Aleigha's point of view

"Did you know?" Calum asked me and I winced at his voice. "Aleigha... did you know about this?"

"Cal, you gotta check on Michael-"

"I'm asking you a question Aleigha, did you fucking know?" He yelled and I looked down at the floor. "You did didn't you?" He asked softly, his voice changing drastically.

"Calum what's going-What's that in your hand?" Ashton asked and I knew Luke was there aswell. "What are you doing?"

"You fucking knew didn't you? You knew Michael was hurting himself!" Calum said and I sighed heavily.

"I did alright? I knew-"

"How come you didn't tell us? He was slicing his fucking skin open and you didn't tell us! We're his best friends! His brothers!" He snapped at me, waving around the razor as if it couldn't hurt anyone.

"I'm sorry! He didn't want you guys knowing and I didn't want to break his trust! He trusted me!" I said and he looked at me as if I was crazy.

"It wouldn't be betraying him! It'd be helping him! He was hurting himself Aleigha! He was taking blades against his wrist. You tell the people he's closest to so he can get help. You don't keep it a secret and help him hide it!" He snapped at me and I felt bad because if did help him hide it.

"He would have told you guys when he was ready-"

"No I don't want that bullsh-"

"Michael self harms?" Luke asked and I took a deep breath. "He cuts himself?" He asked again, more to himself than to us.

"That's what I just said Luke." Calum snapped, throwing the blade into the garbage can. "Aleigha knew about it too. She didn't fucking tell us."

"I said I was sorry!" I told him and then took a deep breath. "This isn't about me though, this is about Michael. Why don't you go help h-"

"Get out." He told me and I was slightly taken back. Krystal's voice came in, soft and slightly afraid.

"Calum, please-"

"I said get out. You knew about this and you didn't fucking tell us. How dare you?" He asked me and I nodded.

"Fine, I'll leave, but know this, I've known something was up before I even met him. If you're his brother, why didn't you?" I asked him and turned around.

I walked out of the room but someone grabbed my arm before I could leave. "Don't touch me. I-"

"Help him." Ashton told me and I looked at him, more than a little shocked. If Calum wanted me to leave, I would have suspected the same from the two who literally hated my guts.

"What?"

"He told you, right? He told you that he self-harmed? He sat you down and you guys talked about it?/" He asked me and I nodded.

"He's told me a lot of things you guys don't know." I said quiyerly and he nodded himself.

"Help him, please. He must trust you more than us then." He said and Calum gasped.

"You're trying to make her stay? She kept this from us Ashton! She didn't tell us Michael hurt himself like this! How could you want her here?" Calum said and I flinched at both his loud voice and Ashton's grip on my wrist.

"Calum, I'll give you three fucking seconds to shut the fuck up. You don't know jack shit about self-harm." Ashton said and I pushed him away. "Wha-"

I cradled my wrist in my hands and Ashton reached for me. "Don't, go help Michael. I'm fine." I said and walked downsairs.

"Aleigha you can't leave! Michael needs you here!" Ashton said and I stopped. "Please, I'm begging you. I was an asshole, I know, but please just listen to me. Mikey needs you.."

"Okay, for Mikey." I said and walked back upstairs. Calum looked at my bleeding wrist and I shook my head. "Can I get a towel or..."

"Yeah! Yeah I'll grab it." Ashton said and the other three stared at me wide eyed.

"Don't ask cause I'm not talking." I said and waited for Ashton to come back. They nodded and Krystal couldn't keep her eyes off of my bleeding wrist.

"The rumours are true Lee? You hurt yourself?"

"Yeah, but being one of my best friends, if expect you to do more than stare and type on your phone." I said bitterly and it was Luke who took her phone and put it in his pocket.

Ashton soon came back and he handed me a small hand towel. I pulled all my bracelets off before wrapping it around my wrist and looked st him expectingly.

"He's in the guest bedroom, I heard him crying." Ashton told me and I furrowed my eyebrows together. Michael said they didn't have one?

Right, right that doesn't matter. What matters is that Michael's upset, not that he lied to me so he could get me to sleep in the same bed as him.

Ashton led me to it and I knocked softly. "Michael? Michael it's Aleigha." I said and everyone was dead silent.

You could hear Michael sobbing, and it made my heart hurt a lot.

"Michael, I need you to open this door alright? Please Michael, it's okay. They're not mad at you." I said but he just shouted at us to go away.

"Look Mikey, they're your best friends, they just want to help you okay? They care about you. I care about you. Please. I know you're embarrassed and don't want to leave but you need to. They want to help you get better. I thought I was helping you get better." I told him and it was silent.

"... You were..."

"What did I do wrong Michael?" I asked him. "Michael, please don't make me talk to you through a door." I said and I took a deep breath. "Michael please, I know you're afraid. Let us help. You know I wouldn't judge you. You know the band wouldn't either."

"You told me it was just a rash Michael." Luke said quietly and I held the towel tighter around my wrist.

"Michael I'm begging you, open the door. Please. I just want to help you." I told him, pressing my forehead against the door. "I know you want help, let me. You need that extra step, I know you do. That extra push. Let me help you. Let us help you."

"... I'm scared Leigha."

"Don't be scared, it's okay. Recovery is hard, fuck it's extremely hard, I won't lie. It's worth it though Michael, I promise that it is. We can help you, but you need to want it Mikey. You have to want to get better." I told him and took a deep breath. "If you open this door, then we know you want the help you deserve. If you don't, then why are we even standing here right now?"

It was quiet, uncomfortably quiet. We were waiting for the simple response. There was no 'maybe'. There was no 'sure'. It was either yes or it was no. It could make or break the way their friendship worked.

Nothing happened after a couple minutes, and I stepped away from the door, pushing the guys behind me. "Fine then Michael-"

I was cut off by the door unlocking.

I opened it and looked at Michael, who was standing up straight. His eyes were red and puffy, his face slightly blotchy, and his lips were bitten raw. His hair was pulled every which way, and he was shaking like a leaf in the middle of autumn, clinging to an empty branch for survival. He looked like a mess, and it wasn't pretty in any way. He looked like the epitome of depression and stress, and I just wanted to hold him and help him put back all the pieces that fell out of place.

"Yes."

That word alone, that was all it took for me to wrap him inside my arms and let him bury his face into my neck.

He hugged me back, his arms tight around my waist and I nodded. "It's okay Michael." I said and he broke down again, crying loudly as he clutched on to me. "I promise that it'll be okay." I told him and rubbed his back gently, my other hand lightly playing with the hair that curled the smallest bit at the nape of his neck.

"We love you so much Mikey, nothing could change that." Luke said and I felt him join in on the hug.

"We care so much about you, you're like my little brother." Ashton told him and he joined in aswell.

"You shouldn't be scared to tell us stuff like this Michael, we would never judge you." Calum added and I pressed my forehead against Michael's chest.

"Let us help you Michael." I said and he held on to me harder. "It's okay. We've got you." I told him, the band agreeing with me.

He nodded and I pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. "You're gonna be alright, I promise. So many people care about you Mikey, so many people." I said and he shook his head.

"It doesn't feel like it." He cried and I shushed him. "It hurts Leigha, so much."

"What does?" I asked as the guys let go of him. "What hurts Mikey? Show me. Tell me." I said, my hand lightly cupping his jaw, which was pickled with thick, dark hairs.

He took my hand and guided it to his neck, pressing it against his pulse. I looked him in the eye as he nodded. "Help me please. I'm tired of feeling like this Leigha. I'm tired of wanting this."

"What do you mean Michael?" Ashton cut in, his voice trembling as he spoke. "What are you tired of wanting?"

"Death." He said and looked me straight in the eye when he did. I shook my head and his eyes watered even more. "Please... before I do something about this."

"I won't let that happen." I said and he nodded. "There are some things you just can't have in life Mikey, this is one. I can't let you do that." I said quietly, actually feeling my chest hurt.

He looked so broken, practically begging us, me, to help him through this. He looked so tired, so fed up with everything.

Tears pricked the corners of my own eyes and soon everything became blurry. I brought him into a hug again, this time I was more desperate, thinking that if I hugged him tight enough, if I said all the right words, then maybe I could just squeeze all the sad out of him. Maybe I could hold him so tight the pieces will fall together on their own and glue still with whispered words.

It doesn't work that way, but oh how I wish it did.

My hands clutched on to his shirt, fists full of the soft material. He did the same, and I couldn't help but cry into his arms as he did the same.

We were breaking down right in front of the band and my best friend, but I didn't care. I was absolutely heartbroken because of Michael's confession, absolutely afraid. He wants to die. Die.

I kissed the side of his head gently, holding him in my arms as I shook my head. "Don't say that Michael. Please don't say that." I said and my voice cracked horribly in the middle. "I love you. Your fans love you. Your family. Your band. Don't do that to yourself, don't do that to us."

"You don't love me," he said, his forehead against my shoulder as he loosened his grip on me. "You love Michael Clifford from 5 Seconds of Summer, not me, not Michael."

And he was right, because I didn't know him, I knew who he was behind a camera. I knew very little about his beliefs, his thoughts, his past, what he does on Saturday nights, or how he likes his sandwiches. I knew what every other fan knew, besides and couple of key factors like how he felt and how he handled it. I didn't know him enough to love him more than a friend. I didn't know him enough to have fallen in love with him.

So I just kissed the side of his head and pressed my cheek against the same spot. "But you're still Michael Clifford, and I love you so much it's unreal." I said and I think that was more than enough for him cause he took it without a single word.