What is Adult?

The time that we call "Growing Up" is when you become an adult. But what is adult. In all of it's glory no one really knows what "Adult" is. Growing up, when you waste your youth in a classroom being taught the same thing over and over again. Growing up, when you face the consequences of asking questions, and seeking the answers. Growing up, when you make choices that will determine your future, for the better or worse. What is adult though?

Is adult when you are old enough to drive? When you get a car? When one becomes of age to drink, and smoke? When one get's married? When one bears children? When one finds the love of their life? When one loses all of their baby teeth? When one is finished getting taller? When one can decide on their president? When one can bear arms? When one graduates high school? When one lives in alone? I don't know the answers. But, how about this. What is childish?

Being childish is immature, and inappropriate. But I am a child! I am not responsible for myself, I do not go by the rules, I rebel, I lie, I do not take the blame, I do not respect everyone, I do not think before I speak, I am not polite, I am not proper, I am not feminine, I am not quiet, I do not listen, I do not care. Childish is what every "Adult" needs once in awhile. Right? Adult is being locked up in a prison of responsibility, and I do not want that. Childish is playing around until the sun comes up, not having a care in the world what happens as long as there's a smile on a face we can all play and get along. Yes, keep thinking that.

Peter Pan is my best friend, I believe in magic do you? Imagination is my middle name, I am the most creative and crazy person their is. You say that I am psycho, and I totally agree with you! No one will ever understand me, I can't be controlled. Don't tell me what to do, don't even try. I will make you regret it! Being proper is impossible, why do you have to cross your legs? Why do you have to wear dresses? Why can't you play in the mud? Why can't I be friends with boys? Why? Unlady like is a crime young lady, wash that off your face. That music is the devil's music! Why can't you be like Emma, and be a good little girl.

Oh, but Mummy Panic! At The Disco is fantastic! Oh sister dear, Anime is great! Oh papa, can't you understand! I like wearing black, and painting my nails that color. I like wearing chokers. I like the hair in my face. Oh but father, I know what you do when no one is around. I know all your secrets papa, you should've hidden them better. Oh dear, I believe what Brendon said is true. Lying is the most fun a girl can have, without taking off her clothes. Don't disown me because I wear black and like K-Pop, no disown because I want you too. You really think I care? I don't even love you, stop thinking that! Oh no, my math grade is a B, whatever shall we do! I will listen to the music that makes me feel human again, not just some toy, my friends can wind up to make them laugh.

What your science teacher forgot to tell you is that the sun is dying. Our beloved sun, a dead star is long gone. We are the ones killing it though, just like we are killing everything else. What does this have to do with the whole concept of adulthood? Well think of it this way. You have important decisions to make when you become a teenager. The sun right now is a teenager, probably thinking of committing suicide. Why is it going to? Well, the other stars in the galaxy make fun of the sun, for being too small. He never gets invited to parties. He is all alone with nine other rude and obnoxious planets. We are killing the sun, us kids. The sun is a teenager, like I and just wants to fit in with everyone else.

But of course that will never happen, because the world is cruel and the sun will die from abuse, and commit suicide. Why would he do that? No one ever understood him, nor listened to him. He had no opinions. No freedom of speech. Never spoke a single word. Slowly was forgotten, and then one day when we opened our eyes and thought we became blind, we realized the sun was gone, and no one will see the light again. Why? Because we as the terrible humans we are did not know when to stop. The children of the world slowly grew up, slipping right out the youth we once enjoyed. Looking back on it, I was the last one to grow up. Am I even grown up yet? I don't seem to act like it. While other "Grown Ups" were discussing the pros and cons of getting a loan from the bank, I was busy at the swing set. I did not care about how the stock market has gone down one percent since last year, I don't care about how the future of agriculture depends on me as a scientist. I especially do not care for the idea of me playing softball of volleyball in college dad. It is my choice, they are my dreams, I do not want to do that in the future. I am not Emma 2.0! Mom I don't want to be the success you never got!

What in the world is happening these days? I feel like I am trapped inside of my former self, because for some reason I can't wear black without stares! I don't know why everyone does it! I get it, I'm weird but please didn't your mom teach you that staring at people is rude! Oh, I'm sorry I get it now. Don't go near me I am afraid of being touched, being an introvert is awesome 'cause I have no friends! I will do anything for you, just ask me! Like I care if I get in trouble, or ruin my future! I have nothing to live for. The boys in my class they say "Kill yourself!" Don't you think I've tried? Cry Baby, you are so sensitive! You liar! Why are you crying? Your boyfriend likes someone else? No one could love you, Elli! Just look in the mirror! Just grow up Elli! Stop reading those dumb peculiar stories! K-Pop rots your brain!

I take pills! Do you? Perfect you do! Maybe we could hang out later and be emo while overdosing on them. That sounds like fun to me! Let's wear crop tops and slutty heels too. What do you want to do? We could spray paint something. Vandalize city hall. Jump off the roof of a building, because nobody really cares. Hey, I know! Let's dance in the middle of the street, in the pouring rain. Let's play with fire, literally. Let's go! Come on! It will be fun. Because I am not an adult. I am stupid, and careless and wasteful of my youth. Sadly, no one would even notice. At school they say, "Don't do that to yourself. I care about you.". Believing what they say makes you look like a fool, don't fall in the trap.

You might as well lock me up in a padded cell, and dope me so I tell you the truth. Put me in a straight jacket, so I can't try to kill myself. Don't worry though, it's not like there's somebody waiting for me to come back out. You want the truth? Look at my arms! You want the truth? Look into my eyes! You want the truth? Go get my notebook!

My grades are failing but I could care less, because it's not like I'll be alive next year. If I killed myself people who never talked to me would suddenly care. I wouldn't even get a page in the yearbook. I could hang myself and my "Parents" who neglected me all the time, would cry. You don't know how it is to have somebody else own you, and throw your heart around. Well i guess i do, so please get off this page before I actually kill myself because someone might actually care for once.