A silence expands as Wangji undoes his lace at the door of his apartment, he lets the thud echo, dropping his shoes on the rack. The house looked just how he left it this morning, neat, bare, but lonely.

Xuanyu left on Monday to be on with his week—it's been a while since their meetups became limited to weekends. Xuanyu has been piled up with coursework for his junior year, and Wangji's program lies in the academically challenging category. They've been busy. But rather, Wangji supposed that this is as far as the expectations could go for a relationship with an expiration date.

He strolls to the kitchen, opens the blinds, and takes the shrimp from the refrigerator to let it unfreeze. What's next? He gets himself a glass of water, comes to the couch, sits, and slides back. What's next?

Xuanyu is gone; his phone is silent; the house is empty.

Sighing, he takes his laptop out of his backpack. He had some edits to do, two assignments to complete, and a quiz coming up in two days. That should suffice the need for his brain to stay occupied, but it keeps on craving something. He's never known what.

Wangji views his tasks, sets up a timer, scans through his program material—his phone gives a buzz, finally. Two, three buzzes. It's a call. A call from Xichen.

He slides green. The hum of the background noises begins and "Ge," he greats.

"Wangji." He could practically hear Xichen's smile. "How have you been doing? Is it a good time to talk?"

"Yeah, it is. I'm home," Wangji slides back on the chair—he's usually tense during calls, but interactions with Xichen took him to some place of comfort. "Are you getting ready for work?"

"No, not yet. I took the morning off." The roar of what seemed to be a blender goes off in his side. Xichen must be cooking. He loves cooking. "I'm going to give uncle a visit today."

Wangji feels his lips stretch. "Tell him I said hi."

Xichen laughs. "You'd better phone him sometime."

Wangji hums, softly. "The reason you called?"

"Oh, that, remember my friends who you did a photo shoot with?"

Of course, he does. He was breaking in a cold sweat the entire time, left alone with a half-naked man, his boyfriend, and a camera, desperately trying to locate the line between art and vile. He clears his throat. "The couple?"

"Mm-hmm. They're getting married."

"Oh." Maybe asking something like how does that work there would be more natural. But this isn't the ideal topic to have deep conversations about with his brother. Mostly because he's afraid he'll end up coming out impulsively. Not that he doesn't want to, he's not ready for the aftermath.

"They're holding a ceremony, you're invited of course. But they wanted me to ask you if you can cover the event."

Wangji swallows. "I'm not good in that style."

Xichen chuckles. "They loved the last one."

"That's different," Wangji mumbles, once again pushed out of his comfort zone, off to sensitive subjects. He managed that shoot because he knew how to appreciate a man's body by experience. There's no way he can tell that to Xichen. "They're rich. They can hire an expert who's way better than me."

"Actually, what they liked was how professional you were the last time. This sort of a ceremony is still a prejudiced matter."

Do you think the same? Wangji almost asks.

"Well, they sent me some descriptions of the sort of pictures they want. I'll forward them to you. Why don't you take a look and decide? They even offered to provide the tickets."

Wangji sighs. It did sound nice to be back home for a little while. The stay here hasn't been the most relaxing. A small vacation seems a great option for a change. "I'll see."

"I'll tell them that. Also, it's been so long since we've met."

Wangji hums, agreeing.

"How long do you have until the exchange program is over?"

Wangji pauses. This is something he'd rather not think about, everything considered. "Until next month," he replies, swallowing a heavy gulp of truth.

Xichen stays silent. He must have heard something in his voice. "Do you want to stay back?"

That makes Wangji halt in his tracks. All this time, he has defaulted to thinking he has to leave someday. That all of this, is a brief escape from reality he's experiencing; he'll be dragged back sooner or later. "I haven't thought about that."

"If you like it there, I can talk to Uncle and arrange something."

He had another two and a half years to graduate, and considering the gigs he does here, and the few people around him, he might actually live a better life than at home. But he didn't know if he had the capacity to push this option into the scenario he's known and believed for so long. It felt unfair to many degrees.

Wangji puts a wrist against his eyes. "The fee. It's high."

"You don't have to worry about that. Just let us know what you want to do."

"I'll think about it," Wangji says. But somewhere beneath, he knew that he could never be grateful enough for what Xichen and his uncle have done for him and that there's a limit to what he can receive without adding up to his guilt.

The silence stretches for a few long seconds. Xichen probably realized that there was more in Wangji's mind, and Wangji silently hope he wouldn't question, but—

Wangji jolts suddenly by the loud ring of the doorbell. He mutters a short goodbye into the phone, promising to be back in contact soon, and waits till Xichen hangs up to cross over to the door.

As soon as he opens it, the familiar cheery voice goes on, "Good, you're dressed. Wanna go out for dinner?"

Wangji stays stunned for a second, Xuanyu beaming at him in front of his door, and just says, "Yeah, okay."

***

It was chilly outside, and by the time they finished their meal at the diner they usually go to, the twilight had passed. The streetlights reflecting on shades of the early fall made the roads look bewitching and ethereal at the same time, like the strange place Wangji was in his head.

"I couldn't reach your phone earlier." Xuanyu breaks the silence. He circles a hand around Wangji's and tucks it back into his jacket. "Were you on a call?"

"Yeah. My brother."

Xuanyu glances a quick observing look. "How is he?"

"He sounds okay," Wangji replies, waiting till a car passes to take them across the road. "He wants me to do a photo shoot for his friends again."

"Something like last time?"

"No, thankfully. A wedding shoot."

"Hang on, hang on," Xuanyu exclaims, "they're getting married?"

"Yes, they are."

"What?" Xuanyu squeals. "Why didn't you tell me this amazing feisty magnificent news before? I was rooting for them even. You know I get super hyped about stuff like these."

Wangji chuckles, making a sound at the back of his throat to agree. This energy is has always been what drew him to Xuanyu.

"Oh wait, that means you're going back?"

"Yeah. Not for long."

Xuanyu purses his lips, and hums nonchalantly, a little too nonchalantly. "Speaking of that, how did my portrait do?"

"People liked it," Wangji replies. He took it because Xuanyu asked him to, on Monday when he tried out an eyeliner look before he left. Wangji's particularities regarding makeup lied between objective appreciation and not caring at all, but that look did something on Xuanyu's face, and the photo Wangji took against his white walls turned out post-worthy. His followers agreed.

Xuanyu makes a satisfied hum, and after a few steps, he adds, smirking, "What about him?"

"Nothing particular." Instead, he got a cryptic comment on the couple's photoshoot months back. It's a little weird. Usually, it's Wei Ying who comments on his photos first. Maybe he was just busy, but the other comment gave him quite a few interpretations he'd rather not reflect upon. They did things to his mind he didn't like.

Xuanyu wore an insightful smile. He does this whenever Wei Ying is in the conversation. Meaning things much more than he says. The best he could do is hope that Xuanyu isn't taking it as if Wangji is doing something behind his back.

"I want to meet him, you know," Xuanyu finally says.

Wangji stares at him, flabbergasted.

"What?" Xuanyu chuckles. "He sounds like someone I would be besties with. Like, fuck your anonymity. I would've got him a ticket if college fees aren't draining me."

That conjures too many more things than Wangji would like. The idea of the two of them being together left a funny pit in his stomach.

"What?" Xuanyu drawls, laughing.

"Nothing."

"Don't tell me you're still suspecting him."

"Suspecting is not the word," Wangji says quietly. He just can't figure out where this is going.

Xuanyu shoots him a much-deserved squint. "Why do you always default anyone anonymous on the internet to a forty-year-old creep? Think about it doofus, you're not revealing anything about yourself either."

"I don't go around texting." He doesn't go around flirting.

"But you reply," Xuanyu says. "That counts as communication."

Wangji presses his lips together.

"Listen, I know we haven't put any specific effort into knowing each other in a psychological whatever-you-call-it way. But, Wangji, come on, would you even care if you don't trust them? Hm? You're so brutal when it comes to rejecting people."

Wangji had nothing to counter with. But maybe he's right. Maybe Wangji is the only one who's thinking about it this hard. Maybe he should just . . . follow his heart, as they say. He thinks that, and then he realizes that that itself is too serious.

Just what about Wei Ying makes him lose control like this? He's been a flustered mess, overthinking every little detail.

That's when Xuanyu's words hit him back, right on the bull's eye. Wangji cares. He cares quite a lot.

"Remember when we first met?" Xuanyu asks suddenly. His eyes are twinkling in the memory. "You wouldn't have slept with me if you weren't drunk."

Wangji was a few drinks in at their orientation party when he kept catching Xuanyu's eyes, an oversized black shirt tucked into denim shorts; offering him a drink, gestures that didn't seem casual at a closer look. Wangji swore to god that he'd never touch anyone under the influence when he messed up his first time as a drunk mistake.

But he did that.

"And I'll still be trying to convince you to like me back."

Wangji sighs. "True."

"So," Xuanyu says. "Have you regretted what that lead to?"

He didn't. It might have been a sense of guilt that lead him into this relationship at first. But he likes what they have. It's casual, it's convenient, and that's the sort of thing both of them wanted. Wangji liked his company. Even if that's where the line draws, it has been good between them.

Xuanyu smiles. "Let it lose one in a while, you know. You're way too hard on yourself. It's bad on you."

Wangji walks Xuanyu home. In front of his mother's closed ceramic shop, Xuanyu says, shrugging, "Well, then, I'm off."

Xuanyu pulls him down and they settle for a frozen kiss. As he gets on the doorstep, pulling his keys out, Wangji finally says, "I'm moving back next month."

Xuanyu pauses.

But he proceeds to turn the keys. "I remember," he says, shoulders falling in a sigh. He turns. Gives him a smile. "Let's have fun till then, shall we? Like we promised."

Wangji nods. He watches him as he goes in, as the door covers the view of him little by little.

The option Xichen gave keeps replaying in his mind. But how is he going to decide when he doesn't even know what he wants?

---

Insight on Wangji for today. Xian's turn next week.

credits: fols-eli on Tumblr