No Regrets

Chapter 17

            In the Slytherin boys dorm, Draco was not having an easy time trying to sleep. He hadn't planned on what happened between him and Jillianne. He was supposed to be distancing himself from her, to protect her and himself, but he couldn't resist her. He had realized that she was the other half of him. When he was with her he felt whole, like he could be himself. But he had work to do, terrible work. His family's lives and his own depended on it, probably even Jilli's as well. Jilli must never know what he had going on in his life right now. He would have to try to distance himself from her even harder now, he just didn't know if he could do it. Draco wanted to be with her more than anything in the world, but that was impossible right now, and if Jilli only knew the reason why she would want nothing else to do with him.

…........

            Jilli didn't understand him. Draco was back to avoiding her again. A week turned into over a month and it was getting close to the Christmas holidays. Jilli had tried to confront Draco but he would brush her off saying he was busy or something. Maybe, she thought, he didn't feel the same for her as she did for him. Jilli had come to realize that she was probably in love with him. She knew she thought about him all the time, could hardly concentrate on her school work because of him. She hoped he hadn't just used her when the two of them had been together the night of the ball. Jilli was starting to feel very foolish.

            Jilli was leaving her last class when suddenly there was Draco. He looked awful. No sleep, from the dark circles under his eyes and he still looked like he wasn't eating enough.

            “Jilli, you want to go for a walk?” he asked, not wanting to look her in the eyes.

            “Oh, so now you are talking to me,” she huffed angrily and started walking away.

            Draco grabbed her arm, “Jillianne, please?”

            “Sure, whatever,” she walked on a little ahead of him heading out onto the grounds.

            Draco didn't say anything as they walked down towards the black lake. It was really cold outside today, Jilli was glad she had her robe on today.

            “I'm sorry I haven't been able to see you until now, I've just had a lot on me,” he said as she finally stopped near a huge tree by the lake.

            “Draco, I don't know what your problem is, but what you've put me through this last month since the night of the ball has been painful,” she said genuinely hurt, “don't come to me again, expect me to greet you with open arms, only to have you drop me again. I can't take that rejection again,” tears were starting just thinking about it.

            “I truly am sorry, Jilli, I never meant to hurt you,” he stood so close to her she could feel herself responding. Draco brought his hand up lovingly to her cheek, making her look up at him, “Please, let me make it up to you. When everyone else goes to Hogsmeade tomorrow I want you to stay here with me. We can spend the day together.”

            Jilli gave him a beautiful smile, “I would love that,” she hugged him, laying her head against his chest, his hands smoothing her hair and back “I was beginning to think that you didn't want to have anything else to do with me after what happened the night of the ball,” Jilli confessed.

            Draco took her chin gently, making her look up at him, Please don't think that, Princess, ” and he kissed a tear that had fallen on her cheek, “what we had that night was beautiful and I will never regret it. It will always be one of the best things that happened in my life.”

            Jilli didn't know what to think about what he said. She loved hearing it, but there was some kind of foreboding in it, almost as if he didn't expect it to happen between them much longer or maybe that he wasn't going to be around. Jilli was getting a little upset; she grabbed his black coat front and pulled him to her desperately.

            “I care for you a lot Draco,” she couldn't help the tears, “i don't know what I would do anymore if I didn't have you in my life. I want to be with you always. Please tell me I can count on that,” she pleaded.

            Draco hugged her tightly to him. If he could take her into himself he would, then he might find some kind of peace. Just holding her made him feel better, “I'll try Jillianne,” he said softly. If she only knew what she truly meant to him.

            They sat by the lake for a little longer, just holding each other. Draco gave her a soft sweet kiss and they planned to meet the next morning in the common room after everyone else left to go to Hogsmeade.