Josh,

This all started because the way you entered my life. do you remember kindergarten? you know, the day my father had to pry me off his legs because I was to afraid to leave him. no? Oh. well...I remember. you entered alone.

you was all scuffed up, had a big dirty spot on your nose, and stuck out much like a sore thumb. I was wearing my Dad's oversized, leather jacket, (and being the Christian kid I still am) I covered you up with my comfort blanket because of how cold you looked. I think the real reason is, I wanted to know you. haha, stupid right? I hope you don't think that was stupid of me...

I was hoping you'd come over and return that jacket. you never did though. I'm glad you didn't return that beautiful jacket.

if you had, I wouldn't be able to show off my sewing skills. you tore a hole in it, so huge I could fit my hand into it. you told me it was because you tripped over the sidewalk which was an obvious lie; I know your not that clumsy.

And I couldn't believe you let me treat your arm. Not only was that old jacket wounded but so were you. I did a really terrible job treating your arm. And yet you continued letting me be your personal nurse.

Josh, have I ever told you that I'm so glad I met you? look at us now. high schoolers...only a year away from adulthood. yaknow...I hear people say you never get to see anyone you've went to school with after those years. I hope it isn't true. id be lost without you!

a kid my height shouldn't be bullied. and a kid so short shouldn't be able to upper cut so many people with hands as small as yours. but here we are. me watching you fight for a bro like me. A bro, friend, bestie...I think there's something wrong with me josh. I haven't been able to stop thinking about you.

Sometimes I cry so hard. praying to God to make me like girls. I looked at so many magazines trying to force myself to like them, yet your face always interrupts theirs. I guess the point in me writing so many words in this stupid letter is to tell you that.

I love you, Joshua.

- Michael

I crumble the stupid thing into a tight ball between my sweaty shaking hands. my head presses against my heated fist. Just then, the burning tears gush from my dark eyes to the ends of my face. I toss the crumbled page in the corner of my poorly lit room. it bounces off the overfilled bag, and rolls back to me as if it's teasing me.

Standing now, I push aside my curtain to eye the rain that's been hitting against the glass since I started working on thoughtless letters. I started to wonder far from my bible studies because of my troublesome thoughtless heart. Knock knock, I want Josh's cock.

I turn around from my window and rub off my gay haze. Me, in Josh's pants? No, More like me...looking at...breast. probably chicken breast, according to my addiction. How big is Josh's dick anyway?

I throw myself into the green bedding. Please forgive me? I flip through the Bible beside me. Its Adam and eve not Adam and Steve. I flip some more to the page just checking if it says eve instead of Steve. As if, magically it changed. As expected, nope it didnt.

I glance to the time printed on my clock. Currently 6:28pm. Dinner will be done soon. I find myself looking at my phone. Josh has yet to message me. Like normal. He's too cool for guys like me, he's probably smoking weed with Sebastian.

I type in the bar.

"Josh I think ily" I erase it.

I type in crosses.

"t t t"

this should remind me why being a faggot is off market for a future bible thumper. I hit send. Then type an actual message.

"School tomorrow, dont forget to sober up!"

Two minutes pass and nothing.

At exactly 6:30, I'm breaking bread with my father. Everyone's father. He is after all, almost as holy as jesus himself. Also known as the priest of our black wood church. I kinda loathe my father, he makes looking straight easy.

"Did you finish the pages I left for you?" His voice, he's using THE voice on me.

"No dad, the rain was...hypnotic." honor thy mother and thy father. I keep my head bowed.

Then I hear him smile. His hand on me, then arms. He's hugging me. Strange. I did wrong, shouldn't I be punished?

"That's fine. If we're both being honest I haven't looked at what scripture to read this sunday..."

I nod my head, and stare at his features. He's a very handsome man. somehow his hair is jet black with one streak of grey, fashioned into a low ponytail. His sharp stone blue eyes has the power to vanquish any hope and caring emotions, yet they harbor so much love for me. I love dad too. But I feel I earned none of that love.

"Michael, why dont you take some chicken to that Josh friend of yours? I'm sure he'd love to see you."

I look to the rain, and to my nice button-up shirt. I'd be soaked but, I think being left out of the groups antics would be more damaging then a little rain. Yeah, I think I'll go see my Josh, friend. Then again, dad's probably up to something.