I feel like I can't breathe
Just hold me, don't touch me

Chapter 18 ~ I Hate You, Don't Leave Me

Owen Bailey

I have been on this earth for twenty two years, and yet, I had never gone on a date before. Raven was the only real girlfriend I ever had, but even then, we never bothered with formalities. We enjoyed each other's company without having to worry about labels or special events to mark certain phases in our relationship.

To put it simply, this was going to be my first date, ever, and I had no idea how to act.

I had considered simply being myself, but it dawned on me that I had to do something spectacular to win Trey's heart. I wasn't that far from doing so, judging by our recent interactions, but I couldn't take the risk of shattering his trust before it was time.

So naturally, I called on Raven for help, but she wasn't responding in the way that I wanted her to. "Just be a dick," she stated with a feigned smile, "it's what you're good at."

I rolled my eyes at her, and then turned to face the wall mirror to examine my appearance for the hundredth time that day. "Seriously, Raven. This could be a deal breaker."

The blonde crossed the room to plop onto the bed that she shared with Jonah. I heard her sigh before she surprised by asking, "Do you like him?"

"What?" I whipped around to face her, brows furrowing in confusion. "Why would you even ask that?"

Raven pulled her knees up to her chest and began to rock back and forth at the edge of the bed. "You had sex with him, Owen," she deadpanned. Her bright blue eyes that always appeared to radiate with warmth had grown dull and disinterested. "And don't give me that 'I-sleep-with-everyone' nonsense."

I pressed my lips together, silencing myself before I could give her the 'I-sleep-with-everyone' card.

Raven glared at me for a little while longer, and then she relaxed her composure. "Look, I just don't get it. You say you want to sell him to Lucifer, despite how heartless and selfish that is, but you're having sex with him and going on dates? What purpose does that serve?"

"I have to gain his trust, Raven."

"Why?" She narrowed her eyes at me. "If you're that desperate to clear your name, why can't you drug him and sell him to Lucifer before he even wakes up? Why do you need his trust?"

Groaning, I set my attention on my reflection again. For the first time in a long while, I had managed to comb my hair back so that it wasn't a tousled mess. "He's still useful. Prime example, he let us stay in his house. Why? Because I wooed my way into his pants.  Once I get him to fall head over heels for me, I'll get everything that I want out of him, then I'll give him to Lucifer to exploit."

Raven still looked unconvinced. "So you're going to make him fall in love with you, then break his heart? As much as I want to believe in your selfish intentions, I don't buy it. You could've sold him by now, but you haven't, which means that you have feelings for him and you're stalling."

I scoffed. "Yeah, I have feelings for him, all right. Feelings of hate." After admiring my reflection for the last time, I spun on my heel and made my way to the exit. "Just hold down the fort, okay? Don't let Ake out of your sight."

She rolled her eyes. "Whatever."

Sighing, I breezed out of one of the many guest rooms in this damn house and jogged down the grand staircase to meet up with Trey, who was standing beside a console table near the front door. He was dressed in a black t-shirt that tightened around his chest, but draped loosely around his waist. He paired that with loose denim jeans, converse sneakers, and a baseball cap. He sure didn't dress like he had money. 

Trey pushed off the wall as soon as he noticed my presence, and then he asked, "Everything okay?"

I gave him a short nod. "Where are we going, anyway?"

"You'll see." His lips peeled back into a unsettling grin that gave me more questions than answers, but I chose not to pry any further as I followed him to his car (one of many) which happened to be a silver Camaro. I hadn't been so peeved to see a car since I learned that Liam's father had bought him an Audi while I continued to push around an old, beat-up, nameless pickup truck.

Trey and I didn't do much talking on the way to our destination. The drive was mostly filled with the music of various hip-hop stations in which Trey took it upon himself to rap along. He even tried to get me to rap, too, and I responded by simply staring at him. Just the thought of someone living a life much better than my own and taking it for granted made me annoyed. I'd do anything for his wealth and his carelessness when it came to how he was going to get his next meal or where he was going to sleep for the night. He didn't have to worry about anything because everything was handed to him.

The car came to a stop, nearly thirty minutes later, at the lake at the edge of Summer Hill. I stared dumbly at our surroundings as Trey got out of the car and ushered for me to follow. He started to walk towards the edge of the lake, where the rocks met the dark blue water, and I watched as he bent down to stick his hand into the water. "Hmm, the water feels good today."

I quirked a curious eyebrow when he stood to his feet again and started on his descent down the long, wooden pier. I thought he would have been dumb enough to jump off the pier with his clothes on, but he surprised me when he paused alongside a yacht that was docked there.

"You know, flaunting your wealth in front of my face isn't much of a turn on," I commented as Trey leaped onto the boat and gestured for me to do the same. Sighing, I followed suit.

"Who said anything about turning you on?" Trey questioned in an attempt to be smug. I spared him a retaliating response; instead, I roamed around the small landing area while I waited for him to undo the ropes that were keeping the yacht tied to the pier. He stepped back onto the boat, sighing in relief and gently tugging on the rim of his baseball cap. Just as he did so, the boat began to slowly, but surely, float away from the dock.

"Do you have any idea how to drive this thing?" I asked out of curiosity.

"Of course I do," Trey replied with yet another smug tone in his voice. He moved towards the entrance of the lower deck and rummaged through his pockets to retrieve the key to open it. Once inside, I marveled at the sight of a common area complete with spotless, wooden floors, plush white sectionals, several coffee tables topped with little trinkets to break up the space, a flat screen TV mounted onto the wall, and a small dining area near the entryway to the cockpit.

I was too amazed by the interior of the yacht that I hadn't noticed that Trey had moved passed me to enter the cockpit. "Make yourself at home," he called out, instantly grabbing my attention. I surveyed the room once again, inwardly reminding myself to buy a yacht once this was all over, and then I decided to join Trey in the cockpit. All of his attention was fixed on starting up the yacht and maneuvering it further into the lake, but I couldn't help but wonder if this was all just an elaborate attempt to impress me.

I sighed. "What are we doing here, kid?"

"What do you mean?" He lifted his deep brown eyes to meet mine.

"I thought we agreed that this wasn't a date."

Trey waited until the boat was a significant distance away from the pier to enable the auto pilot controls. "It isn't," he reassured me, "It's to get your mind away from Lucifer, since that's all you seem to worry about."

"That's the only thing worth worrying about. He's out to kill me. Wouldn't you be worried, too?"

He shrugged. "Not really. I would just make sure to live my life to the fullest with the little time that I have left." I frowned at his response, but before I could follow up with another question, he lifted himself from his seat and made his way to the mini-fridge located behind the bar. "You want something to drink? I'm giving you a free pass."

"Beer would be great!"

With a slight nod, Trey retrieved our drinks from the fridge and returned to me with a carefree smile. For a while, we just sat there in silence, occasionally taking sips from our alcoholic beverages, but we didn't try to start a conversation. My original plan consisted of several charming tactics to make Trey fall for me, but Raven's words had finally begun to sink into my brain. What good would gaining his trust do? I would only betray him in the end. It was better for him to be mad at the asshole who hated everyone than to be mad at the asshole who had feelings.

"Can I ask you something?" Trey broke the silence.

"What?"

"Do you ever, um, think about what life would be like without Lucifer?"

I scoffed at the thought. "I do, all the time." His gaze dropped to the floor, like he had something else to say, but couldn't decide how to say it. "Do you think about what life would be like if you weren't rich?"

He broke into a smile. "Well—" He took a swig of his drink, "—we wouldn't be on this boat, for one, and my parents would actually be around for a change."

"Where are they?"

"On business trips, across the country, in other continents, I never know anymore." He shrugged carelessly and clanked his beer glass against mine. "Cheers to absent parents!" He downed the rest of his drink in one gulp and let out a contented breath, leaving me to be completely amused at how similar our family situations were; I even let out an audible laugh at the similarity, but Trey's focus had shifted elsewhere when I realized that he was making his way to the staircase at one of the far corners of the room.

Unbeknownst to me, I inched out of my seat to follow him. "What are you doing?"

"I gotta show you something," was all he offered as an explanation, then he continued to climb the staircase that led to the upper deck's cabin. The first thing that caught my eye was the large, seemingly untouched, bed in the middle of the room. Everything else—the lighting, wall decorations, and large window with a live view of the lake ahead of us—was secondary, and virtually unimportant.

The grip on my drink had loosened significantly as I tried to piece together what Trey was trying to tell me, but I didn't have to play detective for long because he caught me off guard when he twisted his hand into my shirt and pressed his lips on mine.  Naturally, I dropped all of my defenses, including my beer, and gave into the kiss. I started by letting my eyes flutter shut, then I continued by melting into him and running my tongue over his bottom lip. He tasted of alcohol, much like he did for our first kiss and every kiss after that, so I came to the conclusion that Trey had a lot of balls when he was drunk.

He clutched my shirt tightly to pull me closer to him, like he had a desperate urge to close the distance between us. His hands followed his new-found aura of confidence when they snaked around me to grab onto my neck. We began to move, but I think that was more on Trey's part; he walked backwards until his knees buckled against the edge of the bed and he fell onto the soft mattress, bringing me along with him. Now that he had me somewhat subdued, he flipped us over and pushed me into the bed as he kissed me harder.

My hands fell onto his back, slowly moving down to grip his hip and eventually slip beneath his shirt. His lips were so soft and tender, and his touch drove me crazy. Everything about this felt right, but there was a piece of me, hidden behind all that male bravado, that didn't want go any further. There was a sliver of me that was ashamed of the way I was using a guy that clearly had blooming feelings for me. I had done this before, this whole don't-care-about-anyone-else thing, and where did that get me? Matthew, of all people, was working with the enemy this entire time!

I broke away from the kiss and tried to push Trey away from me. "I can't do this."

He frowned. "Is there a reason why you can't have sex with me? You better not say anything about my race because I will not hesitate to punch you in the mouth."

"You remind me of someone from my past, all right?" I said to get him off my case, but that only made him tuck his feet under his bottom and stare at me with curiosity gleaming in his brown eyes. "His name's Matthew and he's a prostitute."

Trey raised an eyebrow. "I remind you of a prostitute? I don't know whether to be offended or not."

Choosing to ignoring his comment, I said, "He became a prostitute because Lucifer forced me to have sex with him against his will, to see if he'd be good or not." Trey's brows only furrowed together in confusion at my revelation. "I didn't want to do it, but I had no other choice unless I wanted Lucifer to kill us both, so I did. I ... raped ... him." It was the first time I had ever used that word to describe what I had done to Matthew, and for some reason, that word had such a heavy connotation behind it. It made me sound like a disgusting person when all I was trying to do was stay alive.

I had expected Trey to run away from me. I expected him to keep as much distance as possible between us, and I expected him to want nothing to do with me.

So I was genuinely surprised when he grabbed onto my hand and rubbed his thumb over my knuckles. I stared at our interlocked hands for a moment, and then I flicked my gaze up to his face to see a soft smile on his lips. "I get that you think you're a horrible person for doing that, but this isn't your fault. It's Lucifer's. I'm sorry you had to go through that, but if it helps ... you're not raping me. I want you to have sex with me."

I ripped my hand out of his grasp and stared at him in disbelief. "That's not the point! The point is that I screw everyone over, and you know what? I'm okay with screwing everyone over, but it's not fair to me when you're doing all of this romantic shit to make me feel guilty. I hate feeling guilty."

"What are you talking about?"

"I've been bending over backwards to gain your trust because I was going to sell you to Lucifer in exchange for my freedom," I blurted aloud, making the room grow eerily silent. Trey blinked in awe, but I couldn't tell what he was thinking aside from the myriad of emotions written on his face.

"I was going to betray you. I was going to let Lucifer abuse and exploit you without thinking twice about it. But all of that is out of the question now, since you managed to get me to actually care about you. You, a naive rich kid that I had sworn to hate. I can't sell you to him. I can't let that bastard do to you what he did to Matthew, so now he's going to kill me, and my parents, and Liam, and—" I wasn't able to finish my sentence because all of the unsettled alcohol shot back up in my throat, and I ended up regurgitating the beer onto the plush mattress.

Trey glanced down at the mess I made with a peculiar amount of interest. He continued to stare absentmindedly, like there were gears turning in his head as he tried to process what I had just told him. When he finally managed to snap back into reality, he looked at me and sighed. He lifted himself from the bed and hooked his arms under my armpits to pull me along with me. "Let's go home," he suggested, as though he hadn't heard a word I just said to him.

"What," I hissed in anger and pure disbelief at his inability to be mad at me. "I just told you that I was going to sell you!"

"Was," he emphasized. "Don't get me a wrong, I'm hurt and offended, but I get it. I've betrayed people, too, and for that, I appreciate your honesty." He helped me to my feet and proceeded to carry me down the steps and into the cockpit, where he set me down on the co-pilot's chair. "I'm tempted to leave you stranded in the middle of the lake, but I'm hoping that by helping you find another way to get rid of Lucifer, God will send someone my way that's actually worth it."

I'd be lying if I said that comment didn't send a painful sting through my chest. "Trey..."

"No," he spat in contempt, "you don't get to talk right now."

Figuring it'd be best to keep my mouth shut, I sunk into my seat and remained quiet as Trey assumed control of the yacht to turn it back around.

_______

a/n: For some reason, this chapter was very cringe-worthy to write. I knew what I wanted the chapter to be about and how it was going to fit into the grand scheme of things, but every sentence I wrote felt disgusting and icky. I don't know if it was because of the mood I was in, or what, but I don't like this chapter. I'll go back and edit it in the future, but for now, enjoy this kinda-okay chapter.

How do you think Trey is feeling right now? I'm trying to keep the trend of all KB books having 30 chapters, but I'm not sure if this one will.

Well, if you enjoyed this chapter, then a vote and comment would be much appreciated!

Until next time,
Lara <3