Five days ago. 3.31am

Simon says be a real life killer, killer!

Jisung woke with a start gasping for breath.

Covered in a cold film of sweat he ripped away the sheets that clung to his skin. He was momentarily disoriented and didn't know where he was. It took a few seconds for his eyes to adjust to the darkness of the room to realise he was at home and in his bed.

It was just a dream.

He ran his trembling hands through his hair then brought his knees up and hugged them.

It was just a dream, it isn't real.

He gently rocked his body back and forth, listening as the bed creaked slightly with his movements. He needed to wake up, to pull himself out of the terrible nightmare he was having. He tried not to think about it but the violent images flooded his mind.

"Stop, come on stop it! Wake up!" He whispered furiously to himself, hitting the palms of his hands against his forehead.

But the images in his mind wouldn't relent. Horrified screams filled his ears as vivid images yanked Jisung back into his nightmare.

A splatter of blood blinded his vision while he watched a faceless person struggle free of his grip. They tumbled backwards and tears streamed down their face from where their eyes should have been. The only feature they had was a mouth, and it was twisted into a tortured expression as they screamed and begged for Jisung to stop; to spare them.

An agonizing scream splintered through the room and more blood sprayed across Jisung's vision while he stabbed a formless object into the faceless person. Into their torso, their leg, their chest. Over and over and over.

The cries and screams eventually stopped and Jisung tossed the bloodied object to the ground. The faceless person beneath him was motionless.

Bloodied.

Mutilated.

Dead.

In the back of his mind a familiar beat began to play and someone echoed the sound of a siren.

Simon says be a real life killer, killer, killer, killer

Simon says be a real life killer, killer, killer, killer

Jisung wiped his nose against the back of his hand. He took a long breath in at the same time and inhaled some blood. He sneezed.

Bless me achoo

A deep cackle resonated throughout the room. It was coming from him. Jisung was laughing, laughing with joy as he stared down at the faceless person he had just killed.

"Ughaaaah!"

Jisung flung his body forward, rolling and tumbling off the bed with a thud. The impact jostled him enough for him to tear himself back out of the nightmare. He picked himself up and ran to the window, flinging it open.

Cool night air swept into his bedroom through the newly made hole and Jisung slumped against the window, leaning his head outside as he deeply inhaled the fresh air. He could practically feel the oxygen flowing up to his brain, awakening him fully and allowing him to slowly calm his rapid breathing. But as the panic subsided it was replaced with a nauseating feeling. His stomach churned and saliva flooded into his mouth.

He could still smell the blood. So much blood, thick and metallic and filling his nostrils with every breath he took. He felt bile rising in his throat and thought he should run to the bathroom but he knew he wasn't going to make it. It was coming and it wouldn't wait.

Jisung forcefully relaxed his clenched stomach muscles and let the contents of his stomach come up. He gripped onto the sides of the window for support as he vomited, tears stinging in his eyes as acid burned his throat. After a few more wretches, he spat out the remaining excess in his mouth and let his tired body slump down onto the floor. He felt so tired and exhausted yet he was now afraid to sleep.

Afraid of what he might dream about.

He lay there for a while until he felt he was able to stand up. His legs felt a bit unstable and he hugged his arms around himself as he slowly walked down the hallway to the bathroom. He cleaned himself up, spitting out bits of his dinner that were lodged in the back of his throat and then walked quietly back to his bedroom, not wanting to disturb and wake his mother up.

The room was now chilled by the night air and he closed the window before hopping back into bed.

No more bad dreams, please no more.

Curling into a ball under his sheets, Jisung thought of Chenle as drowsiness took hold of him. Of his cheerful smile, his joyful laugh and his warm embrace. Chenle would be Jisung's light in the darkness; he would keep the nightmares away for him.

***

When Jisung next opened his eyes, sunlight was peeking through the curtains. It was morning.

He rolled onto his back and groaned when his head throbbed at the movement. He placed his palms against his temples, trying to reduce the painful throbbing as he moved up into a sitting position. He reached for his phone and noticed it was quite early. He had woken up earlier than he usually did for a school day, which was good; he needed all the time he could get this morning as he still felt exhausted from last night.

He pulled the sheets away and stood. His whole body felt weak and heavy. A hot shower would probably help but first he needed painkillers.

He padded slowly down the hallway to the kitchen, keeping one hand against the wall to support himself. When he entered the kitchen his mother looked up from the newspaper she was busy reading, surprised to see him.

"Jisung, you're up early." She stated, then she frowned as she looked at her son. "Honey, are you okay? You don't look too well."

She stood up and cupped her hands around his face, her eyes carefully evaluating him.

"Do we have any painkillers Mum?" Jisung asked, sounding groggy.

"Of course Jisung, I'll get some for you." She walked to a cupboard and quickly located a box of pills, then went to pour Jisung a glass of chilled water. "Do you feel unwell?" She asked, handing him the glass and then two white pills.

Jisung shook his head and then winced in pain. He chucked the pills into his mouth and took a long swig of the water, swallowing both pills at once.

"I didn't sleep well last night and now I've got this terrible headache." He told her.

His mother rubbed his shoulder gently. "Are you well enough to go to school?" She asked, looking concerned.

"I'll be fine, I think." Jisung replied.

He didn't really want to miss school and have his friends worry about him, particularly Chenle who was the only person who knew what he was going through. Besides, being stuck at home wouldn't help his current situation. He would be stuck, alone with his thoughts. He hated the mere idea of it.

"Okay, well I'll have my phone on me so call me if you need to come home." She said.

"Thanks Mum." Jisung replied, knowing that even if he ended up in the nurse's office with a splitting headache he wouldn't be calling her to come home.

He went back to his room and checked the time again, he still had plenty of time so he went to the bathroom and had a long shower. He stood under the hot stream of water until he felt the pain killers start to kick in and the pounding in his skull lessened.

He switched off the water and pulled a fluffy blue towel around his shoulders. Steam had filled the small bathroom and Jisung lifted his head back and took a deep breath in of the thick, damp air. 

The bus lurched to a stop and Jisung flung his hands out against the seat in front of him to steady himself. That's right, he was on the bus to school. But wait, he didn't remember getting on the bus, nor leaving his home for that matter.

He glanced around at the other passengers on the bus, mostly students from his school now piling off the bus. No one was looking at him, so he mustn't have been doing anything out of the ordinary, but the thought of losing time and not remembering felt like a heavy stone in his stomach.

He pulled himself out of his seat and hopped off the bus, following the other students towards the school entrance. He craned his neck, looking for Chenle, suddenly feeling the need to be close to him so Chenle could watch over him. He noticed his cheerful friend standing by the school gates, bouncing on his heels and swaying his arms lightly.

Chenle then noticed him too and waved his arm in a big, swooping motion with a wide grin on his face. Jisung clasped his backpack straps and hurried towards him. As he approached, Chenle dropped his hand back to his side and his grin disappeared.

"What's wrong Jisungie?" Chenle asked him as Jisung took hold of his arm and pulled him through the school gates.

Jisung nudged his way past other students and away from the school building to a tree where no one else was nearby. He pulled Chenle around the other side of the tree, out of sight from anyone who might be looking in their direction and it was then that he finally answered Chenle.

"It's getting worse Chenle," Jisung told him, "and I don't know what to do."

The clang of a bathroom cubicle door shutting made Jisung jump and he looked up from the sink and running water to stare at his tired reflection.

He didn't remember coming to the bathroom, in fact, he didn't know what time it was. He looked back down at the sink, watching the water flowing away down the sink hole. He held his hands under the stream of warm water and tried to remember. The last thing he remembered from the disjointed memory of his morning was hoping off the school bus and asking Chenle for help.

Did he tell him about that terrible nightmare he had last night? And what about his blackouts? How did Chenle actually even respond? Jisung had planned to tell him everything but he couldn't remember if he had, he couldn't remember much at all. He chewed his lip, turned off the tap and dried his hands, trying to remain calm. Things were getting progressively worse and he really didn't know what he was supposed to do about it.

He was still so exhausted from last night... and scared. Scared of the lost time, scared of that song that he couldn't get out of his head, scared of what was going to happen to him.

It weighed him down like rocks in his pockets and now with that nightmare, he was scared to close his eyes and sleep, even if his body was craving it. He felt like if he closed his eyes and let himself drift off that he would be wading into a dark sea that was his nightmares and those rocks which filled his pockets would only cause him to sink to the bottom, never to resurface.

He continued to nibble on his lip as he wiped away the excess water from his hands onto his pants and then pulled out his phone.

What the hell...

...it was already 1:43pm.

The thumping of Jisung's heart in his chest quickly increased while he stared down unbelievably at his phone. That meant he had already had morning break and lunch and he would be most of the way through another class. It was Thursday, so that meant he should be in... art class right now. Dammit! Chenle would probably be worrying, God only knows how long he'd taken on this toilet break.

Jisung stuffed his phone back into his pocket and hurried down the empty corridors to his art class. When he slid the door open his eyes instantly met Chenle's. His friend exhaled a sigh of relief and gave him a small smile as he waited for Jisung to sit back down on his stool next to him.

"I was beginning to worry Jisungie." Chenle gently rested a hand on Jisung's thigh as he gazed at him, trying to read his expression.

"Yeah, sorry Lele, I um... well..." Jisung struggled to find the words to ease into a conversation about filling in the gaps of his lost memory of the day so far. "Chenle, have I been acting weird today?" He asked cautiously. He still wasn't sure he even wanted to hear Chenle's response.

Chenle tilted his head to the side in thought. "Well, you've been a bit quieter than usual- but that's completely understandable, given what you're going through and what happened last night. Thank you for telling me, by the way. I know you probably think I'll just worry but I want to know Jisungie, both the good and the bad."

Jisung shuffled closer to him and lowered his voice, glancing around the classroom, paranoid that someone else might be able to hear their morbid topic of conversation. "So I told you about that?"

"Yes, you did this morning... Jisungie, did you have another blackout? Can you not remember?" Chenle placed his hand over Jisung's and gave him a worried look.

Jisung ignored Chenle's question, instead asking another of his own. "Did I also tell you about the-"

...the craft knife

He cut himself short, fear pressing down on his throat and cutting off his voice. He was afraid of Chenle knowing about the incident with the craft knife. Some small part of him knew that Chenle would be there to help him, yet he still couldn't ask that question he needed to know the answer to.

"The blackouts?" Chenle asked, trying to fill in the gaps of Jisung's question. "Yes you did. You said you had some yesterday and then another this morning, but it's getting worse... isn't it?"

Jisung could only nod his head slowly in answer.

"What do I do Chenle? I've gone most of today not remembering what I've done." He confessed.

He looked despondently into his best friend's eyes and saw that Chenle's reflected his own pain and internal struggle on what to do about the situation. It was saddening yet at the same time slightly comforting to know he had Chenle with him, who understood what he was going through, not exactly but somewhat.

After a long moment's thought Chenle sighed deeply. "I don't know anymore Jisung, I just don't know." He said, his eyes downcast.

Jisung sighed as well and glanced down to look at his art book. The hollow eyes of the charcoal wolf he had started to draw stared ominously up at him, through him, staring into his soul, igniting the smoldering feeling of fear inside him. Jisung tore his eyes away from the wolf and he quickly closed the book and pushed it away from him.

He rubbed his eyes, feeling the throb of his headache returning. How was he going to sleep tonight? Sure, he was tired so sleep would come easy but what if he had another horrible nightmare? Just the thought of reliving that made his stomach churn and his anxiety rise.

Don't be such a fool

Simon Says sang in the back of his mind, as if mocking him and Jisung pressed the palms of his hands into his eye sockets, quietly willing the horrid song out of his head.

"We'll think of something Jisung." Came Chenle's not so confident voice from beside him, "We'll think of something..."