Alexis

Annie hugs me goodbye, then turns to Colton, so I look away. And then at the floor, because everyone else is saying goodbye to their families too.

"Lexi!" I turn around to see little Jude running at me.

I kneel down, unable to hide my smile. "Yeah?"

"Daddy's leaving," he pouts, "so I need you."

"Sorry, but I'm going with your Daddy," I tell him reluctantly. "I have to babysit him like I babysit you sometimes."

"Oh." He considers it for a long moment. "Whose is gonna babysit me then?"

"Annie will," I reply, pointing to her. "You like Annie, don't you?"

He nods. "Yes. But I like Daddy better."

Luke comes over, and I see moisture in his eyes as he scoops his son up. "I know, Buddy," he says. "I'm glad. And I'm sorry I have to leave all the time."

"It's okay," Jude replies. "Because you always come back."

Luke smiles, though he's still crying a little. "That's right, and I always will."

They return to Courtney, Phoenix, and the new baby, Leo, and we spend a few more minutes here before we finally board the plane.

This tour consists of Tenth Avenue North, Colton, for KING & COUNTRY, Moriah Peters, and Anthem Lights. I'm nervous about the last one, but they were at another show and are meeting us in Atlanta, where the tour starts and the buses are at, so they're not here yet. Apparently, this tour's special because an old band member that left is coming back just for it, but I honestly don't know. (A/N: I know it probably wouldn't actually happen, but I love Alan, so I had to do it. 😊 )

I steal a window seat, Colton settles next to me, and I stare out it, even though there's nothing to see. I just can't wrap my mind around all of this.

It's January. It's been like seven months since I started living with Colton and Annie. A year since I met all of them. A year since Danny died. And this Christmas was... good. It was good. I guess.

I mean, I have nothing to complain about. Except that I just can't seem to get over depression. Ever. And being like that over the holidays when no one knows... it's hard. Really hard.

But whatever, right? I mean, I'm just a loser who can't deal with life. And I guess I always will be.

"And here's our house for the next couple months," Colton says, smiling slightly as he opens up the tour bus for him, me, and his band. "Home, sweet home."

I sprint to the back, fly up one of the bunk's ladders, and drop my backpack.

"Mine."

He laughs. "Whatever makes you happy. Your stuff goes in the cabinets up there, see?"

This is actually my first time on a real tour with them. I traveled with him some in the fall, and in the late summer, I spent like two weeks on a tour bus with him while he traveled to a bunch of different festivals and fairs, but he's taken it off of touring for the most part. He actually started writing and even recording a little of his next album... even though he only released his last one less than a year ago.

He hasn't said so, but I know he took the time off for me, to let me get settled into living with them. Which makes me feel bad, but there's nothing I could do about it. Now, though, he's back on, and that's a relief. I can stop messing up messenger's lives by keeping Colton away from them.

"Hey, Eric, bring the rest of Lexi's luggage!" Colton calls out the door before coming over and lifting his suitcase onto the bed beneath me, then turning back to get more.

I just stay up here. They can get the rest of it. Besides, I cut dangerously close to where my cuffs end last time, and lifting suitcases is gonna make my sleeves ride back.

I observe the guys bringing the rest of the stuff in for the next forty-five minutes. First, all the luggage – and people say girls pack a lot – and then necessities like food and dishes.

Once they're finally done and messing with the trailer for the instruments, Moriah comes in and looks up at me, smiling.

"You sure you don't wanna come over to my bus?" she asks. "I'm warning you, the guys get pretty wild on tour."

"Which is why they need me as a babysitter," I reply easily. "I already told Jude I was babysitting his daddy."

Moriah laughs. "If he's anything like his brother, that'll be quite a job, trust me. But if you ever need a break from the chaos, come over to our bus and we'll all paint our nails, watch chick flicks, and talk about girl stuff."

I smirk. "Sure thing."

There's a crash from outside, and she looks back tiredly. "That sounded like it was from my husband's bus. Speaking of babysitting..." And she turns and disappears out the door.

I prepare to start putting away my things – which I neglected to do for the last forty-five minutes – but before I can, there's another crash, this one from behind this bus. Where the trailer is. Gee, and I actually thought I was joking.

I hop down without using the ladder and head outside with a light sigh. Here we go.

By the time the trailer is organized according to Colton's sudden OCD, it's like five in the evening. Colton closes the doors with a sigh of relief, turning to the empty lot we're in. At least, it's empty except for four huge tour buses.

"When are the Anthem boys gonna be here?" he asks Mike, whose band was way more organized than the rest of us – minus Moriah's – and was over here to help. "They said they'd be here in time to go to supper with us."

Mike pulls out his phone to check it, smiling slightly at what he reads. "This is from Caleb – 'Be there soon, we're running late, it's Spencer's fault.' Sounds like them alright."

"When did he send that?" Colton asks, and Mike checks again.

"Ten minutes ago. They could be here any minute, depending on what soon means."

"I'm gonna go unpack while we wait for them," I say, and turn back to our bus.

"Yeah, probably a good idea," Colton agrees. "Or else I'm not gonna have a place to sleep tonight."

He and I walk back to the bus in silence, and he turns on some music through one of his many Bluetooth speakers while we work. In about half an hour, I have everything pretty well organized, plus I've changed the sheets on my bed, since I don't trust the ones that were on here to begin with.

I jump down and look at Colton where he's trying to cram more stuff into a cabinet that's already full.

I raise an eyebrow. "What happened to Mr. OCD with the instruments?"

"Those matter more than these do," he replies. "I'll organize it on the road. I just wanted my bed back tonight."

He slams the cabinet shut and grins at me.

"Come on, girl, this isn't exactly my first rodeo."

"Yeah, I guess," I sigh. "Now when are your friends gonna be here? They have a weird concept of soon."

He just laughs. "Oh, like Caleb said, I'm sure it's all Spencer's fault. But, seriously, they should be here any time."

We go back outside and he checks the status with Mike.

"They just texted that they'll be here in a few," he replies.

"Have you texted back yet?" I ask.

He raises an eyebrow, looking amused. "No, not yet. Why?"

"Give me your phone," I order without explanation, and he hands it over, confused, but still on the verge of laughing.

I check to make sure he's still on the right feed and type out a quick reply.

Is that different than being here soon?

This Caleb dude responds quickly.

Yep

I roll my eyes.

Yeah, I'm sure.

Haha. Like I said, it's Spencer's fault.

I shrug, handing the phone back to Mike. I just thought they deserved to get yelled at, I guess.

He looks over what I said and laughs.

"Say it like it is, girl."

"They deserved it," I reply easily, "And you weren't going to do it. You're too freaking nice."

"I'll take that as a compliment," he laughs. "But it looks like they meant it this time. Here they are."

I follow his gaze to where another bus is pulling into the lot.

They park, and five guys jump out, while everyone else goes over to greet them and playfully give them grief about being late. I hang back, as nervous as I always am around strangers, especially friends of Colton that I don't know.

But I don't escape for long. Colton looks over his shoulder and waves me to them, smiling encouragement.

"Come on, Lexi. Don't worry, Chad won't bite until he knows you better."

Hesitantly, I walk over to stand beside him.

"Ah, so this is Lexi," a tall guy with blonde hair shaved on the sides and a deep voice says, offering me his hand, accompanied by a ready smile. "I'm Chad. It's nice to finally meet you."

I don't meet his eyes, shaking his hand timidly. "Yeah, you too."

"Right," Colton says, "So, that's Chad, this is Spencer..."

This one looks fairly young... probably in his early twenties, with dark, styled hair.

He grins, offering me his hand. "Hey, Lexi, nice to meet you." He adds more quietly. "By the way, it was so not my fault we were late. It was all Caleb."

I can't help a slight smile, muttering my own greeting.

"This is Caleb, who you already sort-of met," Colton continues, smiling.

He's dark-haired too, but shorter, with a beard and mustache shaved so that they're right up against his skin.

"Nice to meet you, Lexi," Caleb says, shaking my hand, before he shoots Colton a questioning glance. "But when did we meet each other, Colt?"

He laughs. "Just before you got here. She took Mike's phone."

"Oh!" Caleb starts laughing too. "Dude, that makes so much more sense. That didn't really sound like Mike." He looks back at me and grins. "Nice going, girl. You totally confused the heck out of me."

I just shrug, and Colton moves on.

"This is Joseph, but we only call him that when he's in trouble or to annoy him. Otherwise, he's Joey."

He's on the small side too, with dark hair styled like you don't see a lot and a kind smile. He has a young face and looks like he could still be in high school, but I'm guessing he's in his twenties.

He shakes my hand, offering me a ready smile. "Hey, Lexi. It's great to finally meet you."

I just nod, mumbling back a greeting.

"And finally," Colton continues, "this is Alan. He left the band a while back, but he's joining them again for this tour."

He has an intense face, once again with a closely-shaven beard and dark hair. And dark, blue, completely perceptive eyes. The second I see them, I'm looking at my feet again.

I see him smile out of the corner of my gaze, offering me his hand as well.

"Nice to meet you. We've all heard a lot about you."

I shoot Colton a glare, but he just laughs. "Chill, girl. All good things."

"Yeah, which is nicer than they've been when telling you about me," Spencer laughs. "But what are we doing for supper? I'm starving."

"Of course, you are," Chad sighs. "Let's go round up the girls, who didn't find the need to greet us, and figure it out."

I pick at my food at dinner, trying to figure out how to hide as much of it as possible so that I have to purge the least amount possible. Luckily, we're a huge group and I'm the quiet one at a loud table, so I'm getting away with being fairly unnoticed.

"Hey, Lexi, are you alright?" It's a voice I'm not fully familiar with that pulls me from my thoughts.

I look up sharply to see Alan looking at me from his place across the table.

"What?" I falter, trying to pull my composure back. "Yeah... I... I'm fine. Why?"

"You're not eating much," he replies simply, concern in his tone.

I shrug. "I'm not hungry."

It's true.

"Okay, but you've barely taken a bite," he presses. "Even when you're not hungry, you can do better than that."

"I just got lost in thought," I say, and force another bite down my throat.

"If you say so." He offers me a small smile, but the burden doesn't leave his eyes, and he doesn't turn back to the rest of the group. "So," he says after a long moment "What do you do to keep yourself entertained?"

I shrug. "Argue with Colton."

He laughs, and it's a nice, comforting sound. "You sound like Caleb and Spencer. But seriously, you've gotta have at least one hobby."

I repeat my prior action. "Not really. I'm a pretty boring person."

I mean, unless you count cutting my wrists as a hobby.

"Now that, I do not believe," he protests. "Come on, there's gotta be something you're interested in... like, what do you want to do when you're older?"

I stare at the table, messing with my food some more.

"I have no idea."

I never used to even plan to live past high school.

"Well, you've still got plenty of time," he replies encouragingly. "You're sixteen, right?"

I nod.

"Yeah, you got some time," he assures me. "Most people change their college major like five times, so I think you're good. But there's gotta be something that you really enjoy doing."

I just shake my head. "I mean... not really."

"In that case, it's just cause you haven't found it yet." He considers me for a moment. "You know what, we've got a couple months. We're finding it."

"Joy," I reply dryly.

He just laughs. "Don't get too excited there. Don't worry. You'll like it better than you think. And it'll be easier than you think, too."

"Whatever you say."

He smiles again, but looks back at my plate. "Seriously, though, Lexi, can you please try to eat a little more?"

"Yeah, of course." I try to force a smile, but I know it's an utter failure.

Whatever. I don't even care.

A/N: I know it's super late, but I do have good news... outlines are gold and I beat writer's block. So I should be better about updating from now on. Anyway, thanks for reading!