B~th

I was falling into the craziest emotional cyclone created but this time, it was created by my own mind.

It wasn't the way Devon's left fingers traced my spine nor how firm his soft lips held mine. It was the fact that in a blink of an eye a stranger was being better at calming me down than any other person had. My hands found their way too, taking harbour in the warmth of his hair. The more I tried to pull away the more it was getting better; the real fact was that just as the rain was hitting the wet grounds my ego was falling off its heights. Two hours before then my best friends were hauling harsh words at each other and screaming out one another's insecurities.  The things I knew about and the things I didn't were out in the open crushing 'once upon our triangle'. I had wanted to scream and yell at them to stop or tell them that they could do this sometimes in their afterlife. But I didn't instead it simply tore me apart and there I was in the backseat of his car trying my best not to crack in his arms.

His other hand continued to softly run through my hair while I moaned softly whenever I had the chance to. And just as the tears in my eyes started to dry up our once energetic kiss reduced to nothing but him sucking at my lips. Soon it all ended and all that we did was cuddle. His hand still ran through my hair whilst I bit my lower lip against his chest. The whole thing was like a rupture to my sanity, if my best friends were going to go separate ways it reminded me of the fact that we were not and never going to be actual sisters. It reminded me that I had no family of my own. It reminded me of the fact that I was lonely just like they were.

I pulled myself away from Devon and he involuntary let me go. In return I smiled tiredly and looked outside the window. Tears blotted my sight and the foggy windows weren't much of help either. So outside was like a background of black dotted with every possible shade of colours. I looked back at Devon who had retreated to scrolling through his phone. Once again a tired smile played on my face as I embraced his features especially how much more his lips were swollen.

"Devon."

He looked up abruptly at me and rubbed the back of neck. "You okay now?" He was concerned and that was all I needed at the moment.

I nodded and bent down to pull off my shoes and was surprised that he helped me with it placing my feet on his laps. I watched as he dutifully unknotted the laces before putting the shoes down.

"God. Such tiny feet," he joked.

I smiled and put my legs down before inching closer to him unsure of what I was aiming for. It had been four adventurous days for both us and we both knew that. If he didn't, I felt that we were both doing things we had never done before. Every of those four days we ended up in each others arms and talked like we were going to last forever. But one thing, we knew we weren't. I leaned in close to his ears and whispered the only word I could think of;

"Thanks."

He pushed hair behind his ear and smiled genuinely. "I could have kissed you - only that you know how we go on and on."

I furrowed and folded my arms. "You meaning?"

"That i'ld love to go on and on but you..." He grinned widely and relocated to the front seat. "Let's get you home."

"The orphanage." I corrected.

He turned back strapping his seat belt and raised a brow. "Just put on those shoes."

×_×

"Beth."

"Hmmn."

"Don't switch off your phone."

I laughed shortly and alighted from his car. "Good luck about that."

The cold breeze stung my skin putting Devon's wooly sweater to shame. I jumped down into the premises smiling at him before walking down into the building. It was loud, loud enough for the matrons not to care. As I jogged upstairs amidst few of us, I bit my lower lip as if to taste his warmth again. It had become something I was accustomed to. Charlie and Ryan weren't around. To be honest that didn't bother me instead the figure at the windowsill did. Damien leaned against the windows staring at me as he drank from a large bottle. His eyes were red and his stare was unpredictable. He watched me just as I watched him suspiciously. I stood rooted at the door though and he smiled in return before slumped on my bed.

"So you ditched us for your boyfriend." He sounded unexpectedly calm but I couldn't have missed the traces of anger in his tone.

"I'm sorry. I wasn't in a good mood." I replied casually wanting to end the unexpected conversation.

"Really?" He sat up to face me. His eyes were fixed on mine but this time with aura of disappointment or pain or disgust. I could see his fist clench against the bottle and the veins in it seemed to want to pop. He was waiting for me to say something, probably to deny but too bad for us I wasn't going to. He finally looked away and roughly ran his hand through his hair before shutting his eyes tightly.

"I hate you beth. I hate you."

He stood up and turned to face me. This time he was closer forcing an eerie pang of guilt through me. But there was nothing in my capacity I could do. I love Damien - but as family. He continued to maintain eye contact with me until he held the door knob. This time it was a questioning look filled with pure, very pure pain. I just stood there with one hand around my other arm watching him leave. And when he left he shut the door.

And I locked it.

There wasn't much I could do about it. Just like I had kissed Devon, I had kissed him and even more times than anyone could imagine.