I woke up the next morning to hear the sizzling of a frying pan.  It smelled like bacon.  My favorite breakfast food of all time.  Of course, Cam would be making me bacon; he knew me better than anyone else.

I jumped out of bed, realizing I still had no clothes on.  The deviant in me wanted to go parade my nude self all over his kitchen to try to get him to touch me.  Good morning sex sounded phenomenal right now after the night we had together.  He didn't touch me one time, but I had never had anything close to that type of experience with anyone else before.

After beating back my inner demoness for fifteen minutes, the realist in me decided to put a shirt and my panties back on. Cam would appreciate me using my better judgment.  With things being so different between us right now, I didn't want to push my luck with him. 

Cam was standing in the kitchen in front of the stove with just his boxers on. Fuck he was a delicious treat. 

Cam had changed into a pair of black boxer briefs at some point during the night.  I hated to admit that I actually missed the red ones.  Black still looked amazing on his perfectly firm round butt, but the red ones were mouthwatering.  He looked like a dirty boy in them. I just wanted to go over there and give him a little squeeze.  He would like it even though he would never admit it out loud. 

Control Jessa.  Practice control. Last night did not happen. He only let you do it because he knew it was what you needed.  It was nothing more than that.  He was Cam and I was Jessa.  Best friends for life.  My gorgeous best friend who leaned over top of me while I got myself off naked in his bed.  Not complicated at all.  Everything was just sunshine and rainbows.

"We could be really happy together." The other half of my brain chimed in.

Shut up, brain.

Who was I really trying to fool?  I was a bipolar pill head who screwed anything that walked when I was manic.  I could never be little Susie Homemaker for this boy.  Even if we tried to have a relationship, I would just end up breaking his heart.  Nathan was right when he said Cam couldn't handle a girl like me.  I couldn't be his burden.

"Good Morning." Cam said, smiling back at me.

"Hey." I somberly walked over towards him and jumped up on the counter next to where he was cooking.

"Did you sleep well?"  He asked, flipping the bacon over in the pan.

"Yeah, I think I did."  I giggled when he flinched after a splatter of grease hit his skin. 

"Extra Crispy?" He asked, knowing the answer before I could even say it.

"I hate it when it's all wiggly."  I sighed in a lackluster tone.

"Jess, what's wrong? Are you feeling ok?" Cam looked over at me, concerned.

"No, everything is fine." I said unconvincingly.

Cam placed the fork back down on a piece of paper towel and walked over to stand between my legs.  He placed his hands on my bare thighs, tickling my skin.  Of course, the electricity went straight to the pit of my stomach and I was immediately soaking again.  

"Do you want to talk about what happened?" He asked, running his hands up and down my thighs, causing goosebumps to spread over every inch of my body. My breath was coming out hard and fast with every soft stroke. 

I placed my hands on his chest and traced my hand lower over his hard stomach. I leaned in further, wanting to kiss him or at least get him to take me back into bed.  He wrapped his fingers in my hair and placed his forehead against mine.

I raised my mouth up close to his, wanting him to close the gap between our lips.  I moved in a little closer and brushed his nose with mine trying to get him to make the final move.

He leaned back with his hand still tangled in my hair while he stroked the back of my head.  He looked a little amused.  A small smirk started forming on one side of his mouth. Was he laughing at me?  

"Jess, I meant what I said last night." Cam shook his head and kissed my forehead.  He patted my leg and left me to go back to the frying pan.  I watched him skillfully straighten out the sizzling bacon trying to make sure it was being cooked evenly.

I stuck my lip out, pouting.  I couldn't help it; it was just an involuntary response.  I was so used to getting what I wanted. Being told 'no' by him repeatedly was a huge blow to my ego.  Stupid Cameron was always trying to do the right thing. Damnit, he infuriated me, but I still loved him for it.

"Sulking on my kitchen counter is not going to change my mind."  He said, not even bothering to glance in my direction.  He knew me too well.

"Then tell me what will?" I said, renewing my endless pursuit of the unobtainable. 

He started whistling.  He was pretending to ignore me. 

"Fine then, tell me where you hide your porn and I will just go take care of myself again." 

His jaw dropped and his cheeks flushed.  I got his attention.

"I don't watch porn, Jess."

"Come on, Cameron, everyone has a stash hidden somewhere.  Is it in your closet?  I can go get it." I began to climb down off the counter and he reached his arm over to stop me.

"You can look all you want, but you won't find any. I don't need it."  He raised his eyebrows at me with that confident smirk that only came out when he was telling me 'no'.

"Are you embarrassed about what you like? Come on, Cameron, I want to see what you watch. I bet it's kinky.  Do you like watching girls together, orgies, maybe BDSM?  For me, the dirtier, the better." 

"No, Jessa."

"Oh my god, you're not one of those guys into feet, are you?" I stuck out my tongue at the thought of feet.  That was about one of the only fetishes I never understood.  To each their own, I guess. Who was I to judge?

"Jess, I don't have foot porn. Have you taken your meds this morning?" Cam asked suspiciously.

I looked at him with wide eyes.  I had forgotten to take them with me when I left for the studio.  I had already missed two doses yesterday and it was already late in the morning.  I missed the first one yesterday because I was just being lazy and the second one because I just completely forgot.

"I don't have them." I swallowed.

"How many have you missed?"  He dropped the fork on the floor. 

"One and one makes two." I paused. "Well, three if you count this morning." 

"Jess, how could you be so irresponsible?  You know you need them."  Cam lectured me like a little kid.  "We have to get you home now."

Cam turned off the stove and removed the pan.  I watched my dreams of breakfast slowly dissipate. It looked like my crunchy bacon-filled breakfast was off the table now. 

He ran out of his bedroom seconds later as he pulled on his old police academy sweats.  He came back into the room with a pair of black sweatpants for me. His phone was pressed tightly to his ear and he was shouting into the receiver. 

"No, she hasn't tried to run yet."

Five more seconds and I would.

"I know she's fast. I won't let her try."

I dared him with my eyes to try to stop me.

"I don't know, Mrs. Miller. It's hard to tell sometimes."

Did he seriously just call my Mom?

"She stayed here with me last night. I picked her up from Nathan's studio yesterday."

Go ahead and tell her how you knew I was there.

"Yes, she was drinking and took some pills with Nathan before I got to her."

What the fuck?  Was he tattling on me to my Mother? 

I glared at him trying to shoot him with the death rays spewing from my eyeballs.  I was aiming for the spot right between his mesmerizing gray eyes.  I could take him down with one shot. Pew. Pew.

Motherfucker.

I hoped he didn't want to sleep with my Mom; maybe that was the reason he was such a prude with me.  Oh my god, Cam was hot for my Mom.  It made so much sense. He was into cougars!  That was his secret.  He loved old ladies. Dirty, dirty boy.  

I caught myself right before trying to stick my finger in the frying pan to grab an undercooked piece of bacon. Sane Jessa had decided to leave the building today.  Shit, he was telling the truth.  I was off-kilter again.  I hated when Cam was right.

"She missed three doses."

The frying pan. I could hit him with that.  The old cast iron pan would do the trick.  One blow and I could crack that beautifully shaped skull open like an eggshell.  He was singlehandedly going to mess up my life with this one phone call.  He could have at least given me a chance to pull myself together without involving my parents.

"Yeah, bringing her home now." Cam pulled the phone away from his ear and threw the sweatpants at me.

"Hurry, your Mom is calling your Doctor now."  He ran over to me and started practically dressing me like I was incapable of doing it on my own.  He slid the pants over my legs and then dropped me down to the floor to pull them up over my hips.

"Quit treating me like I'm a bomb about to explode."  I screamed, pushing him away from me.

"Jess, you're already slipping. I can see it."  He cupped my face between his hands.

"I'm not. I am still ok."  I really wasn't, but I would never admit I was feeling off even before I missed the doses.  The new prescription wasn't cutting it, but I didn't want to let anyone know because they might send me back to the hospital or, worse, the treatment facility.  Now they would do it for sure since I accidentally forgot to grab my pills before heading out. 

"You're not fine.  We have to get you home. You don't understand. I can't lose you again. Not now."

"You're not going to lose me." I placed my hand on his cheek, hoping he couldn't see through my lies.

In reality, I knew I was already lost.  I would be lost for the rest of my life due to this disorder.  There was no hope for a girl like me. 

I silently begged for Cameron Nash to give up on me.  He deserved better.