Chapter One

Weddings in the outside world were very weird.

Marriages at the compound were straight forward, nothing too flashy, even at the ceremony afterwards. It was mostly paperwork and beating the shit out of each other. All stuff I could do with no problem.

But outside, weddings, the ceremony for their marriages, were chaotic. It was confusing because it came with all kinds of expectations, from decorations to outfits to music to food. It was an entire ordeal that took months to plan, but in the case of ol' Jasper and Wrenny, they prepared everything in two weeks.

The invitations came out as a mass text, pointing out that they had never had the opportunity to marry in their past lives, so they were going to do that immediately before we were sent off to Olympus for training.

I rolled my eyes as I stood near the table that was set up with food and drinks to pick at while we waited for the wedding ceremony to start. While I had grown accustomed to the formal wear in the outside world, I still felt kind of silly wearing a full tuxedo in a light beige sort of color with a colorful handkerchief in the pocket and a sleek matching tie. I felt stiff and while that was fine for modeling for photos, it wasn't all that comfortable in use.

I adjusted my tie again, glancing over where most of the family was trying to find their seating arrangements.

It wasn't a massive wedding being publicized with thousands of people in attendance like on the fancy television shows. It was smaller with just the immediate family invited and Hades taking over the proceedings, since apparently he had a license to do that shit.

Notably absent from the floor was Lucifer, Hades's husband. Apparently he was on some kind of mission helping Malachi and Adrian with whatever issue they were having. They were oddly secretive about it, but when I'd gotten into Hades's computer files, nothing was recorded.

So it had to be a family issue.

But what?

Also absent was Joxeia and Zeus, still on Olympus making preparations for our arrival tomorrow.

I dreaded it. I dreaded stepping foot on that fucking mountain with those two fucking psychopaths. Maybe I was a little biased because they were shit for how they treated Six, but I feel that said a lot about them as people. Sure, they weren't mean or nasty with Six, but they were awfully formal and stiff and I could tell that hurt Six more than they knew.

Too bad he didn't end up with Alaric and Stanton, I thought miserably, glancing over where they were enthusiastically talking to Kali and Xiphrus about the whole thing. Or rather, Alaric looked excited

Alaric was the most affectionate one, kind and caring and any excuse he could make up to kiss and hug on Wrenny, he took it. He was cuddly with Stanton and he'd tried to work on the whole touching me thing, but I wasn't comfortable with the hugs or kissing or cuddling. I also wasn't a fan of how he constantly seemed to be looking out for me, like he didn't trust me to take care of myself or others. He sometimes made my plates, like I was a baby, or tried to talk to me like I was a child with soft gentle tones. I felt a little infantilized, and I don't think that was his intention, but that was how I felt, so I made sure to put some space between us whenever we were together.

Stanton wasn't nearly as cuddly, but he did absolutely adore Wren. He would haul Wren against him in hugs that made the little guy thrash and squirm, but I knew he liked it, because in the end, he'd hug Stanton back or walk away with a shy smile. Stanton knew better than to touch me, so he kept his distance.

But both of them were kind and loving and caring, all of which would've been absolutely perfect for someone like Six, who was desperate for affection. He was constantly snuggling up to Hadrian whenever they had the chance.

"Maybe Three wants to join?" Hadrian asked me once on the sofa while we were engrossed in one of Six's dumb cooking shows. Six was snuggled right up against him under his arm, and while he didn't say anything in protest, I'd noticed the subtle tightening of his knuckles around Hadrian and I had my answer.

"Nah, I'm good, thanks."

Six relaxed and Hadrian had frowned at me, like he didn't approve of the dismissal, but luckily the show was more engrossing than the conversation, so it was dropped.

Too bad not all of our disagreements ended that way.

I grimaced, feeling a headache spike in my temples, spreading down across my forehead. I shut my eyes against the bright lights overhead, turning to face a darker corner of the room, but the headache was already on route around my head. I grabbed my wine glass and slipped out of the main hall and into the corridor to catch some air.

I wanted to go outside, but one look into the tundra wasteland that had overtaken Hades in the past couple weeks made me realize inside was a better idea. Just looking at the whirlwinds of snow chilled me to the bone and I shivered, tilting my glass up to take a few sips before setting it on the window ledge beside me. I could've moved, but somehow, the mist of snow was hypnotic. Even if it did grind into my head like an icepick.

"It's not so bad when it's outside and you're inside, huh?" I blinked and looked up to see Stanton coming over to me. I tensed, but played it off with a shrug and a little stretch, looking into my wine glass. I did get a good look at Stanton, and the guy really cleaned up nicely.

It felt weird saying the guy was hot when he was my genetic carrier, but I wasn't blind or stupid. The guy was sex on legs, tall and muscular in a lean way, with a thick mane of blonde hair he currently had tamed into a ponytail, his facial hair all trimmed neat, his suit a wonderful rainbow... of black on black on black.

He looked badass in a tux.

"Where are Hadrian and Six?" Stanton asked me all casually. Like he wasn't being a nosy bastard. He even pretended to be interested in dust on the column I was leaning on. I was good at pretending too, so I hummed like I was thinking about my answer.

"Ah, I think they're running a little late," I said at last, which wasn't a lie, "Six was having trouble picking out an outfit." Stanton snorted.

"It's formalwear. What's so hard about that?"

"No idea. I think they're overthinking it," I replied and Stanton chuckled, like he knew how that went. I had no doubt considering Alaric was pretty big on his appearance.

"Have you had a chance to see Wrenny yet?" Stanton asked after a moment of awkward silence.

"Uh, no, I thought that's what the ceremony was for," I said with a frown. Stanton smirked.

"Usually the family harasses the grooms until it's time. I'm sure Wrenny would love to hear from you before the ceremony," he added. I almost laughed at that. I couldn't imagine Wren loving anything that had to do with me.

Much like everyone I met, he found me irritating and it was funny because I hadn't done anything to begin with to bother him, but I think it was my genetics.

Having Stanton and Alaric's genetics made me their biological son.

That probably pissed him off to some degree.

But it wasn't like he harassed me.

He even said nice things sometimes, which was weird.

He didn't need to worry, though. Biology, genetics, that shit didn't mean shit when it came right down to it. At the end of the day, it was who stuck with you to the end.

I had no doubt this family would stick with Wren forever.

So he didn't need to worry about me.

A sharp headache hit me deadcenter of the forehead and I flinched, reaching up to shut my eyes and press my fingers against my head to alleviate that pain.

"Hey, are you alright?" Stanton asked.

"Yeah, I think I'm just dehydrated," I muttered, looking down into the wine glass before finishing off what was left and I looked up to see Stanton giving me a droll stare.

"Dehydrated means drink water, not more wine."

"Listen, if I have to sit through two hours of talking, I'm not going to do it sober," I told him and Stanton snorted.

"You should've just said so," he said, then crooked his finger at me. I raised an eyebrow, rising to my feet and following him to the garden room. It was a newly established room dedicated to an indoor garden lush with herbs and fruits thanks to Blaine and Niko's combined efforts.

I tried really hard not to laugh at that.

I wasn't making fun of Niko for his new hobbies, but it was fucking hilarious to see how the guy went from absolute destruction to being a Suzy homemaker. Of course, if you said that, he'd probably use his new stand mixer for your intestines.

Old habits die hard.

Once the glass door behind us closed, Stanton was taking out his smokes. I smelled the herbs the moment he cracked the tin open. It smelled pungent, like skunk or maybe just straight piss. Of course, the herbs were neatly packed into little conical cigarettes. He rolled out onto his palm and used his fingers to light the end, a large puff of stinky smoke rising up over our heads and getting sucked into the air filter.

Relieved I didn't need to ask, or borrow, any of his weed, I took his offered smoke and took a few short drags on it, which still ended up making me cough a little. I passed it back and Stanton took it with a nod of thanks and took slow long drags on it.

Apparently it was supposed to help with his heart or something, which was interesting considering this particular herb seemed to cause increased heart rates, but the mental effects were pretty nice in keeping it regular. It was calming, relaxing, and gave me a lot longer of a fuse, which helped when it came to interacting with this strange outside world.

"Oh, and make sure you drink this," Stanton added, taking a long drag before handing me a bottle of water. I grimaced at it, then at him and he shoved it at my chest, which in turn made me cough from the lingering tickle of the smoke. I cracked it open and chugged the whole thing before Stanton immediately passed the smoke to me. I took it with a nod and risked taking one of the long drags he took, but I couldn't finish the inhale and choked into a coughing fit.

"Sorry," Stanton apologized as I waved my hand dismissively, "It's the strong shit I pulled out of the mortal realm. I don't mind the stuff here, but something special about the shit from the mortal realm." I cocked my head, handing his smoke back for him to take a few puffs on.

"Am I ever going to be able to go there?" I asked. Stanton chuckled as he put the smoke out in the lid of his smoke tin.

"Sure, someday, but not right now. Shit's messy enough as it is without dragging their shit into it. Maybe after the thing with the Mother blows over," he said, then sighed wistfully, "I'll take you to my favorite place in the mortal realm... if it's still there."

"What's that?"

"United States of America. There's so many things to see there, kid. One second you're in the hot scorching desert and in the next you're in the snow capped mountains of Colorado. There are swamps and lakes and mountains and cities and— and corn fields."

"Uh, corn fields?" I asked, averting my eyes. If I wanted to see corn fields, I'd just go to the outskirts of Inferi, right? What made mortals so special?

"Humans are fun," Stanton added, making me raise an eyebrow at a rarity in these parts, "They're still learning, still evolving, but it's fun to watch them learn, to grow. They don't have magic like we don't, so they're at a disadvantage, but they don't need it. They don't need us. It's why we've moved away from lording over them. Can you imagine being strong without magic and still surviving?" I didn't need to.

I watched Seven live it.

It was one of the many things that kept me in line there.

One toe out of line, just a stray from the original path, and you were done for. Mother did not allow for mistakes to be made, and while it looked like she was making them one after another, I knew she wasn't stupid.

Hera was learning. Everything she'd done up until this point was to watch and learn as things unfolded. If it fell in line with her plan, she moved on. If it didn't, she would rework it and try again.

She wasn't going to give up.

That was what scared me.

Of course, the time for wallowing in fear was gone as Stanton got a text from Alaric, letting both of us know that the ceremony was about to begin.

Stanton gave me a big cheesy grin and I knew he was thinking about putting his arm around my shoulders to give me a hug, but he managed to catch himself and settled for an awkward stretch as we headed back to the main hall.

We made our way back to the main hall and thankfully Stanton split off to go harass Alaric and while he had invited me to sit with them, I politely declined and went to where Hadrian and Six had finally arrived.

Hadrian was sexy as ever in a clingy black dress with tall slits up the sides of his legs, showing off that expanse of soft olive skin that disappeared into a pair of black ankle boots. His makeup and hair were done professionally, of course, all glittery and curls.

Six was a little more sedate, a little more classically masculine in his black tuxedo with a silky navy tie and handkerchief set. His black hair was neatly slicked back, his bright hazel eyes beautifully outlined in black, his plush lips glossy.

They both looked good, really good. My eyes lingered for a moment on Six's ears, his hair curving so nicely around his little ears. Hadrian's exposed leg was also in need of a quick scan, perfectly long and smooth and hairless because the guy was so damn vain. Not in a bad way.

"Are you serious?" Six's demand made me blink and look up from Hadrian's leg to see them both frowning at me.

"What? What'd I do?" I asked. Hadrian wrinkled his nose as Six rolled his eyes and I met them both with a sigh when I realized it was my stink. Or rather, Stanton's stink.

I looked over where Alaric was rubbing his perfumed wrist on Stanton's face while the guy laughed at him for it.

"It wasn't a lot," I muttered, brushing myself off, like that was going to do anything about the smell. Hadrian shook his head in silence, his hands clasped on his clutch purse, like he was refusing to say anything about the matter. Six wasn't as good at letting things go.

"That's so rude," Six muttered back to me as I got comfortable beside him, "This is Jasper's wedding, Three. Show some respect."

"Fuckin' why? What'd he do?" I asked dryly.

Aside from getting reincarnated multiple times along with his lover and quite possibly the child they had been waiting for all these centuries still in Hera's custody. He revealed Hera's long held secret, having discovered the ancient atisalum beings that Yhwhwa had gone on a massacre to remove. He rescued as many of the other artificials as he could and he kept watch over the rest of us when he could.

Yeah. He did a lot.

And Wrenny deserved to be happy too, to have someone who loved him and only him, showered him with the love and affection he deserved.

Good for them.

I had no part in it, so I wasn't sure why my life choices ruined their big day, but okay.

Six didn't get to say anything in response because some cheesy classical music started to play and it confused both of us. In fact, I glanced over where the other artificials sat with their families and I could see confusion on their faces. The music was soft and gentle, and while it matched the pretty floral and vine-like decorations, it felt weird to listen to during a wedding ceremony.

Except I had to keep reminding myself this wasn't like ours.

Nothing about their weddings were like ours.

Everyone remained seated and Hades was standing at the front of the room at the dias, calm and stoic as ever.

The guy was a lot bigger in person than he had seemed in all our textbooks growing up. I had pictured him more... I dunno, demonic? I wasn't disappointed by the reality, though. Hades was one handsome god with long inky black hair he shared with his brothers, Jasper and Ryk. During the ceremony, it was coiled up in a loose bun that looked like someone else had done it.

I'd seen Hades's lazy buns and that was a very nice bun.

Definitely not his work.

Probably Akin's.

The King's Consort of Atlantis, currently sitting front row in sniffled tears of joy, while he sat beside his husband, who just kept his hand silently on Akin's leg to comfort him and kept handing him tissues. Thirteen was lost as a fuck about the whole thing, just gaping around the room like he was impressed with the ambiance. Seven sat on the end of the pew, watching so intently, like he was taking notes in the back of his mind.

Probably for Keros, his boyfriend who had abruptly proposed to him and while he'd backed down since then apparently, it looked like Seven was still thinking about it. Judging from Keros's longing stare, he was taking notes too.

I looked over at Kali, who was sitting between Xiphrus and Michael, her genetic carriers. She was frozen, staring at the dais where Hades stood, like she was having difficulty absorbing everything going on around her. Five kept gently stroking her arm, but Kali seemed lost in confusion.

Made sense considering her marriage had almost killed her. On more than one occasion.

Four, er... Niko sat with his husband, River, where they were near the front, not the least bit lost or confused. In fact, Niko seemed pretty excited about this whole thing and kept leaning over to River, who kept shushing him and trying not to laugh at his silly comments.

Gods, that was so fucking surreal.

I looked over where Elias didn't seem to understand, but he was watching intently and listening to his father, Theo, narrate everything so he knew what was happening. He seemed to catch on quickly and joined in on the hushed excitement.

I rolled my eyes, because this was uncomfortably mushy. Everyone was getting choked up or excited and while I was really rooting for Jasper and Wrenny, it felt weird to be getting so worked up over something that didn't really feel big.

Oh sure, Jasper and Wrenny had gone through a fucking lot to get to this point, but it still felt strangely underwhelming.

Even the excitement around me was confusing, because why were we getting so excited? It's not like the rest of us were getting married or anything. Some of us were already married.

I glanced over where Hadrian was smiling at Lumen, who snuck in to sit beside him while Five comforted Kali, who seemed a bit... upset? I frowned at that, glancing at Six to see if he noticed, only to feel my stomach drop like a lead ball.

Six's eyes were rimmed in red, tears welled up like big fat diamonds on his lashes. He was just staring directly at the front of the room, like he was mystified by their ceremony. I almost asked if he was alright, but I heard a door open and I looked up to see Jasper and Wren walking in. I felt Six's hand on my leg at that moment and I looked down, then back at him, but he didn't look at me.

So I let him squeeze my leg as we watched Jasper and Wren take up their positions at the head of the room with Hades towering beside them.

Jasper looked wicked amazing in his military uniform. All black stitch hydra skin with gleaming blue seams and two medals of honor that seemed to just poof out of fucking nowhere as they were pinned to his chest. I assumed it had something to do with the shit he accomplished after joining Hades, but who knew?

Wrenny wasn't badass sexy like Hades or Jasper, but he was fucking adorable with his silky blonde tresses currently gathered in a braided ponytail, his dark eyes glittering with emotion as he gripped Jasper's hands with his own, their fingers lacing together.

The room was full of people, but they didn't notice a single one of us.

Their eyes held the entire time Hades read them some sort of weird speech about having and holding and even in death they would find each other, and it was a little dramatic. I would've scoffed if it wasn't for how intense their gaze held, their hands locked the whole time.

I found it a little hard to look away because that intensity... gave me goosebumps. It was a prickling tingling that crept across my skin and made my heart ache. It was a physical pain in my chest and I grimaced, wondering why that pain had to keep coming back at times like this. Whenever I was confused by the outside interactions, my chest hurt.

It made no sense.

Was I sick?

The thought of having a meltdown like Polly made me sick to my stomach and I immediately forced myself to ignore that thought. I wasn't going to think about her, especially here. It was a shitty thing to do, but I didn't have time to fucking cry about shit I couldn't change.

"Wren, I'm no poet," Jasper said, which was met with snorts and snickers from the pews and a smirk from Wren, who arched a brow like he wanted to challenge that and Jasper beamed like an idiot, reaching up to stroke the loose strands of hair that had fallen across Wrenny's cheek, "I love you. Through each incarnation, until our very last when we get to spend eternity together in the night sky, our love will be a constellation, forever suspended in the sky. From this day now and forever, you will have my body, heart, and soul. I love you." Wren's eyes twinkled and he captured Jasper's palm against his cheek with one hand, using the other to draw Jasper's knuckles to his lips where he placed a gentle kiss.

"I love the way you tease me, then woo me," he whispered, making Jasper's lips tremble, "I love the way you look at me, the way you look at the world, the way you love, the way you smile, the way you laugh. I love you as myself, I love you as Milo, I will love you no matter what, and I will love you and the rest of eternity we spend together, our love lighting the skies for eternity. Just as your smile has lit my sky for eternity."

"I now present to you the union of Wren and Jasper of Hades. You may now kiss your husband." I could tell it hurt Hades to say that last part. He actually hesitated for a second and Wren cut him a glare that made him roll his eyes and spit it out at long last. Jasper didn't seem to notice or give a shit about Hades's whiny bullshit.

He swept his arm around Wren's waist, hoisted him up onto his knee, and kissed the hell out of him right there in front of everyone.

I swore I heard Stanton make a noise, like he squeaked, but when I looked over Stanton was doubled over in his seat while Alaric patted him on the back with one hand, using the other to wipe away his own tears. I had a feeling Alaric had got him in the groin.

Hades just stepped away, and even through he kept a straight face for once, I swore I could see little angry Hades characters running around his head in fury. It was definitely something I picked up from watching too many cartoons in the outside world.

Again, I was happy for them or whatever, but it felt weird watching them makeout in front of everyone. It was kind of like watching two of my brothers make out, which... Okay, maybe it wasn't that weird considering this fucking pantheon, but it sure got me weirded out.

Not that it lasted long, because I looked back to ask Six if he was ready to leave yet, I found him still in tears, but this time he was straight up sobbing.

"Six," I started as I reached for him, alarmed by that reaction, because how the hell did he manage to have a mental breakdown so quietly and right next to me without me even noticing? Of course, Hadrian was already on it, getting tissues out of his purse and reaching for Six's shoulder while Lumen immediately flushed, looking embarrassed for Six.

Except abruptly, Six was shoving my hand away from him, shooting to his feet and mumbling something about the bathroom. I scowled, going to get to my feet to go after him when he whipped around, putting his hand firmly against my chest.

"Don't you dare," Six managed and I tensed, not saying a word. Because those angry flashing hazel eyes told me everything I needed to know, so I just nodded and slowly sat back down. I heard the door to the main hall bang shut behind me, but everyone seemed busy with the festivities now and there was so much activity that our little corner went unnoticed.

For the most part.

Hadrian cleared his throat, gathering up his purse and turning to excuse himself and Lumen nodded, getting up to rejoin Five and Kali, who seemed to have calmed down. I looked up as Hadrian got to his feet. He looked at me with the same calm gentle look he always gave me when he was trying not to get mad at me.

"I'm going to make sure he's okay. We'll just meet you back at the apartment, is that alright?" He asked me like my opinion on this mattered, so I just nodded silently. He frowned at that, clearly not liking the silent treatment, but he'd recently done the same thing after an argument, so fuck him.

I mean. Not really, but I didn't want to talk about it and I don't think he did either, because he walked away without saying anything else and I was left sitting alone in the back, watching the crowd moving to the front to congratulate Wrenny and Jasper.

It felt awkward being there now.

It didn't feel celebratory at all anymore.

I knew Six was remembering everything from our marriage that whole ceremony. I should've known that would happen the moment we got the text invite, but Six and Hadrian were genuinely excited to attend. Six had been a flurry of energy about it, until the actual ceremony and I think reality hit him in the face that he had missed out on something monumental.

Something that should've been beautiful and cheesy and romantic and full of love.

Instead, it had been my desperate one-sided affection that led me to make one of the biggest mistakes of my life, and that was scheduling a marriage duel without talking to Six.

"Oh— Oh my god, please tell me you didn't," Six's voice had trembled the day I came to him, excited that I had scheduled our marriage duel. I wanted to show him I was more than capable of taking care of him, that I could be strong and do everything he wanted me to do. I was worthy of being his husband and I wanted him to see that.

Up until that point, Six and I were just sleeping together here and there. We were friends. Maybe not in the same way I was used to, but he was my friend and we slept together. We kissed and we held hands. It only made sense that our affections would grow and naturally the next step was marriage, then we could be together all the time.

But apparently that was my dumbass thinking what we had was more than what it was.

"Huh?" My response to Six had pissed him off.

"What huh," Six managed, his voice cracking and he lunged for me, grabbing the front of my uniform and slamming me against the wall and I cursed, feeling my temper snap at the assault, "You stupid fuck!" I threw his arms off me and shoved him back, advancing on him now as he eyed me, his palms flexing like he was ready to throw me into a headlock.

"What the hell! I thought that was what we were supposed to do!" I exclaimed angrily and Six burst out laughing in such a sharp angry manner that it actually froze me in place. I'd never heard him make such a helpless sound before, so exasperated and upset.

"I don't want to marry you!" His words were razor sharp. After that, I blacked out.

I came to not long after, stumbling out of the apartment I had with Six as he bled on the floor of our living room. I heard his mad scramble to get to the door to come after me, but he didn't follow me out. Instead, he hung out the door with his one good arm, while his other dangled from its socket.

"Cancel the proposal, you stupid son of a bitch! Cancel the proposal!"

His angry screams turned to desperate sobs the day of our marriage duel. He'd clawed at me that morning, begged and pleaded, even offered me a fucking blowjob in the arena, but when he realized that wasn't what I wanted, he gave up.

He got angry.

And so did I.

My anger was just hotter than his. In the end, I won my battle and I watched Six get the news in the medic room, watched him choke on a sob of fury and throw the paperwork across the room. I felt our guardian, Micah, clap me on the back.

"He'll get over it," Micah scoffed with an amused chuckle, "His genetics make him a drama queen. He should be so fucking lucky to find a spouse in the upper ranks given his predisposition for being a little bitch." He gave me another clap on the back and walked away.

It didn't make me feel better.

In fact, as I stood there on the other side of the two way mirror watching Six wail like his heart was broken, I felt a deep pain in my chest. It took meeting Hadrian to realize that feeling was regret. Watching Six fall apart fueled me to try harder, because I was an idiot. I didn't see that our love was one sided and I didn't see the damage it was doing. I didn't see anything wrong with our fights, with our screaming matches, with Six's harsh fury regarding our marriage.

It all made sense to me up until now.

I just wasn't good enough for Six, so I had to work harder. It meant I had to do shit I wasn't comfortable doing, taking chances where I never thought to take them. It was why I had tried to go after Hadrian in the end, because if Six couldn't do and I could, surely he would see that I fucking tried to make him happy, tried to do something to fix us so we could go back to the way we used to be.

Except when I visited Six in that cell Hera had locked him in, I found myself once again watching as Six sobbed.

"I hate you," Six whimpered helplessly, giving me his back as he sat curled up in the cell, "I fucking hate you! I hope you're next, Three! I really fucking do!" He meant the next person to join him in that cold dark dungeon where I knew very well that Four and Bait accompanied him. I didn't look, didn't let myself pay attention, because all I cared about was getting Six to safety.

And then standing there and watching Hadrian work the clock down, releasing them, even Four, who fucking turned on us. It didn't matter, because Hadrian was focused on helping them, helping all of them.

Fuck, he'd spent his final hours in that fucking room, knowing full well what was going to happen to him, trying to convince me to help him and let everyone go. He told me stories of Six in the outside world and I was caught between shock and... fucking rage.

I had ached for so long to see Six happy again that I forgot what it looked like, and knowing that Hadrian got to see his happiness after all this time... It hurt.

Shit. It really hurt.

It hurt knowing that I wasn't good enough no matter what I did, and it hurt knowing that everything I had done up until this point had actually been hurting Six, not helping him. It conflicted with what I had been raised to know and understand. It was almost like I had wasted my entire life until now.

But none of that mattered anymore.

I was trying to fix it. I was learning everything I needed to know to make things right. Six had been the one to suggest the photoshoot that had kickstarted all the modeling I'd done once I settled in Styx.

Six wanted me to be a model, so I had done just that, and he seemed happy with it for a while, but I'd noticed lately things were starting to teeter again.

Did that mean he wanted me to change something else?

What did he want me to change now?

Was I ever going to be good enough?

The headache spiked in my forehead again and I grimaced, reaching up to rub at my temples. The bright lights, the music, the chatter, it was getting too loud and overwhelming, so I quit the room and went out to the corridor to get some air. I had just taken a breath of fresh air when I entered the indoor garden, only for my phone to vibrate.

I frowned, taking it out and seeing the number.

I stared at it, wondering why the fuck I was seeing that number of all numbers, now of all times. I didn't answer and let it go to voicemail. I started to pocket my phone, except it went off again and I cursed, answering it abruptly.

"I told you not to call me when I'm on palace grounds, asshole," I growled out, glancing around to make sure I had privacy. A quick scan revealed everyone was still back at the ceremony, servants nowhere in sight, not even a camera aimed in my direction. I turned my back to the nearest one as I heard silence, followed by a breathy laugh.

"Don't worry," came that deep baritone tinged with a distinct nasal accent, "This call is going to be deleted from your history as soon as you hang up. Did you forget I have a high security clearance, firecracker?" I rolled my eyes at a nickname this fucker just would not let die.

"Yeah, and did you forget Hades pretty much invented the Internet?" I asked dryly. I was met with laughter and I tried not to smile at that familiar light hearted sound. If anyone could make me laugh, it was Tricho, even if I wasn't in the mood for it.

"No, he didn't," Tricho laughed, "He just got his realm hooked up in the 70s."

"I don't know what that means."

"I know. So how did Wrenny's wedding go?" Tricho asked casually. I walked over to take a seat, leaning back against one of the glass windows.

"Good," I replied, "He and Jasper shared some cheesy vows and made out in front of everyone."

"Cute."

"Gross."

"Nah, it's about time those two tied the knot anyway."

"Huh?"

"Oh, and just out of curiosity, how did that last piece of information go? Did you manage to put it to good use?" Tricho asked. I hesitated, glancing around again because I was paranoid. Paranoid that someone would get the wrong idea and paranoid that someone, anyone, would use this connection to their advantage.

Hades or Hera, it didn't matter. If either of them could use Tricho, they would.

And Tricho was... well, insane would be putting it mildly.

Maybe unhinged was a better word.

Because he knew exactly what he was doing at all times, even when it seemed wild and unscripted. Tricho was smart, always had been. It was why we'd grown up together. He was smart and I was strong and it made sense that we protected each other and became friends. In fact, his family was the only introduction to a family I'd ever had, as unconventional as it was with his fallen angel mother and insane sisters.

Plus, if anyone found out Tricho was feeding me information about Hera under the table, he was screwed. So was his family. I wasn't going to be the cause of that kind of massacre. Not by a long shot.

But I needed to protect Six too.

I needed to protect Hadrian. Wrenny. Jasper. Niko. Seven. Kali, Elias, Five, Lumen, and everyone else who had helped us get to where we were.

It was a dangerous game, but so far, it was rewarding.

Thanks to Tricho, I'd managed to get vital information on that compound we'd infiltrated in Styx. I knew the security protocols and I knew how to find the sleeper, who it was, and how to get rid of him. Only someone who could astral project and maintain their composure could face Eilon. If I had tried to stop him, he would've torn my brain apart. Everyone else was at risk too, but not Jasper.

The guy was so damn good at holding it together to do what he needed to do to protect others, so of course I suggested he go up against Eilon. And just like Tricho and I assumed, Jasper had overcome him and in the best possible way.

"Yes," I said at last, tilting my head back against the glass and closing my eyes, "Yes, we figured everything out, thanks to you."

"Aw shucks," Tricho replied and with his accent, the twangy response sounded funnier than usual and I barked a laugh that was met with what I was sure was a grin. I could so perfectly picture those rows of teeth in a proud goofy grin, dimpled cheek, dark eyes hooded and watching me like I had his full attention, that dark mane of hair. The very definition of tall, dark, and handsome.

I never understood how the guy wasn't married, especially being older than me.

"Polly didn't make it, though," I said at last. I was met with silence for a moment and I swallowed thickly, because I wasn't sure what hurt more; saying it out loud or just thinking about it. I shut my eyes for a moment.

"Are you sad?" Tricho asked at last.

"I think so."

"Did you get to talk to her?"

"No, not really... It felt wrong to say anything to her."

"Why?"

"Because... Because I knew there was no hope," I muttered, looking down at my boots, "I knew she was going to die, Trich. I saw the medical files back when we were at the compound... You know, back when I was living there."

"Makes sense," Tricho replied quietly, "Her condition was unstable. Like many of those before her."

"But why her? She... She had a chance," I started, then stopped when a headache spiked in my forehead and temples, making me grimace, "Ugh, she was alive and she was living and she was... doing things. It doesn't make sense that she doesn't get a chance to do more. How is it fair that she only got to live for a little while when there could've been so much more?" It didn't make sense to me. It didn't make sense that someone who did nothing wrong would just die like that. Even Hades, for all his medical glory and unfathomable power, couldn't bring her back and when Joxeia had been requested to assist, it had been out of his hands. He didn't tell us how, just that he wasn't capable of bringing her back to us.

It had only created a sharper rift between that side of the family and Hades's.

It was almost like they blamed him, but why bother with that when the true culprit, the real murderer, was hiding somewhere in the universe, plotting and waiting?

"Death is never really fair," Tricho said at last, making me swallow down a lump in my throat as I massaged my temples, "Even the most immortal of us will fall to the Source's power eventually. All we can do is survive."

"But it feels like there's so much more," I murmured, "Is that stupid?"

"Of course not. You deserve more."

"Don't start in on that shit, Trich, I am not in the mood."

"It's not shit. Are you telling me that you aren't happy out there, Three?"

"No, it's not that," I started, then stopped as I let that sink in and I realized I couldn't answer that. I couldn't deny it, but I couldn't jump all over it either. In fact, as I sat there with Tricho's words in my head, I found myself wondering...

What did happiness feel like?

I thought back to all the things Hadrian had told me Six experienced when he took him out into the real world.

I did get to eat cheeseburgers, and they were really good, until they weren't. I got to see dances, parades, a wedding. I got to watch cartoons and eat real food and reap the benefits of having a good career. I lived in an apartment with clothes on my back, a warm bed that I shared with two people I cared about. That should fit all of the checkboxes for happiness, according to Hadrian, but as I absorbed all of that information, I realized...

"No," I whispered at last.

There was brief silence before Tricho spoke in an eerily calm voice.

"Has anyone hurt you? Or made you feel bad?"

"W-What? No, I just... No, it's dumb, it doesn't matter. That was dumb, yeah, I'm happy, Tricho, I'm fine," I said, pausing when I heard footsteps in the corridor and I rose to my feet, "Listen, I gotta go. I'll call you when I'm out of range." I hung up and I swore for a second he said something like, on my way, but that was impossible and stupid as fuck, so I decided it was another one of his stupid jokes.

I came into the corridor just as Wren was coming down the hallway and I tensed when I saw him, looking flushed and excited from his wedding, but his expression was a little dire when he saw me.

"Where did you go?" Wren asked breathlessly. He'd definitely been dancing, and his breath smelled like wine. I smiled.

"Aw, did my whittle bwover mish me?" I asked in a baby voice. Wren flushed further and went to kick me in the shin, but I dodged it and grinned at him. He rolled his eyes, thrusting a thumb back behind him.

"Dad's looking for you," he said and when I stared at him blankly, he rolled his eyes again, "Alaric." I tried not to cringe.

"Mm. Well. I gotta go—"

"Wait, are you kidding me," Wren exclaimed indignantly, "We're not even finished with the afterparty."

"I don't know what that means, but I got a call from my agent," I said and the lie had the exact reaction I hoped for, which was sparkly eyed with pride and I pretended it didn't sting that I was lying to him about something he apparently liked about me, "Ah, they want to get me fitted for a new suit for some perfume commercial. I dunno, but it'll be quick. I'll try to get back before everyone leaves." Or rather, I'll try to come back, tell him something else came up, and avoid going anywhere near the family for the time being.

Wren scowled suspiciously, but I gave him a grin.

"What, you wanna watch me get naked or get in another hot suit?" I asked, giving my tuxedo jacket a tug. Wren snorted.

"Ew, gross. Fine, go do your thing, but hurry up and come back. Holly has a box of games she wants to play," he said and when I arched a brow at that, he gave me an intense stare, "Holly takes her board games very seriously, especially the espionage roleplay one."

"Uh. Yeah, wouldn't wanna miss that," I said, clearing my throat. Wren eyed me, folding his arms over his chest.

"Are you sure you're good?"

"Just dandy. See ya later, whittle bwover."

"Fuck off, Three."

I smiled and gave him a wave before vanishing on the spot.