Breathe Jessa. Just Breathe.

I swallowed back my nerves as I waited anxiously for Nate's decision on what he would do to me. There was something dark in his tone that only ever came out when he was angry. He was going to find a way to demean me in front of the room more than he usually did. There was something different I didn't recognize this time. The big bad wolf was huffing and puffing, trying to blow the house down. He hadn't even realized yet that I had left the door wide open for him to walk right in.

Tonight I had felt true humiliation deep inside my bones in the car with Cam. Nothing Nathan could ever do to me could make me feel worse than what Cam had made me feel. It couldn't even come close.

I sat and waited, growing more and more impatient as the seconds passed. They were still debating around the room about what they thought he should do. They were hyping him up with insane ideas. Some of them were actually funny and made me laugh. They were still degrading and vile, but points for creativity. These guys had watched too many adult movies. Nate shot the fun ideas down immediately.

"Anyone got a belt?" Nathan asked the room.

Keith walked over and undid his buckle and pulled it out of the loops to hand to Nathan.

Shit.

Of all the things he could do to me, this was one I wasn't prepared for. Nate liked to be rough, but he had never gone this far with me before. I took a deep breath and steadied myself. It was time for the bad Jessa to show everyone how strong she could be. I took off her shackles and unleashed her on the world.

"Get Ready, Jessa. I want to hear you scream." Nathan said.

I closed my eyes and could hear the whistle of the belt fly through the air. With a loud crack, the leather made contact with my bare skin. The sharp sting spread over my body and down areas that weren't even touched. Nathan wasn't holding anything back. He wasn't doing this for the group's amusement; he was doing it to hurt me.

I didn't cry out like he wanted; I barely flinched. I just closed my eyes and swallowed my screams back down inside.

"Come on, Jess. I told you to make some noise." He pulled back and hit me again. I sunk down a bit from the contact as the fire spread across my backside.

"Did you even hit her? Maybe she didn't feel it because of your girly arms." Keith poked at Nathan. The rest of the guys in the room began laughing at him.

Nathan was furious because I wasn't writhing in pain for him and Keith wasn't helping the situation. Nathan was going to take it out on one of us and unfortunately, the easier target was the one bent over with her bare ass hanging out.

"Fuck off." Nathan said, angrier than before. He pulled back and struck me again. This time it hit me just at the top of my thighs. My eyes began to water as the ache began to grow. I still stayed silent; he wasn't going to hear me make a peep. I would never give him that satisfaction.

"Maybe you aren't doing it right. Let me try." Keith said. He grabbed the belt from Nathan and swung it with every ounce of strength he had.

I collapsed down lower and laughed into the fabric of the chair. My skin was burning and felt like it was falling off my body.

Any semblance of my normality was thrown out the window into the frozen air. Bad Jessa had gone completely hysterical; she was climbing up the walls inside my brain. She wanted to push him even further just to see how far he would go this time.

"What's so funny?" Nathan hissed.

"Harder, please." I said as I stood back up and bucked my hips back out for him.

Nathan snatched the belt back from Keith and unleashed everything he had against my skin. He struck me over and over again until I couldn't stand. I still didn't scream and I didn't cry. I laughed; I just laid there and fucking laughed.

"Hey, dude. I think she's had enough. She's bleeding." Keith whispered, trying to grab the belt back from Nathan to get him to stop.

"I'll be the one who says when she's had enough." Nathan bellowed back.

"It's ok, Keith. Nathan, please keep going. I'm ready for more." I slurred a little with a whole pool of drool trying to escape my lips from the searing pain. I felt like I was foaming at the mouth.

Nathan looked down at me and rubbed the back of my head with his meaty palm. I flinched when I felt his hand in my hair. I didn't expect him to do that. Seeing a little bit of fear from me was enough for him. He had won.

"Stand up Jess and go to my room." Nathan commanded.

I did what I was told and started stumbling towards the back of the apartment. I held onto the wall. I had lost my sense of balance after what just happened. It hurt to walk from where the belt hit me on the tops of my thighs. Nathan walked up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist to help hold me up.

I wasn't sure what he was planning next. I was surprised that he was willing to let the rest of the night happen behind closed doors. Nathan was normally an exhibitionist.

When we got to his room, he shut the door behind us and locked it.

I went to go sit down on his bed and winced when my skin brushed the fabric. I looked down and saw a few fresh blood spots on the sheets underneath me. Keith wasn't lying when he said I was bleeding.

"Sweetheart, did I hurt you?" Nathan asked, smirking.

"It hurts a little." I scrunched my face again when I shifted, trying to get more comfortable.

"Turn around and let me see." He said darkly. He wanted to admire his handiwork.

I climbed across his bed on my hands and knees and flipped my skirt back up to show him.

"Is this good enough?" I asked, barely able to bend over enough to give him what he wanted. Pain shot up and down my leg when my skin stretched with the movement.

"A little more."

I leaned down on my forearms and spread my legs open a little wider for him.

He must have been enjoying the view because he moaned as he stared down at me.

"Do you like what you see?" I asked, looking back at him.

"It's hot, Jess." He ran his tongue over his teeth as he studied me.

"Are you going to fuck me now or should I just keep my red ass in the air?" I asked, desperately wanting to get this over with so I could go drink or find some pills to lose myself in.

Nate dropped his pants and went to the nightstand to grab a condom. He rolled it over himself and immediately slid into me. Every time his skin touched mine, I cringed. He started digging his fingers into my raw flesh and I cried out, finally unable to keep it in any longer.

"That's it. I want to hear you." Nathan pounded into me.

I closed my eyes, trying to pretend I wasn't doing this and that it was some other foolish girl letting a man take advantage of her when she was at her lowest point.

I felt sick when Nate pulled out and finished on my raw skin. He smeared it all over me just to show me that he owned me. I had humiliated him before and he wanted to take his power back. I was too tired to care anymore; he could have it. I was done.

Nate collapsed on the bed next to me and pulled me down with him.

"That was fun." He exhaled, trying to catch his breath.

We laid there next to each other in silence as Nate recovered. We weren't touching at all. Nate wasn't a post-sex cuddler. The only time he ever held me in bed was when I was crying the night he took my virginity. He wasn't even close to being gentle that night and it was horribly painful. As my drunken tears stained the pillows and my blood soaked the sheets, he ran his hand over my back and told me to spread my legs for him again. When I told him no, he convinced me that I was really bad at having sex and he needed to show me how to do it better. I was so terrible to sleep with that he made me practice with him two more times before I was allowed to leave the room.

Nate was just that kind of helpful.

"You going home soon?" He asked, yawning.

"Actually, would you mind if I stayed here for a few days? Just until I can figure some stuff out." I asked.

"I guess. We do have to get ready for the tour." He smiled with his pointy canines gleaming in the light.

He reached his arm back to the nightstand and grabbed a bottle of pills. He opened the bottle and shook some out into my hand. I placed the pills in my mouth and swallowed. I rolled over with my back to him and closed my eyes to let the exhaustion and pain consume me.

"Don't I even get a thank you?" He dug his elbow into my back.

"Thank you, Nathan. I'm really lucky to have you." I was catering to his ego. It really wasn't luck; it was more like a curse.

"You know I'll take care of you, sweetheart. I always do."