— chapter fourteen —
ALONE TO BRAVE THE WORLD

—

THE SERVICE FOR Regulus Black was beautiful. Admittedly, it was small since it was on such a short notice and the Blacks wanted to sweep the death under the rug. There was also the fact that they didn't want Remelda to miss any schooling over his funeral, especially because of how they thought he died.

There was a letter found on the pillow of his bed explaining everything. It started with I'm sorry and ended with sincerely and that was the end of everything. Remelda thought her goodbye was much more meaningful, but since when did her parents care about that? Her mother had found the letter, and with a pointed look, she read it aloud to the others at breakfast. She never faltered as she read, voice never wavering or tears in her eyes, as if she didn't even care. And once she finished reading, she just took a seat and ate breakfast like nothing even happened.

It took all her self-control not to cry as her mother read the note, but she did it because she was afraid of what would happen if she didn't keep quiet and act like this didn't affect her at all. That day, after breakfast, her father sent her to her room, not that she minded, and she spent the whole day there. Kreacher didn't invite her to lunch, only sending it up to her room after orders from her mother. And she sat in her room that whole day, the record playing ever-so softly, and stared out the window she had.

The record, yes, was of the Christmas music, but she made sure to silence it when that cheery one she heard when she returned the night before came on. She couldn't bear to listen to it. But, in her sadness, she stared out the window. Christmas was tomorrow, she knew that, and the people outside looked so cheerful. They were radiating with joy and Remelda couldn't help but be jealous of them. They hadn't just lost a brother, they hadn't just lost someone they loved – they were happy.

And Christmas was terrible. It was always terrible, the only good thing coming at the end of the day when she and Regulus would sneak into Sirius' room and they would exchange gifts. Even after he left the tradition continued with Regulus coming to her room. They would spend the whole night together, holding their precious gifts with eyes filled with wonder, curious as to what this holiday was like for others. But they always spent it together, and for once she was alone during that day.

She spent the night holding the gift she bought for Regulus months ago. Her first trip to Hogsmeade she found the perfect gift. Admittedly, it probably wasn't even the best, but she thought it was perfect. It was just a stationary kit because he always seemed to be writing if he wasn't reading and always seemed to need more quills – more high quality ones with different tips to have different forms, something he called 'calligraphy', a term muggles used. Remelda didn't understand it all that greatly, but she knew that he loved it and that was enough for her.

But now, it just seemed bland and probably not all that great as well. It was still in her lap though, and she was looking at it with tears in her eyes as she tried not to cry. Her mind when back to her wardrobe where she kept the last gift Sirius gave her. It was just a small necklace, but at the time she was so into jewelry and it was for the stupidest reason. In her third year, she just wanted to gain all the boys' attention and she thought that if she had jewelry they would notice her. But after Sirius left, she banned jewelry from her life. It was just a constant reminder of him and she hated it.

"I'm sorry, Regulus," she whispered to herself, ears ignoring the cheery voices on the record, "I'm sorry that I failed you."

But she hadn't, not really. She had taken the necklace home with her and placed it where no one would notice. In the China cabinet in the dining room, there was a family heirloom – another locket. This – the horcrux – looked so similar to it and she was struck with an idea; replace the heirloom with the horcrux. And she had done just that Christmas Eve, and that morning when she came to have breakfast, she was haunted by the sight of it.

Then it was the day after Christmas and they were already having a service for her late brother. She was wearing a nice, long black dress that fit her figure greatly with her hair down and the necklace that Sirius had given her was around her neck. When she had gone down the stairs, she was greeted by her parents who gave her a subtle nod.

"You look wonderful, darling," her mother complimented her outfit, thumb stroking her cheek and wiping a little of her makeup off.

"Thank you, mother," she responded with the same politeness as she was taught.

There were no other words spoken as she had grabbed onto her mother's arm, who was holding her husband's hand, and they Apparated together to the graveyard where Regulus' empty grave would be. There was no body, but Remelda knew where it was. She could only think of what he corpse looked like and that thought haunted her and sent shivers down her spine.

They were the first there and only a few more family members arrived. Her cousins arrived; Narcissa and Bellatrix, along with their husbands. They had another sister, Andromeda, but she had married a Hufflepuff muggleborn by the name of Ted Tonks and was banished from the family. Much like Sirius with the last part, but that thought only made her heart ache more than it already did.

But another family arrived which shocked Remelda; the Carrow family. More specifically, her betrothed, Demetri.

Then the service was held and they stood around the lowered casket placing a rose in without a word. Everything was still, everything was quiet, yet Remelda didn't mind it. And then everything was over and Demetri was standing beside her and they were farther away from the others, seeing as she was the only one staring at Regulus' gravestone.

"Sorry about Regulus," Demetri started, and she wanted to chuckle, laugh at his face, so badly because that was most definitely wasn't the case; he didn't care at all, no one did. They just didn't say that.

She nodded. "It was his choice," and that wasn't a lie. He did choose his death, so technically she didn't lie. Not that she would have a problem with lying.

"I wish he didn't end it, there's more to life if he just looked for it," Demetri looked up at the sky for a moment, hands in his pocket.

Again, his response made Remelda want to snort. Because what was there to life? A promise of serving someone evil who just wanted chaos? A slave to his family? There was nothing good to life for him – they both knew that. The others didn't, though, they believed in the cause that would end them. But she refrained from everything she wanted to say because she knew she couldn't.

Though, in this silence, in these thoughts, Remelda vowed herself something. She vowed something she never thought of before because of Regulus – because she could never imagine leaving him. She vowed to become a bloodtraitor; she vowed to leave the Black family just like Sirius, just like she and Regulus should've done years ago.

But they didn't, because they were scared. Because they were angry because they believed that Sirius had abandoned them. If only.

"Sometimes you can't," she said quietly in response to him, knowing that she had to keep the conversation going even though she despised it.

"I hope that you're alright, that you're not thinking of joining him," Demetri said, "Or else I'll have to tell your parents."

"I'm not my brother, Demetri," the truth was; she was worse. She could be so much worse than either of her brothers, but she didn't saw that. She was saying what he wanted to hear – what everyone wanted to hear.

Demetri nodded, "Good. That's good."

"Remelda!" she heard the screech of her mother, actually saving her from this conversation.

She looked at her future husband (or not anymore after she finished her plans) and nodded, "That's my que to leave."

"See you around, Remelda."

She hoped not, that would be a terrible day if she had to see his face again. Though, she knew she would, and she dreaded the day that happened again. But she walked back to her mother, careful to avoid the places where the graves were because, honestly, she was a little terrified of them, and returned to her parents.

Now, she had the brave the world alone. Now, she had no one holding her back. She could be free – she could leave. There were no more thoughts about who she would leave behind, there was no cage anymore. The thought made her smirk internally. Now, she would be free. Now, she would complete a mission and become one of the failures;

She was going to become a bloodtraitor.