Alexis
“In your face!” I taunt Luke and Colton as Joel and I beat them at another round of “Name 5”. “You guys are horrible at this game.”
Colton laughs. “Look, Annie’s always my strength. I’m lost without her.”
She, Moriah, and Courtney are all still in the kitchen, talking and entertaining Jude and Phoenix.
I roll my eyes. “Maybe it’s time to grow up a little, Sweetheart.”
Luke and Joel are both already laughing at me, and the comment only makes it come harder.
“Is she always this mean to you, Mate?” Luke chuckles.
He shrugs. “Um, maybe not quite this bad, but basically, yes.”
“Cause he deserves it,” I retort.
And they just laugh harder. I don’t know what’s so amusing about me yelling at people.
“Okay, well, I think we’ve proven that they beat us about just about every game there is,” Colton says when they’ve recovered. “What do you all want to try instead?”
Luke glances at the time and looks to the kitchen a little reluctantly. “I think we better be out of here before too long. We don’t want to keep the kids out too late.”
Colton nods understanding. “You gonna jet too, Joel?”
He looks at the clock as well, then shakes his head. “Not if we’re still welcome.” He smirks. “My bedtime isn’t for another couple of hours.”
Once Luke and his family are gone, Colton remembers that I haven’t seen “Priceless”, and decides to force me. Joel seems a little uncomfortable, since I guess he was the main actor in it, but he honestly can’t miss a chance to shove the message down my throat, so he gets over it soon enough.
Moriah and Annie are still talking in the kitchen. By what Joel and Colton say, they could do it all night.
Colton goes to the kitchen to make us some popcorn, leaving Joel and me alone. He settles on the couch, and I drop down too, several feet away from him.
“Come on, Love,” he teases lightly, waving me closer to him. “You could at least try to act like you like me.”
I roll my eyes, but scoot a little closer.
“You can do better than that,” he chides. “Come on.”
A little closer, and I’m within his reach, so he pulls me the rest of the way, putting his arm around my shoulders in a brotherly way. I stare at the couch in silence.
“Darling, you’re making me hot in that hoodie,” he says lightly. “Don’t you want to take it off?”
I shake my head, trying not to do it too quickly. “I’m fine.”
He raises an eyebrow, concern on his face. “You know you don’t have to hide those here, don’t you, Lexi?”
I nod, once again forcing myself not to do it too fast. “I know. I’m just not hot.”
“If you say so.” But I can tell he’s still worried.
But he’s got no proof against me, right? I’m doing fine so far. I’ve just gotta keep it up.

It’s weird to see Joel, and then hear him talk without the accent. But I have to admit his acting is legitimately really good. And it’s a well-made movie.
But it just makes me feel guilty, I guess.
The minute Antonia is in the room with Garro I can almost feel the memories tearing at the inside of my head. I struggle to keep my face straight, but Joel turns to me, obviously concerned.
“We can turn it off, Love. I know this is hard.”
I shake my head. “I’m fine.”
He just squeezes me with the arm around my shoulders, pulling me a little closer and keeping me there as the scene continues.
By the end, I feel like I’m about to throw up, but, finally, it switches scenes and I can relax. Why can’t I just get over it already?
By the time the movie’s over, I’m barely seeing it for all the images bouncing around inside my head.
I force a smile at Joel as the credits start rolling. “Good job.”
“Thanks,” he laughs. “But are you sure you’re okay?”
I nod hurriedly. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
He shakes his head, and I know he doesn’t believe me, but Moriah and Annie come to my rescue as they enter the room.
Joel rises to meet his wife. “You ready to go, my dear?”
She nods. “I am. But this was fun. Thanks for having us, Colton, Annie.”
“Thanks for coming,” Annie replies seriously, and they bid us goodbye.
I mumble mine in return, turning to the stairs as they close the door behind them.
“Goodnight,” I say over my shoulder, and Colton and Annie respond in kind.
As soon as I’m in my room, I feel the mask break, and I sink down on my bed with my head in my hands.
It’s been six freaking months. Why can’t I put all the junk behind me? It shouldn’t be this big of a deal.
But it is. Every time I think about it, it’s like it’s happening all over again. I can still hear the bargaining going on over my head, as they decided exactly how much an hour with me was worth. But my dad would settle for literally anything. Not always money. Sometimes it was drugs or beer or a million different things. All in all, he seemed to enjoy watching me go through all of it.
What did I ever do to him anyway?
The anger I’ve been shoving down for so long comes out in hot tears.
I was the perfect child. I never cried, I never fought. I was perfectly happy with his and mom’s love. Yeah, we had a lot, but there was nothing in me that wouldn’t have been in paradise living on the streets, as long as it was with them. I didn’t care about toys or candy or any kind of nice things. I just wanted them. And they couldn’t even give me that much.
And, yet he hated me.
Why? I just don’t get it. He was the one who got thrown in jail. He was the one who destroyed my world of innocence when I was five years old. He betrayed me, and left me with a mother that was suddenly alcoholic and abusive. He left me to a million boyfriends who started his dirty work for him. I was child. His child. Didn’t that ever mean anything to him?
And… Colton and Annie are amazing. I couldn’t ask for anything more.
But… Danny was my world. He was my savior, the person who was always there, through everything that I ever went through. I never told him what Mom’s boyfriends did, but, when one would come, after the first time, whenever I could, I’d sneak out and grab Mom’s cell phone and call him. His was the only number I had memorized. I’d ask him if we could have a sleepover, and he came and got me every single time.
When I was a child, he’d tuck me in and tell me stories. He kept light in my shattered little world. And as I got older, he never even faltered. A sixth grader living in the hell I was couldn’t stay happy. That was when I started cutting.
It took Danny a week to find out about it. But he didn’t lecture me. He didn’t yell at me, or even get angry. He started crying, and he wrapped me in a hug and told me it was going to be okay. He tried to help me stop, but it never worked. Yet he never gave up on me. Ever. And then… he died.
And I still miss him. I know it’s stupid and ungrateful. But it’s true. It’s been close to a year, yet I just can’t get over it. I can’t get over anything.
I squeeze my eyes shut against the tears. Just stop. Colton’s gonna hear if you keep crying.
In an attempt to distract myself, I reach under my bed and pull out the guitar that Colton gave me as soon as he found out I can play. I’ve never let him hear me though. But they’re still downstairs. It’ll be fine.
I take it out of its case and strum lightly, lavishing the feeling of it and the warm, comforting sound.
And I start to play one of Britt’s songs that I’ve taught myself, singing softly as I do.

Little girl terrified.
She’d leave her room if only bruises would heal.
A home is no place to hide.
Her heart is breaking from the pain that she feels.

Every day’s the same.
She fights to find her way.
She hurts, she breaks.
She hides, and tries to pray.
She wonders, Why?
Does anyone ever hear her when she cries?

Today she’s turning sixteen.
Everyone’s singing, but she can’t seem to smile.
They never get past arms length.
How could they act like everything is alright?
Pulling down her long sleeves
To cover all the memories the scars leave.
She says, Maybe making me bleed
Will be the answer that could wash the slate clean.

Every day’s the same.
She fights to find her way.
She hurts, she breaks.
She hides, and tries to pray.
She wonders, Why?
Does anyone ever hear her when she cries?

This is the dark before the dawn,
The storm before the peace.
Don’t be afraid, cause season’s change.
And God is watching over you.
He hears you.

When every day’s the same.
She fights to find her way.
She hurts, she breaks.
She hides, and tries to pray.
She’ll be just fine.
Cause I know He hears her when she cries.

Every day’s the same.
She fights to find her way.
She hurts, she breaks.
She hides, and tries to pray.
She’ll be just fine.
Cause I know He hears her when she cries.
She’ll be just fine.
Cause I know He hears her when she cries.

I think now I’m crying harder. These people just have such a way with words. It’s like they have songs for every single piece of my life.
Yet, I still won’t let them see it. I’m a liar, and a fraud. A sinner who knows she’s a sinner but still acts like she’s not. I just… I’m so broken. I’m beginning to think this is never going to end.