The idea for this story all began when my best friend and I made harmless jokes about being alpha males – the types of men who take extra special effort to appear extra specially masculine. We found it quite funny if one of them was actually homosexual, because it's a stereotype that traditional alpha males are quite homophobic due to their incessant need for masculinity.

We created our own characters – Brad and Chad, the popular basketball-playing jocks with big muscles and thick skulls. We then twisted the story to include Brad's sudden homosexuality, and his growing feelings for his very homophobic best friend, Chad. Because every story needs a conflict.

But then my best friend, Halina, said, "Wouldn't it be funny if they were actually, like, thirty years old? Still desperately trying to be young like the boomers they are?"

I thought she was onto something there. She was the looks, I was the brains, and together we would use the power of friendship to wield this gay-ass story that literally nobody would read. (That's a joke, by the way, neither of us have looks or brains)

Anyhoo.

That's pretty much the backstory to this fantastical satire horror you're about to witness.

I hope you enjoy it, because I could've been doing literally anything else other than writing this, but for whatever reason, I stuck with it.