Alexis

I stare down at the blood running off my arm, and feel utter shame overtake me.

I can't believe I did it again.

A week since Aiden's sister happened, and I'm right back here again. Fighting tears, I get up, go to the bathroom, and dully clean myself up.

When I get back, another text is waiting for me, as if only rubbing it in even further.

I've given up on blocking numbers. In fact, I unblocked all of them. Because every time I did one, she just used the phone of another friend. I didn't want any more people to have my number, so I decided to just let those who already did use it. And they have.

This one's from Jessica, again. Her friends certainly aren't afraid to join in, but it really seems like she has nothing better to do than torcher me.

How did you even meet Colton, anyway? Cause it's not like he exactly makes a habit of hanging out with sinners like you.

I never have responded, and I still don't this time. That would only make things worse.

Instead, I go to the latest comment on an Instagram post of mine... a clip of the Anthem Lights boys singing "Boomerang" at one of the shows, with the caption Truly amazing song. It's from several weeks ago... I haven't posted anything on anything since all of this started, but they've latched onto it anyway.

@josephrobhetters

Notice how she never puts herself in any of her posts. I guess she must realize what an ugly little **** she is.

@wiladebque

Seriously. If I was her, I'd be thinking about plastic surgery right about now.

@josephrobhetters

@wiladebque How much good could it do though? I mean, unless she completely recreated her entire face...

@jessicasofopals

She obviously knows she's hideous, or else she at least would try. But with all of that black clothing and dark makeup? She's obviously just trying to make herself interesting where she can't be pretty. All she really succeeds in doing is making herself look even more like a monster, though.

@josephrobhetters

@jessicasofopals that could not be any more true.

Aiden's been trying to stop it, but we both know there's honestly nothing he can do.

@aidenjamesopals

I don't know what you guys are talking about. Lexi's gorgeous, and I love her sense of style. And anyway, since when do Christians talk or think like that in the first place?

Yeah, right, but it's sweet of him to say.

@josephrobhetters

@aidenjamesopals Dude, you don't have to defend her like that. Stop acting like a perfect little Christian and be honest. She's a total **** and you know it.

@aidenjamesopals

@josephrobhetters I am being honest. And no one deserves to be called that. Especially not Lexi.

@haystufflen

@josephrobhetters @aidenjamesopals I agree with Aiden, 100%

@jessicasofopals

@aidenjamesopals Bro, don't tell me you honestly believe that. You couldn't. She's a total loser and a real ****. The world would be better off without her ugly face in it.

They're right. I do know how horrible my face is. So why do they find the need to talk about it like I can't see everything they post? I just don't understand why they take such pleasure in doing this.

I'm just so glad they haven't tagged anyone else. No one can find out about this. They just can't. I don't want them to feel like they have to stand up for me, because it's all true anyway.

I let out a long sigh, turning to one of my cabinets and pulling out my journal. And, slowly, I start to write.

Lights on.

I see you lookin at me.

And then the darkness comes,

And I'm so far out of reach.

I hear you voice,

Like a word from Heaven.

Then the mic's turned off,

Or to a different station,

And it's like you never spoke.

So turn the lights on,

But only if they'll stay that way.

Cause when the darkness comes,

It's worse if you've been free.

Love to hear your voice,

Speakin' down from Heaven,

But then it makes it worse

When I have to listen

To what everybody else has to say.

Cause when it's

Lights on, lights off,

I end up worse than I was before.

And when it's

Mic on, mic off,

I start to doubt that they're even your words.

It's not a full song... I don't really know what part it'll end up being... but it's something.

At least I have this to let it all out by. I mean, that has to count for something, right?

Maybe. But it doesn't feel like it.

Colton

I lean back in my seat as a clip of "All That Matters" plays through my headphones and Greg, the main DJ on the radio show that I'm getting interviewed on, prepares to pull us back onto the show. It's a local station that scheduled an interview with me when they found out I was passing through on tour. I've already talked a little about Identity, and about married life with Annie, who's currently out to lunch with an old friend that lives here, and played Confirm or Deny. At least this time I didn't get asked if I weighed less than the ladies on the show. Because that happened once. And I did. (Legit, that did happen on the Wally Show... the video is in the description).

"We're here with Colton Dixon, live in studio," Greg begins as he fades out the song, "and we've been having a good time this morning, haven't we, Colton?"

I nod, smiling. "We have."

"For the final activity, we wanted to do with you," he says, "I thought it would be fun to get some listener interaction, so yesterday I had everyone text in questions to ask you, and we got some good ones."

I feel my smile widen a little. That's cool. I love interacting with my Messengers.

"Sounds awesome," I tell him. "I can't wait to see what they came up with."

"Then let's get started," he agrees. "Lea..." He turns to one of the other members of the show. "Hit us with the first one."

She obediently looks down at a sheet of paper in her hands. "Alright, Colton, question number one. You and Skylar both auditioned for American Idol Season 11. You made it to the filmed part of the show, but she didn't. Have you ever had a physical fight about that?

I laugh lightly. "Um... not with her." (This was his answer when he was asked that question, but the dude moved on before he could go on, and I want to know the full story sooooo bad!!!)

"Oh, really?" Greg chuckles. "Okay, then. What's next?"

"Oh, this one's good," Lea says, laughing. "You're currently on tour with Anthem Lights, and Alan has joined back on for this tour. So, who do you think is a better addition to the band... Spencer, or Alan?"

I feel both of my eyebrows shoot up. "Oh, man, that's mean. Um... they're going to hear about this, no matter what I say..." I hesitate for another moment, trying to figure out the best way out of this. "Okay, so what I think is that Alan was a vital part of starting the band," I say finally. "They wouldn't have become what they have without him. And for the era that he was in, I don't think anyone could have done a better job than him. But," I add, and they look at me curiously. "I think that he was following the Lord's lead when he moved on, so I think that, for the current stage that the band is in, no one could do a better job than Spencer, either."

"Wow, you sure weaseled your way out of that one, didn't you?" Jasmine, another member of the show asks.

I hold up my hands in defense, laughing. "You don't make people you're touring with mad, alright? There are only so many places to hide on a tour bus."

"Fair enough," Greg agrees. "Lea, what's next."

She looks, and a mischievous grin touches her face. "I like this one. I know you and Annie haven't been married for all that long, but I have to ask. Is there a Dixon baby in the future?"

I feel my face begin to turn a light shade of red, and I shift nervously in my seat. "Oh... um... the near future... no. No, not at all. But... um... you know, in years to come? Who knows? All in God's timing, I guess." I smile. "Lexi is very good with children. Who knows? She might like having a baby around."

"And that brings us to our last question," Lea replies, and I raise an eyebrow.

"Oh really?"

She nods, turning back to her sheet of paper. "How's Lexi been holding up with all of the comments online? And how have you and the others been taking it?"

Greg looks at me expectantly. "I chose this one because I really want to know too," he tells me. "The people have been pretty vicious."

I feel the color drain from my face as they say the words.

What in the world are they talking about?

"What people?" I ask, though my throat is all of a sudden really dry. "What... what comments?"

Greg's expression turns to a worried frown. "You don't know? I thought she would have told you..."

I open my mouth, but no words come out. What are they saying?

Obviously seeing that I'm in no state to be on air, Greg turns to his microphone quickly. "Well, I would have loved to hear the answer to that one, but I'm afraid we're out of time. It's time to hand it over to the midmorning with Cheryl and Timmy. Until next time, this is the Greg Lackers show, on 93.9, Salvation Radio."

Our mics turn off, and I look at him frantically. "What are you guys talking about?"

"Colton, I'm really sorry you had to find out like that," he replies, picking up his phone and beginning to tap. "I totally thought you would know."

I shake my head, too nervous to respond.

Another few seconds, and he offers me his phone screen, where he's pulled up Twitter. I take it hesitantly and start to read.

@jessicasofopals

No wonder Colton Dixon has never said much about @lexgreggors story. My brother talked to her, and she was a total ****. Heard she slept with a bunch of guys and blamed all her problems on her parents. And also, she still cuts and is suicidal. What a little *****. Pretends she's all Christian while in reality, she's just a total ******* sinner. #lexistory

"What?" the word comes out a whisper. "How..."

Greg takes the phone back and quickly navigates somewhere else.

@delilahilweston

OMG, whose heard? We finally found out the truth about @lexgreggors . She's a total **** who Colton had compassion on and brought to the Lord, but now she's still acting like a heathen. Man, poor dude. He's probably really regretting his decision to take her in. #lexistory

@josephrobhetters

Wow just when you think you can trust Christian celebs. I don't know that I can be a fan of Colton Dixon anymore if he's supporting someone like @lexgreggors . Why wouldn't he set her straight? What a loser.

@alicegracelison

What? OMG, that's so unfair! She's living with Colton Dixon, and she can't even control her habits? @lexgreggors is seriously such a let-down. Here we thought we were gonna get another role model and we get that instead.

@haystufflen

Guys, give her a break. So she's got a tough past and still struggles. Don't we all? Jesus still loves her, and we should too. What about the woman caught in adultery? Or the thief on the cross? @lexgreggors is only human just like us.

@kathwilgeorgia

Wow, what a liar. She parades around as Colton's new little sister, acting like she's better than us, and then she sins in private. I don't believe some people. I knew @lexgreggors was bad news to begin with. Gosh, I wish Colton would just throw her to the streets. It's where a **** like her belongs, anyway.

I feel tears running freely down my cheeks, but I don't care. How could people be this cruel? And why didn't Lexi tell us about it?

"I've been watching these come in today," Greg adds, quickly switching to Instagram, and going to the comments on a video Lexi posted a few weeks ago.

I know I don't want to read what's there, but I also know that I have to.

@josephrobhetters

Notice how she never puts herself in any of her posts. I guess she must realize what an ugly little **** she is.

@wiladebque

Seriously. If I was her, I'd be thinking about plastic surgery right about now.

@josephrobhetters

@wiladebque How much good could it do though? I mean, unless she completely recreated her entire face...

@jessicasofopals

She obviously knows she's hideous, or else she at least would try. But with all of that black clothing and dark makeup? She's obviously just trying to make herself interesting where she can't be pretty. All she really succeeds in doing is making herself look even more like a monster, though.

@josephrobhetters

@jessicasofopals that could not be any more true.

@aidenjamesopals

I don't know what you guys are talking about. Lexi's gorgeous, and I love her sense of style. And anyway, since when do Christians talk or think like that in the first place?

@josephrobhetters

@aidenjamesopals Dude, you don't have to defend her like that. Stop acting like a perfect little Christian and be honest. She's a total **** and you know it.

@aidenjamesopals

@josephrobhetters I am being honest. And no one deserves to be called that. Especially not Lexi.

@haystufflen

@josephrobhetters @aidenjamesopals I agree with Aiden, 100%

@jessicasofopals

@aidenjamesopals Bro, don't tell me you honestly believe that. You couldn't. She's a total loser and a real ****. The world would be better off without her ugly face in it.

No. No, they can't be saying this! Who could do something like this?

Lexi is an absolutely beautiful girl by anyone's standards. And if you find out that someone has struggled with depression, cutting, suicide, and eating disorders in the past, since when is your first response to call the person ugly and say the world would be better off without them?

It just makes absolutely no sense.

I mean, yes, there are people like Aiden and the other person who was agreeing with him, and I'm sure the majority of my fans have been staying out of the whole deal. But I just can't believe anyone could think like that. That they could mercilessly attack an innocent girl that's already faced so much hurt.

I'm still crying, and Greg reaches over to place a hand on my shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Colton," he says quietly. "I can't imagine how hard it must be for you to see that."

I don't have the words to answer, and I just sit here for another minute, too shocked to do anything. Finally, I straighten, taking a deep breath.

"Thank you for having me," I tell them. "But I think I have a lot to handle back at the busses."

"You're so right," Greg agrees readily, as we both rise, and he quickly shakes my hand. "And thank you for coming in."

I quickly bid the rest of them goodbye and head out to my car.

I sit down, but I don't buckle or even put the key in the ignition. I need to do this before I get there. I go to Twitter first, searching Lexi's name to try to find anything that has her tagged in it. The results are too numerous to count.

Why would colton and annie even a **** like @lexgreggors in?

Gosh, I can't find a single thing good about @lexgreggors I mean, she's ugly, fat, and a total loser.

Lexi is still complete skin and bones. What would even possess someone to say that about her?

@lexgreggors is seriously the worst kind of person. She makes a bunch of stupid **** decisions, and then whines when she doesn't feel good about herself.

How can @lexgreggors even call herself a Christian? That is not how Christians are supposed to act.

I know they're amazing and all, but I fail to see how even Joel and Luke could see @lexgreggors as priceless. Because she's honestly the exact opposite.

How did a **** like @lexgreggors end up under the roof of a saint like Colton Dixon? That just makes absolutely no sense.

And so on. It makes no sense to me how people could say all of this.

I mean... how? I just don't understand.

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