Alvar's Past - The Collar

"Why did you do this to me?" Alvar asked, his body wasn't his own anymore. Before he'd had the ability to control his actions, now he was a slave to Saul's will. He'd transformed twice, from man to Cursed, Cursed to man and again. Panic ensued upon him at first, but now an icy terror crept into his soul.

"I just wanted to see how it worked," Saul sneered, and then added tauntingly, "You don't mind, do you?"

Ysta stood next to Saul. "You told me you'd pay me after I'd finished the Fe collar for you."

"Yes, Ysta, go ahead, take some more blood from our Cursed friend," Saul said.

Without his willing it Alvar held his hand forward and he watched in horror as Ysta approached, opened her mouth and bit into the skin of his wrist and sucked the blood. Her mouth, chin and nose stained with the red of his blood and he couldn't even struggle away from her, his teeth clenched as he endured the pain.

Finally she finished, looked up at him, wiped her mouth, and kissed his lips, pressing her tongue into his mouth so he could taste his own blood. "There. That wasn't so bad now was it?" Ysta patted his cheek with a blood stained hand, then turned to Saul, "Thank you for the blood, Saul. I'll be leaving now." She gathered up her things and exited, leaving Saul alone with Alvar.

"She's not your wife," Alvar said, he was such an idiot! For the rest of his life he was going to pay for trusting someone else, for thinking he finally had a home...

"Of course not. I don't even know what her real name is. It was a ruse, my boy. A ruse to get you to become my weapon. Everyone knows you can't kill a Cursed unless you have the proper weaponry, and as far as we know, all such relicts have been destroyed. With you, I can have whatever I want. You were quite foolish you know... to care so much about not harming human beings to have your own way. I wish I had your gifts. You're really part of an ancient bloodline. A bloodline of people that used to be revered as the gods of Axus."

"You said--" Alvar began.

"I lied," Saul interrupted. "You now have no choices left. You were so desperate for acceptance--for a family--that it was almost too easy." Saul held up the silver key. "You will do whatever I want as long as you wear that collar. No one can take it off of you but me. My blood was in the forge with yours. I added it before you added yours. We're bound together now. Forever."

"Why did the Sorceress want to drink my blood?" Alvar clenched his fists and tried to stave off tears.

"Because, she's a sorceress and your blood is worth more to her than anything, although she won't tell me why," Saul stated, but then he shook his head and rolled his eyes laughing, "I'm done talking with you, you'll stay down here until I can come up with our first plan of attack."

"May the gods curse you," Alvar seethed at him, even though ever fiber of his being wanted to he couldn't move to attack the man nor shift into his more dangerous form. The invisible force of Saul's will stopped him.

"There are no gods," Saul spat back at Alvar. "Just me. The new god of Axus."

Alvar's Past - Death and Destruction

Alvar couldn't get the taste of innocent blood from his tongue. Every man in this town dead except one.

"Do tell those in other villages about me," Saul told the man, "Tell them about the horrors you witnessed here and how if they want to avoid it they'd best join me. Saul is my name. Repeat that to them. Tell them that if they submit, their lives shall be spared."

The man nodded vigorously and fled as quickly as possible. Alvar surveyed the damage. Homes burning and bodies lay strewn in bath of blood in the streets.

I couldn't have done this, Alvar told himself.

A little girl dressed in a fluttery yellow dress stained in blood caught his eye among the corpses. She was clutching her dead papa to her and sobbing. With glistening, horrified eyes she stared up at him. 

"You did this, monster, you killed my papa," she wailed. "Why? What did he ever do to you!?"

You did this.

I'm so sorry, little one, Alvar begged forgiveness of her in his mind, for Saul had forbidden him to speak in his monster form, I will never forget your face for as long as I live.

"Shut up that little brat!" Saul growled, while grabbing one of the living women and pulling her by her hair toward one of the empty houses. "You stay out here, Alvar, and keep watch for me, gonna have a chat with this lass," Saul cackled sadistically, the woman screamed.

Alvar turned from the scene and closed his eyes. Tears sprung forth after he knew Saul wasn't observing. There was nothing Alvar could do for anyone, even himself. All he could do was exist as the weapon that killed for a power-mad, sadistic man.

If Saul has his way, there will be nothing left of Axus when I'm done.

Alvar's Past - The Scar

"Arena," Saul spat, grasping Alvar by the Fe Collar. "I saw her looking at you. You lied with Arena, didn't you? You know her to be my favorite concubine!"

"Master, I didn't lie with her," Alvar stated, without any emotion as emotions had long fled him. Saul was so prone to fits of irrationality and paranoia as of late, which was probably because there was a rumor spreading that the sylphs of the Skylands had forged a Sword of Darkness. A weapon which could pierce Cursed flesh. 

This bit of news came as relief to Alvar, perhaps an ending was in sight to Saul's tyrant rule and his hellish life. 

"You know I am controlled by you. You told me I am not to lie with anyone," Alvar said blandly.

"You're stealthy, Alvar, you've learned from me and are becoming more like me," Saul growled, slapping Alvar across the cheek. "I don't believe you. You've grown too handsome. Look at you. You've grown into a man now. You're supposed to be a disgusting nightmare, not a woman's wet dream!"

"Master, I have no idea why you're so angry with me," Alvar said, bowing his head toward Saul. "She looked at me. That's it. I didn't even make eye contact with her."

"I'm going to make sure everyone can see how evil you are," Saul said. He drew a dagger. "Stand still. This dagger was made by the Sorceress. She gave it to me in case I needed to end you. But I can use it to mark you if I want, so you can be as ugly on the outside as you are on the inside."

Alvar of course couldn't do anything, but stand still while Saul pressed the tip of the dagger to just above his eyebrow. He painfully and slowly carved out a deep cut in Alvar's face. Running from above his eyebrow and circling it out around his cheek to the corner of his mouth.

Haven't you degraded me enough? Alvar thought, his skin seared with pain, it burned unlike other weapons he'd felt used against him. He hated how he couldn't help crying out from the pain because he knew Saul loved to hurt him. The more he reacted the more inspired Saul was to torture him.

"Scarbrow, that's what we'll call you," Saul declared with a wicked grin. "I like that, might make some of these peasants respect me a bit more. Alvar isn't exactly a name that exudes fear."

Alvar's Past - The Death of Triss

Alvar stood in the doorway of the room and waited.

Time: A thing you are constantly wishing you had more of. Or wishing others had more of.

The physician finally approached him, his expression grim. "I'm sorry, my King. It appears as if there is nothing to be done for her. It's not a--um--normal thing that is happening to her. I know of many different difficulties with pregnancies, but this is a magical problem. Something brought on by a dark Curse."

What? No! The physician might as well be sticking a dagger through his heart and Alvar wished in that moment that he had the dagger which had marred his face so he could put an end to his own suffering. I'm a scourge to everyone I love. There is nothing good inside me. I'm killing the one person who let me in, despite my Curse and my past, to love them.

He entered the room he and Triss shared. He recalled their first night in here. How Triss had accepted his love and how she'd wanted his love.

"The news isn't good, is it?" Triss asked, looking up from her forlorn little place on their bed. Her once vibrant features were sallow and drained of life. The baby he had made with her was eating away at her system. The Curse didn't take kindly to a normal human host.

"I promise," Alvar swore, "I will find a way for you to live."

"It's okay, Alvar," Triss said, her eyes crinkling at the corners as she smiled feebly at him. "Don't blame yourself. The Light knows you carry too much guilt already."

"Don't give up, my love," Alvar said, kneeling down next to the bed and grasping her cold little hands in his. "I'll save you yet."

"Don't you see?" Triss said, her eyes shining with tears. "You already did."

*

I wake up in my bed and am cold, so cold I'm shivering.

What a nightmare! I can't watch anymore. I can't know anymore. Not now at least. I still have questions, but it's unbearable for me at this point. This was his living nightmare and the Mystar has turned it too real for me.

I'm Lucy--not Alvar--and yet, I feel his horror and anguish. I know what Alvar has felt. Mental, physical, and emotional abuse is the world he's known. He has a genuinely good heart, but a heart that has been distorted by the most disturbing of realities. This actually happened to him. I blink and I can't cry even though I want to. My husband, Alvar. I wish I could heal your soul from what happened.