"Isn't it lovely, all alone
Heart made of glass, my mind of stone
Tear me to pieces, skin the bone
Hello, welcome home" - Billie Eilish & Khalid

London, 21 December 1965

Paul sat in the audience, disguised and slightly bored. He'd seen her perform a dozen times, but his mind was elsewhere.
"Be honest with me Paul," a voice shook him from his thoughts "She's bloody phoning it in"
Paul shrugged "Not really my place to say, Mika"
"C'mon mate," Mika prodded "Our shows have been struggling, I know you and Reggie have a thing, but..."
"Barely.." Paul scoffed.
"You've been seeing a lot of her since you came back from America, I just thought.." Mika said.
"It's just sex," Paul said absentmindedly "Whatever yer goin' ta' say about her performance, I'm not goin' to tell her luv"
"I don't know how much longer this troupe will last..." Mika sighed. She'd become friends with Paul over the last year when he and Regina started their fling and began feeling like she could talk with him.
"We can't get enough audience, and I'm out of ideas" Mika continued sadly.
"You want my thoughts?" Paul asked.
"You're the creative sort," Mika laughed softly.
"Cast others in the lead," he said, "I think Regina's just relyin' too much that she'll always be put in the lead"
"You know I can't do that...." Mika said sadly "We'll lose our space...our funding..."
"Well, try working the others in more, but subtly" Paul shrugged. "Honestly, Mika...I'm a bit lost meself, I'm hoping a visit with the family over Christmas will help. We're doing so well, the band, but I had one of the worst nights I can recall over the summer tour"

He thought momentarily about the night in Minnesota when Charli didn't show up. He was trying to move on, but Christmas always brought back memories.
"What happened in America anyway?" Mika asked "You said you had a blast in New York"
"We did, Shea was one of our best shows..." Paul said, taking a drag from his cigarette "It's a long story, Mika...I'd rather not talk about it here"
"Well, I'm sure Regina will be happy to see you," Mika said. Paul smirked slightly.

*

"Next year..." Jillian sighed backstage "next year, this troupe will get better.."
"Come on Jill," Nigel tried encouraging "You were fantastic tonight, you'll get the recognition you deserve"
"She already does," Regina said as she stepped backstage "As a background performer"
She and the friend she always seemed to bring to shows giggled.
"It's alright Jillian," Regina cooed, sitting next to her "If you were just a little younger and lost some weight, you might be almost as good as me"
"Fuck off Regina," Jillian said as she stood from her mirror and left the room.
"Real nice, Reggie," Nigel said angrily.
"It's not like it matters," Regina dismissed "My father funds this troupe, I'm the best there is and soon I'll have a famous boyfriend, the rest of you will matter even less."
"REGINA!" Mika yelled as she stepped backstage "You can't treat your castmates like that! And what have I said about bringing friends backstage?"
Regina ignored Mika and ran to Paul, flinging herself into his arms.

"Paulie!" She screeched excitedly.
"I asked you not to call me that," Paul said sternly as his arms went to her waist.
"What did you think of my performance?" she asked ignoring him.
"Fab as always luv," he answered.
"So are we going out or...?" she asked, unbuttoning a button on his shirt.
"Figured we'd just go back to mine," he shrugged. "Not really up for going out tonight."

He was lying. He didn't want to be seen out with her, he was still with Jane, she was never around but the press would be all over the scoop about any girl he was seen with aside from Jane.

New York, 22 December 1965

"Alright everyone," Helen said, addressing her castmates "Very well done tonight! We're going to knock them dead at New Years!"

Charli swung down from the lyra.
"Charli," Helen smiled "You have come such a long way since I met you in that little art store"
"Ta Helen," Charli said as she bashfully fluffed her fringe back in place.
"Don't embarrass her, Helen" Lily laughed. He then turned to Charli "What do ya' think pumpkin? Up for a night on the town?"
"Hmmm..." Charli pondered "We just had a 3-hour rehearsal, my muscles are sore, I should sleep...but I'm always keen for a bevvy and a night out!"
"Geeear" Eddie joked approaching them "Let's make sure the rest are good to go and head out!"
"You joining us Helen?" Charli asked.
"Depends," Helen laughed "I can't be bothered to drive to and from Greenwich tonight...are you keeping it local?"
"Come off it," Charli laughed "It's only a 15-minute drive from Manhattan...but we were talking about going to Peppermint Lounge since they're likely closin' up at the end of the month"
"Then you can count me in," Helen said happily.

*

The Peppermint Lounge was surprisingly busy for it being so close to Christmas and the cold weather. The club was smokey and filled with people as The Rolling Stones blared through the speakers. Charli and Sophie took to the dance floor along with Helen.

"Helen!" Sophie yelled over the music "I think somebody's interested in you!"

She pointed out a dark-haired man on the edge of the dance floor.

"Not my type" Helen laughed. "His friend though..I might leave my boyfriend for!"

Charli rolled her eyes and laughed with her friends as the song ended.

"I need another drink and a ciggie," she said.
"I'm staying out here," Sophie said "I love this song"

Charli made her way to the bar.

"Scotch and coke," she said to the bartender.
"I don't think I've ever seen a girl order scotch before" a young blond-haired man smiled at her.
"You don't know the right girls then," She said apathetically as she took a pack of cigarettes from her boot.
"Clearly, I don't" He smiled.
Charli ignored him, searching her other boot for her lighter.
"Fuck," she said "lost me bloody lighter..."

"EDDIE!" She called out. "I LOST ME LIGHTER!"

"Don't worry sweetheart," the blonde said "I can help"
He flicked open his own lighter, offering it to her. Charli accepted.
"Don't fuckin' call me 'sweetheart'," she said as she exhaled a large cloud of smoke "I am far from that"
"I couldn't help noticing you on the dance floor," He said trying to steer the conversation.
"Good for you," Charli scoffed "You have eyes"
"What's your name?" he asked.
"Not that it's your business, but Charli.." She said taking another drag from her cigarette, still scanning the crowds for Eddie.
"Nice to meet you, I'm Jack," He said extending a hand.
"Pleasure," Charlie said barely shaking his hand.

"CHARLI!" Sophie called "How long does it take to get a smoke? Get back out here!"
"Well, this was fun," Charli said to Jack "But I've got better things to do"

London, 22 December 1965 9:55 am

Paul stood in the shower, lost in thought. He'd locked the bathroom door to ensure Regina didn't try sneaking in...he wasn't even sure why he'd brought her home the previous night other than Jane was away with her family and he needed a shag and she vaguely reminded him of Charli...aside from her personality, which was cruel and manipulative. He still wasn't over what had happened in Minnesota that summer, he was hoping that a trip to Liverpool would help bring him around. He was looking forward to not only seeing his family again and getting away from the chaos that surrounded him.

"Pauliiieeee" a shrill voice called as he entered the bedroom.
"Regina," he said annoyed as he began getting dressed, "I told you not to call me that"
"Come back to bed, sexy" she suggested.
"I've got too much on to waste more time in bed," Paul said as he picked out a shirt "And you should be on yer way"
"After we go to my friends' brunch," she said.
"I didn't agree to anythin' Regina," Paul sighed, he lit himself a cigarette before continuing "In fact, I told ya's, I have me own Christmas shopping, not to mention getting packed before I go to Liverpool tomorrow morning"

"I already told my friends you'd be there," Regina said angrily, sitting up.
"And I tol' ya's last night, I wouldn't be" Paul retorted. "I don't know what you think we are, but it's not brunching with friends"

Regina stood up from the bed quickly. She was in front of Paul within seconds and grabbed his chin in a well-manicured hand.

"You don't get to decide that" She spat "I get what I want and you are mine"
She then grabbed at the front of his trousers "and this belongs to me"

Paul's attitude changed from aloof to angry as he jerked away from Regina.

"Fuck off!" He said straightening himself up "I don't know how you get off thinkin' you control me"

She stared at him angrily.

"Get dressed...and get the fuck out of me room" he commanded.
"I don't have to do anything I don't want to!" She said crossing her arms "Besides, you're going to leave Jane for me...do you really want to treat me this way now? You don't want to see my bad side"
"Ha! You have a good side?" Paul laughed "I'm not leavin' Jane for you! There's one person who could convince me to leave her, and it's not you. You're a fucking joke, Regina. Now...if you're not out of me room in the next 5 minutes, I'll call the police to sort you out. Who are they going to believe?"

Regina smacked him. Hard, leaving a red mark across his cheek.

"We'll see about that, Paul," she said before smacking him again, out of nowhere a large sheepdog came bounding into the room and placed herself between Paul and Regina, growling angrily at her.
"Fuck!" Regina screamed "Jesus Paul, can't even fight your own battles have to have that ugly beast come to your defence. This isn't over" She was dressed and out the door moments later.

"Good girl, Martha," Paul said patting his faithful sheepdog as he rubbed at his face.

New York, 23 December 1965, 3.55am

Charli stood before a large house she didn't recognise. She'd wondered if she'd been dropped off by accident in the wrong neighbourhood by the taxi driver, the night had been a blur. Come to think of it, the neighbourhood was nothing like Greenwich Village. She felt anxious, not knowing where she was but oddly comforted by the atmosphere.

Ok, relax.. She thought to herself Just knock on the door and ask if you can use their phone, Eddie may give you shite, but he'll come get you in a heartbeat.

She breathed in deep and exhaled before knocking on the door.

Her eyes went wide as a familiar face greeted her.

"Hello luv," Paul's soft voice said behind a warm smile "Welcome home"

--

Charli woke with a start. She glanced over and saw the blond-haired man from the Peppermint Lounge fast asleep in Sophie's spot on the bed.

"Fuck," she whispered under her breath as she put her pyjamas on and quietly made her way out of the bedroom.

She sat in the large window overlooking Greenwich Village, smoking a cigarette and replaying the dream in her head.

"God this is fucking torture..." she said running a hand through her hair and fighting tears.

"Hey pumpkin," she heard Lily say jarring her from her thoughts "What are you doing up so late?"
He had gotten up to get a drink of water and noticed Charli before anything else, he was worried about her. The last few days, when she wasn't rehearsing, she'd been drinking heavily and that night was no different.
"What? Oh..nothing" she sniffled "I just couldn't sleep..."
"Come on sweet pea," Lily said standing across from her. "What's up?"
"I just had a dream..." she said quietly. "That's all, a stupid dream"
"The way I see it," Lily said "Dreams aren't stupid, they show us something we want or fear, if it's something we really desire, it's bound to come true in some way"

Charli gave a weak half-smile. She loved talking with Lily.

"Not this one," she said sadly "It's impossible"
"Nothing is impossible, little one" he smiled. "Now, are you going to tell mama Lily what's been going on?"
"What do you mean?" Charli asked.
"I mean, you've been drinking a lot more than usual and I've been worried" he mentioned putting a hand on her shoulder "Not to mention, you brought home a random guy again...not that I'm one to judge, but I thought you were done with that"
"A girl has needs.." she laughed slightly "But Christmas is sometimes hard...I love the holiday, but there's some history to it...I don't know Lily...sometimes I wonder if I could've had a different life, settled up with someone by the fire on Christmas...but most likely, I'll end up alone every Christmas"
"I'm sure you could easily find someone to love you, pumpkin" Lily smiled "You're a cute little thing, you're a sweetheart when no one is watching, and you're a phenomenal performer"

"There's one problem," Charli sighed "I don't believe in love"
"How can you say that?" Lily prodded.
"Easy," Charli began, "I thought I loved someone, but he didn't keep his promises to me...to get me away from me parents...that we'd be together..."

Lily was about to talk before Charli continued.

"And family love? Fuck that..." she scoffed "I never saw my parents actually act loving toward each other and well, obviously not towards me. It's a farce"
"Charli darling," Lily soothed "You may have come from all that, but do you know, that every person in this apartment loves you? And you can't say you don't love them. Think about Eddie for one"
"That's different..." she argued "You're my friends..."

She knew he had a point, but didn't want to admit it.

"No," Lily smiled "WE'RE your family. You're weird little family"
"I guess," Charli shrugged "Lily?"
"What's up?" he asked.
"Can I stay in your room tonight?" she asked. "I don't want to be alone.."
"Of course," Lily smiled, helping her down from the window sill. "We'll, um...figure out what to do about your erm..'friend' in the morning"
"Thanks Lily," she smiled weakly.

Liverpool, 26 December 1965,8:02pm

"It's good to see ya's mate," Paul greeted a sandy blonde-haired man. "But really, ya' didn't have to come all this way just to catch up"

"No trouble at all," Tara grinned through a thick Irish brogue "When I talked with you before you left London, it sounded like things weren't going so well"
"Come in and I'll tell ya's all about it," Paul smiled "tea?"
"Thanks, lad," Tara said taking a seat on the couch.

"Jaysus!" Tara exclaimed "Regina sounds like a real bitch"
"The only real trade-off is she's good in bed" Paul laughed. Tara laughed along. Paul had finished telling him about his recent night with Regina.

"I've got an idea," Paul said suddenly "I've rented a couple mopeds, what do ya' say we take them about...visit me cousin Bette, I can show ya's around some of my old haunts"
"Sounds fun lad," Tara grinned.

It was a cold night, but Paul was enjoying the bracing air as he showed Tara around Liverpool's neighbourhoods.

"That used to be a little shop, I think the owner retired a few years back" Paul explained to Tara. He smiled at a memory.

"We got in some trouble with him," he laughed "Chased us out when me, Charli and Jenny stole a pack of ciggies...to be fair it was mostly Charli who stole them but couldn't let her take the fall. Chased us halfway 'round the bleedin' streets"
"Wait a second, this Charli you've mentioned...is a girl?" Tara asked.
"Charlotte," Paul said sadly "Called her Charli though, she hated her actual name.."

He thought back on his first love, he knew she'd love the night, and thought about her with him at that moment. Tara had fallen slightly behind.

"Cor," Paul exclaimed "Would ya's look at that moon? It's bloody huge!"
"Yeah," he heard Tara say before everything moved in slow motion. Suddenly, he wasn't just looking at the moon, he was on an angle and the pavement was coming at him.

Fuck...I'm going to smack the pavement, aren't I? He thought just before it happened.

"Paul! Are you alright??" Tara was yelling.

"Yeah, just had a fall" he groaned, he noticed something felt off and felt around his mouth with his tongue "Fuck...think I broke me tooth"

He sat up. Tara's face had gone pale noticing his friend.

"Wha'?" Paul said feeling at his face.
"Ehm..your lip," Tara pointed "I think it's split"

Tara helped Paul to his feet.

"Right, we should get to Bette's," Paul said picking up the moped, he was in obvious pain but figured he would take care of it at his cousins home "It's not far"
"Are you sure ya' don't want me to call an ambulance or something?" Tara asked worriedly.
"It's me face, not my leg that's busted 'la" Paul answered.

"Bette," Paul called out as he entered his cousin's house "It's us, come for a visit, don't worry yerself, but I've had a bit of an accident"

A woman with dark hair, and a few years older than Paul entered the front room laughing.

"Stop larkin' about Paulie, and get in here and" she stopped suddenly catching sight of him.

"Holy shite!" Bette gasped, her hands went over her mouth in shock at the state of him "Paul, what did you do?"
"Decided to change up me look" he said.
"He fell off his moped" Tara answered.
"I'll call a doctor right away!" Bette said worriedly.

*

"That should...do it," the doctor said tiredly.

"And to think, you only had to rethread it once," Paul said sarcastically. His lip had been hastily stitched without any sort of anaesthetic, in Bette's kitchen.
"How ya' feeling Paulie?" Tara asked.
"Like I hit the pavement with me face" Paul said. The night was catching up with him finally, the adrenaline had long since worn off and he was in pain and exhausted.
"Paul," Bette said pushing his hair aside gently "We've got spare rooms for the both of ya's, I'll call yer da' and let him know what happened, why don't you go upstairs and get some rest. I'll bring ya's a glass of water and whiskey for the pain"
"Ta Bette," Paul said, relieved.

*

"Bloody hell, Paulie" a familiar voice said. "What did you do?"

Paul opened his eyes with some difficulty. He couldn't believe what he was seeing, there she was, sitting at the foot of the bed. She wasn't the same 16 year old he remembered, but he knew it was her.
He blinked a few times, but she was still there.

"So are ya's going to tell me what happened?" she asked.

"It can't be..." he said shaking his head "Charli?"

"Who else would it be?" she laughed. Before Paul could say anything further, she moved toward him. Soon, she was on top of him, his arms wrapped comfortably around her waist.

"I can't believe you're here," he said finally "and I look like shite"
"Nah, I still think yer handsome luv," she said before kissing him softly.

--

Paul woke suddenly, he looked around but couldn't see Charli anywhere.

"Fuck.." he sighed "it was just a dream"

"I don't think I'm ever going to be over you luv," he thought out loud as he tried falling back asleep.

---

A/N: Ok, so this one got a little heavy.  As with the main story, some of these little snippets will be a bit heavy (warning, the one I'm currently writing might be).  There will be happy ones as well, promise.  I hope I've still got readers, I know I took ages to get started on these!  As always, your likes, reads and comments mean a lot to me!

Chapter song:

https://youtu.be/V1Pl8CzNzCw