' It's strange that they fear death. Life hurts a lot more than death.
At the point of death, the pain is over.'~ Jim Morrison
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Just about a week. After that...I'm gone. I had made a mental note that in this last week, I would spend all the time I could with my family and Calvin. Today was the day for Calvin.

We met outside his house and walked around. These moments were soon going to change to memories. Huh. How many times have I said life is unfair?

We were talking mainly about the last book he had read which happened to be my suggestion. That's what's great in our friendship, we are bound together by books. Books brought us together. Books keep us together. But, decisions will pull us apart. Every time I talked to him now, my settling up abroad surfaces. That's what leaving does. It makes its way towards you and tags you along everywhere.

"How lucky I am to have someone that makes saying goodbye so hard", I heard Calvin say. I looked at him with wonder. That's perhaps the sweetest words someone has ever uttered to me. "That's the best thing I've ever heard, Calvin",I told him. He smiled. I continued," It's painful, I know. Exactly what I feel right now."

"I want you to stay. Badly. We just started as friends. We deserve a chance to actually feel it. To grow up with it", he signed. "I know. But, I'll stay in touch. Certainly",I replied. "Let's keep our words. We'll not let distances come and create distance in us", he said. I laughed. "You are all about cheesy lines!" "Oh I love them!" We let the giggling take over the moment.

When I came back home, I mentally slapped myself. Yet another beautiful day gone and I didn't confess my feelings! That wasn't any progress. I'm hopeless.

I went in to check on gran. She was taking her pills when I reached her room. The pills! They are meant to keep you up strong. But, looking at them always made me feel uncertain. Like, it feels like a symbol of lack of health. Every time one increased, it meant more loss of self motivation.

I really hate to think that we all would arrive at this point of life. If I could choose, I would have chosen a death devoid of any anticipation. No pills. No spending days and nights locked up inside home. I want a sudden death. I can't stand the idea of waiting for my doom.

"Hey gran." "Hello darling. How was your day?" "Nothing unusual. Met Calvin. Came back to you." "You haven't told him,right?" That was a blow on one of my softest spots. "Nah. I figured I shouldn't." "Why?" "Ugghh gran! Don't sound like a stubborn child!" "I'm not! But, tell me." "Argh...I am too shy for it,okay?" "Really? You shouldn't be shy in front of your bestie!" "But, he is also my crush!" "He's your friend first. Remember that. It's far more easy to tell something to your best friend rather than your crush. Try it that way." She did have a point. She always had one.

"Okay. Okay. I'll tell him. But, not now. I'm going away in a week! I'll maybe tell him over phone after I'm gone. Less casualties in that way." Gran smirked,"Casualty? Seriously?" "Yes. Casualty. He might reject me. I'll get extremely extremely extremely embarrassed. Our friendship, it will come on the edge. I don't want to lose my only friend, gran. Aren't these enough casualties? I'll die of isolation. After meeting him, I have forgotten what isolation tastes like." Gran shook her head. " Loneliness can feel like your worst enemy, but in the end, my dear, its your only real friend. It'll never ever leave you. Ask me. When you are not around, it's there. I have grown old and old with it. I've fallen in love with isolation." No. No. No. I wasn't going to cry. I was not going to let these heart wrenching statements win over me.

I went up to her and kissed her forehead," I'll fight with your love to be with you. I love you more than your silly isolation." A smallest smile crept up her face and she said," I love you too, dear."

Nights are usually my thinking time. When I am all alone. I do that everyday. Wait. Every night. There have been countless nights when all I've done is think and think. Tonight was no different

Could I tell Calvin? What I had thought of in these days also had a point.

Friendship was a divine bond. It was altogether different from stupid teenage relationships. Relationships might end. Break. Make you spew venom on each other. But, friendship was staying forever. Friendship was for eternity in our own limited time.

And, I wasn't disturbing our own small eternity, Calvin.

Remain my friend. Be by my side till the day I die.

And that's a long time, isn't it?