Morgan

Water, all around my head. Bubbles floating out of my mouth to the surface. And as my lungs start to beg for air, I wish this time. This time, please. End this. Please kill me.

My head is pulled back with a jerk and I cough out water from my mouth. Their laughter echoes throughout the bathroom.

"I just can't! That expression...It was too priceless," laughs Jessica, the ring leader. The person holding my head over the bucket of dirty water.

"That's a new record for you, right? Morgan " says luna kicking my leg.

"Careful. We'll need to be quick. Breaks almost gonna be over " yells Helen, standing near the washroom door. Do feel a bit sorry for the students who wanna use the bathroom.

" Awwww. I wanted to do it one more time " Jessica whines and the others simply laugh.

"Ok let's get going now. Come on Jess " says Ashley tying up her red hair in the mirrors.

Jessica quickly thursts my head back into the dirty water and turns towards the door.

"Loser " is what she says before she leaves. And soon after, the bell rings. Silence spreads throughout the bathroom with just the sound of water dripping somewhere.

I get up and look at myself in the mirrors. At this moment, I look nothing less than a loser. Wet till torso, dirty face and short dark dirty hair. I search for my glasses and find them on the floor.

One of the stall doors suddenly opens and a tall girl wearing a leather jacket walks out.

"Finally" I hear her mumble to herself.

I ignore her as she walks up to the taps, water splashing beneath her feet with each step. While I try to fix my damp hair in the mirror, she turns on the tap and washes her hands.

I notice how she subtly keeps peeking at me and then looking away.

"Why not take a picture, it'll last longer," I say to her bluntly as I run my fingers through my hair like a comb.

The corners of her cherry coloured lips lift up as she stares down at the water running over her hands. "Such attitude even after being humiliated like that. Why not use it to stand up for yourself  against them for once." She utters mockingly.

"Says the upperclassmen who was cowering in the toilets waiting for them to go" I pull my black shirt at the waist and twist it, watching the water trickle down on the floor. I want to defend myself from them. But...for some reason every time I think about doing it, I find myself unable to do anything. It's like standing at the edge of a cliff trying to jump. Am I afraid of the consequences of that jump or is it something else?

She chuckles as she turns off the tap "You've got a point. But I have my reasons for not wanting to get involved. That girl Luna's big sister is a good friend of mine. Having a rich friend has many benefits. Hope you get what I'm trying to say. People like you should stay on the good sides of those that are stronger " She takes out a bunch of tissues from her pocket and wipes her hands dry.

"Sorry, but I'm not a boot licker like you." I glare at her through the mirror as she smirks at me.

Tucking a strand of her curly hair behind her ear, she walks up to me and places a hand on my shoulder.

"Yet you're the one living a miserable life. Sometimes it's better to know your place in the social hierarchy." She says with a hint of mockery in her voice. Then she walks towards the door and goes out.

Why? In this world of natural selection, I strived to be at the top. In middle school, I did everything to not be one of the lower ones. Or one of the " tainted " ones. Stand out but not too much. I was safe there. Then why? Why is it different now? I'm not weak or anything. So why do I get bullied? Unfair.

My clothes are a bit dry now, but the dirt is still there. I walk out of the washroom. Since I have no intention of going back to class, I decide to go to our school storeroom. It's the only place I go to be alone. Away from everyone. My little sanctuary.

As I walk silently in the hallway, I get aware of the stares I'm receiving from the students passing by along with their secret whispering. I can even hear their muffled snickers. The sound of students laughing and talking comes from the classes I pass by. As the students go to their classes, I find myself walking alone. The warm sunlight shining through the hallway windows on my left does little to dry me up. My shoes leave behind wet footprints while I feel a slight chill due to my damp clothes.

Upon reaching the storeroom, I'm glad it's not locked. Opening the door, I'm met with complete darkness. Moving inside, I press the switch and the room lits up with golden light. Closing the door behind me, I walk past the dusty table and chairs along with the containers and bottles of cleaning supplies, making my way to the corner of the room. 

When someone tells you " be yourself " they have no idea what they're talking about. These kinds of cheezy things sound good but in reality, it's meaningless. People wanna fit in. They don't wanna be the odd one out. Everyone wears a mask to blend in. Hiding their true nature deep down.

I bring my knees to my face. It's unfair. It's freakin' unfair!

I'm not a bad person. I never bullied, never did anything horrible. I keep to myself and mind my own business. Sometimes...I wish I lived in a world where the innocent weren't the victim. Where people lived without masks. Where bullying doesn't exist. Where parents don't let out all their frustrations on their children. The only good thing about this world is.....

My train of thoughts is broken by the sound of the door opening and someone coming in.

It's a tall blonde girl wearing a light blue dress with a crown brooch pinned near the collar "I know your here Morgan. Come out "

Lydia...the only good thing about this world

"Is it go time? " I ask as I get up. Lydia is my one and only friend. It's funny how even a loser like me has at least one friend. She's sweet and caring. That's why I don't want her to get bullied. I tell her to act like we're not friends in school. Though reluctant, she agreed.

" Yup. Got your bag for you. Thought Jessica and her gang would do something to it " she says as she hands me my bag.

"Dummy, what if someone saw you, " I say sternly. She can be really airheaded sometimes.

"Don't worry, no one did. Anyway, there all gone now. So we can walk together today " she says cheerfully.

I smile and roll my eyes.

" Here, wear my jacket. It'll cover that dirt on your clothes " she says and gives her jacket to me.

"Thanks," I say to her as I get up and dust off my clothes.

As we're walking home together, she talks a lot. Lydia is really good at studies and very pretty. People like her. She's....well...bright. Not talking about her golden hair but her personality. Whereas I, a gloomy arrogant person who dislikes everyone.

" Are you even listening ? " she asks again.

"Yes yes, I am, "I say looking away. Can be annoying sometimes.

"Your not. Well what's on your mind anyway " she asks.

"Nothing much. Just wanting to disappear from this forsaken world " I say.

She looks at me and says " where do you wanna disappear to? "

I think for a sec and answer " a fair world. Away from everything bad. Somewhere where...I'd be at peace "

Lydia grins and looks up at the sky "Sounds nice. We should go together"

I laugh. Yup. As long as Lydia is here, I don't care about anything. We had first met in the chemistry lab. No one wanted to be partners with a pathetic girl like me. But Lydia was different and wanted to be my lab partner. She talked a lot and discovered we had a few similar interests. Since then, being with my friend has been the highlight of my day.

"Wanna go to a Café or maybe an arcade? Let off some steam and it might make you feel better." She suggests as she takes out her phone. Glancing at it, I can see that she received a message from someone.

"Nah, too tired. And no way am I going anywhere looking like this." I answer her with annoyance as I lightly stretch out the hem of my shirt.

"Fine, fine. As you wish. Hey...is...your mom gonna be home ? " she asks, concerned.

Oh...right.....today's Tuesday. She'll be home alright. Just wish she's asleep.

"Yeah, she took the day off. For reasons I don't know nor do I care." I frown and kick a pebble that was infront of me as I walk.

"You could stay at my place if you want. I live alone anyway so I'd be fun and we could also have a slumber party!" She exclaims and smiles brightly.

"Too lame. No thanks." I say and chuckle as she makes a silly pout.

A gust of wind passes us, carrying a variety of autumn leaves. I feel goosebumps all over me from the cold while Lydia looks picturesque with her long hair fluttering like blades of grass in a storm and flowy blue dress. A couple, with their little girl, crosses the road and walks away from us. The girl, in pigtails, looks at us and waves at Lydia who smiles and waves back. It's little things like this that makes me feel very inferior and I'm reminded of our difference in status. I know she doesn't think that but...still. I will always and forever be beneath others like her. I will never find the courage to stand up against those powerful people, to jump off that cliff and face the consequences.

Upon reaching my home we say our goodbyes and she walks away. I take a deep breath and open the door with my key. Silence. Good.

As I close the door and enter the hallway I hear muffled sounds of crying.

I tiptoe towards my room and just then hear a crash sound. A glass broke and she comes out of the room.

"Your back ? " she asks. Her eyes were bloodshot.

"Um....yeah "

She just stands there staring at me. And then making a disgusted expression, she says "If only you weren't born or died at birth "

I say nothing.

"Your dad posted a picture of him and some other woman on Facebook. " she starts getting closer while tears flow down her cheek.

I stay quiet. It's always better to stay quiet instead of adding fuel to the fire.

"He's enjoying the life there while I'm....stuck with taking care of you. " she gets closer. Her hands turned to fists

"I WANNA ENJOY LIFE TOO. WHY DOES HE HAVE MUCH FREEDOM WHILE I HAVE TO WORK AND LOOK AFTER THIS THING " and with that, she punches me straight in the face. Next comes crying and even more punches. I began to taste blood in my mouth.

When she's done, She sobs and goes away leaving me on the floor.

I curse her under my breath and try to get up. My face feeling swollen. I get an ice pack from the refrigerator and go back to my room.

The light grey walls and posters of my favourite rock bands makes the room look cramped. It's already a mess with clothes and empty snack packets on the floor. Looking at the computer on my black study desk, I see that it's turned on and click my tongue. The wallpaper- a dark eerie forest with a full moon in the sky, is displayed on the screen, asking for a password to enter.

She did it again. Snooped around in my room and in my computer. It's a good thing I had set a new password so she couldn't open it. Mom does that sometimes because she thinks I may be secretly plotting to run away with someone and leave her alone just like dad did. She also sometimes accuses me of planning to kill her. I can't tell if she wants me to stay or just be gone so she can enjoy her life.

I walk towards the desk, stepping over the clothes and turn the computer off. I lay down on my bed, feeling the cold numbness on my cheek from the ice pack. I stare at the slowly rotating fan on the ceiling as I clutch the red bedsheet with my hand and grit my teeth.

Disappear....everything....just disappear