(A/N: Howdy! I'm back again in this weird and agonizing story. Lol, Anyways, Sorry for the wait, No, This story ain't dead, Expect some slow updates. And also, If you recognized the scenes in the story. All of them belong to hellsing abridged.)

{Anime Opening}

________________

Location: Vampirá Empire.

3rd Person Pov

In the Vampirá Empire, The scene opens to the Castle as we see V. Queen watch the news on tv and she's really pissed about her sister.

V. Queen: On the phone. Get-her-on-the-phone! I-want-her-on-the-phone-RIGHT-NOW!

Servant nodded.

___________

Location: Kingdom of Sara, Lable

3rd Person Pov

The scene showned the dead Lable SWAT Units in Y/N/Soran's Room.  Y/N able to take care of them with the new pistol called the Berreta M9. But-

🎶I'm a bitch, I'm a bitch🎶

Soran: Hold on a minute, I gotta take this. *answers phone* Yello~?

V. Queen: {Phone} What. Did you do?

Soran: {Phone} Alright. *beat* But you can't be mad at me and my lover.

Y/N: Wait? What?

V. Queen: {Phone} *Slams desk* BULLSHIT!

Soran: {Phone} I waaas!

V. Queen: {Phone} And exactly what happened whilst you were "minding your own business"?

Y/N: *Though* Who was she talking about to?

Soran: {Phone} So, I was just chillaxin' in my room like a baller and with my dark skin nigger.

Y/N: Bruh?

Soran: {Phone} Then all of a sudden these shmucks kicked in our door!

Flashback

SWAT team makes forced entry into Y/N/Soran room.

Present

Soran: {Phone} One of them yelled out.

Flashback..... Again

SWAT Unit: Get on your knees!

Present...... Again :(

Soran: {Phone} And I responded with:

Flashback...... Please send help

Soran: I'M NOT YOUR FATHER LAST NIGHT!!!!!!

Present...... Please stop

Soran: {Phone} ...And they took exception to that.

Flashback >:(

SWAT Unit: Aaargh!

SWAT team shoot Soran down to a bloody pulp.

(A/N: Y/N was in the bathroom.)

Present ..... I hate this

Soran: {Phone} But, you know how that song and dance goes...

Flashback ..... I'm dying

SWAT Unit: Huh?

Soran decimates the team down to a man. Many of them are killed in the process.

Present..... I wanna go home :(

Soran: {Phone} .....Aaand I killed all but one of them.

V. Queen: {Phone} What happened to the last one?

Flashback..... Please end this

Remaining operative whimpers in fear before firing a bullet in his own head.

Present..... Finally

Soran: {Phone} Pussed out like a bitch! Silver lining - I can cancel our room service!

(A/N: Okay, I'm done to this agonizing parts. Back to this story)

Meanwhile

Lable Officer: So, we've sent like, 10 guys up there and we haven't heard back. Think everything's alright?

He said as we see a man with a Blue eyes and Blonde Hair. His name was Pasto Mann.

Pasto: Naturalmente, don't worry about it. Of course everything's fine.

Lable Officer: Well... no matter what we're still going to get our immortality, right?

Pasto: Buddy, my friend, do I look like the kinda guy who would go back on an agreement? By the way... you may want to send more men.

Lable Officer: Well, that sounds reasonable.

(A/N: Bruh? What the Fuck!)

Meanwhile

Y/N: Uhhh....?

We see Y/N Looking at Soran chewing some body parts.

Soran: *Chewing* What some?

Y/N: Uhhhh..... I'm good.

Soran: *Shrugged* suit yourself.

____________

Location: Vampirá Empire.

3rd Person Pov

V. Queen:.....

Soran: {Phone} *in-between feeding on the SWAT team* You've been like, really quiet for like, five minutes. *feeding* Oh I know why you're angry! It's because I went to Sara, isn't it?

V. Queen: {Phone} Soran..... put the president on the phone.

Soran: {Phone} Really? You want to talk to-- ...Okay, fine. Whatever. *muffled; to Y/N* Take the fucking call.

Y/N: {Phone} *Muffled* What does she want?

Soran: {Phone} *muffled* I don't fucking know, she wanted to talk to you. I'm going for a walk. *closes door*

Y/N: {Phone} 'Ello? ._.

V. Queen: {Phone} Mr. President. Whatever you do, do not let Soran leave that room, under any circumstance!

Y/N: {Phone} ._. Uhhhh..... Actually, She just left. She said she was going for a walk.

V. Queen: NOOOOOO!!!!!!

Meanwhile with soran

(A/N: Yep, I'm using this music bruhs)

Soran walks into a hallway with multiple SWAT guns trained on her.

Soran: *Smile* Hey guys, how's your health plan?

All the Operatives fire at will at her.

Soran: *Smile* APPARENTLY, IT'S GREAT!!!!!!

She proceedes to massacre the operatives.

V. Queen: {Background} *in despair* Shalltear... be honest with me... What are we looking at in terms of collateral?

Shalltear: {Background} Well...

The scene showned soran exiting the elevator full of dead operatives.

Shalltear: {Background} ...the Soran amount.

She then send several Operatives flying out of the hotel and impaling them on flagpoles in front of a stunned crowd. She then exits the hotel and is met by Pasto.

Pasto: I heard you know how to make an entrance! If I had known you were going to do all this, I'd have hung some Union Jacks for you. 

Soran: Hold on! Did you put all of this on for me~? Who are you? 

Pasto: I am Pasto Mann, or the Dandy Man. I may or may not have fed a lie to the local policia that in return for your capture, I would give them immortality. 

Soran: And they fucking bought that??

Pasto: Like discount pischi.

Soran: You cheeky dick waffle! So then, what's the deal?

Pasto: A cute choice of words... I wish to play a card game, vampiro.

Soran: What, we talking 52 Pickup?

Pasto: No... More like 52 CUT UP!!

Soran: Hit me~! Whoop-!

Men screaming over as they're caught in the crossfire. Y/N was just watching on the window.

Y/N: Oh my God, why are they doing this outside?!

More men are killed by Pasto.

Y/N: Well, at least she's just dodging him...

Soran "accidentally" blasts at least a couple Operatives.

Y/N: Oh, come on, that was on purpose!! *Sigh* Well, Time to take care of some business.

Soran shoots Pasto in the neck, who disappears.

Soran: So, he can make card clones..

Pasto appears behind her and sends her flying, with a "Whup-!".

Pasto: You activated my trap card!

Soran: Oh boy! *Explosion around Soran*

Pasto: Hehehehehe!!!

Soran: Hey Dandy Dick!

The Dandy Man turns his head, and finds Soran on the side of a building.

Soran: You missed! WOOP WOOP WOOP WOOP WOOP WOOP~!

Cut to command tent, with men rushing and talking, likely acting as guards for the Corrupt Pricks.

Lable Officer 1: Do you think Mann can take her?

Lable Officer 2: Calm down, man, it's fine. I'm just focused on what I'm going to do with my immortality!

Y/N, disguised as a Lable Officer, walks into the tent, about to do some American Vigilante Justice.

Lable Officer 1: Joke's on you! I'm getting double immortality! Huh?

Y/N shoots the corrupt Politicians/Pricks, starting with #2, then moving onto #1, and so on, while counting up to 7 in American.

Lable: No, no, no, no- Argh-!! *He cried, as he gets shot in the head*

Y/N walks out of the tent humming the American national anthem; La Marseillaise. The tent explodes via C4 Planted in the Tent, killing or at least wounding many other people around it, Corrupt Prick or no

Y/N: Well, I should check on my daughter. But first, I need to know what's going on?

Meanwhile

Cut to Soran bleeding on the roof of the hotel.

Soran: *Grunts* Could use a drink right now! Not used to seeing this much of my own blood anymore... *Pant* Guy's got magic cards... and magic hands!

Pasto: Tell me Soran, are you a betting man?

Soran: I believe that's your shtick.

Pasto: I'd like to make a little bet with you, vagabundo. I'll end your life... with one hand.

Soran: I'll take that bet. Now... HIT ME WITH YOUR BEST SHOT!!

Pasto sends two cards at Soran, which seem to do nothing.

Soran: Oh, shame for you...

She Said as she releases Cromwell Control Art Restriction, Level 1, as she did with that Pile of Dog-Shit, Luke Valentine.

Soran: You activated my Sor-Card!

Pasto: What?

Y/N shoots the cards out of his hands.

Pasto: Que mierda [The Shit!?]

Pasto is hit by a hail of 12.7mm bullets.

Y/N: GET SOOOOME AMERICAN BULLET!!!!!!!

Pasto: Puta [Whore/Slut/Bitch]!!

Y/N pulls out the M14, having blown her load.

Y/N: Trump Card this!!

Pasto: I'm getting real tired of this shit!

Soran: You and me both!

Pasto: HRRRNGH-!!! *Swinging a card at him!*

Soran grabs him and breaks his leg.

Pasto: URAAAAGHHH!!!

Soran: Now show me your hand... DANDY MAAAAAAAN!!!!

Pasto: AARGH-!! *

He cried as he tried the same trick twice, this time countering Soran's arm! ...Well, trying to no avail. Soran rips Tubalcain's arm in half in response.

Pasto: HUUUURRRAAAAAGH!!!!!

After Pasto squealed like a Pig, Soran grabs his face.

Pasto: *Pig-Man* Ah-ha-ha-haaa-! (whimpers) Eeeh?.

Soran: Hey Dandy Man?

Pasto: Hnnh?

Soran: You lost.

Pasto: Nn-Hnnh

Soran: And now I have to read your mind.

Pasto: Hnnh??

Soran: By drinking all of your blood...

Pasto: Urh! Urh! Urh!! Urh!! AAH!!!

Y/N: Wait? Soran? We need-

Soran: OM NOM NOM NOM!!!!!!

Blood splatters as Soran starts reading his... apparently hallucinogenic thoughts. Cue footage from "The Music Scene" By Blockhead.

Soran: The fuck is this? The fuck is that?? The fuck are those?!

Alucard then sees a silhouette of The Major in front of a theocratic flag and confederate flag. Cue Gradus Vita.

Soran: *Laughing* Ohohohohohoho! Ooohohohahahahahaha! *Drops the suinate corpse and starts clapping* Ahahahahahahahahahahahah!!

Y/N: Uhhhh.... Soran.

Soran: Hold on-! I need to tweet about this...

_____________

Location: Vampirá Empire.

Cut to V. Queen browsing her Twitter. She then sees Soran's tweet, which reads as such: "IT'S EUN-RU Theocracy Cult and there new allies!"

V. Queen: *Sigh*

Shalltear: You're majesty, is something the matter?

V. Queen: It's the fucking-

Cut to the Cults

James: CSA~

Doctor: I am zo zorry, Major, for zhe failure of zhe Dandy Man.

James: Don't worry, He just a pawn for my work. I guess the invasion was only just begun. We only had 2 Days left before the invasion. He was a Saraish dog who died feeding a much bigger beast a valuable piece of information.

Doctor: But Major, now zhat zhey know of our plans...

James: Ah, Doctor, but that is the plan~! Now that they know our plan, they will plan around our plan, and so we shall in turn plan around the plan that they are planning around our plan!!

Doctor: ...Your brilliance knows no bounds!

James: And regardless... We have one advantage that they sorely lack... ZEPPELINS!

The scene showned the Major's smaller fleet of confederate zeppelins and WW2 Planes flying through the air.

{To Be Continue}

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???: Fine!! You were RIGHT!

???: JUMP UP YOUR OWN ASS AND DIE!

???: Yeah, okay, turn it off, turn it off. It didn't work. It did not work.

Meme