51. Confessions Of Broken Souls
Thank you for 4K votes and 5K comments! I never thought I'd get 1K of either of them but look at this, it's a massive fucking mile stone for me and I'm so happy that you have all stuck around and are going to be sticking around to let me make a sequel! ( which is coming up very soon! )
I apologise for not updating, but a mixture of being extremely tired and having no motivation to write does that.
People weren't happy with the last chapter, evident from the comments and votes that it got, but it had to be done for this chapter to exist.
I'm aiming for 30 comments please?
Tears? Tears. You're welcome. (:
Waking up to an empty bed is something that Brendon has grown use to, he usually doesn't mind because it means he can sprawl out on the bed like a star fish, take all of the covers and wrap himself up like a borrito and sleep without Dallons annoying uneven snoring in his sensitive kitten ears. Dallon has to work and that's understandable because money is needed to keep them living in their house and food on the table and Brendon knows that Dallon will be home not too long later.
This morning, however, Brendon is waking up drenched in sweat, the bedsheets tangled around his legs, his heart going a mile a minute in his chest, the thumping loud in his ears. It feels like he can't breath, like there's a weight on his chest and he just can't breathe, it's so constricting, so suffocating that Brendon is grasping for something, someone to hold to weigh him down, a heart beat to calm him down, to relax him.
But nobody's there. The bed is cold, his pillow soaked with stale sweat and salty tears that are still running down his cheeks, off of his chin. It's still there, fresh in his mind, as clear as a picture and Brendon can't get his voice, his face, his actions out of his head and it makes him want to scream because he was doing better, so much better.
His stomach is in tight knots, coiled up in that oh so familiar way it use to feel after Spencer had used him, pushed him onto his knees, forced him down onto a bed. The way your stomach feels before you throw up, throat clenching, mouth watering and before he knows it, Brendon is finding himself rushing to the bathroom, fingers clenched white around the porcelain toilet bowl.
Body trembling, hands a shaking grip on the wide toilet bowl, Brendon's entire body clenches as he throws up last nights dinner, lunch, breakfast and everything else that he ate. It's disgusting and Brendon's mouth is a dry, stale taste of vomit when he's done and the tears are back, running down his cheeks s he sobs into the toilet bowl, not trusting himself to move away.
Last night had been so good, Dallon had been so good to him that it was the complete opposite of everything that Spencer had been in that department. He'd been so gentle, so caring, so hesitant with every move that he made and asking Brendon if things were okay, if he wanted it to stop, if he still wanted all of this to happen. And he did. Brendon wanted to be treated well, he wanted Dallon to show him how to treated right with sex.
But his mind, his absurd, blinded mind, doesn't comprehend it. It's tainted, the actions, the words, the touch, by Spencer. No matter how much his skin was on fire in arousal, in lust and love the night before, this morning it itches and crawls like a nasty scab. The words, no matter how sweet and kind and considerate they were coming out of Dallons mouth, now sound condescending, harsh, brutal.
It just makes Brendon sob harder into the toilet bowl, hair sticking to his forehand and fingers aching from a tight grip, wishing that Dallon was here.
=(^.^)=
"Brendon, Buddy, you will not believe what subway was about to throw out; perfectly good cookies! Sure, they're a little hard around the edges but damn, are they tasty and soft and gooey! I bought your favourites, thought we could watch Rick and Morty of something."Pete is closing the front door behind them, a bag of subway cookies in one hand and subway sandwiches in the other for lunch.
Unusually, Pete isn't greeted immediately by the bouncing bundle of excitement that is Brendon Urie nor the grumpy shuffling from a Brendon who has had too little sleep and is wrapped up in his bed covered like some type of antisocial hermit. Either greeting is welcomed because Pete has a handful of food with them and hey, who can stand being in a bad mood when there's food around?
"Brendon?"Pete calls louder, walking further into the oddly quiet house and peering into the rooms as they pass. The livingroom is as untouched as it was from last night, the tv a dull blankness and the pillows perfectly fluffed, not sprawled out on the floor in a nest. The kitchen is just the same, so is the downstairs bathroom.
Rolling their hazel eyes, Pete makes a move for the stairs because sometimes Brendon can be incredibly lazy and sleep in until the early noon and yeah okay, Pete is the same on their day off and will scream dramatically whenever Ryan throws open the curtains of their bedroom. Pete is hungry after their morning shift but if they eat without Brendon, a crisis will be on their hands.
"C'mon, lazy butt. Out of bed, its past noon!"Pete is throwing open the bedroom door, fully expecting to see Brendon sprawled out in his usual starfish position, face pressed into Dallons coffee smelling pillow and presumingly butt naked. Flicking on the bedroom light, the frown on Petes lips deepen.
"Pete?"A croaky, sort of fragile voice seems to call their name from the joining bathroom. Without hesitation, Pete is setting the sandwiches and cookies onto the unmade bed before heading into the bathroom, heart hurting at the state of Brendon on the bathroom floor, body shaking and tail wrapped around his middle.
"Oh, babe."Pete sighs, kneeling down next to Brendon on the bathroom floor, rubbing a hand up and down the hybrids tense back, cringing at the revolting smell of vomit that's coming from the toilet bowl."See, I told you that alcohol is poisoning but noooo, nobody listens to Pete."
"It's not that,"
"Don't tell me you're pregnant because I swear to god, I'm too young to be a godparent-"Pete starts a rant but cuts themselves off whenever Brendon seems to start sobbing in a way that makes all of Petes protective instincts flare up."Hey, hey, what's with the tears? What's happened? Has Dallon done something?"
"I-I don't know."
"What don't you know?"
"I-I don't know what's wrong with me, Pete."Brendon sits up onto his knees, tears running down his cheeks which he tries to rub away with the back of his hand, wiping at his mouth. His eyes are bloodshot from tears, hair sticking to his sweaty forehead and it's a sight that Pete hates to see."D-Dallon is so good to me but my mind doesn't believe it."
"Okay..."Pete treads carefully.
"A-and he's so sweet and kind and gentle but all I can do is think- is think of-"Brendon tries to get the words out of his mouth but a panic builds it's way up his throat, making it suddenly hard to breathe as he gasps for air as if it's in limited supply.
"Alright, c'mere, shhh."Pete isn't hesitant with their actions, taking Brendon into their arms, a tight hold to their chest in a position that makes Brendon unable to move away, forced to listen to Petes calm heart beat as the older of the two leans their own body against the bathtub rim."Breathe with me, in for 3, out for 3, you know how to breathe."
"I don't want to breathe."
"Nonsense, of course you want to breathe."Pete keeps their voice calm despite all of the familiar feelings in their chest, all of the memories floating in their head of a time where they had been in Brendon's position, crying their eyes out. Swallowing the lump in their throat, Pete sighs."You have to because the world may suck ass but there's always something or someone worth breathing for."
"Dallon."
"Exactly. Dallon. You love Dallon, don't you?"Pete can feel the shaky nod at their chest followed by the hitch breath of a sob thats building up at the back of Brendon's throat.
"I love him so much, Pete."Brendon is again crying, fingers latching onto the material of Petes soft t-shirt, rubbing his face against the material and soaking it with his tears."I really really do but I just- I just don't like sex. Why am I so fucked up?"
"Brendon, look at me."Pete is forcing the the hybrid to look at them, voice sharp whenever Brendon tries to avoid their eyes, making Pete not unkindly grab his chin and force their eyes to meet, blood shot read meeting worried, familiar hazel."You are not fucked up for not liking sex. I hate sex, with a passion, but you don't think that I'm fucked up, do you?"
"But that's because you're amazing."His voice is so earnest when he speaks that it makes Pete want to cry themselves because because being amazing is so far away from what they actually are that Pete wishes that they were.
"If only you knew, buddy."Petes smile is so sad as they look at Brendon, second hand coming up to wipe away Brendon's tears and push back his sweaty dark hair from his eyes."Not liking sex doesn't make you a bad person, it doesn't make you weird either. Not liking sex after a bad experience is normal. You hear me? Normal."
"I liked it at the time."Brendon's voice is shaky, bottom lip trembling."Dallon was so gentle, so kind and sweet, asking me if this is what I wanted and I did because it felt so good. I-I just feel so dirty, Pete. I feel so disgusting, so dirty, like how I felt when Spencer use to touch me like that."
And that's what he hates because Brendon has been spending so much time trying to build up good memories to replace the old, from showering to loud noises and even things related to sex. He wants Dallon to be able to touch him in such a way that it doesn't make Brendon wake up crying the next morning because even Dallons ever so gentle touches and words triggers Spencer's own rough and violent.
"I know, babe, I know."Pete whispers, thumbing away tears from Brendon's cheeks."It's a burden that some of us have to live with, but you have somebody who loves you, who's not going to mind if you don't like sex, who'll be there through every step of the way if you choose to get help."
"What if he gets mad?"
"Then he's a fool, and me and Ryan will knock some sense into his thick skull if we have to."Pete cracks a joking smile, something that makes Brendon let out the smallest of laughs and duck his head with a sniffle. Brining up a hand, Pete scratches behind one of Brendon's velvet soft kitten ears, smiling at the low purr."Dallon is going to understand. Trust me."
"I'm scared."Brendon whispers.
"And that's okay."Pete keeps their voice soft, arms wrapping around Brendon whenever the hybrid leaps at them for a hug, hugging him tight. They stay like that for god knows how long, with Pete whispering calming words into Brendon's ears, kissing his forehead every so often until both Petes and Brendon's stomachs are rumbling.
"I'm pretty sure you promised me a cookie."
"Babe, you can have all of the cookies."
By the time that Dallon arrives home, Pete has already left the house to catch a couple of hours sleep because their shift at the music store because balancing two jobs is exhausting and it turns out, you can't live off of your parents money forever. Brendon is sprawled out on his back on the sofa, a blanket over his body and some rerun episode of a tv show that Brendon has never watched before on the tv.
Dallon drops his coat on the floor, kicks of his shoes before shuffling his way into the livingroom to the sight of an overly comfortable looking Brendon, no evidence of the Brendon that he had been that morning or when Pete had found him in the bathroom. He's washed, soft hair and half-lidded eyelids as he looks up at Dallon, throwing the blanket off his body and is soon met with Dallons being dropped onto his unexpectedly with a groan.
"Rough day?"Brendon asks, carding his fingers thriving Dallons messy brown hair that's sticking up in all angles, evidence of frustrating pulling and tugging at that Dallon has a nasty habit of doing. The hybrids kitten ears twitch in his air at the sound of grumbling, Dallons voice muffled from where his face is tucked into Brendon's soft stomach."I'm going to take that as a yes."
"I hate my job."
"Yes but we all know that Ryan would have the place set alight if it wasn't for you keeping things in check."Brendon can't help but to laugh just a little because Ryan might be the best guy you've ever met but having responsibility is not in his jurisdiction.
"How he got the fucking supervisors job is beyond me, the guy still wears slip on shoes because he can't tie his own fucking laces."Dallon is grumbling grumpily because he had been working his ass off for months to gotta that position and the boss handed it away to Ryan like a used lottery ticket.
"How he looks after Pete better than himself is yet another mystery."
"He's had experience with looking after Pete, though."Dallon yawns loudly, words lost mid yawn as he rests his head on Brendon's soft little pudge of a belly, the rest of his long body hanging off the edge of the sofa."Now, enough taking, I think a nap is in order and I'm thinking Chinese for dinner."
"Pizza."
"Chinese."
"Pizza and Chinese."Brendon smiles sweetly at the tired looking face that blinks back at him, earning a roll of bright blue eyes before they're closed.
"Whatever keeps you happy, I don't mind."
I'm going to have Brendon confess to Dallon in the next chapter and I'll have some fluff to cover up the sadness from his chapter as I was feeling very angsty and I had to write some tears because I hadn't in awhile (:
Please tell me what you thought of this chapter!
On Brendon admitting he doesn't like sex? Do you think Dallon is going to have a problem with it?
On Pete and his comforting? How much do you love Pete in this fic?
What is it that you'd like to see happen in the sequel?
Votecommentfollow
Peace✌🏼
Bạn đang đọc truyện trên: Truyen247.Pro