Chapter Nineteen

"Yes, we have room for you and Liza here," Elizabeth told Ellie the next morning as they sat at Elizabeth and Brody's kitchen table.

"We do?" Brody asked.

Elizabeth glared at him, "Yes, we do."

Brody shrugged and took a drink of his coffee, "I still say my brother will wake up and realize what an idiot he is soon."

"This has nothing to do with Jacob," Ellie lied.

Brody raised a brow, "Of course it doesn't. But it's none of my business so I'm heading to town to give LeRoy some time off at the jail. You know the crime rate in town has really dropped since he started working there. I guess the fear of getting preached at all day and night is stronger than the urge to do wrong." He stood up and sat his coffee cup on the counter before kissing Elizabeth's head. She squeezed his hand and he walked out of the house.

"Liza, will you go upstairs, third door on the left and check on the babies?" Elizabeth asked. Liza nodded and rose from the table. Once she had gone up the stairs Elizabeth turned back to Ellie, "What did Jacob do?"

Ellie frowned, "Nothing...."

"Don't lie to me. I happen to know Jacob fairly well since I lived with him for a long time when I thought Brody was dead. What did he do?"

Ellie sighed and picked at the bright yellow cloth on the table as she told Elizabeth what Jacob had said the night before. Elizabeth frowned, "Go to him, throw him down, kiss him senseless and prove to him that you do have a future together."

"No, I can't," Ellie argued quickly. "My heart can't take him breaking it again. One minute he loves me and then he hates me. He claims to love me again and then he can't be with me... I just can't take anymore."

Elizabeth rested her chin in her palm as she studied the other woman, "I think letting him walk away from you is a mistake. Jacob has scars that run pretty deep..."

Liza walked into the kitchen and sat back down, "They're sleeping." Elizabeth nodded, "Thank you."

"What are you talking about with Jacob's scars?" Ellie questioned. Maybe knowing would make her understand him more.

Elizabeth took a sip of coffee, "You know what happened to his and Brody's family?"

Ellie shivered, "Yes, he told me."

"Jacob feels, or at least he always felt, incapable of protecting those he loves because of that. Even though Brody was the younger brother, when the men came, he was the one that carried the girls under the floor. He was the one that held their mouths closed. He was the one who hid their eyes so they wouldn't see their parents and sisters lying there and he was the one that went after the men responsible. It left Jacob feeling unneeded. That's why he threw himself into taking care of Sally and Susie after that. But still to this day he feels as if he can't protect his family."

"That's what he said last night. That he can't protect me," Ellie frowned. "I don't understand though, because he is the one that killed Otis. He saved my life."

"Maybe he's just daft," Liza offered. She took a sip of lemonade that had her sucking in her cheeks and coughing up a storm, "Who made this?!" she gasped.

Elizabeth's cheeks flushed and she bit the inside of her cheek, "Me." Liza offered her an apologetic smile, "It's good," she lied, through the tears in her eyes.

Elizabeth laughed, "I've never been very good at cooking and things but I'm getting better," she admitted. "Now back to what we were talking about, Jacob probably feels guilty that Otis managed to get his hands on you at all that night."

"But Jacob had to leave me downstairs! We didn't know what was going on upstairs. For all Jacob knew, he could have been walking up to a bullet and he didn't want to take me with him."

"I know that and you know that and Brody...." Elizabeth frowned. "Brody didn't give him a hard time about that did he?"

Ellie shook her head, "No. Why?"

"Because, I love my husband but he can be an ass."

Liza gasped and her eyes widened, "I wouldn't be calling that man names. He's dangerous."

Elizabeth waved her hand dismissively, "He's a bunch of hot air. He might talk tough but deep down he's nothing but a big softie."

Ellie and Liza shared a look that clearly said they feared for Elizabeth's sanity and then Ellie shrugged and stared down into her coffee cup, "At least Brody's never broken your heart and left you standing alone in the dark." Liza rubbed her back and frowned.

Elizabeth clicked her tongue thoughtfully, "Brody and I had some good fights. We still butt heads daily. I remember when he first came to the ranch. He was the most arrogant, cockiest son of a bitch that I had ever met and I was determined to put him in his place," Elizabeth smiled at the memories. "I actually pulled my gun on him, which, of course, ended with me being held helpless in his arms"

"This isn't making me feel better," Ellie mumbled as she sipped her coffee.

Elizabeth shrugged, "It's not my job to make you feel better. I'll tell you this though; the Atkinson men are stubborn, set in their ways and full of ghosts. They have scars that run deeper than the Rio Grande and they think that their way is the only way. But, if you can push through that, if you can break down the defenses, you'll find that there aren't any men who love harder than they do. Being in love and being loved by an Atkinson man is the best thing in the world."

Ellie thought back to the night of lovemaking that she and Jacob had shared. She remembered the way he had held her tight, kissed her and promised her forever, "I believe that," she admitted sadly.

"Then you need to get your butt back to the ranch house. You'll never break through his insecurities and defenses if you're out here hiding. Even if you're afraid to be forceful with him, which I still think would be your best bet, at least you'll be within his sight and eventually I have a feeling he'll come around."

"Are you saying Liza and I can't stay here?" Ellie demanded. Elizabeth smiled over the rim of her cup, "I believe I am... And of course you can't take Jacob up on his offer to buy you a room in town because then you wouldn't be on the ranch to do your job. It looks to me like you only have one option."

"That's not fair, Elizabeth," Ellie pouted.

Elizabeth simply laughed and waved toward the door, "You and Jacob make my head hurt... Go back to your man."

***

A month came and went and Ellie was losing what little hope Elizabeth's talk had given her. Jacob seemed to avoid her at all costs. They had shared fewer than a handful of words. He left to the fields before dawn and didn't return until well after dusk.

Her days did have bright spots however. Elizabeth brought the babies over every morning and Ellie was really enjoying her time with them, Susie, Sally and Liza. It was nice to be part of a family and to be able to be herself without any lies or threats hanging over anyone's heads.

Liza would be leaving soon to go back to school, only this time she was going to be in Austin so that she'd be close enough to come back to the ranch during breaks. Ellie loved getting this time with her sister and getting to truly know the girl after so much time spent apart.

One day while the babies were napping, Susie was up sewing and Sally and Liza were out riding, Ellie decided to take a walk around the barns and corrals. She placed the hat that Jacob had bought for her on her head, smiling and frowning in turn as she ran her fingers over the brim and remembered the way he had smiled at her that day.

She made her way out into the sunshine and meandered to one of the corrals to watch the hands as they worked on breaking a mare that Frank had brought in the day before. She laughed as Wendell took off running away from the mares stomping hooves and she heard a deep chuckle beside her. She turned to see Kent standing there.

"Good afternoon, Miss Thompson," he said as he looked down at her with a smile on his face.

"Good afternoon, Kent," she replied. Kent had a head that was shaped much like a square. His jaw was strong, his cheeks seemed to sink in slightly and his nose had clearly been broken more than once. He had a boyish smile, friendly brown eyes and a lot of red hair under his hat.

"How are you today?"

"I'm doing fine," Ellie replied as she looked back into the corral and leaned her arms against the fence, "How are you?"

"Better now," he winked. "I'm talking to a beautiful lady."

Ellie smiled and shook her head, "You're wasting your time, Kent. I'm not looking for whatever it is you're offering."

Kent scoffed and looked quite insulted, "I'm not offering anything," he assured her as he too leaned against the fence so that their faces were level. "I just figured we could stand here together and watch these men kill themselves on that mare. You know, that way if she charges at us you can protect me."

Ellie found herself laughing. Kent really was a nice man. He had been showing her more and more attention the last few weeks and with every day that Jacob ignored her she was more and more tempted to take a chance on the ranch hand. Why should she be lonely and miserable just because the man she loved refused to be with her because of his own insecurities?

"Would you really let those hooves hit me?" she teased.

Kent smiled and bumped his shoulder against hers, "Naw, that face is too darn pretty. My face on the other hand has been pounded a few times before so it's used to it."

"You're face isn't too bad," Ellie assured him.

Kent laughed, "Well thank you, Miss Thompson."

"Call me Ellie."

"That's a right pretty name, Ellie, and it suits you just fine."

Ellie blushed and looked back out at the mare, not bothering to pull away from his shoulder, which was still pressed against hers.

***

Miserable did not begin to describe the last month of Jacob's life. His every thought was about Ellie. He couldn't sleep at night because he knew she was below him in that room they had made love in. He couldn't walk through his house without catching the scent of her flowery soap.

He knew she deserved better than him but if he didn't stay away from her, he was going to lose control of himself, carry her to his bed and keep her locked away for at least a week while he loved on her.

Jacob rode up to the barn and he felt his temper flare when he saw Ellie and Kent standing at the corral. They were laughing and talking and their bodies were pressed together. All logic left Jacob. That was his woman and he'd be damned before he let that crooked nosed, square headed boy take what was his.

"So, Ellie, would you be interested in maybe...." Kent's words were cut off when a shadow came over them. They both stood straight, turned and found themselves looking up at a very angry Jacob.

Jacob grabbed Kent, who was a good eight inches shorter and a lot skinnier than he was, by the shirt collar and pulled him away from Ellie, "I know darn well that you've got work you should be doing," he growled as he shoved the man away.

Kent smoothed out his shirt and nodded, "Yes sir," he agreed. He looked at Ellie, "I'll talk to you later, Ellie."

"You call her Miss Thompson," Jacob warned sternly as he crossed his arms over his chest. Kent swallowed hard and quickly walked away.

"What is your problem?!" Ellie exclaimed as she glared up at Jacob.

"Is that stupid ranch hand really want you want, Ellie? You could have anybody and you're gonna settle on him?" Jacob demanded.

Ellie felt every ounce of her patience leave her in that instant. She had been taking Jacob's cold shoulders and his aloofness in stride but this sudden possessive streak was just too much.

She snapped then and a lot of eyes were on her from the other side of the corral as it happened, "No you idiot!" she screamed as she put her hands on his chest and shoved him backward. Jacob staggered back several steps and his eyes widened. "What I want is you! But you're too damn stupid to give me what I want!" she shoved him again and again he staggered back.

"Ellie, I..."

"Just close your fool headed mouth, Jacob! You say you forgive me for lying to you and you say that you love me but we can't be together because you can't protect me! Sounds like quite a petty excuse to me! I don't need your damn protection! I can protect myself just fine!" Just to prove her point, Ellie pulled her gun from the waistband of her skirt and fired off a shot, knocking a tin coffee can off of the post by the barn forty yards away.

"I..." Jacob started but Ellie wasn't going to let him speak yet.

She put her gun back and shoved him again, "I love you, you foolish man. I love that you're gentle and caring and kind. I love that you sacrificed so much for your sisters. I love that you have a firm belief in what is right and wrong. You see, all the things that you seem to think make you not good enough for me, are the things I love the most!"

Jacob stared at her in shock, unable to come up with any kind of response other than a couple of unintelligible stutters. Ellie let out an impatient screech, threw her hands in the air and stomped off to the house.

Jacob walked back toward his horse. A ride. He needed a ride. He passed Kent on the way and he stopped and glared at the man, "You stay the hell away from my woman." Jacob warned.

Kent nodded quickly, "Yes sir." He hadn't thought that Jacob had it in him to be scary but right now the man was pretty damn intimidating. Jacob mounted his horse and rode off to think about what Ellie had said.