Aleigha's point of view

"Mikey?" I asked as he raided his closet. "Mikey?" I tried again but he ignored me. "Michael-"

"What?" He asked, not even looking at me. I frowned and shook my head.

"Nevermind." I mumbled and took my boots off before laying down on his bed, throwing his blanket over me. I laid under all the blankets, completely hidden and he sighed.

"Aleigha, stop messing around. Here's some clothes to change into. Come on." He said as he took the blankets off of me.

"But I'm not tired."

"You said so in the car!"

"No I didn't." I said and sat up. "I'm tired, not sleepy." I told him and he gasped, seeming absolutely irritated.

"They're the same thing! Oh my god." He said and I flinched at his loud voice. "Aleigha, are you going to change or not?"

"O-Okay, I will, but I'm not going to sleep." I said and he crossed his arms. "I'm not!"

"Why not?"

"Cause sleep won't fix this kind of tired." I said and he just blinked at me. "You don't get it." I sighed and went up to him, grabbing the clothes he was holding out for me.

"What don't I get? You're being so stubborn right now." He told me and I went to the batheoom, shutting the door behind me.

I looked in the mirror, my fist tightening around the fabric of the sweats and t-shirt in anger. My makeup was smudged, my hair waa a mess, and I could barely stand straight.

I reminded myself of my mom, and I hated it. I hated her for this, for when she'd come home pissed drunk. It only resulted in an argument between my parents and some kind of joke to my brothers.

I took a rag and put warm water on it, scrubbing away all the make-up Arzaylea had forced on me. I took the fake eyelashes off and scrubbed off all of the foundation and eyeliner and lipstick. Everything came off, leaving my fave a pink color.

I sighed and began to actually changed, opting on not wearing a bra under Mchael's t-shirt. I switched my skinny jeans for his sweats and then opened the door.

"Leigha-"

He stopped talking as I tossed my clothes with his dirty ones and then laid on the bed. "You hurt yourself." He said as he saw my exposed wrists.

"I told you I was tired." I said and he walked towards me.

"When?"

"Doesn't matter-"

"Yes it does." He said and I gulped as I looked up at him. "When?" He asked me, looking at the fingernail shaped cuts and bruised line from where I'd snap rubber bands against my skin.

"During school." I said and leaned my head into his chest. "Are you mad at me?" I asked him and he was quiet.

"I'm disappointed." He told me and I tensed. "I'm disappointed in you, but I'm not mad."

"Like that's any better." I said and he tilted my chin up to look at him. "I'm sorry."

"Are you really?" He asked me and I shook my head, brutally honest with him. "Thought so." He said, his voice dropping to a whisper.

"You promised you'd stop if I did."

"I break promises. I'm a shitty person." I said and he shook his head. "You can't promise what you don't know."

"Should've thought of that before." He said and looked down. "Why did you do it? You tell me you're fine but really, you're not." He told me.

"Because I felt like it-Why else Michael?" I asked. "Why do I do it? Because I'm fucked up like that. I'm an idiot, that's why. I'm a fucking psychopath who needs physical pain to take away the emotion pain."

"Aleigha-"

"And I know you understand. God, it's just so... addicting." I said, running my hands through my hair. "It's so addicting. My god, it's so comforting in some sick, twisted way. Every time I'm just that much closer to killing that bubble of insecurites, anxiety, depression, and problems."

"Stop. Shut up. I don't wanna hear it." He said. "I don't wanna hear about your sick obsession with suicide."

"You had the same obsession, so if I'm sick, so are you." I said and he nodded. "I know you understand."

"But unlike you I can talk about my problems and keep my promises." He said and then shook his head. "I ask you if you're okay, and I expect honesty. What do I get? A bunch of fucking bullshit."

"I'm sorry that I don't wanna burden you with my problems-"

"How many times do I have to say it? I don't care! You get mad at people for not caring but when someone finally does, you push them away with lie after lie after lie!" He told me and I shook my head. "Why don't you add pathological liar to your list of mental illnesses cause you seem to lie about everything!"

"Really? You're getting on me for this? Do you even understand? I'm helping you by dealing with my shit by myself. You're stressed enough, you've been through enough, and you're getting mad at me for trying to make sure you don't blow out like some kind of candle?" I asked and he shook his head.

"Why are we even having this conversation? You're drunk! I bet you won't even remember this in the morning." He said and rubbed his temples. "Funny, you told me you didn't drink but here you are, pissed off your ass. Lied about that too."

"I only drank because I'm so fucking fed up with everything and everyone!"

"Well how should I know that if you don't tell me anything?" He yelled and I held my chest. "Now you're hurt, wow-"

I covered my mouth and then ran to his bathroom, throwing up into his toilet. "Oh." I heard quietly as I held on to the sides of the toilet.

He held my hair back and I groaned. "That's what you get for drinking so much." He said and I flipped him off.

"Go fuck yourself." I said and looked into the toilet full of water. I have eaten all day, so literally all I threw up was liquid.

I flushed the toilet and he helped me up. He handed me and pack of toothbrushes and toothpaste. "Thanks." I said, though it sounded more sarcastic than I wanted it too.

He closed the bathroom door and I groaned as I began to brush my teeth. "There's another shirt on the bed for you." He told me and I sighed as I looked in the mirror.

If I remember this in the morning, I want to leave before he wakes up.

-

"You and Michael left early." Calum teased and I shook my head. "Did you guys get down and dirty?"

"I got down and dirty alright," I said and he laughed. "I threw up after we argued."

"That's-That's not what I meant." He said and I looked at him as if he thought I was stupid. "What happened?" He asked me and I shrugged.

"I don't remember. I just remember arguing, vomiting, and sleeping with a pillow between us." I lied and he nodded.

"You guys fight like an old married couple who say they want a divorce but really just have like two small problems." He said and I shrugged.

"What can you do?" I asked, taking a drink of my tea. "Do you know where my phone is?" I asked and he shook his head.

"Nope. Why would I know? It's yours." He said and I shrugged. "It's not in Mikey's room?"

"No. It's not on me or in my purse either." I said and he nodded. "What if I left it at the club?" I asked and he said he'll go back and get it since he left Roy's snapback there.

I nodded and Ashton came downstairs. "You look like death." He told me and I nodded.

"Thanks, I was trying to be like you." I said and he rolled his eyes. "It's working apparently." I bit back, in no mood for his shit.

"Except I'm in shape-"

"Alright." Calum said loudly, giving his best friend a glare as my hostile attitude melted into some kind of numbing depression in just seconds. Seconds. "That's enough." He told us.

"She started it!"

"Bull, if you would have kept your mouth shut this wouldn't have started." I said and Calum slammed his fist on the table.

"I don't care who started it, I'm ending it." Calum said and I stood up. "Where are you going?" He asked me.

"Home." I said and he pointed to my outfit. "I lost my phone, control of my life, and my grip on my sanity. Do you honestly think I care whether or not I look like I crawled out of several beds that were inside of the dump?"

"Is this a trick question?"

"Yes," I said and sighed. "I'm putting on my jeans from last night and stealing this shirt." I said and he nodded and Ashton went into the kitchen.

"Thought so." He said and I rolled my eyes. "What do you mean you lost control of your life?"

"Doesn't matter." I said and put my hair up. "I'm gonna have a cigarette and then leave. My car is out front."

"Want me to tell Mikey you left early?"

"Only if he asks." I said and he nodded. I grabbed my pack off of the table since I had one before he made breakfast (none of which I ate) and then went to the backyard to have a quick smoke because I needed time to myself and to think.

-

"Really? Again Leigh-Ane?" I heard my dad yell and I closed the front door quietly. "You're always out drinking! When are you going to be a fucking mother? Your kids need you to clean up the act!"

"You go out and drink! When you so it, it's no problem, but when I do it, suddenly the world's fucking ending!" My mom yelled and I shook my head as I went to my bedroom, slamming the door shut.

I pulled my hair out of a bun and then looked into my mirror. I sighed at my reflection, more than just disgusted as I threw my jacket on the floor.

I've never felt more tired and washed up in my life.

"This is why Aleigha always leaves! She can't put up with you and your fucking need to start argument after argument!" My mom shouted and I felt my blood run cold as they dragged my name into this.

"Or maybe she's sick of her mot he r acting like some college fucking whore. You're almost fourty, act like it! Your children need you more than the beer at a local bar!" My dad shouted and I sat down on my bed as I tubed my temples.

I saw a notebook inside of my drawer and I grabbed it, flipping through it. It was full of everything I've ever been through, from stubbing my toe on a couch foot when I was nine to my dad telling me I was on my own in a couple months.

I gulped a bit, gathering all my notebooks together. I looked at them, a heavy feeling in my chest as the thought in the back of my head grew louder, and louder, and louder.

I grabbed a random box from my room and set the notebooks inside, leaving beside me as I ripped a piece of paper out. I took a pen and set it in the top right hand corner, scribbling down the first line.