Alex in MM

        Laying down in a bed of colorful flowers as the sun beamed down onto my brownskin. The sound of the wind blowing, birds chirping and the flow of the nearby river that resided behind my grandparents house became my favorite sounds to listen to in the morning.

As I looked up towards the sky becoming blind by my bestfriend, I reached my arm up in hopes of touching the one thing that has loved me from birth and always made sure to give me kisses on my skin every summer. Looking in between my fingers as his glory shined through warming my fingers instantly, I smiled in content.

Sitting up off my back I looked around the field of flowers with a smile on my face taking in this moment of peace and quiet, with my hair in its natural state, wild and curly I picked a few flowers and stuck them in my hair before standing to my feet to start my walk through the fields.

I knew if my grandma were to see I was out here in my night gown she'd have a whole fit, especially since she just washed this for me the day before and it was now covered in grass stains and dirt.

Beginning my walk I brushed my hands through the grass and flowers with my eyes closed feeling as if I was in heaven. The tips of the grass tickled my fingers as I strolled through completely in my own little world.

Suddenly, my peace was ruined and I was swept from under my feet and thrown over a strong muscular shoulder. A roar of laughter left my throat once I heard the deep laugh from my Grandpa Al escape. As he ran with me in his arms I smiled big letting the wind run against my skin tickling the hairs on my arm.

I held onto him tightly so I wouldn't fall just as he began spinning me around in circles.

When he placed me down on my feet he took off running not being able to run too fast due to his attire of overalls and his old work boots slowing him down, but I ran as fast as I could following behind him running through the flowers causing grasshoppers and butterflies to jump and fly away to escape being stepped on.

Soon I began jumping, skipping, and twirling around causing my dress to rise and spin beautifully as I twirled in circles becoming slightly dizzy. Eventually losing my balance I fell down and just laid their on my back and stared up at the sky breathing hard as ever.

Soon my grandpa joined me and laid down beside me as we both looked up towards the sky with squinted eyes. Smiling big I calmed my breathing down and just sighed in content. "I could lay here forever and ever."

"Me too, can't wait for the day we can be together again munch." I heard my grandfather whisper causing me to frown as I sat up to look at him, but I grew shocked to see the spot where he was laying now completely empty.

Eventually the sunny sky turned dark and the clouds began to move across the sky fast just as thunder and lightening began to roar shaking the earth's ground.

I stood up quickly and began running through the fields of flowers to get home even though at this moment I wasn't sure where home even was. The strides in my run started to get faster just as the rain began to pour down on me. I tried running as fast as I could to escape the rain, but before I could even stop myself I ran right into an all black lake and when I turned around to get back on land, the shore seemed so far away.

Slightly panicking, I looked around for something to hold onto. I tried my best to stay afloat and pray, however the feeling of something grabbing my foot and taking me under caused me to sink. I could see the sky fade the lower I sunk as I tried swimming back to the top, but nothing worked. I only kept going under until eventually the air in my lungs filled with water and things went completely black.

          Jumping out of my sleep in a cold sweat, I glanced over at my alarm clock hitting it with my hand to stop the sound of it going off and dragged myself out of bed.

I felt sick to my stomach.

Walking into my bathroom, I placed my hands on the sides of the counter and looked up at the mirror to see the reflection of my younger self staring back at me.

Rubbing my eyes quickly I looked again to see she was now gone and I grew confused. It has been twenty years since the passing of my grandfather, but no matter how hard I tried to get the memory of that day out of my head, I was always reminded of it.

Feeling the sudden urge to throw up, I ran over to my toilet and hunched over throwing everything I ate last night up. I wasn't even sure what time it was right now, but I prayed I didn't wake Terry.

He would have so many questions and right now I wasn't ready to answer anything right now.

Trying to catch my breath, I slightly jumped when I felt Terry place his hand on my back. Looking back at him now in tears, I could see it in his eyes he was very concerned.

It was so much he didn't know.

"You good baby? You need me to take to the ER?" He asked as he pulled my braids back out of my face.

Shaking my head no, I went to stand but felt weak and almost collasped so Terry had to help me walk back into the room.

Helping me lay down I stared up at the ceiling in a daze watching the fan spin. I could hear Terry moving around but I couldn't see anything, soon I glanced over when he placed a bottle of water on my nightstand. "Try drinking this baby, I'm about to run to the store and get you a gingerale and some nausea medicine."

Although, I could hear him faintly speaking I was still in and out of the daze I was in. Soon I felt his lips kiss my forehead and I assumed he left once I heard the door shut and lock behind him.

Turning on my side facing the spot where Terry once was, I began sobbing into my covers as different memories flashed throughout my mind.

          Faintly hearing the sound of music playing and the smell of something cooking, I slowly opened my eyes and sat up feeling dehydrated. Grabbing the water bottle off my nightstand I chugged it down, then looked around my room in confusion.

My head was pounding and my face just felt so swollen right now. Just as I was about to get out of the bed, my room door opened in came walking was Terry with a bowl of what I assumed was soup and a gingerale.

"Hey baby, I'm glad to see that you're up. How are you feeling?" He asked as he sat the bowl down, before sitting on the edge of the bed and grabbing me by the hands.

I wanted to answer, but honestly I really didn't know what or how I was feeling right now. So many different emotions were going on right now and it was just too much to explain.

When I didn't respond, Terry reached out and touched my forehead. "I don't think you have a fever, but here try and eat something baby." He suggested.

Getting up he helped me sit up and fluffed my pillows so my back was supported. Retaking his seat beside on the edge of the bed, he grabbed the bowl of soup and began feeding it to me.

He fed me in silence for a while, but I broke that silence when I began to cry so Terry immediately stopped feeding me and just held me in his arms tightly,

"We don't have to talk about it right now," He told me and that was all I needed to hear right now.

His presence alone was enough to ease my thoughts and eventually once I stopped crying and was able to eat on my own, he made sure I was comfortable and we just laid up in the bed watching tv in silence.

I respected Terry for showing how much he cared for me without pressuring me to tell him what was wrong. One day I knew I would have to tell him about my dreams and suicidal thoughts, but for now this worked.

As we laid in bed together Terry had his arm around me and he soothingly rubbed my side and thighs. In this moment I felt safe and protected from all harm, the sound of his heavy heart beat played in my ears bringing me peace.

Suddenly having to pee I slowly rose up which alerted him of course. "You alright?" He asked.

"Yeah, I just have to use the bathroom." I mumbled out, voice sounding scratchy as hell.

Allowing me to get up he removed his arm and paused whatever show we was watching as I got up and jetted to the toilet.

Noticing a pregnancy test box sitting on the back of the toilet, I frowned to myself before picking the box up and carrying it back into my room. "What is this for?" I asked Terry who was already sitting up as if he was waiting for me to see it.

"I'm just trying to make sense of what happened earlier Lex. I mean you shot up out of the bed so fast and the next thing I hear is you throwing up, then you're just really emotional right now." He went onto explain.

Although he made some valid points, I knew I wasn't pregnant. I have PCOS so the chances of me getting pregnant without the proper treatment are slim. What happened earlier was just something I honestly can't even explain right now, I always get like this whenever the anniversary of the passing of my grandfather approaches.

However, I have to admit I haven't had an episode like that in almost five years.

Rolling my eyes, I shook my head in disbelief. "I'm not pregnant Terry, so I don't know why you wasted your time buying this." I unintentionally snapped.

Standing up from the bed, he walked towards me. "Then explain what that was then earlier? I'm only asking because I'm concerned about you."

"I know you are and I appreciate you for caring so much about me, but just trust me when I say I can't explain—Well I'm not going to say I can't, I'm just not ready yet to get into it right now." I told him as I wrapped my arms around his waist looking up at him.

Pecking me on the lips, he nodded his head. "I'll respect your wishes for now, but one day we will have to talk about this." He reminded before releasing himself from my embrace.

When he walked back over to the bed, I went back into the bathroom being sure to shut the door behind me.

Carefully sitting down on the toilet, I looked down at the pregnancy test in my hand before deciding to just take it to get it over with.

Opening the box slowly so Terry wouldn't hear me, I held the pregnancy test in my hand as I read the instructions to make sure I did this right.

I was a little nervous, but I already knew my fate I just wanted to do this for Terry so he could get that idea of me possibly being pregnant out of his head. Having a kid right now would really put me in a head space that I do not want to get in.

After I peed on the stick I sat it on the counter and waited becoming more anxious as each minute passed. Jumping when Terry knocked on the door, I clutched my chest nearly about to have a heart attack. "Are you good in there baby?" He asked me.

"Yes I'm fine! My stomach is still a little messed up from earlier." I called out lying.

"Okay, I'll go grab you another gingerale from the kitchen."

When I heard his footsteps step away from the door, I immediately looked back at the test and covered my mouth in shock. "I can't be pregnant." I whispered to myself in disbelief as tears soon filled my eyes.

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Just a short filler chapter, don't make any assumptions just yet my loves! Still so much more to come with this story!!🤎

Hope you all enjoyed!
- Denise💕