" And maybe not every story has a happy ending

But that's more than okay

Because sometimes you need to be reminded that every story is different.

Just as every person is different.

Sometimes you need to be sad to really appreciate what it's like to be happy

And you need to be happy to realize it gets better when things are dark.

Maybe you lose people who mean the world to you

But that's okay too.

Maybe they leave without a word

Or maybe they leave with paragraphs with your name scribbled messily on the first line

But however they leave

Let them.

That's their own choice.

If you want to burden yourself with the memory of them then go ahead.

May I say however that things don't get easier over time

You just learn to live with it and accept it.

Because once you accept that you are indeed flawed, imperfect, and incapable of ever being someone else

Or that the person will never come back despite your prayers, wishes, and make believe situations in your head

Only then will you find true happiness within yourself. "

M.G.C

-

I finished the poem with my initials and then closed my journal, smiling softly to myself. "Daddy!" I heard a small voice call and I hummed.

"Yes doll?"

My little girl jumped on to my lap and I laughed as she pushed her blonde hair out of her face. "Daddy, I wanna ask you a question." She said as she clutched on to a teddy bear.

"You should already be asleep." I said and she pouted, looking up at me with large hazel eyes.

"Please daddy?"

"Alright, what is it?"

"Who's she?" She asked me, pointed to an old picture of Calum, Aleigha, and I. We were at a concert, the two of us were dripping in sweat and she was laughing because Ashton was pulling a dumb face while taking the picture. "I never see her around."

"She's gone sweetheart. She's with mummy now." I said and she looked up at me.

"In Heaven?"

"Yes honey."

"Uncle Cal always tells me I act like her. He has the same picture in his house." She told me and I nodded.

"That's cause she was an old friend of our's. A very good friend." I told her as I ran my fingers through her hair. "She was the first girl daddy ever loved."

"Not mummy?"

"She was second." I said and she nodded as she stuck her thumb in her mouth. She's always had a habit of it, and though I thought she was too old for it, she just refused to keep her finger from her mouth.

"Do you love me?" She asked and I nodded as I laughed.

"Very very much." I said and she scrunched her nose up as I ticked her tummy. "You're the light of my life darling, my little sunshine."

"You're my sunshine daddy." She said and set her tiny palm on my face, the one that wasn't wet with saliva. "I love you too."

"I hope so." I said and we both laughed. "Now why aren't you in bed babygirl? You know you have school tomorrow." I said, lifted her up and tossing her in the air a bit.

She laughed loudly and I caught her as she clutched on the the teddy bear. "Again!" She chanted and I shook my head.

"No no no, it's time for bed. It's very late. Do you know what time it is?" I asked and she shook her head.

"What time is it daddy?"

"Bedtime, it's really late, midnight." I said and she pouted again as I cradled her in my arms. "Let's go put you to bed."

"Can I sleep in your room? Please!" She said and I thought about it. "Please daddy! I'll be good." She pouted and I nodded as she smiled.

"Fine, only because it's so hard to say no to you when you pout." I said and she cheered. I turned off the lights to my den and then walked up to my own bedroom.

I tossed her on the bed and she giggled as she bounced up and down on the mattress. She hugged the bear in her arms and then pulled my blanket over her as I pulled my shirt off. I took sweats and a tank-top from my drawer before going to the bathroom to change.

I quickly got rid of my jeans and then took my earrings off. I brushed my teeth and then took my eyebrow piercing off before smiling softly in the mirror.

Only took me seven years to finally become comfortable in my own skin. Thanks Leigha for believing in me, and helping me believe in myself.

I left the bathroom and then laid down. I put my arm under my pillow and my daughter put my other arm around her. "What are you doing honey?" I asked as she traced lines on my wrist.

"What are these daddy? They're not coming off." She said as she tried scrubbing the white scars off. "Get off!"

"They're not going to come off." I said and she asked me why. "Because daddy made a mistake and has to live with it forever. They're permanent."

"What did you do?" She asked me and I hummed, debating on telling her. She was very young, so I doubt she'd understand it much.

"Well, once upon a time," I said and she turned around to look at me. "Daddy was really sad."

"Why?"

"I just was darling. I was really sad. Uncle Luke, Ash, and Cal couldn't even help. Everytime I was really sad, lines appeared on my wrist. So many appeared and your uncles got worried, so they helped me. They don't appear anymore, but the old ones will never go away." I told her, not wanting to spill everything to her at such a young age.

"Why won't they go away?"

"Because I made those lines, and I have to live with them as a reminder of how much stronger I am now." I said and she asked if she'd get those lines too. "No honey, I won't let that happen, I promise."

"Are they bad daddy? Those lines on your wrist?" She asked me and I nodded.

"Very bad sweetheart. You don't want them, and you don't want other people to have them. If they do have those lines, make sure you're nice to them and try to make them happy." I said and she cuddled her bear as she promised me that she would. "Are you sleepy now?"

"Mhm." She said I nodded as I pulled her close to me. "Daddy?"

"Yes princess?"

"If you're sad, tell me. Those lines are ugly and I don't like them." She said and I laughed, my eyes tearing up a bit at the memories of when I was younger.

"Of course, I'll tell you." I said and she gave me a kiss on the cheek. I chuckled and she yawned loudly. "Goodnight princess." I told her and she smiled.

"Goodnight daddy." She said and I kissed her forehead gently. I closed my eyes and shook my head.

And to think, if I would have ended my life all those years ago, I wouldn't be where I am now; touring with my best friends and having the world's craziest, yet most lovable daughter ever.

There are so many things in life worth living for, you just need to be patient. Suicide is a permanent solution for such temporary problems.

I just wish I could have seen and understood that sooner before I decided to permanently scar my own skin.