"She's way better than weed," I joked as Jayo and I came off the stairs, looking at where Beth sat on the couch, laughing her heart out amidst a couple of people.

"She's pretty hot." There was a wierd, uncomfortable pause between us before he looked back to see my reaction. I grinned and he slapped my shoulder. "Heyy, just a compliment man."

I smiled and threw his hand hand off my shoulder. "I wasn't going to bust your lip."

"I didn't fuck her yet."

We both smiled. Jayo and I got back together quickly like every other time; one of the reasons we were still friends.

"There you are!"
Two drunk girls approached us, staggering until the one of them wrapped her hands around Jayo's neck while the other leaned against the rails intentionally brushing her fingertips on my chest. I smiled and slowly excused myself causing her to to give me a confused look.

What did I care.

Immediately I made my way through the crowd to the circled couchs and even if she had her back at me - it was a curse - I couldn't help my groins. I leaned in close to her ear uncertain of what was to come. She smelt like home, I can remember. At first, she was slightly frightened but soon wrapped her hands around my neck. Her red cup rested on my back and I was starting to nibble slowly at her ear. I slowly began to make out the faint smell of alcohol lingering in her tiny breaths and then I smiled. She had been drinking. My nibbles soon became kisses and to my suprise her grip around my neck became tighter in response. Even just that gave me calming assurance - only to be cut short.

"Get a room!"

Beth let go of my neck and smiled at the bloody idiot. He grinned back at me, only if I could have pierced those blue eyes. I settled in besides Beth and for the first time since I met her I felt confident about whatever was that we were going to have. As soon as everyone was back to being indulged in their drunken conversations, I felt her palm rub at my lap. Frozen and waiting for where she heading at, I sipped from my cup. She looked up at me with a glint of mischievousness in her eyes before pulling me up by the wrist. To be honest, I was aiming to be pulled into a bedroom.

"See, all we ever do is drink and fuck."

Beth dragged me through the dancing bodies absolutely not minding the heaviness of the cluster and stopped right at the center of the noisy crowd. She pulled my arms around her waist, reached her hands to my face and our eyes locked. At the moment I could tell she was drunk, I could tell that I was falling for an angel and I could tell that I had just found a new and a better escape. She began to caress my jaw with her fingers and she pressed harder against me causing her bare skin to meet mine.

My abdomen hardened.

Nobody cared if we were being overly dramatic. So it was just us, away from the real world. Her fingertips travelled down my neck slowly forcing a groan out of me.

Oh God. Damn! everything felt so good.

Bliss was an understatement to what I was feeling. My body throbbed, aching to feel more. And both our chests were heaving with emotions against each other causing a weird burst of adrenaline insides of me. Once again her fingertips travelled back up forcing my grip around her waist to become tighter. My hood fell and those fingers found their way through my hair and her thumb slightly stroked my scar. It was hurting but it was worth it. Her lips met my skin and definitely loosened the screws in head as they caressed my jawline. When I thought I had enough already, I forced my lips against hers. There was no resistance, like I had thought, instead she wrapped her hand around my neck and placed the other on my chest. So my muscles relaxed falling into warmth making what we were having to become real. It was like we were in an emptiness surrounded by the beautiful vandalised walls that spelt our emotions.

Once upon a time, I thought, we would both paint our worlds - together. 

Bodies pushed against us but we were unbothered, we were --- burp. She burped. She pulled away from me slowly and started to laugh hysterically. I watched her with amusement still holding her by the waist. Finally she dumped her face in my chest and pulled the edges of my hoodie before wrapping it around her head, enclosing herself underneath it against my chest. I staggered slightly and I could tell the we both smiled. Uneven breathing tickled my body as my head leaned atop of hers. We remained like that for a while until she looked up at me.

"Devon." Her voice was slurry and slightly gibberish but the flicker in her eyes remained.

"Ahhn?"

"I think we should do this some other--" she burped "--time."

"Oh, yeah--" I kissed her on the nose. "--we will."

*_*

The moment I found the light switch, I staggered to my bathroom and fell on the floor. My head was pounding again and I didn't think my lips would ever heal. But this time it was a different feeling, an entirely different story. Beth and I had had the best night of my life. After drinking just as much as needed, we practically painted the party red. I smiled remembering the look on everyone's face as we filled the water gun with red paint. Only if they knew what was to come. For the first time in months, I had felt like a 'kid' that I actually was. Everyone around me was beaming with smiles. For once in our lives, we all were tired but we didn't dwell on that. We threw bulbs of red paint at each other mindless of the horrid picture we painted of ourselves.

"We are all wanting to die early -- but Devon it scares us, it scares me."

Beth was the only one bold enough to say that. Her voice dropped as she whispered those words in my ear. Mindless of whatever she had said, I slowly pulled her against and looked into her eyes like it was going to be last time I would. Shadows casted on her face causing her fear to seem more of confidence. I wanted to kiss her again - and again but there was a pang of doubt in both of us. For the moment we were finally agreeing to see through each other. Only if hers were as clear as mine. We were both drunk and breathless. We were both scared.

"Beth."

"Huh?"

"At least you would die with me right?" I laughed at my own words, only that I wasn't sure if it a mere joke.

All the emotions I saw suddenly vanished from her eyes and there she was again, being Beth. Only that this time she didn't hesitate to put her lips on mine. It was then I realised that I would never get an answer. Not that answer.

But what did I care? All that mattered were those lips, the places where those kisses had taken me to and the bliss that was twisting my insights.

To whoever reading dis. I love you.
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