She lay in his arms, the room still.

Her chest felt hollow, empty, just like air has been sucked from her lungs. He was close, too close!

Yet distance between them felt more than ever.

The weight of their past, his cruelty, her betrayal-

Her eyes traced on his jawline, the hardness of his features softened for moment. His eyes never left her. His finger stroking her hair as if he was memorizing every moment he spends with her.

It wasn't love

It was need!

He needed to hurt her, he needed to possess her. And yet he didn't how to fight the pull anymore.

"You said you hate me, Siddharth!" Avneet whispered. Her voice so quite.

His chest tightened. He closed his eyes for a moment and sighed. He tried to push his words back inside, to lock them in his mind. But he couldn't

His voice cracked, "I am so fucking tired of hating you." His words came out harsher than he meant. "I want to hate you... God, I tried so fucking hard!"

Her throat tightened from his words.

"But everytime I look at you..." His grip on her tightened almost hurting her, "everytime I think about what you did... It hurts!" He inhaled sharply, like he couldn't decide whether to pull her closer or to push her away.

"But when I touch you..."

The words were so hard for him to say...

"When you kiss me..." He whispered

"When you look at me like you need me too... I can't remember why I wanted to hate you in first place."

His hand shifted from her hair to her face, the touch was gentle, so soft as if he was scared of what he might feel if he touched her too hard.

She could feel it. The way his hand lingered too soft, the way his fingertips hesitated before touching her again. He wanted to push her away but he couldn't anymore.

Her breath hitched. She should say something, she should make him understand that she is as lost as him, just as broken as him. But instead she closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

"You don't have to keep punishing me." Avneet whispered, her voice shaking. "You already took everything from me, my family, my pride, my freedom, my... My self"

Her words echoed in air, heavy, soaked with guilty and regret.

His expression flickered, pain flashing in his eyes.

He stilled completely.

For a long second he forgot how to breathe completely.

His grip didn't tighten, didn't loosen either.

His voice came low... "Don't you think I know that?"

She blinked startled by his tone.

He slowly pulled back, just enough to look in her eyes- his gaze dark, stormy, filled with something she couldn't name.

"You think I don't see it everytime I look at you?", his jawline tightened. "You think I don't realise what I have done? You think it doesn't fucking kill me every night to watch you fall apart and know I am the reason?!"

Her lips parted but no sound came out.

He wasn't done.

"You say I took everything from you?" Siddharth scoffed.

"You think I didn't lose anything? You were the only person I trusted. Only woman ever!" He took a deep breath.
"And you ripped that from me like it meant nothing, like I meant nothing."

His voice cracked then. Just a little. But that crack hurt more than any scream.

"So yeah, I took everything from you." His eyes locked into hers. "But I destroyed myself doing it."

Silence!

Thick, drenched in pain!

She just stared at him. Her eyes wide. Her throat tight.

She knew she was the reason for all his agony. She is the reason he turned into this horrible monster.

She had never seen him like this.

Not the cold vengeful man.

Not the Mafia King.

Just a man drowning in his own ruin.

She wanted to pull him back in her embrace.

"And I still need you." A broken admission.

"Maybe it's ok to need me", she whispered. "Maybe it's okay to let yourself feel anything."

He stiffened at her words. He was ready to snap at her. But instead he pulled her closer. There was tremor in his hold, like he was fighting with himself.

"Please..." She whispered against his chest. Her voice trembling. "Please stop punishing me Ashu..."

His hands shaking as he cradled her head. She hadn't called him that since years.

"I don't know I to stop." He confessed, his breath ragged.

"I don't know how to let go. I can't stop thinking about times I broke, I cried, I can't stop thinking about the betrayal that shattered everything I had. Everytime I look at you I feel like I need to break you because it's not enough. How can you still affect me this much?"

"I don't know how to!"

"Let me teach you." Her fingers went through his hair softly, gently, grounding him in the way only she could. "Let me teach you how to love me, without breaking us both." She whispered joining her forehead to his.

He could feel her breath. He didn't say anything. His heart beating in time with hers, as if he had no more strength left to fight the truth.

And for the first time in a while he let himself feel.

He stared at her.

"You want me to love you?" He asked.

He didn't say anything. She didn't need to.

She leaned in slowly. Trembling. Scared, if he will push her away. But without hesitation, she pressed her lips onto his.

The kiss wasn't soft.

It was desperate.

"I am sorry." She whispered.

He stilled.

Her voice trembling with the weight of guilt she had carried for years.

"I know what I did to you, I destroyed you. I betrayed you in the worst way... And Maybe I don't deserve you... And maybe you will never forgive me... I know you won't ever trust me again." Her hand pressed on his chest.

"But I still want this, I want you." She whispered.

He exhaled deeply like her words punched the air out.

"I never stopped regretting it." She choked. Her body shaking in his arms.

"Every night I was away from you... I wished I could go back and undo it. But I can't. I know I have said it so many times already. And I know I can't change anything. All I can do now is try- try to fix everything what's left between us. If you will let me. If you still... I mean if there still a part of you that wants to."

He didn't speak.

His jaw clenched. His eyes had gone glossy.

She leaned forward, pressing her forehead to his. "Please Siddharth, please let me try. Let me teach you how to love me again—" her voice broke.

"Because Siddharth Nigam I swear I never stopped loving you. Not when I left you, not m when you hated me. Not even when you hurt me so immensely that I broke down but my love for you still remained as it was."

"I love you Siddharth."

Then, quietly, desperately she kissed him again. This time not out of longing, but apology.  A kiss of surrender. Of the love she had kept buried for too long.

And when he kissed back it was different.

Slower. Deeper. Like he was allowing himself — just for one second — to believe her.

To forgive.

To feel.

His hand slid behind her hair as he pulled her closer. His breath hitched between the harsh kiss.

"One more chance" He muttered against her lips. "You break me again and I won't survive it. I won't let you go either."

"You won't have to." She whispered.

He held her, fiercely now, not out of anger or punishment- but like a man who'd been lost for years and finally found his way back to the one thing he never stopped loving.

Her fingers curled into his shirt as she kissed him like she was pouring every wound, even apology, every broken memory in that moment.

His hands gripped her waist, then slid up her waist pulling her on his lap until there was no space between them. The kiss deepened wild consuming mouths colliding through tears, desperation and all the years of pain that never found a voice.

He broke the kiss only to rest his forehead on hers again. His breath harsh unsteady.

"What if I can't let go?"

She lifted her head slowly her eyes meeting his.

"What if I can't forgive you?"

"What if everytime I close my eyes I still feel the betrayal?" His heart clenched into his chest.

"I want to forgive you. I want to forget, I want to believe you." He said "but what if I am not built like that anymore."

Her hand found his cheek, her hands trembling.

"Then let me love you anyway."

His brows furrowed.

"Even if I never forgive you?"

A tear slid down her cheek as she nodded. "Even then"

"Why?" He whispered

She couldn't meet his eye anymore.
"Because I hurt the man who loved me this deeply. And if carrying that pain means that I get to stay by his side and help him heal then I will."

"Avneet..."

His arms tightened around her. He buried his face in her shoulder.

"I don't know how to stop hating you." He confessed.

"Then hate me." She whispered holding him tighter. "Just don't hurt anyone I love. Hurt me as much as you want.
Just don't let me go. Please."

For a long time he didn't answer.

But when he pulled back and looked at her. There was something else in his eyes— Not forgiveness, not yet.

But the beginning of hope.