- I don't know how to feel about this chapter... hm... -

Aleigha's point of view

"I haven't been this many places in a row since I was ten." I joked to Michael and he laughed as we sat at a diner. It was like ten in the morning and we were hanging out again because he asked to.

Not that I'm complaining.

"Well stay with me and you'll go everywhere." He said and I laughed, jokingly telling him that I'll consider.

We sat down at a booth and I rubbed my arms since it was a bit cold in here. "Where do you get your bracelets?" I asked him because they were cool and no matter how many times I try to find them, I can't seem to get them.

"Internet and random stores in malls." He told me and I nodded. "I need more." He said and I showed him my wrist, nearly all the way up to my elbows with bracelets.

"Pick some." I said and we both laughed as he pointed at random ones. I took them off and he looked at me. "I got these at Hot Topic, they came in packs of four." I said, holding up the black bracelets.

"Let me see." I handed it to him and a lady came by, asking us what we'd like for drinks. "I'll have a water, thanks. Mikey?"

"I'll take a coffee." He said and smiled at the waitress. She handed us menus and we thanked her before she left us to decided.

"Will you be writing anymore letters?" He asked me and I chuckled as I shrugged.

"Not sure. I've seen you the past two days so maybe I don't have to anymore." I told him and he nodded, telling me that was a good answer.

"Now you can tell me face to face." He said and chuckled. "No more crying to a piece of paper yeah?"

"Dunno," I said honesty. "I enjoy writing them. You get real emotion but you don't have to be face to face. I don't know about you, but I could never bullshit a letter."

"I haven't written letters in ages." He said and chuckled. "The only bad thing about letters is after you write it, you have no one to hold you when you're breaking. You write to them about it all but you're still alone." He told me and I shrugged.

"You're not wrong." I said and he chuckled. "Can we not talk about me though? I feel selfish, always talking about myself when you yourself are going through stuff." I told him.

"I don't like talking about myself." He said and looked down.

"Come on, it's not good to keep things bubbled down." I told him as I grabbed his hand. "We can switch the roles, I'll be famous and you can be the fan, let's go."

"Oh my god I love you so much, have my babies." He said and we both laughed. I shook my head and he chuckled. "I mean... I guess since you shared, I should too."

"You don't have to, I was just suggesting it. I don't want you to feel forced, like you absolutely have to." I told him and he looked at me with a small smile. "I promise, if you don't want to, you don't have to. It just feels better to get stuff off of your chest, you know?"

"Yeah," he said and nodded. "I know. I'm just... It's-It's hard to talk about things like this." He said and laughed lightly. "I think you understand when I say telling someone personal stuff, face to face, is hard."

"Wouldn't know, I was always to scared to do it." I said and he gave me a half smile, the left corners of his lips rising and then falling just as quickly. "They wouldn't care."

"I bet you they would."

"No, my friends' advice is to get over it. My brothers, they're too ignorant to understand. My parents, they think I'm trying to be like you. The people in my life don't understand, and even if I tried, I couldn't make them." I told him him. "You can't make someone do something they don't want to do."

"You have me now, and I'm always here." He said and I shrugged. "I feel like it's too early to say that, but after these three weeks of reading about all your life struggles, and relating all too well to them, I want you to know that I'm here."

"Thanks Michael." I said and he shrugged. "I am here for you too you know. I'll listen to you and your struggles. Maybe I can't convince myself to stay positive, but I sure as hell can convince someone else."

He was silent, looked down at the table. "Michael?" I asked after a moment or two of silence and he hummed, looking at me with watery eyes. "Are you okay?" I asked him, quite a dumb question if I'm honest.

He's crying, of course he isn't okay.

"No." He said and shook his head. I stood up and then wrapped my arms around him, and he buried his face on my shoulder. "I'm not." He said quietly, choked up in tears.

"It's okay to not be okay Michael." I told him and he sniffled as he shook his head.

"Not when you're supposed to be someone's superhero." He said and I shushed him.

"Even heroes have the right to cry." I said and he was silent. "Want to talk about it somewhere a little less public?" I asked softly and he nodded.

"Please?" He asked and I nodded. I grabbed my wallet and put a ten dollars on the table before helping him up. I took the keys and he put his sunglasses on, to hide his watery red eyes.

"Do I look like I'm sad?" He asked and wiped his cheeks quickly. He gave me a smile and it was the saddest thing ever because he didn't even look the littlest bit upset. He looked as if he was genuinely happy.

"No..." I answered and he nodded as we stepped out of the diner, leaving quicker than we thought we would. I took him to his car and before we could get in, a couple of people from across the street were coming up to him.

"We didn't want to bother you while you were inside," a girl said and he chuckled. "Can you take a picture of us please?" She asked me and I nodded.

"Us next too please?" The boy spoke and I nodded, taking a couple of pictures of them before taking a couple of both boys. "Thank you!"

"Aw, you're welcome." Michael said and chuckled. "Thank you for not bothering us, it means a lot." He told them and they just nodded before walking off.

We got in the car and I started it as Michael pulled his sunglasses off. "I do this way to much." He said and looked at me, his eyes still red and full of tears.

"It's honestly killing me to know you can do all that for your fans and they won't even know you're breaking inside. Sunglasses hide too much." I told him and he shrugged his shoulders. "Where am I going?"

"I'll give you directions." He said and I nodded as I started the car.

-

"The guys aren't home." He said and I nodded as I looked around. "God, I'm a mess." He said and collapsed on the black couch.

I sat down beside him and he ran his hands through his hair, tugging on it. "Come on, if you don't bald from hair dye, you'll bald from pulling on your hair." I told him and he looked at me.

"Ouch." He said and I apologized. "I stopped dying my hair but... I don't feel like myself when it's natural. I feel like a part of me is missing."

"Well you gotta let it grow out or else you can seriously damage it." I told him, keeping his hands from his head. "I'm in no position to speak, my hair is really dead, but let your hair grow out healthily before you start messing with it."

"I guess." He sighed and closed his eyes. "Can I ask you something?" He asked and I nodded.

"Of course."

"How long have you, you know, gone through this?" He asked. "Like.. self harm and stuff."

"Oh, um... th-three years." I said and he nodded. "Why?"

"Because it's been nearly two years and I'm still as bad as I was back then." He said as he tugged on his hair. "I don't understand this."

"It'll look up soon." I promised him, holding his hands so he would stop pulling on his hair. "It's not forever. I mean, it may feel like it but it's not." I told him and he shook his head.

"All these illnesses and addictions and all this shit that gets glorified, why does it get glorified?" He said and looked at me. "Why do people find beauty in self inflicted scars and why do people find poetry in the broken words of someone with depression? Why do people want this? No one should want this. This is-This is tearing me apart." He said, his voice cracking at the end.

"You and me both." I whispered and looked at him. "It'll get better. If others can make it through, then we can, you can."

"That's like saying, because he beat cancer, she can aswell." He told me and I shook my head.

"No cancer jokes. That's not right..."

"It's not a joke. It's the truth, and sometimes the truth sounds like a joke." He said and sniffled. "I'm not like other people. You're not like other people. How can we compare ourselves to them when we all come from different walks of lives and all our hearts beat differently."

"Because it all boils down to the same thing," I told him. "You have to want to get better. You have to try to see past the dark thoughts and the voices. You have to have ambition."

"How do you have ambition when you can't even find a need to get out of bed?" He asked me, looking at me with bloodshot eyes. "I don't want to get out of bed, Aleigha. I don't want to wake up."

"Nobody does Mikey."

"I know you understand what I mean." He said and I nodded softly. "My band doesn't even know what's wrong with me. They just know I'm seeing a shrink, that's it. They never once bothered to ask what for."

"Maybe it's because they respect you enough to understand that you can't tell your friends everything. You need secrets of your own. You need to keep some things personal. They must respect that." I told him and he shook his head.

"No, they don't care." He said and rubbed his arm. "A couple of days ago, Luke handed me your letter and my sleeve rode up. He asked what it was and I lied, telling him it was a rash, but it's not. He just nodded and pretended he never saw it. He didn't even ask if I was okay."

"Maybe you're reading into this too much." I said and he looked at me. "I know it's hard to not over think everything when you feel like less of what you really are, but think about this. Maybe he didn't want to make it awkward? Maybe he felt like he'd embarrass you if he kept talking about a rash that you have clearly tried covering up so no one asks." I told him and he shrugged.

"I always feel like people hate me. Most of the time, I doubt anyone even cares. I'm one in a million." He told me.

"More like a million in one Mikey." I said and he rolled his eyes as me. "Come here."

He gave me a hug and I hugged him back. "It's going to get better, even if it doesn't feel like it now. I mean, as the saying goes, you have have a rainbow without rain." I said, wondering why I could tell him these words but I can't tell myself them.

"You can't have happiness without penis."

"Oh my god." I said and we both laughed as he wiped his eyes. "Way to lighten the mood." I told him and he nodded.

"Woah Mikey, what's going on?" Someone asked and I probably jumped about ten feet in the air.

"Did you see God while you were up there? Did you ask why he fucked you over in life?" Michael asked and I laughed.

"Yeah, he told me you have to fall before you fly and sent me back down to spread the word." I said and he nodded.

"So, he wants us to jump off of a bridge, very smart idea." He said and I set my hands on my hips. "Sorry, I was kidding." He said but I knew he was lying.

"Hello? Are you gonna ignore us?" Calum asked and I chewed on my bottom lip and Michael shook his head.