Bright-eyed and hyper from their date, Ava launched herself onto her bed gripping photographs from the over-priced arcade photobooth. Despite the poor quality of the filters, their faces besides each-other with wide smiles was touching. A memory Ava wanted to keep. Concealing the image of Lucy's plump cherry flavored lips kissing her beneath her pillow, Ava looked over at her playfully. Matching the vibe, Lucy grinned back then chucked the TV back on to their new favorite show. With the theme song of Rick and Morty blasting in the background, they relaxed with a deep feeling of relief. The independence was thrilling and despite still being restricted it was huge progress and normalcy, almost like rehab before leaving prison.

As the narrative of 'Pickle Rick' progressed, they giggled together uncontrollably with Lucy subtly squeezing Ava's hand when all the staff had stopped their checks of the hall. It was a sixth sense now for them, like they could just feel when they were being glared at voyeuristically through the thin glass. Feeling slightly fatigued, Lucy asked for her iced coffee which Ava proceeded to softly throw at her bed narrowly missing her jawline.

"Ay, your nasty", teased Lucy as she opened her drink.

" You still love me, can't be that bad", responded Ava.

" Hmm what flavor was this again?", asked Lucy whom had accidentally ripped the packaging off.

" Oat with gingerbread, my old favorite", stated Lucy. She carefully grabbed the drink off her and took a sip before giving her a re-assuring nod and passing it back.

" Alright", said Lucy. She took a sip and sighed in relief, it was amazing considering her taste buds had mostly been exposed to bland hospital food and barely hot black coffees.

They re-directed their attention to the TV in a comfortable silence. The calls for community quickly began so Lucy switched the TV off and rushed to the canteen with Ava. Charlie was waiting impatiently besides Kiera, desperate to hear about their outing.

" Soo is the robot arm there now?", enthusiastically asked Charlie. 

"Yep, it scared me shitless", admitted Lucy.

" It wasn't even the top setting dummy, it barely flipped us upside down", snickered Ava.

"Haha I'm so jealous, got admitted before it opened. Maybe we should all go when we get out of here", suggested Charlie. She seemed motivated and firm, since the good news about her brother anything seemed possible.

Since the girls had obtained several good progress reports and taken on their fear foods with support in CBT sessions as well, they were on route to recovery. With a combined bucket-list of activities planned varying from visiting Bath to trying out scare mazes, there was a reason to be hopeful.  All the staff had sniffed out their energy like bloodhounds with Kiera especially supporting them by helping them make it organized.

"So guys, I'm glad the trip went well. Today's topic will be love, something that we all need in our everyday lives. Whether it's platonic or romantic, its the touch or words of those you trust. Your all loved here, anyone want to share anything?", started Kiera.

" I can't wait to actually get to visit the pier with my two best friends, their my everything in here. Still can't believe Lucy got me into reading though", shared Charlie.

"That's a lovely goal, anybody else?", asked Kiera.

*another girl timidly speaking from behind them* " My mum wants the best for me , she only wants peaceful mealtimes"

*Using that as a prompt to discuss recovery in more detail, she ended the session slightly earlier. With the caffeine wearing off, Lucy chilled out and talked amongst the group quietly before being called for dinner. Everyone rushed to dinner where it was curry night. The smell of chicken tikka masala smothered the canteen, causing Lucy to gag a little in the back of her throat*

Returning to their rooms, the girls went straight to their beds to relax.

"Thought you liked curry", said Ava in a confused tone.

" It just tasted odd that's all", said Lucy.

" Alright, lets put the next episode on" announced Ava as she reached for the TV remote. 

As the TV played in the background, they both lay back and talked about their day. Suddenly feeling weird, Lucy halted upwards as if she had been electrocuted.

"You ok?", questioned Ava, concerned she was getting sick.

" Yeah but my arm's weird. I cant feel it", she stuttered in response. Before Ava could respond, Lucy collapsed to the ground with her hand clenched firmly onto her chest. She was shaking like a leaf and looked as if she was holding back tears.

"LUCE!", shouted Ava in desperation.

"Help-", Lucy stuttered before her eyelids started flickering vigorously then glued shut.

* Panic overwhelming Ava to the point of a panic attack, she swung her door open aggressively as she tried to catch her breath then called for help. Tears had started to pour from her eyes in streams as she had bent onto her knees and tried starting CPR*

As Lauren came running into the room, she could see Ava pressing all her strength into compressions on an unresponsive Lucy. She placed her hand carefully onto Ava's shoulder then whispered for her to take a break as she took over the CPR. The reality dawned on her, Lauren using all her strength to stop herself from breaking down. 

Still unresponsive after several minutes, Lucy was still and cold. Ava was crunched into a ball crying on the ground, still in denial.

"I'm sorry, she's gone", softly said Lauren as she avoided eye contact to stop herself from crying.

https://youtu.be/JTZZdAy8YDQ

And in the blink of a moment, Ava's life had changed forever. Her heart was drained and split wide open. It was as if time had paused then started moving in slow motion, a form of torture from Satan himself she would describe it as.

The events after those heartbreaking words were a complete blur to her, all she could remember was curling up into bed and sobbing. She had resumed the rest of the episode and dug out the pictures from underneath her pillow, clinging onto them tightly. This was all she had to remember her true love, her best friend and even that was forbidden here. As her head spiraled out of control, Depo made an unwelcome visit and settled in comfortably. Too upset to attend community or think, she simply slept. It was the only way she could block out those niggling thoughts of guilt that she couldn't begin to comprehend. It's not like anything can prepare you for this, just the idea of her cold lifeless body made a wave of nausea fill her body, almost paralyzing her.

Those pictures, a memory she could never forget. She couldn't let herself do that. The second hardest part of the sudden loss was watching her beat Ana then be defeated right as she was about to win, resembling the tragic loss of Karen Carpenter. It was a spine chilling reminder that life was short, and sometimes objects are all you have left of a person. Trying to hold back tears, she dug out Lucy's beloved journal that had been neatly tucked away by her bed and flipped through the pages. If she closed her eyes and imagined the words being re-enacted in her head it was like she could spend time with her again even if only for a brisk and cold moment.

Charlie's POV of the events (source via journal)

Yesterday was ordinary, I was discussing ' Pride and Prejudice' with Lucy. Ava looked exhausted as normal but I wasn't surprised since she is practically allergic to a lot of words. She was so full of life and engaged, the passion was there. Through to community with the daily fear food challenge and dinner service, she was smiling through the struggles just waiting to document the ending into her journal before bed. She was my best-friend, before it all changed anyway.

In the snap of a finger, she was gone. I couldn't reach her because I was locked away down the hall a few doors away but the panicked bustle of the staff will be engraved into my memory forever. Ava was so distraught when she tried calling for help, her voice was breaking bless her. The staff had so much equipment I was lost, just praying everything was alright. I knew it wasn't from the never-ending crying but a girl's got to try and stay positive around here. It must of been around 9pm when I heard the heart- shattering words that broke me.

"She's gone"

How could this happen to Lucy? My best-friend and tutor. She was trying so hard to recover and it was all taken away too early. Way too early. My tears are staining this page as I write I know, but if this is the only thing that I can do in her legacy I guess I have to. It isn't a choice, she had no choice to live her dreams but now I must make her proud.

My eating hasn't been great, Ava's been so quiet that I may have had an NG again. It's hard to wake up, I have nothing to remind me of her but these hard books lying next to me. I can't keep them forever, it's hopeless really. My mum said she'll come and see me soon after Lauren phoned her with the news and I can't wait to see her. It's grim really, how can she pass so young? She was only 15!

https://youtu.be/vj_VidtyaOc

I've avoided therapy, it's all too much right now. I thought dealing with Jason was hard enough but clearly I was wrong. I don't want to break my promise to her, to them. Ava needs me now, more than  before. I know she's giving up on her side of the deal and I can't watch that happen, but I'm hardly a role model am I? I have this ugly stick in me and not even talking to Lauren, she needs actual support not me.

My mum said she'll help her and I really pray she does. I've never been religious and I know Lucy was far from that considering her mum, she probably didn't even care when she died I bet. But I'd like to think that Lucy is reading this from above and happy. She's an angel, she should earn wings at least and I really hope she wasn't in much pain. Not like I'd know, that's the thing I'll never know how she felt.

This is my sign off and I wish you the best Lucy, I will look after your girl and make you proud. If Melanie was here, she'd say you've earned your training wheels. Get off the carousel and rest Luce, it's your time for peace.

I promise x

Since Ava had gifted a couple of the pages from Lucy's journal to her via a nurse when asked, she had stored them beside her bed. Near her books, their books that they had both touched. It wasn't much of a legacy, but if it was anything they could be her lucky charm.

By definition, a lucky charm brings good luck to the recipient. Like the personalized charms we wear meaninglessly on our wrists everyday, they too get purpose after a significant life event or even a mundane experience. The raw words in her journal bled out Lucy's energy, goals and life. Who she was as an individual, Ana not involved there. It gave her identity.

 Now it had a new identity, a charm for Charlie to keep safe and look at if she felt alone or anxious. If she missed her charismatic smiles over tutoring, courage or dark humor. If she ever just missed her in whole, it was a sentiment of  motivation for when the shadow of grief starts to dim. She may have a dark and lonely forest to venture through first but when the time was right, she could see it as a passage of light in her life. The world of literature had been introduced by Lucy, that was her true legacy I suppose.