Niall P.O.V

"No!! What are you doing?!" I shouted loud angry sobbes escaping my mouth; removing the white pale colored cloth from Arial's face.

Just in a split, a flash, this sound, that I would rather dig a whole and bury myself in, than hear; It doesn't want to stop and it's annoying me.

Why isn't there waves that say that her heart is active??
Why is it just a long line that looks endless??

"Arial, come on wake up!! wake up bbe!! you can't leave me!! Come on there is so much to do!! so much to tell you!!" It felt like the room went dead and no one was there but me and this lifeless angel.

****

I opened my 17th beer stopping the sipping and throwing it to the side making it smach in the wall and breaking into a million pieces.

"Niall, sweetheart!!" I heard mom's small voice

"I am OK mom" I muttered

She gave me a soft smile and went out.

It wasn't quite the surprise when she saw me yesterday at her door. My eyes were puffy, red as dark circles were visible, at least this is what she told me.

Although it was a very long flight back to Mullingar, I couldn't shut my eyes, I didn't even care.

Manegment gave us a month break to try and get our shitheads back together, which wasn't happening, it's not really a month, I was originally supposed to return back with Arial.

Arial, I miss your laughs, I miss your smiley face, I miss your sight, I miss your cuddles, I miss your hugs, I miss your lips, I miss your existence.

I snatched my phone from where is was laying and opened my gallery crying through Arial's pictures. " I am so sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you" I spoke

It would've been alot easier if I never met her.

I didn't think actually that we would make it when I asked her out. To be honest I didn't take her seriously I just wanted to get out of the buble I was in; and Arial was the perfect escape.

She was great company I did not have to pretend and work hard to impress her.

It was just me.

Sometimes we have to be apart to see we're better off togather.

I feel so burnt out; It hurts, I cried these last two days more than I have ever did through my 21 years of life.

So discouraged; and no one can imagine what I am going through.

The boys are about to, or already did, abandon me they don't even want to look me in the eyes.

*****

I got up headed to the bathroom I looked up in the mirror planting my curled fist in it, breaking it the broken glass dug in my knuckles.

I opened the shower head setting under the water with my clothes on.

I want you, and I want us, I want the memories back. I am sorry Ari.

I felt a small smile coming through as I remembered when I told Arial to stop saying sorry.

She apologized too much; she said sorry for everything that went wrong. She labelled herself as a disaster. Because I didn't tell her otherwise.

Mess inside my head, and tsunami inside my heart reprehending myself; I felt so numb for letting go of her.

My eyes cought glimpse of my shaving razor. I didn't have to think too much about it, I felt like shit.

As I slid the blade on my wrist; an ocean of blood exploded as I cut in deeper.

I never thought I would be the one doing this, but right now I deserved it.

My vision faded; everything was a blur.

My throat was dry as I watched a tape of my life go before my eyes. I deserved this pain.

Darkness soon filled me.

I am sorry for being so fucked up I am sorry for being such a failure
I am sorry for letting you go
I am sorry Lads
I am sorry mom
I am sorry for being a disgrace

I repeated those words as it was ending.

***
I heard shuffling around me and alot of motion.

I heard loud shouts "Niall!!!" A too familiar voice called.

"WAKE UP PLEASE!!" they called

"NIALL!!" they called again

I can't move, my body is stuck.

I can't open my eyes.

"Zayn??"

Hallo beautiful readers thanks a lot to each and every single one of you. Cute as a Button each and very single one of you *says in Harry's voice * lots of love a new friend had joined in The reading Broken Party. Lots of love❤❤ crazygirl67890 and Taylor_Roxy your time to shin is yet to come lovely.