said, why did Romeo take his life? If you read the text, this answer would be easy."

Jimin's mind flew blank, only feeling his accelerating heart beat. His palms began to sweat from the anxiety to all the pair of eyes staring at him, slightly blurring his vision.

Why is it suddenly so hot?

Breathe Jimin, breathe.

It's not so difficult.

Just answer.

"Uh Ms. Andrews," Taehyung calls out with a raised hand, "I can answer it."

Um, no.

"Romeo took his life because he heard news Juliet died. He was supposed to be informed that Juliet took a sleeping sedative that would stop her heartbeat and breathing, so convincing anyone she was dead. Romeo wasn't informed on time so he killed himself so he could be reunited with the love of his life, since he didn't believe in a life without her," Jimin answers all in one shot, surprising himself to how he managed to push past his anxiety for that split moment.

The classroom falls silent, some probably stunned to hear Jimin talk since he rarely does, or doesn't at all.

The fact that he even has a voice is probably shocking to many of the students here. 

However, that silence didn't last long. 

Suddenly someone from the corner of the room snorts, "Chunky Chimmy being a smartass now."

The whole class falls into a fit of chuckles, only making Jimin blush deeper with embarrassment. It's always something, always something against him. The echoes of the laughter continues through Jimin's ears, making him forcefully close his eyes to hold back his tears.

Ms. Andrews gawked at the student who spoke out, "Watch your mouth -"

"Little mute boy got a mouth."

"Wonder what else that mouth can do."

"Who? Saint Jimin? Ha you're funny. Probably will spray you with holy water and hope you burn in hell."

"I'll gladly drag him down with me for being a pathetic excuse of a human."

Jimin's lips wobbled as the insults continued, allowing a tear to stream down his cheeks as he abruptly stands up runs out the classroom while the teacher tried to handle the class. He fiercely wipes his tears, holding back a sob as he pushes the bathroom door open clutches onto the sink.

His silent weeps echoed the empty bathroom, feeling that clenching inside his chest, not going away. All this self-hatred falling into a deep spiral. Holding so much in and it just won't go away, no matter what he does.

Jimin's eyes slowly looks up to the mirror. A boy with puffed cheeks and swollen eyes stares back at him, crybaby tears streaming down his cheeks. The more he stares at his reflection, the more he finds things to hate about himself.

Why can't he get a damn break!

"AH!" He screams in frustration and slams his hands against the sink, his tears still falling against the sink.

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A/N:
Thank you guys for reading!!!!! This story will have major triggers but I will advise you ahead of time!

Thank you so much for reading this book!

Comment and vote!

I purple you! <3