Alexis

I inhale shakily as I stare at the bus door.

I can't believe I did that to him. After everything he's given me, I run from him like he's a ghost from my past. I am seriously such an idiot. I swallow hard, laying my hand on the doorknob, and, before I can change my mind, turn and push.

Annie's stirring a pan of scrambled eggs at the stove, and there's a waffle iron out and on to complete the meal.

She smiles at me as I come in. "Good morning, Lexi."

I try to force a smile in return, but I can feel it fail. "Morning."

"Feeling better?" she asks.

She sleeps in Moriah's bus... I guess it's a tradition of theirs, from way back when Colton and Annie were still dating... but I'm sure Colton told her at least part of what happened.

I look away, nodding. "Yeah."

"Glad to hear it," she replies, and, seeming to read my mind, adds, "Colton's in the back with the boys. They're playing cards or something, I think."

I start to nod, but nervousness twists at my stomach at the thought of facing him.

"Do you need any help?" I ask, desperate for any excuse to postpone the conversation.

"If you want to," she accepts easily. "Everything's almost ready, so could you grab some plates and peanut butter and syrup for the waffles? Butter too, though I doubt anyone will use it."

I nod quickly, pulling down a stack of plates and setting forks and knives and the napkin holder next to them, then pulling out the syrup and peanut butter from the cupboards and the butter from the fridge.

"Milk and juice?" I ask, and she nods.

"Thanks."

I obediently pull the milk carton and pitcher of orange juice out, then grab some cups for it.

There's obviously already been coffee made today, but it's almost gone already.

"Do you want me to make more coffee?" I ask.

Annie glances back at it curiously, and laughs when she sees the level it's at.

"I guess, though if the boys have much more, they'll be Alvin and the Chipmunks at the show tonight."

"And they aren't already?" I scoff mildly.

She giggles again. "Fair enough. So, they'll be the minions, I guess."

I don't answer, and we fall back into a comfortable silence as we finish breakfast.

Annie slides the last waffles out of the iron, and glances at the hallway back to the common area of the bus. The kitchen's in the middle, with the bunks down the other way.

"Will you..." She stops, obviously seeing the nervousness I can't hide when I realize what she's gonna ask me. "Will you grab the strawberries from the fridge?" she asks instead. "I'll get the guys."

I nod gratefully and obey, sliding the carton out and setting it with the other food, lined up on the counter for people to serve themselves buffet-style.

And I sink into a seat to keep myself from sprinting from the bus before Colton gets out here.

I stare at the table, desperately blinking back tears, as I hear them all beginning to come into a room.

The guys call their good mornings to me, but I don't answer. If I speak, I'm afraid I'll start crying again. I squeeze my eyes shut against the tears that want to come anyway.

I feel a presence at my side, and I know it's Colton. His hand comes to rest on one of the shoulders I'm fighting to keep from shaking, and he leans closer to my ear.

"I'm not mad at you," he whispers deliberately, gently.

I feel myself flinch away from him, but he just pulls me a little bit closer.

"A little birdy told me you thought I would be," he continues quietly.

Alan must have texted him.

"But I am so, so far from it."

"Colton, I..." I falter, choking back tears. "I'm so sorry."

I can sense the tender sadness in his gaze without opening my eyes. I feel him straighten slowly, gently guiding me to my feet as well.

I open my eyes, but I keep my gaze locked on the floor, trying to hide the water rolling down my cheeks.

"Annie, could you hold some breakfast for us?" Colton asks.

"Of course, I can, Babe," she responds sweetly. "Take your time."

He nods his thanks to her, then takes my hand and pulls me towards the door. "Let's take a walk."

There's nothing I can do but follow.

Once we're outside, Colton tilts his head to the venue and we slowly begin towards it as he looks down at me.

"I mean it, Lexi," he tells me quietly. "There is not even the tiniest part of me that is angry about last night. It was scary and painful to see you so terrified of me, but there's no way I could be mad about it."

I shake my head slowly as I continue to cry. "That doesn't make any sense, Colton!" It comes out a choked gasp.

"I know," he murmurs. "I know. You've been through a way lot with some really horrible people, and I know you can't help but expect what you've always gotten from them. But I promise we're different, Lexi."

"I know, Colt," I whisper, "And that's just it. After everything you've done for me, I was running away from you like you were one of them."

"And that broke my heart." The sincerity in his tone is hard to question. "But everything you've been through is absolutely not your fault, so how could I blame you for reacting to a dream about it? Alexis, I love you so much, and I always will, no matter what. But what happened last night isn't anything I would even have to forgive you for, okay?"

I exhale, making a failed attempt to stop crying. "Okay."

It's quiet other than the crunch of our feet on the ground for a long moment.

"So," Colton finally breaks the silence, his tone gentle. "you obviously had a nightmare. You think you can tell me about it?"

I bite my lip. It seems shameful to tell him what my dream made him do. But the least I owe him is an explanation.

"It's just... in the dream..." I begin slowly, "I was... I..." I sigh, blinking back a fresh wave of tears. "I was c... cutting..."

Colton reaches out and rubs my back gently, but remains silent.

"And you..." I force myself to continue, swallowing hard. "You came in and saw the blood, and you just... kind of... lost it."

I see pain on his face as I say the words.

"You hit me," I go on, my voice barely audible, "Said I was a worthless brat, and Eric stopped me from running away, then he... he said he'd give us some privacy, and you said you were gonna... teach me a lesson by reminding me where I was coming from. So, you know..." I trail off, unable to keep speaking through my tears.

Colton continues to rub my back, and I can see he's crying too. "I'm so sorry, Alexis," he whispers. "I'm so sorry."

Finally, he stops, bending down so that we're at the same level.

"I don't have to tell you that I will never, ever do that to you, do I?" he asks softly.

I bite my lip, shaking my head. "Of course not, Colton."

"Good." He nods, but there are still tears in his eyes. "And is it okay if I start praying with you every night before you go to bed? I can't fix nightmares, but God can."

"Okay," I whisper.

"I love you, Lexi."

"I love you too, Colt."

We turn and start to walk back to the bus, and he looks down at me once more.

"How's the online stuff been going?"

I can't look him in the eye. "It's stopped." It's a flat-out lie.

It's been a week since they all found out, and it has slowed down, but it hasn't stopped. And, though Jessica's parents obviously have stopped her, her friends... and her using their phones... have still been texting me basically non-stop. I tried blocking numbers again, but it still only multiplied the problem.

"You sure?" Colton presses lightly.

I nod. "Yeah."

He sighs. "Lexi, you know I can look, don't you?"

Why am I such an idiot?

"I mean..." I correct, "Not completely, I guess, but mostly."

"I'll take a look later today, try messaging anyone who's still doing it." His tone makes it obvious how sad is makes him to see his so-called fans doing this. "What about Jessica?"

"I think her parents made her stop."

"Good. I thought they would. What about her friends?"

I shrug. "I mean... not really, but..."

He holds up a hand to stop me. "It needs to stop, Sweetheart." He adds gently, "I know you don't think you're worth making it, but you are. Can you give me their numbers? I'll try texting them and asking them to stop."

I guess it's worth a try. "I'll text them to you."

"Thanks."

He lays a hand on my shoulder, opening his mouth to say something else.

"You worthless, ungrateful brat, how could you even call yourself a Christian?"

"I'm sorry!" The terrified words escape my mouth and I back several paces away, before I return to here and now.

Colton's eyes have filled with tears again, and he looks me in the eye.

"Lexi, it's okay. It's just me."

I nod, letting out a long sigh. "Sorry."

He smiles, but the tears in his eyes are still there. "It's okay, Sweetheart. Let's just go inside and eat."

I obediently follow him, though my stomach clenches at the mention of food.

Sometimes I wonder why I was even ever put on earth in the first place.