"I'm literally going to murder Shelby," Aiden says as she laughs hysterically. "Ohhhh boy. I'm going to kill him."

Aiden wanted to come with me to Borderly's. I told her she was not going to have fun, and that Marshall is kind of an idiot. She's been sitting on the stairs, complaining about Shelby for a while now. Marshall has headphones in. He's been really non-talkative today so far. I thought of doing the 'acquaintance' thing an asking him what's wrong, but that means I'd have to listen. Bleh.

"Don't say yes. If he's going to act like you guys being 'just friends' is okay, but he still wants to do non-platonic things with you, then he's being a jerk," I say, taking a break from fixing boards.

Aiden groans. "He doesn't know what he's doing wrong, though. He has no idea how much this really sucks for me."

"Well, I'm making the most of 'friends', so Logan, Chris, and Shelby are coming over tonight. We were all going to go shopping with you. Chris already got her dress. What time is it?"

"Six o'clock."

Great. "Damn, they're probably already over there. Marshall?" He turns my way. "Gotta go. It's six."

"Peace, my dude."

*********

Just as I thought, Christina, Logan and Shelby are in my living room. Chris and Logan sit down while Shelby talks, using his hands as his voice fluctuates immensely. I'm not listening to what he's saying.

"Sorry, everyone," I interrupt.

"How long will you have to slave at that drug store?" Logan asks.

"Til the end of the week. Are my parents home?"

"Your mum's in the kitchen." I head that way to find her sitting down, reading a book. She looks tired. I hate to have to bother her, but I don't have a tuxedo for F&F, and Aiden doesn't have her dress, of course. Logan told me he is still going with Violet, because he made a commitment, but he's going to be with me pretty much the whole time. I still haven't really talked to Christina about everything, but I'm ready to start trusting her, and having her trust me.

"Hey, mom," I start. She looks up from her book and smiles. "Sorry to ask—"

"I can take you all where you need to go. I didn't know your dance was next week. So soon. You tell me where, and we'll work it out," she says. Cool.

"Can I use your laptop to find a place?" I ask. Mine, of course, has been confiscated.

My mom points to the edge of the table. "That one's your father's. Password is 071499." Mom goes back to her book. I hear Shelby start another monologue as I type the password into my father's computer. Then I realize...

It's my birthday. July 14th, 1999. He's thinking about me all the time.

If that isn't enough, I go onto google and see that four searches ago, it says "how can I let my gay son know that I love him?" right under "what if my wife has twins?", "used car lobby nearby", and "professional patio designs." His whole life is centered on my mom and me. I try not to get too sappy as I type in the search bar to find a clothing store we can go to.

"We can go to Men's Warehouse and David's Bridal. Ten minutes and twelve minutes away," I say, my voice cracking. "Christina already has a dress."

"Well, we better get going. How much do you and your friends need?"

"I bet they can take care of themselves," I respond. I head out to the car, and Shelby and Logan follow me.

Chris gave me a piece of the fabric of her dress, and I think we should get fitted first. I bet I'll be fine, and Logan is fine, but Shelby is pretty skinny. He'll probably need special sizes. "I think I'll need to know Aiden's dress color first, but I can wait for you guys," Shelby says. We're super late getting all this done, but better late than never.

"Violet's dress is black like her dead heart," Logan says. Shelby and I look at each other, and I'm wondering which of us is going to laugh first, because Logan seems deadpan serious. "And I already have a suit," Logan adds. I just smile and wrap my arm around his shoulders, and then jump the fuck off him really quick because my mom behind us somewhere.

"I'll just get a black tux, too," I reply. "I don't want to pay a whole lot for shit."

"So, what's the deal, boys?" Mom asks.

"Where are the girls?" I ask.

"Oh, Christina is just going to lend Aiden a dress. Aiden doesn't want to come with you all," Mom sighs. "She's mumbling and grumbling... I don't know with her sometimes."

Shelby is bright red.

******

As I suspected, Christina is gone when we arrive back and Aiden talks to my dad at the table. I don't mind as much now. Shelby left before we got inside, and Mom was super weird about it. I have a feeling she doesn't like him very much.

Logan is eating dinner with us, which is awesome, and Aiden hasn't stopped pouting. "Which dress did you get from Christina, honey?" Mom asks.

"A white one with lace. I'll try it on later," Aiden sighs.

"Julie? I'm going to go get some dessert," Dad says. "Cheesecake okay?"

"Yeah and a jar of olives, please," Mom says. "Green olives—no black ones. Both. Buy both."

Dad pauses for a second. "For... the cheesecake?" Mom gives him a look. "For the cheesecake. Got it." He kisses her on the lips and heads out the door. Logan sits in the living room, and we all wait. Mom seems to always have snacks now, and she pulls a bag of crackers out of her purse.

"I think Shelby is a good friend," Mom comments. "I wouldn't think about him too much though, Aiden. He's young; he doesn't know what he wants."

I chuckle. Shelby seems like the most put together person I've ever met. "I think Shelby knows what's up," I reply.

"I mean... I think he's a nice boy. I just want you to be careful too, Brandon," Mom says. Be careful of Shelby? Shelby literally wouldn't hurt a fly. "I think he's a nice boy," she says again.

"What does that mean?" I ask. The room is immediately ridiculously tense.

Mom shrugs. "He's sweet, but he's... sweeter than most, if you know what I mean."

I'm quick on my feet. "I don't know what you mean."

Mom tries again. "I think Shelby is on the softer side—"

"Explain like a lawyer, Mom," I snap. She looks up at me in shock. I know Logan is in the other room; I know Aiden is sitting right there with her eyes wide. I didn't intend to get so defensive, but I don't want this to go where I think it is. After my mother doesn't answer, I answer for her. "Like he's gay or something?"

"Honey..." Mom fades off. The room is silent save for the air conditioning, and she looks at me, trying to get me to stand down, but I don't. "I think he's a good kid."

"Be careful around Shelby because you think he's gay?" I ask.

"Not 'be careful', I just think you should think about the kinds of influences you want in your life—"

"Shelby would be a bad influence if he were gay?" I interrupt. I've never really had a big emotional fight with my mom, and I don't want it to happen now, but I don't know how to stop. I don't want her to insult Shelby. I don't want her to insult my boyfriend, who is in the other room. I don't want her to insult me to my face, even if she doesn't know what she's saying. I feel the knot in my chest and I try to calm down, but I feel the balloons again, hot and almost boiling. Not my mother. Dad was understandable but not my mother. "What if I was gay or-or Aiden?" I ask before I think.

"Don't say that, Brandon—"

"No, really. Why does it even matter?"

"Can we please talk about this later?" she asks quietly.

"Whatever," I grumble, turning to head upstairs. "And he's not gay. Not meaning I wouldn't be friends with him if he were," I add before I leave.

Within three minutes, Aiden and Logan are in my room at the doorway, watching as I lay on my bed and toss a hacky-sack in the air. Logan lays beside me after Aiden closes the door. "She doesn't know," Logan says softly, tracing my pecs leisurely with his gentle fingers.

"Doesn't mean it's okay."

Logan kisses my hand and wraps his arm around my waist. "Well, I'll pretend nothing happened come dinnertime," he sighs. "I'm really not offended too badly."

"I am," I reply.

*******

Dinner was pretty normal; like Logan said, he acted like everything was fine. I didn't talk much. Logan actually placed his hand on my leg twice because he said he could see me quote "trying to cause a bloody earthquake with my eyes" and I realized that the same feeling about my dad that came to the surface after five years surfaced within five minutes of hearing my mom describe her disdain for what might be a gay friend of mine. It makes me sick.

I stew in it for hours after Logan leaves, and for an hour after I said I was going to sleep. I really wish I could text Shelby but I don't have my fucking phone. Before I know it, I have my fists clenched and I'm storming out of my room in only my shorts and trudging downstairs. I can't stop now.

The knock on my parent's bedroom door is five times harder than I mean it to be, and I know I'm probably going to get an earful but I don't care. I don't even know what I'm going to say at this point.

"Brandon?! What the—"

"I'm still really pissed about earlier," I say through gritted teeth. I can see Dad laying on the bed with a book in hand, and my mom's face is a combination of angry and shocked.

"About what? The-the little thing about your friend?"

I take a deep breath and try to soften my stance, but it doesn't work. "Yes."

Mom scoffs. "I'm sorry, honey. I didn't know it would make you so upset."

"Are you sorry that it made me mad or sorry that you think about that at all?" I ask.

"Watch it," Dad warns. Mom grabs my hand, but I snatch it away. Not this time.

"Mom, Logan is bi," I say plainly. Instantly, the expression on my mother's face shifts into something sympathetic. "Logan has had boyfriends and girlfriends, and it wasn't fair that you sat in front of him and told me that you didn't think a gay friend was a good influence on me. It really hurt his feelings and he doesn't feel welcome here anymore." So, the last part is a lie, but it really hurt my feelings. Dad understands me, and I see him sit up in bed and remove his glasses.

"I never meant to hurt anyone's feelings..."

"Well, you did. Goodnight." I turn around and head back to my room. "I'm going to bed."

I feel my mom right behind me, trailing on my heels. "I don't mean to insult your friends. You know I'd never want to hurt your feelings or your friend's feelings—Brandon! Turn around and look at me now." I slowly turn on my heel to face her, arms crossed and literally on the verge of tears. "Sweetie, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I said, I'm sorry for how I said it, I'm sorry that I unintentionally insulted your friends and made them feel unwelcome. I'm sorry for all of it. Everything." She wraps her arms around me and squeezes tight. "I know it's been hard for you to make friends ever since James moved and I'm so, so sorry that I wasn't being fair."

I breathe in deep, taking in the scent of my mother's hair and settling into our embrace. She never wants to hurt me, of course she doesn't. "I want to apologize to Logan. And Shelby."

"I think that's great. Thank you."

*********

I'm going to Shelby's house this weekend to see his friends again. I'm a little nervous because I'm with Logan now, and I might blow up if they make him feel bad.

Today is also the last day I have to clean the basement of Borderly's, and Marshall and I had a little something to celebrate with. "I have beer," was the first thing he said to me once we got downstairs. I must say, the basement looks amazing compared to when we first got down here. After this, I'm going to Target to see Logan and officially invite him over to Shelby's.

"Alright. Kill, fuck, marry. Me, Mitch, and Matt."

"Why would you ask about yourself? What if I say kill you?" I reply.

"Just do it," Marshall sighs.

"Okay. Kill Mitch—wait... yeah, just kidding. Kill Mitch for sure," I say.

"If you're married, you have to fuck at least once a week," Marshall adds.

I laugh. "Are you saying you want to marry me?" I ask. Marshall shrugs. "Okay, fuck you and marry Matt. Matt wouldn't mind, probably. Kill, fuck, marry: Cill, Christina, and... Sydney. Same rules."

Marshall groans. "Kill Sydney. Gross. I'd do Christina... and marry Cill. She's a babe. Derek is a lucky mother trucker." Marshall takes a sip of his beer and lazily sweeps at a pile of trash. "Hmm... Derek—"

"I'm still bi, remember that."

"Okay, okay. Derek, Madeline, and Freshman."

I think for a second. "Derek is really hot, but he's a dick. Madeline's my ex... so kill I guess? But Conner's also a dick. I don't know. This one sucks." I take a gulp of my Bud Light. "Game over."

Marshall and I sweep up the last of the trash and look at our work. It's not perfect, but after four days of sweating and sneezing over junk, we're finally freed. Marshall even put it on his Snapchat story.

I make Marshall give me a ride to Target to see my boyfriend (it's awesome to say that by the way) and the first thing I see when I walk in is Logan's manager, Steven. His face turns sour and he approaches me quickly. "May I help you?"

"Yeah, I'm looking for something white but not too white, about six feet tall, green eyes, perfect ass?" I don't know what came over me just now but Steven is not amused. "I am so sorry and I don't know why I said that. I'm looking for—"

"Logan is on break. You're his... friend, right?" Steven asks. I nod. "He has ten minutes left." Steven crosses his arms and stares at me. Do I really have to ask where Logan is? I obviously want to see him.

"But... unless I can talk to him while he's working then—"

"There's an employee's only break room behind a counter."

I nod. "Okay so I'll just see him when I see him. Sounds good." I walk away quickly and pretend I'm interested in some movies. I see Logan peeking around, trying to look subtle. I wave at him and smile. "Hey."

"Hey. Can't do much because Steven is here, but hey." Logan grabs my hand and then lets it go quickly. "He's grumpy." Tell me about it. "Hey, I bet he wouldn't mind if you helped me stock shelves."

"Wow, sounds fun."

"It's the only way you're going to be able to stay," Logan groans. "And it'll help me get done faster and then I can leisurely walk around and talk to you."

I prove to be a big help in the stocking shelves kind of way and it really isn't so bad. I'd sweep Borderly's with Logan if it meant I got to spend time with him. Just as we finish up with a cart, I see a familiar someone roll over another one. It's one of Shelby's friends. Jetta. She—or he... I'm not sure and I don't want to be rude—definitely recognizes me, and they're red in the face within seconds.

"Thanks," Logan says sarcastically. Jetta leaves without even acknowledging me. "That's Jetta. They're annoying."

"I've met Jetta," I say.

"Well, I'm sorry," Logan says. "They are a total suck-up. I really don't know why they hate me other than the whole Steven thing."

I just have to ask. I don't want to sound like a jerk. I won't stoop to Jetta's level, even though... they... were rude as fuck about me being bi at Shelby's house. "Okay. So is Jetta a boy or a girl?" I whisper.

"Neither, but they don't mind being 'she' sometimes, but only with certain people," Logan explains quietly. "I can only say 'they', but Steven can say 'she'. I don't think Jetta minds 'she', but every chance they get to snap at me, they do. So I play it safe."

"Jetta had the nerve to say bi wasn't a thing," I say with an eye roll. "Rude."

Logan scoffs. "I know! After I told them I was dating you, they were even nastier. Jetta doesn't like you, but I didn't know they knew you." Great. Not only does Jetta hate me when I'm in Shelby's house, but out of it too. This should be an interesting weekend.

Logan and I stock shelves silently, and then my brain starts dissecting everything. This is the kind of thing I was afraid of. "So what's the 'whole Steven thing'?" I ask.

I see the blush rise to Logan's cheeks, and suddenly I don't want to know. "Before Steven was our manager, I may have had a crush on him. And maybe Jetta did, too. And maybe I won out and made out with Steven three times. And then rubbed it in Jetta's face."

"Wait what? You were with your boss?" I ask, pausing my system of handing Logan boxes of medications.

"It was before he was my boss," Logan scoffs. "I'm over it."

******

Mom and Dad are practically trying to kick me and Aiden out of the house (for very gross reasons) and I'm ready to go to Shelby's house again. I'm feeling confident; I've already seen the brutality of his... friends... and I'm actually prepared this time. Plus, it doesn't matter what they say about me if Logan's with me.

Aiden on the other hand... well, let's just say she's in a no-nonsense mood today.

Shelby and his friends are downstairs, and I smell food. If this is another pow-wow situation, I don't think I'll mind too much. I might not want everyone to know everything about my life, but I think there are some events worth sharing. Particularly the event involving the guy I'm holding hands with. Harvey, Ri, Faith, Bobby, Pipp, Jetta, and Shelby sit in a circle on the floor. I think there's someone missing, but I don't remember his name.

"You're all late," Pipp says in monotone. Shelby smiles at us, of course, and I just choose not to respond to Pipp's comment.

"We were bothering Brandon's parents; they're trying to get it on and we were cockblocking them like oblivious teenagers." Aiden copies Pipp's monotonous tone down to a tee. "What are we eating?"

"Hot pockets," Shelby says. "Homemade and vegan... shit, Brandon—I forgot—"

"It's all good," I respond. "Everyone, this is my boyfriend Logan. Logan, you know Shelby, that's his friend Pipp, that's Harvey, Ri, Faith, Bobby, and you know Jetta." Jetta's face is priceless. Wide-eyed and shocked. She—they—are going to be seeing a lot of me and Logan, I suppose.

I sit by Shelby, Logan sits by me, and Aiden sits across the room. "Brandon, Aiden, Logan; we were thinking about getting ready for Fall Festival here at my house since I'm a little closer to the location than everyone else. Only if that's okay with everyone, though."

"Actually, if you don't mind my saying so, I am actually across the street from where it's being set up," Logan says. "I mean, if it's about location, I'd love to be a convenience."

Bobby interrupts, "Holy fuck, you're British? Sorry, sorry. This is like, on my bucket list. To meet a British person in Tennessee. Wow."

Logan smiles embarrassingly. "Not a far-fetched item to put on a bucket list. I haven't met another Brit at West Crimson."

Pipp, of course, gets mad that the attention isn't on her, so she speaks up. "I don't think it's fair that you're trying to move the location of the get-together. And I've met like, twenty British people." I'm guessing by how far back Aiden rolled her eyes just now, she'll be telling me what her own brain looks like.

"You're not even going, Pipp," Bobby fires back. "Sorry. She's the worst."

Shelby jumps in. "Insults don't solve problems. I think it'd be a great idea to go to your house, Logan." He looks at his phone and perks up. "Okay, so what do we want to do tonight? Positivity session?"

I turn to Logan and whisper, "Remember, I told you about all the talking and sharing feelings and stuff. So this is more like group therapy blah blah." Logan nods. "You don't have to say anything."

"I'll start," Bobby says. "I'm officially an emancipated minor, my sister is coming to live with me, and I finally got the guts to break up with my shitty boyfriend because he made me feel terrible about being alive and sucked the life out of my soul." Bobby smiles and flips the hair out of his face and looks Shelby in the eyes so intensely, I think something in the room might explode.

Oh. My. God. Shelby wants to break up with Pipp. Oh man, maybe it's just from being a lawyers' kid and studying body language intensely, but that dig was deep. For two seconds, I think Shelby might falter, but he nods his head and smiles. "Good for you, Bobby. So no more lawyers and meetings and stuff?"

"Nope. Lawyers are the worst," Bobby groans. Everyone seems to nod in agreement.

"My parents are lawyers," I say before I think about it. The room is silent. "I mean, they can be the worst sometimes, but not anymore. My dad actually came to me and apologized for some things... regarding my sexuality and all that stuff. I think we need to talk more, but for now... we're cool. Oh and speaking of that, Logan and I have been dating for a week."

"A whole week? Wow," Pipp says sarcastically. "You two must be in love."

Before I can respond, Logan cuts me off. "Let us know in another positivity session when you get the stick out of your arse, yeah?" He doesn't let anyone get a word in as he continues. "My positivity has a lot to do with Brandon's. I also think I found my biological mum online recently. She's still in Scotland. I'm almost sure it's her." I just sit here and pretend that Logan told me about this big part of his life before he told all of these complete strangers. "I haven't chatted with her yet but... I mean it's a little scary. I lied and told her in an e-mail that I was a uni student looking for someone to talk to in her country for a report."

"And you've never spoken to her before?" Shelby asks. Logan shakes his head. "Wow. Best of luck. That must be the biggest event of your life so far."

"Second biggest," Logan says with a smile, looking at me. Fine, I forgive him for the one minute I was mad because that was damn smooth. He still could've told me.

Everyone shares at least one positive thing except Aiden and Pipp. And Jetta, of course, but they never speak. Aiden and Pipp are just so similar in their stubbornness, but while Aiden is a typical asshole, Pipp is just evil. Evil like a virus.

"So, I crossed an item off my bucket list," Shelby says after everyone's been talking amongst themselves for a while. Immediately, everyone tunes in. "No, I haven't written my dad, or eaten meat... or kissed a guy... but I did go out of town and sing on the street. But not for money because I don't need it. It was terrifying, but fun. Mostly terrifying, but still fun."

"You've never eaten meat?" I ask. Shelby shakes his head. "No way. Ever?"

Shelby explains. "My mom was vegetarian, and after she left, I just kept up with it. A lifestyle habit of nostalgia."

"I couldn't live without meat," Logan says. There he goes again. At the sight of everyone's smirking, Logan groans. "Not like that, you pervs. I mean I eat chicken every day. I absolutely love it."

Pipp jumps in. "Yeah. I'm happy that chickens have to be slaughtered by the millions for you to be satisfied."

"Me too," Logan sighs. Can't argue with that. I have a feeling he might not want to come with me to Shelby's again, specifically around this group of people, but he's handling things way better than I could. I don't get why Shelby's friends don't like us, but they're not worth figuring out. Harvey has been pretty quiet, and I know he's probably tired of this disaster, too.

Surprisingly, though, the night is only filled with minimal insults and minor bickering. It may be a little too much for Shelby though, because he leaves the downstairs twice to "get water", and the third time, I follow him. I know Logan can handle himself, and Aiden isn't going to start anything.

"What's up?" I ask Shelby, and he just looks at me. "I know you're used to sharing all your issues with everyone, but I don't think you want everyone knowing something... but I'll ask you anyway."

Shelby takes off his glasses and rubs at his eyes. "I'm not a liar."

"Did I... say you were?"

"No, but I lied to myself. I've been doing some self-exercises and realized that I either hate myself, hate Pipp, or I'm not straight. And I know I love myself... and I love Pipp..."

"No, you don't love Pipp," I interrupt. Shelby groans.

"I think I might not be straight, Brandon."

I laugh. "If that's true, then you're talking to the right person. Identity crisis central over here. But I really don't think that's the problem. If I know you, then not being straight wouldn't be a big issue. You don't like Pipp anymore." Shelby shakes his head. "Shelby, you're tired of fixing her. You've already fixed yourself, and you're tired of trying to solve everyone's problems. You need to cut her loose. She doesn't want help, she wants someone to pity her. We're all fucked up, man. You helped me out, I used your wisdom, and done. Pipp doesn't want to stop being an evil sea witch with monster claws, and you're tired of it."

"But I—"

"Stop being everyone's therapist, especially when your patient is the human version of a demonic wasp tornado that spits fire and leukemia."

"Got it. You don't have to keep insulting her," Shelby laughs.

"I'm not insulting her. I'm just saying she's a biphobic, smallpox leach-blanket come to life, and you need to get away from her."

Shelby nods. "Can I kiss you?"

"No, my boyfriend is downstairs. Have some dignity, maybe? You're a mess."

We laugh and bring a whole case of water downstairs.

********

Shelby isn't going to blindside Pipp, and he decided to think the situation over (even though I don't think there's much to consider), but I did agree that breaking up with her right before he goes to Fall Festival with another girl might be... a little harsh.

I don't know what it's called when you want two people to be together so much you don't even know what to do with yourself, but I want Aiden and Shelby together so much. Too much. I actually found myself planning out how Shelby should ask out my cousin. Then I decided that I needed sleep.

On Monday, Logan finds me at my locker, and his face looks like he hasn't slept in days.

"Hey, what's—"

"I agree with your mum. I think you should watch out for Shelby," he says.

"What?! What do you mean?" I ask. "Why would you agree with my mom?"

Logan just stares at me, shaking his head. "I think he likes you."

*

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a/n: aka I updated at this super late hour because... why tf not? the next chapter will be fall festival, stay tuned. more drama than you can even.

let me know what you think. what do you think is gonna happen next? comment, vote, fix me dinner, subscribe, tell me about your crush (i'm serious)

but really i wanna know what you think i'm thirsty kthxbye