Nate prattled on for the next forty minutes about absolutely nothing. My head was fucking sick from listening to his deep booming voice. Whatever he gave me was coursing through my bloodstream already. I had no idea what the cocktail was, but I knew he had given me more than I could handle.

He stood up suddenly and went across the room to the dresser. On top of it was his mirrored tray he liked to use to look at himself when he was feeding his addiction through his nostrils. He grabbed it and plopped down next to me again. He had produced another baggie with some powder in it and pulled it open.

Nathan looked like an artist painting a canvas white as he carefully cut the lines into perfect little segments.

When he was finished, he grabbed my hair and held my head down over the mirror.

"Do it." He commanded.

I shook my head no and he pulled my hair harder. Some strands began to snap from my head as he held me in place. He kept me hovering over the tray until I gave in and took the chewed-up-looking plastic straw. I stuck it in my nose and snorted up the line for him. My nose was on fire and felt like someone had beaten chalk erasers in front of my face for hours.

I was going to throw up.

"More Jessa." He held my head down again for the next line. He made me take it all until there was nothing left on the tray. The girl looking back at me in the mirror was pleading with me to stop.

It was too much. He was making me take too much.

I laid back against the headboard and closed my eyes to rest. It was like my head and my body were on two different planes of existence. My body was starting to enjoy how wrong it felt while my head fought to hang on.

My mouth drooped open and I felt two more pills being placed on my tongue. I swallowed them down and moaned.

They made me feel so fucking good.

"Thank you," I mumbled and felt drool falling out the side of my mouth.

"You're welcome, sweetheart. You can have as much as you want tonight." He looked over and smiled when he saw me wiping the fluid off of my skin.

"What did you give me?" I slurred as I began to see three of him. They were all up on their knees, climbing towards me on the bed.

"The good stuff, sweetheart. Only the best for my favorite girl." Nathan leaned in and began running his lips against my cheek. His hand was on my breast, kneading it roughly as he moved his lips up and down over my neck.

"You look so sexy right now. How about you take the rest off for me?" He whispered in my ear. I looked down and realized I wasn't wearing pants any longer. The only thing covering my skin was a dark red lace thong.

When did they come off? When did Nate become a fucking wizard?

He slid his hand up over my thigh and trailed his fingers tips up towards my panties.

"Cameron." I moaned as he continued sucking and nibbling on my neck.

"Don't say his name." Nathan smacked my breast hard and then twisted my nipple.

"I want Cameron." I whimpered.

"Sweetheart, you don't need him. We are just going to have a little fun like old times. You remember how much fun we used to have together." Nathan bent down and pressed his lips to mine. He pressed his hand against my cheek as he shoved his tongue into my mouth.

"What the fuck Nathan?" I tried to push him away.

"It's been so long, Jessa." He groaned between breaths and leaned back in to kiss me again.

Nathan was kissing me like he was desperate for me. This wasn't the same as before.

What was he doing?

"Nathan. Don't." I shoved my hand in between our lips and turned my head away from him.

"You want me. I know you do. You can't fight this." He said, running his filthy hands over my body.

He leaned back up and walked his knees closer until my head was pressed firmly against the hotel bed headboard. He began grabbing his dick over his pants and rubbing it near my face. I turned my head away and he took his other hand to hold my chin in place, making me watch him.

"I love Cameron. I want to be with Cameron," I slurred and felt more drool escaping my mouth.

"You don't love him. You love me, Jessa. You have always loved me. It's always been me, and you know it." He growled.

"I don't love you, Nathan." The words tumbled out. Part of me felt bad about saying it, but it was the truth.

"You do. I know you do. You want me, Jessa. Just as much as I want you." His body was shaking as he looked down at me. Nathan actually looked like what I said had hurt him.

"Nathan, you have to stop this. You need help. I can get you help, but this isn't the way to do it." I said, placing my hand on his. He held my hand tightly and let the hard exterior fall away for just a brief moment before his eyes darkened again.

"I will make sure he never gets to see you again. Do you want that?" Nathan threatened.

"Nathan, please." I tried to reason with him one more time and break into the small part of him that still had a heart. He returned the favor by digging his fingers into my cheeks. I became that scared girl with the black eye and the fingerprints around my throat all over again.

"You remember what happened the last time you crossed me. There's no one here to protect you this time. No one will come for you again. He won't save you. You are trash, now take off the rest of your clothes and start acting like it." Nathan hissed.

My body was tense. I knew Nathan meant it. I guess we all have to do things we don't want to do sometimes to protect the people we love.

Right now, I was about to make the ultimate sacrifice.

I swallowed and took my shirt off slowly.

"That's it. Now pull it out and give it a little kiss for me." Nathan groaned.

He moved his hips closer to me as I reached up to pull down his zipper. I closed my eyes as I reached my hand in to pull him out.

"No, sweetheart, you know what I like. Look at me while you beg for it." He pulled my hair to force me to look up at him.

"Please fuck my mouth, Nathan." I opened my mouth, trying to pretend I was in a better place in the arms of the man I loved.

"Jessa?" Cameron was standing in the doorway with wide eyes.

"Just in time, Nash. Like always. Did you come to watch your girl in action? Pull up a seat." Nathan laughed.

Time stood still as Cameron's angry eyes were glued to me. I still had Nathan in my hand in front of my face and was completely strung out. I knew how terrible it looked.

This wasn't supposed to happen like this. How in the hell did I ever get myself in this position?

Cam ran out of the room. Nathan was hysterically laughing like a hyena as he celebrated his victory. I used that moment as a distraction to push Nathan away. He flopped down on the bed holding his sides as he continued laughing to taunt me further.

I got up to chase after Cameron to explain. I stumbled over my own feet as I ran out into the parking lot.

I needed his help. I was scared and losing myself.

The freezing rain was pelting my bare skin the second I bolted out into the parking lot. I was shaking within seconds when it hit my clammy, drug-induced sweat coated skin. Cameron was already across the parking lot near his truck. I ran as fast as I could to get to him.

"Cameron, wait. Please, it's not what it looked like. Please stop." I cried, running after him. I pulled at him and tried to get him to listen. I tried to hold onto him as tight as I could.

"Don't you dare touch me after you touched him." He pushed me back and I went down to my knees on the wet cement in front of him.

"Cami, please. He... he..." I couldn't form the sentence. I was clutching at my cold bare skin in the rain while the tears were pouring down my face. My teeth were chattering as my body grew colder with every passing second.

"No, you don't get to do that, Jess. You don't get to play the victim. You chose this. You lied to me. How long have you been seeing him again?" Cameron screamed, leaning down into me with his fists in a tight ball.

"Cami, I'm sorry. I swear I was...." I pleaded.

"We're done this time, Jessa. He can have you. You are nothing but a worthless fucking whore." Cameron spun around and left me standing there, frozen in place on the ground as the rain pelted down around me.

"Let go. Jessa let go." Bad Jessa sang in my head as I watched Cameron peel out of the parking lot without even looking back.

I stayed stuck in that spot for what felt like hours standing in the pouring frigid rain until my body gave out. I could feel my eyes roll back into my head as I gave in.