jaemin was looking at the stage in front of which dozens of nctzens were changing and waiting impatiently for their favourite group to perform.

"make a wish on stage in 2 minutes!" one of the staffs declared, making jaemin's heartbeat fasten once again.

this wasn't health for him.

poor boy was already breathless even before his performance.

"calm down..." jaemin whispered, taking a deep breath while holding onto his chest.

"jaemin!" a voice called the stressed boy, making him turn around.

"yeah?"

"how are you feeling?" renjun asked, tugging a strand of hair back behind jaemin's ear.

"stressed." jaemin replied honestly.

"it's normal. but you have to use this stress to your advantage, okay?" renjun asked. "make sure good stress is pushing you forward and helping you sing without getting out of breath. push your bad stress away."

jaemin nodded, tension once again when he heard the staff yelling to the nct members to gather next to the side corridors of the stage to be able to enter the stage soon.

"well..." renjun smiled. "jeno wasn't able to come because he's having his hair done, but he asked me to tell you good luck. he's counting on you to do your best."

jaemin smiled, his heart fluttering at the idea of jeno thinking about him even if he couldn't say it to his face.

"that's kind of him." jaemin spoke. "you'll thank him for me?"

"of course." renjun replied.

jaemin got to the stage corridors, standing just behind taeyong who was telling the boys to concentrate and make sure to be expressive on stage.

"good luck, jaem." renjun spoke, standing in front of jaemin.

"thanks." jaemin replied.

"shine bright. i'll watch your performance up close. i want you to make me feel things."

"feel things?" jaemin raised a brow.

"do your best and be the handsome man you always are." renjun said before pecking jaemin's cheek.

"on stage! on stage! on stage!" their manager pushed jaemin before the boy could answer anything.

in a matter of seconds, jaemin found himself on a dark stage, surrounded bu six of his members, in front of a crowd of nctzens who were agitating their lightsticks up in the air.

jaemin steadied his breathing, closing his eyes, breathing in by the nose, and out by the mouth.

the whistling part came up, and after two seconds, the seven boys started dancing.

it didn't take long for the dancing to get more intense, and for jaemin to feel his heartbeat quickening in his chest.

but he had to stay strong.

he moved to the rhythm as only taeyong, jaehyun and him remained in the center of the stage, and soon, his part came.

"we got this oneuldo yeogin

uriga chajihae baekpeureo"

jaemin stepped aside, leaving the center to shotaro as he caught his breath the best he could, trying to look natural while dancing.

the chorus came, and they all danced in synch, jaemin still wondering why he was in the middle.

he knew he would have to take the centre once again, and dance energetically, but he was already tired.

"it's gonna be alright

soneul mattae make a wish"

jaemin used once again the whistling part of the song as a break time.

the dance was relatively easy; stepping forwards slowly, and shaking your shoulders.

he repeated his breathing exercises, breathing in by the nose, and breathing out by the mouth.

"let me do it for you"

jaemin felt relieved after that sentence was pronounced.

this was his off-stage time.

he had exactly 17 seconds to calm his heart down before going back to the centre and dancing as if his life depended on it.

"hantong da bueobeoryeo gireum

i'm ready to ride baro jigeum"

his part came sooner than he expected, but he managed to rap it without having his voice breaking, which was a miracle.

during training, this would always be the point of the song where he became so tired that his dance moves became unsure, and his voice raspy, often hasping for air.

but it wasn't the case at the moment.

jeno and renjun were right.

adrenaline was helping him.

"soneul mattae make a wish"

after that sentence, jaemin felt completely dizzy.

he knew the song was coming to an end.

he knew he needed to keep breathing.

he had to do it.

he couldn't act weak.

not now.

not in front of his members.

not in front of his fans.

jaemin kept dancing, giving his last breaths in every of his moves, his head spinning more and more with each gesture.

jaemin finally heard lucas' ending "make a wish.", and then the fans yelling, signalling that the song had come to an end.

jaemin weakly followed all the members backstage, his feet almost stumbling onto themselves as he was running back there.

his head was spinning hard at the point, his vision was getting blurry, and their voices seemed to be so far away from him.

taeyong yelled something along the lines of "we did so good!" but jaemin was already on another planet at that point.

he heard the people around him screaming and applauding, but he wasn't sure if it was because they were happy.

"jaemin!!!"

someone called him.

perhaps two people?

he wasn't sure.

he couldn't answer, anyway.

his throat was dry, his muscle felt sore, and he felt light headed, losing consciousness slowly until the only thing he could see was darkness.