SEAN

Pain!

White, hot pain greeted me when my subconscious finally awoke. My head felt as if a fucking jackhammer had been drilling into it the entire night and my body felt heavy — too fucking heavy to move. For a short moment, I almost regretted drowning myself in half a bottle of vodka just to sleep.

And I hadn't even fallen asleep in my bed.

I reluctantly peeled my eyes open with a deep groan that could pass of as a growl. It took more than five long minutes for me to perch myself upright on the couch, scrubbing a hand down my face to wake me up a little more. I wanted to groan again when I found Miguel sitting on a lazy boy staring at me with a tight smile. We just stared at each other, not knowing what to say to break the silence.

"You slept for most of the day, Hermano," Miguel eyed the bottle on the floor, its contents now staining the carpet. I must have dropped the bottle last night when I fell asleep. He brought his gaze back to me, "You're not handling this very well."

"No fucking shit," I gritted, feeling the stabbing pain at my temple.

"Usually, I'd just let you be," he softened his voice as he uttered his next words almost sympathetically, "but you need to pull yourself together. Do you really want her to wake up to find you like this?"

I hung my head, shaking it as the weight of the situation dawned on me. It was a new day and yet everything felt just as heavy as the day before, "I'm not even sure she wants to see me. Now that Dean's there..." I let the sentence trail.

She had a past with Dean — one that a 'summer fling' wouldn't suddenly erase. I wouldn't blame her if she ran back to him, falling into his opened arms. They always had one another, I was just here to pass the time. She admitted to having feelings for him anyway. Rose always had feelings for Dean and he reciprocated them. I should have stayed away from her as I had initially done all those years ago. This was my fault. I just complicated things for myself.

"You don't know that," Miguel tried to reason, "she might want to see you. There's a strong possibility that she will and if she sees you like this she's going to feel guilty."

I buried my face in my hands, pressing the heels to my eyes until white dots flooded my vision. In all my years of drinking I couldn't remember one night I allowed myself to get this intoxicated, "He's with her right now while I'm here."

"Then you should go be with her," Miguel said as if the solution was that simple.

Then again, he wasn't — possibly — in love with a girl that may or may not still want his twin brother.

When Dean had walked through those hospital doors I felt all my hope instantly deflate. I expected him. The night I told him about Rose he told me he would get the first flight back home. I didn't doubt his words because I knew, deep down, I knew there wasn't a thing he wouldn't do for that girl. And when he walked into the room with her pale body hooked up to all those machines, I saw the pain clear on his face.

He rushed to her side with glassy eyes, caressing her cheek with the softest of touches — something I still wasn't all that good at. And when I took them in I realized how perfect they would be for one another. Yet, whenever they tried to pull me away from her I fought them until they just gave up and let me stay. Dean was easier to persuade, he only visited her during stipulated hours. It was last night that he finally convinced me to come home and sleep. I knew I looked like shit, but to be told to pull myself together by so many people only drove the point home further.

"Why exactly are you doing this to yourself?" Miguel asked after a long beat of silence.

I sighed, blinking my eyes to return my vision before glaring down at my hands — hands that were covered in her blood only days ago. Hissing under my breath, I looked away sharply in a desperate attempt to forget that fucked up memory, "I keep seeing it," I admitted with a shudder in my voice, "I keep fucking seeing it."

"See what?" He questioned in clear confusion and I wanted to tell him because Miguel had become more of a brother to me during these past few years.

I inhaled slowly, trying my best to clear my mind but the images were stained and burned into the back of my eyelids, "When I knocked, I heard her. I fucking heard her," my vision turned blurry as my mind fogged over with the memory, "and I don't know why but something felt wrong, especially when she never responded. I knew something was wrong so I did everything I could to get into the room."

Miguel remained silent but I was certain I had his undivided attention. His breathing had turned jagged and shallow.

"I found the room empty so my feet took me to the only place I knew she could be and when I saw her—" my voice cracked at the end and that was when I felt the tears rolling down my face, "there was so much blood. She was on the floor, skin so pale and eyes unfocused. So many lines marked her wrist, each looked deeper than the last. I panicked and gripped her wrist in my hands to stop the bleeding but I just ended up soaking my hands in her warm, sticky blood. The entire room smelt of it. So, I grabbed the closest towel but it soaked through so quickly. I really thought I was going to lose her." I bit the inside of my cheek to hold in my whimper, "Maybe I did lose her."

"Hermano, before jumping to conclusions, speak to her," Miguel sniffled and when I finally looked in his direction I found tear tracks staining his cheeks. He blinked his eyes, offering me a shaky smile, "communication really does solve a lot of problems. You'll both get through this but I have a feeling the only way for you both to heal is together."

I scoffed, "Since when did you become a relationship expect?"

"Since you fucking needed one, pendejo."

I chuckled at his bluntness, "I don't know if I'm ever going to forget what I saw," a huff of irritation left me, "and I sure as hell don't know if I can go back to treating her the way I use to, the way she liked because I never looked at her as fragile—"

"She's not fragile and you know it. You've always known it," Miguel took on an almost chiding tone, sitting forward in his seat, "if she was anything close to the word then she would have never made it this far. I don't know her as well as you do but I don't see fragile when I look at that girl."

He was right. He didn't know Rose but he hit the God damned nail on the head when he said nothing about her equated to fragile. She survived so much — things that were unspeakable — from such a young age and being Bipolar certainly didn't help her. Rose embodied what it meant to be strong. She became a fighter not because she wanted to but because life had never given her the option not to. I could be a jerk and fault everyone for treating her like a princess but she had one thing right, if anyone deserved to be treated as such — it was most certainly her.

My body was stiff from sleeping on the couch all night and for most of the day but I ignored the protesting pain and stood to my feet. I had to see her. Miguel had a point. We had to talk but at the same time, I wanted to give her space. I didn't want to push her because I didn't want something like this to happen again.

What if she succeeded the next time?

Fuck!

"Your brother phoned me since he couldn't get ahold of you," Miguel broke my reverie, "She's awake and she's been asking for you. If you hurry you might make it to see her."

"Could you not have led with that," I deadpanned, throwing my hands up in the air, "you're fucking unbelievable. This whole time you were listening to me bitch about her not wanting me while you knew that she woke up."

He shrugged with a crooked grin, "Si, you needed someone to talk to, Hermano. You tend to bottle things up and for once you weren't which is good. You needed someone to listen so I did the listening."

Part of me couldn't even be mad at him. Miguel was the friend I never thought I deserved. He did a lot of shit but he came through when I needed him most. Knowing that Rose woke up and wanted to see me also had a jittery feeling blossoming in my chest. It made me happy and for the first time in days, I felt as if I could breathe more easily. Fuck trees, they didn't feed my lungs what they needed. Rose did.

I needed her more than I needed the sweet reprieve of oxygen.

"Thank you," I finally breathed. Miguel had even made the effort to visit Rose in hospital. I didn't even have to ask, "Just, thank you."

He all but rolled his eyes at me, "Cristo, don't thank me. You're making things weird as fuck. Just go get your girl."

~~~

I vividly remembered the doctor's words from the morning we brought Rose in. She had read through Rose's medical files and quickly deduced the reason behind what happened. I still felt at fault because I should have stayed with her but the doctor knew and her words were so robotic as if she had conditioned herself not to show too much emotion on the subject.

"It is not uncommon for a patient suffering from her particular type of bipolar disorder to go from mania to depression. The flip could be like a switch or it could be gradual. Considering every factor, this is not odd but with her unpredictable behavior, we cannot run the risk of awakening her. We will have her under suicide watch but for now, we need her body to recover before she can inflict more pain out of compulsion. The only way we can do this is to keep her in a medically induced coma. Just for a few days."

I tapped my foot, hands buried in my jeans pockets as I anxiously waited for the elevator doors to open. They finally woke her up. Of course, she had to wake up with Dean by her side and not me. It felt like the universe just wasn't done with me yet. For once, I needed it to cut me some fucking slack so I could fix whatever my girl and I had before all of this happened.

When the doors parted to the floor Rose was on I practically bolted through the hall. My speed had me almost running into nurses and doctors; even a few patients. I didn't stop to apologize in any way. The only person I ever offered any sort of apology to was just beyond me and I needed to see her. See that she was still alive and breathing the same air as me.

I stopped at the door to her room, trying to calm my racing heartbeat. The sound of her harmonious giggles filtered out of the room which had my lips quirking into a corny grin. That grin flat-lined the second I heard my brother's laugh mix with her giggles.

She wanted to see me.

I had to keep that thought in my head as I pushed the door open and leaned against the threshold. Folding my arms and crossing my legs and my ankles, I observed the two. I felt my muscles tense watching them. Rose was curled into his side, smiling up at Dean who fed her fucking pudding.

I cleared my throat to announce my presence but, fuck, I wanted to do more than announce myself.

"Sean!" Rose's eyes widened when they fell on me — both warmth and a glimmer of excitement flooding her gaze.

"Princess," I knew my tone was somewhat tight but I really was trying to hide my bitterness.

The smile on her face faltered. She passed a glance between my brother and me, and just like my grin, hers turned into a glower, "You came," her words were uttered in the softest of whispers.

"Of course I did," a frown had my brows dipping and mouth curving down, "why wouldn't I?"

She shook her head as if to shake off whatever thoughts she had swimming in there, "Thought you'd revert to your jerky ways."

"Not a chance." I focused my attention on my brother. He looked as dejected as I felt this morning, "can I speak to her alone, or are you her new bodyguard?"

"I'm not the one who refused to leave her side," Dean clipped but sighed tiredly because, if he had been as difficult as me, we both knew he would have remained at her side, too, "I'll give you two a moment," he leaned in, leaving a lingering kiss into Rose's hair before making a move to leave.

I cleared the doorway for him, closing the door once he finally stepped over the threshold. However, instead of rushing to her the way I wanted, I stood there awkwardly. I didn't want to overstep whatever boundary we had between us. Everything always had to go at her pace.

She chewed restlessly on the corner of her bottom lip, looking at me through those long lashes, "I guess, for once, I owe you an apology..."

"You don't," I took a measured step toward her, still keeping plenty of room between us, "I'm just happy you're alive," my voice turned airy, "so fucking happy."

"I wasn't—" she expelled a long breath and ran her fingers over the bandages on her wrists, "I just wanted to not feel. I wasn't trying to kill myself but everything just felt better numb."

Hearing those words leave those pale, chapped lips of hers felt like shards of glass slicing through my skin, "I should have been there for you."

"You were there for me," something clouded her eyes but it vanished just as quickly as it came, "I heard you. Did you mean what you said or was it impulsive because you thought you'd never see me again?"

I took another step toward her, "It was impulsive but I meant every word," edging my way closer, I continued, "You know I never believed in falling in love. It was all bullshit to me but this," I gestured a finger between us, "this right here has to be the definition of the word. There is nothing in this world that could ever top this."

Her eyes shimmered with unshed tears but an ear-to-ear grin split her lips, "I love you, too," she choked out and, I swear, my fucking heart did some weird fluttering thing in my chest, "I love you."

I didn't hesitate to close whatever space laid between us after that, pulling her tiny body into my arms and burying my head into the crook of her neck. Her arms looped around my neck, cold fingers grazing my skin. I missed her touch. I wanted to tighten my arms around her but I didn't want to hurt her.

"I'm sorry I wasn't here when you woke up," my voice was muffled, lips brushing her soft skin as I spoke.

She pressed her body to mine, leaving not even a hairs breath between us, "You're here now."

I pulled away — with the greatest fucking difficulty — to find that her tears had finally escaped. Using the pad of my thumb, I caressed them away, "My brother must be in a pissy fucking mood right now."

"Don't pretend as if you're not enjoying every second of it," she taunted, cold fingers now tracing the line of my jaw.

"Was a little pissed to find the two of you sharing a God damn bed."

"It's nothing new."

I blinked, not sure why I found that surprising in the least, "Time to switch to the better twin then, princess," I grumbled.

"Sean," she deadpanned my name with amusement lighting up her features, "is it really going to be this awkward between the three of us?"

"I don't share," I warned.

"I'm not asking you to share. He's my best friend," she pouted her lips and gave me those big, blue puppy dog eyes that probably had everyone falling to her feet.

"No," I shook my head. She loved me because I treated her normally so I wasn't about to let her get her way. Tracing the seam of her bottom lip with my thumb, I murmured, "you can't have us both."

The soft pillows of her lips brushed over mine, "Can't I?" She asked

I answered her by pulling her bottom lip between my teeth and nibbling. She moaned in approval, allowing me to kiss her the way I had been craving for the last few days. I could feel her pulse hammering in the crook of her neck — healthy and strong. I could almost taste her sweet breaths and I thanked God that he hadn't ripped her away from me. Her tongue glided over mine, reminding me that she was real and in my arms.

I wanted to kiss her breathless until she felt the burning need for oxygen because I wanted her lungs to ache for air the way my body ached for her. Whatever remnants of a hangover I had left instantly vanished when my lips found hers in this soft yet passionate kiss.

"For fuck's sake," a rough voice cut through the room, forcing Rose and me apart.

I let out a groan, pressing my forehead to hers. The shit-eating grin that found its way onto my face could not be stopped. When I turned to find Dylan all but glaring at me I simply shrugged. It was worth it. She made it worth it and I knew he didn't dislike the idea of me and Rose as much as he used to. After he had seen me break down in every sense that morning, he knew that whatever I felt for her was real.

Lacy stood beside him a little red-faced. She, too, did not seem to mind the idea of Rose and me as much.

It was the look on my brother's face that had my guilt rising. He wasn't just my brother, he was my identical twin. Seeing the look of devastation on his face was a grim sight, especially when I knew the feeling all too well.

"Dean—" Rose called as he swiveled on the balls of his feet and all but ran out of the room.

"I'll talk to him," I reassured her, pecking her lips to remind me of their feeling before going after my brother.

I didn't want to share Rose but deep down I knew I was willing to compromise. If she wanted my brother, her best friend, at her side then I sure as hell was going to do my best to achieve that. At the end of the day, she needed both of us and not just him or me. I was going to make damn sure that my brother opened those eyes of his and saw that before he ruined whatever friendship they had left.

Don't forget to hulk smash that star at the bottom of your screen to show me some love 🥰✨