A/N: So, just as a warning, while Rise ended on a happier note after a lot of darkness, this one is gonna slide back to dark for a lot of it. After everything Lexi has been through, it would just be unrealistic for her to be immediately okay, and, besides that, it wouldn’t really make much of a story. So, you have been warned, and I’m sorry in advance.

Alexis
Though my head is bowed and my eyes are closed in the picture-perfect way, my mind can’t focus on Colton’s prayer. Instead, the voices that just won’t learn to shut up tear apart my mind.
It’s idiotic how I can’t just learn to eat. I had to go through freaking therapy so that I wouldn’t do this anymore. It didn’t work. But I have to act like it did. So, instead of just not eating in the first place, it means I have to purge behind Colton and Annie’s backs.
I vaguely register, “Amen,” and I open my eyes, though I keep them glued to the table. Breath. Just breath. Maybe you won’t have to puke it up this time.
Yeah, and then I’ll gain back all of the weight I’ve lost since therapy. I shudder at the thought.  Nope, I’m stuck purging. I fight tears at the thought. None of this is ever going to end.
But, with a deep breath, I pick up my fork and twirl a bit of spaghetti onto it. It feels like a fifty-pound weight as I raise it to my lips. And it feels like slime going down.
It’s okay. You can get it out in a while. Just breath. Just don’t let them find out.
I feel a hand on my free one under the table, and look up to meet Colton’s compassionate gaze.
“Hey, you’re doing great,” he says quietly. “I know it’s hard.”
I look away without answering. I’m not doing great. I’m failing. I just wear loose clothes and make him think I’m eating and he doesn’t know.
And I call myself a Christian.
Yeah, fresh scars and all.
I know! I’m trying.
I might want to start trying harder.
“Hey, Annie, is it okay if Joel and Luke and their families come over for dinner tomorrow night?” Colton asks.
She smiles. “Of course. I wouldn’t miss a chance to see Moriah and Courtney.”
He grins. “Great, cause I already invited them.”
She laughs. “You’re lucky I said yes.”
“Can I be somewhere else?” I ask dryly, after forcing another bite down.
Colton rolls his eyes. “You know you love them, Lexi.”
“I do?” I ask, raising an eyebrow.
“Yes, you do,” he laughs. “You just like to pretend otherwise.”
I mutter more disagreement just loud enough for him to hear, but he just laughs.
“You know, Lexi, you would think that if you really hate all of my friends as much as you say you do, you would make some your own age.”
I shrug, slowly twirling more good onto my fork. “I would, but I can’t make friends.”
He gives me a long look. “You could.”
“No, I couldn’t,” I reply stubbornly. “I’m not as likable as you guys like to say I am.”
“I’ll actually send you to school to prove you wrong if I need to,” he threatens playfully.
I’ve been dong online classes ever since I moved here.
“Nah, you’d be proving me right,” I reply easily. “You’d be doing it ‘cause you were all sick of having me around at shows.”
“Alexis Greggors, do you want me to call Joel?” he teases.
“Or you could just kill me now,” I retort, and Annie laughs.
“You two…”
“What did I do?” Colton’s voice squeaks in indignation.
I glare at him. “You started it!”
“I did not!”
“You both started it,” Annie cuts in. “And you get to do dishes together and solve your issues over that.”
“Well, since Colton doesn’t do them right by himself,” I mutter, rising to clear my plate.
His napkin flies across the room and hits me in the face. I toss it back onto the table, shooting him a glare.
“Mature, aren’t we?”
“Yes, I am,” he laughs. “But life is too short to be mature all the time.”
I don’t answer, walking over to start rinsing dishes instead. He joins me to start loading them into the dishwasher.
He raises a gentle eyebrow at the quickly-soaked edges of my sleeves.
“You know, you don’t have to keep your arms covered all the time, Lexi,” he says quietly. “Haven’t we proved you don’t have to do that with us?”
I look away. “I just like it better.”
He nods, but there’s a tinge of sadness in his eyes. “I know. But you know I love you no matter what, don’t you?”
I nod hurriedly. “Yeah, I know.”
I know that’s what he thinks. But I’m just not worth that.
“Good,” he murmurs. “Never forget it. And I mean it – no matter what, okay?”
“Okay.”
We finish, and I turn away. “I’ll be right back.”
And I walk away to get rid of the meal I just ate.
What if he knew I was doing this behind his back?
What if he knew I’m still such a freaking loser?
I don’t honestly see how he could still love me then.

A/N#2: I'm back! Sorry about how long that took, but school does what it's gonna do, right? Anyway, I should be updating more often now. And... that's it. :)