A/n: I THOUGHT I PUBLISHED THIS ALREADY OMG-

TW:
I guess there's people talking about abuse? Idk, I don't re read, I just type-

OH AND EATING DISORDER

"Remus what the hell are you doing?"Katlin asked.

"I was arrested for being too sexy" Remus said from within the cardboard prison he was in.

Janus rolled his eyes, "The charges were dropped for lack of evidence" and kicked the box away from him.

Remus scoffed and feigned offense, about to make a disturbing comment about how he'd show him the evidence later, when he got a text.

"Who stops their conversation just to read a damn text?" Janus asked after Remus abruptly stopped his conversation to check his phone.

"Me, bish" Remus replied, flipping him off.

"Oooohh, Remy's texting me with some TEA! Virgil's mom has a guy that she met in their house! His name is Alex, and he's got black hair and dark green eyes-sounds like a total hottie-"

Janus smacked him, scoffing.

"I sure wish that hand was smacking something else" Remus smirked suggestively.

"So, what, are Remy and Virgil certified gossiping buddies now? What does Remy have that we don't?!" Janus asked, slightly jealous.

"A lot. For example, a will to live-"

"Pfft-Remy? Sure, and what exactly is that?" Janus asked with a smirk.

"Coffee."

"And?"

"That's it."

"Ah. Makes sense."

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Virgil was suspicious of Alex. He'd been staying with them for a week now. People don't just drop out of the sky and live with you. What happened?

Virgil didn't mind Alex much, though. Within two weeks, he'd really warmed up to him. Alex was polite, and fun. He was always cracking dad jokes every now and then, and it reminded him of Patton.

He was a nice guy, he couldn't be too bad, right?
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"Virgil, eat the food, god damn it!" He groaned to himself, looking at the bowl.

He shouldn't still be like this-it had been months since his dad left, which stopped him being forced to starve. So why was he still like this? Why wasn't he just getting better?

As if reading his mind, Patton said, "you aren't going to get better so soon, Virgil. It hasn't even been that long! Also. LANGUAGE!"

"I know..and it's not just that it hurts to eat..i'm afraid of being judged. What if people think i'm a fat little pig or something who just sits around and eats all day? What if I actually do get fat?" Virgil mumbled, "also, English"

"Babes" Remy scoffed, "I can practically see your heart through your ribcage, and every bone on your body-people aren't going to judge you for being too fat, they're going to judge you for being too skinny."

"Yeah! What do you think of me, kiddo?" Patton asked, "i'm pretty chubby! No one comments on it at all! Do you think i'm too fat, or an ugly pig?" Patton asked.

"What?! No! Pat, you're adorable, not ugly at all! Besides, I wouldn't care either way, I don't look for fat in friends-"

"So what makes you think others will?" Patton asked.

"Well, other people are dough-heads" Virgil said, nervously glancing at his plate.

"What's wrong with the food?" Linda asked from where she sat, across from the boys, "it tastes fine to me." She shrugged.

"Yeah, well you're a five year old who doesn't have an eating disorder and-"

"What's an eating disorder?" She asked, tilting het head.

"Ah, I wish I could go back to the simple days when I knew no wrong in the world." Remy smirked

"You guys had a childhood?" Virgil asked.

"You were a child too once!" Linda argued.

"Yeah, A child who never got to do things normal kids did, for example, have friends, go to the park-I was sneaking Remus and Janus in through my window since the age of five-heck, i've snuck out a few times too." Virgil said, before smiling, "well, it was nerve-wracking at the time, but looking back..it was pretty fun."

"How did you even meet Remus and Janus?" Remy questioned.

"Well, it all started however-many years ago...."

"We don't want your life story, we just want to know how you met" Remy smirked.

"Fine, we met when we were babies, my mom was friends with Remus' mom, and my mom's sister was friends with Janus' mom, so Janus' mom was friends with my mom too, so we all decided to be bffs because our parents said so."

"How exciting" Remy joked.

"So when do I have to go home to my mommy?" Linda asked skittishly.

"Linda, your mom's a looney, so hopefully never." Remy responded.

"We'll have to take her back at some point, i'm going to get accused of kidnapping!" Rose yelled from the other room. She heard all of their conversations. Sometimes she chose not to comment.

"I don't wanna go back!" Linda whined.

"It's beeb weeks-your mon hasn't even called, I doubt she even remembers you exist." Remy said bluntly.

"...Mommy doesn't love me?" Linda asked, tears forming in her eyes.

"REMY!" Patton yelled.

"Haha! Gotcha!" Linda smiled, "I already knew she hated me-"

"Damn, you're like, five, reality is harsh!" Jack called.

"You know what, i've always wanted a daughter, i'm going to unofficially adopt you." Rose smiled, already making a photo album.

"What's that mean?" Linda questioned.

"It means, congratulations, you can call me Aunt Mommy now!"

"You can call me Uncle Daddy!"

"Jack, nO!-"

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After Virgil got home, Remus began to tell Virgil about a new game they could play. He hadn't come up with a name yet, but he had the concept down.

"Okay, so we have to stare at each other's crotches, and the first one to get hard is the gayest!"

"Remus, that's so weird... let's do it!" Janus yelled.

Virgil was embarrassed to be the first one out, and Remus was salty because he wasn't out first.