jaemin fidgeted with his fingers while looking intensely at his lap.

his hyungs were all staring at him with furrowed brows, wanting to understand why jaemin had hidden his disease from them.

"it's some... delicate situation..." jaemin spoke very low.

"indeed." taeyong replied.

renjun and jeno had moved from the end of the couch to sit on each side of jaemin and give him moral support in this difficult stage of his life.

"i didn't want to worry you..." jaemin said.

"and how do you think we are feeling at the moment?" doyoung asked. "maybe if you had told us before we would have been able to help."

"but i don't need help... i can deal with it on my own."

"no, you can't jaemin." taeyong snapped.

an awkward silence took place in the room.

"a heart disease isn't something light." taeyong started again.

"but i'm taking medicine... it's getting better..."

"is this the reason you fainted after our stage the other day?"

jaemin nodded shyly.

he felt awful having all those intense stares on him.

it made him sick.

"i'm sorry, jaemin." taeyong sighed. "i'm snapping at you and speaking rather harshly..."

jaemin shook his head, indirectly telling to his leader that it was normal and that he souldn't worry about this.

"i'm feeling hurt and broken." taeyong continued. "when manager-nim told us this morning, i got so worried."

"i'm sorry..."

"jaemin, i'm your leader, i'm the one that should be taking care of you, and learning that one of my members got sick devastated me..."

jaehyun passed an arm around taeyong's shoulders to comfort their leader whose eyes were getting filled with salty tears.

"i can't understand why you didn't tell us." taeyong said, looking into jaemin's eyes.

jaemin sighed.

of course, he knew why he hadn't wanted to tell them.

he knew exactly.

they would have changed their behaviours.

they would have tried to protect jaemin from everything.

they would have given way more attention to the sick boy.

they would have suggested for him to practice less.

they would have told him to rest a lot.

they would have asked him if he wanted to go on hiatus again...

but jaemin didn't want any of those.

jaemin wanted to stay the same person.

he wanted to be treated the same as the other members.

he didn't want them to change their behaviours towards him.

he didn't want them to arrange his practices either.

he wanted to be treated as the normal jaemin.

his heart disease didn't change his persona.

and it wasn't going to change his relationships with the others.

"it's... complicated..." jaemin replied, pushing aside all those possible answers that came to his mind.

"we would have helped you, jaemin..."

"but as i said, i don't need help." jaemin told. "i am still the same. the fact that my heart is breathless doesn't mean i am not na jaemin anymore!"

"you're more fragile, jaemin..." doyoung tried getting in the conversation.

"and what if i don't want to be more fragile? what if i want the others to treat me as a normal being? jeno and renjun understood it very well! but none of you seems to understand that!" jaemin snapped.

after jaemin's little speech, all eyes turned towards renjun and jeno who were sulking into the couch, trying to disappear.

"does that mean that you two knew since the beginning?" johnny asked.

renjun and jeno exchanged a glance, gulping at the same time.

"well... saying that we knew since the beginning isn't really the truth, but... yeah... we knew?" renjun let out, trying to avoid his hyungs' stares.

taeyong became red, and if you truly paid attention, you could see smoke coming out of his ears and nose.

jeno and renjun were about to get scolded, and that would hit hard.

"you two, in my room. RIGHT NOW!" the leadr yelled at the two boys.

renjun and jeno stood up and walked towards their leader's room, dragging their feet and already imagining how hard they were about to get scolded.

taeyong slammed the door shut behind them and glared at the two youngers.

"let's recall our little conversation that day." he spoke. "if i remember well, i had asked you to tell me if anything happened. and i guess discovering that one of your members has a heart disease that could be terminal isn't just ANYTHING!"

jeno and renjun lowered their heads as taeyong scolded them.

"he didn't want us to tell you..."

"do i look like i care?!" taeyong asked. "this isn't just something light. his whole life is in danger!"

"but he's taking some medication..."

"and how does he even know he's taking the right ones?!"

"his mom is a nurse... she brings him medicine every night." renjun told.

taeyong sighed.

it wasn't as bad as he thought.

at least, jaemin was conscious of the risks and he was taking some medicine to heal himself.

but still... he was sick...

"i'm mad." taeyon said after a while. "mad at him for not telling me anything, but even more mad at you, because i had asked you to warn me and you didn't."

"jaemin holds a special place in our heart, hyung." jeno spoke, defending himself and renjun. "we didn't want to lose him because we betrayed him."

"we trusted him and he trusted us. we kept his secret and he found solutions to get better." renjun added.

taeyong snorted ludly, glaring at his two members.

"if he was truly important for you, you would have told me about it as soon as you discovered it. and then, he'll surely be healed by now."