Why am I so angry?

I feel my heartbeat drumming against my skull, and Stephanie's wet lips smacking mine. She leans into my chest, pressing me back against the couch as her tongue slips in my mouth.

My eyes shift to Jessica on the couch across, feeling the heat of her glare deep in my stomach. My head starts to spin, my blood rushing hot in my veins, my skin pouring with sweat.

I grab Stephanie's hips, and put her aside, getting up to my feet.

"What's up?" She looks up at me, and I see all the gazes in the sitting circle focused at me in question. Cassie shifts in Peter's arm, and I notice something fishy in her narrowed eyes. 

What's she giving me the stink eye for?

"Gotta piss." I say, and my eyes stop on Seth. The sight of his grin makes my knuckles ache for contact. Why do I want to hurt him so much?

My gaze turns back to Jessica. Then there's a knock on the door.

"That must be Lizzie." Seth says, and I turn away sharply, going to the bathroom. I feel my stomach lurching, and fall to my knees before the toilet. Grabbing the seat as I throw my life up.

Fucking alcohol day... I think, then contract in pain and hurl up again. Fucking Jessica...

I push myself up, and walk to the sink, opening the tap on cold. I wash my mouth and my face and splash my hair. I feel my heartbeat pulsing against my wet skin, my panting breath taking the heat from my stomach all the way up to the head.

Am I going insane?

I remember that feeling, and I see her again. She slaps me as hard as she can, and when I don't look hurt, she sinks her nails in my neck and drags them down to scrape the skin. I laugh and I grab her and she kisses me - moaning into my mouth.

I throw her on the bed, then throw myself on top of her, a growl raising from my stomach as she spreads her legs for me.

Why won't you get out of my head? I ask myself, staring at the mirror.

"You know why."  Her voice mocks in my imagination.

I open the drawer beneath the sink, and take out Cassie's tampon box. I open it, and it's full of tampons. I put it back, and take out the tampon box behind it. That one is full of drugs. Cassie's period stash to the rescue.

I pick out a baggie of coke, and pour a line across the back of my palm. I sniff it up my nose, and breath out in satisfaction as a ray of light cracks in the twisting darkness of head.

"This is a fight you can't win baby." Her voice echos in my mind again, and I have to steady my hand as I put the second line out, then up my other nostril.

"You know I'm different. You know I'm the strongest." She's almost singing with pleasure. My heart beats so wild, betraying me, dancing to her voice.

I snort a third line, stretching my neck back and seeing the lights on the ceiling splitting into colors.

"Stop fighting it. You're mine, darling. I'm the only one that can have you." I see her staring at me. The enlightening shine of her eyes, the intoxicating madness of her smile. 

I put the rest of the baggie across the back of my hand and breath the fourth line in.

I stumble backwards, losing sense of gravity as I fall into the darkness in the back of my head. Then light breaks free, floating me, and I'm standing straight as an arrow in front of the mirror. My lips spread in a smile.

"I'm not yours, darling." Clarity speaks through me, echoing in my voice. "You are mine."