SHORT UPDATE! to know chuu better

2nd book will be published shortly
after this ends. this part is 192/200

600k reads! thank u +++
thank you for the sweet
messages on my board

BETTER TO READ THE CHAP IN A BLACK BACKGROUND
________________________________________________________

[TRANS]
m: where are you right now?
j: find me 💓💓💓
j: let's play hide and seek! :)

i sighed upon seeing jiwoo's bullshit replies, but at least i know that she's on a wheelchair with a red sweater on. it probably wouldn't be difficult to find her. seungkwan was already tired as we were walking around the campus, looking for that bitch. "can we like, slow down?" he whined and wiped the sweat off his forehead.

"boo, we have to find her quick, do you even know what she might do to the plush toy?"

"throw it away? seungcheol hyung can just make anothe—"

"voODOO, SEUNGKWAN! A VOODOO DOLL!" i retorted, making seungkwan flinch. i apologized for raising my voice afterwards though he was quite chill with it, saying that he understands that i'm in an unexplainable state. heaving a sigh, i decided to continue with our search, but then my phone received notifications, and i veered off quickly, thinking it was jiwoo.

once again, sighing, i turned to seungkwan to tell him that we're gonna have to go back. the idiot smiles for a quick second when he sees hansol's name on my phone. talk about micro-expression exposing him for being whipped as fuck. anyway, i know i still have to find jiwoo to get the plush back before she turns it into one of her toys. and i bet i'm gonna need help from wonwoo.

the moment we headed back the usual spot, my eyes landed on soonyoung crying onto mingyu's chest as the poor boy hugged him. "soonyoung, minseul's here," seungcheol softly spoke as he placed his palm on soonyoung's back. just when i took my seat, the crying boy untangled his arms around gyu to hug me instead. "bongbongie is gone!" he whined

"i know where he is."

junhui tilts his head, "you do?? where?"

"jiwoo took it," i added, "i'm honestly worried that she might use it to create a doll that would resemble soonyoung." the boys became instantly worried because of what i said, until wonwoo broke the tension by saying that it wouldn't have an effect on soonyoung at all, because he didn't make the doll."

my eyes shifted to seungcheol, "does that mean—"

"whoever made the doll will be the one greatly affected."

"seungcheol made the doll."

"damn," mingyu muttered, "i helped made it...will i get affected too?"

"probably."

"well then we need to find it quick!" seungkwan suggested. wow, earlier he was too tired to look for jiwoo and now he's hyped as fuck. the others, including i, had classes and seungcheol didn't want us to cut so he chose the one who have free time to look for jiwoo instead, who happened to be chan, jihoon and joshua.

i groaned, knowing that i have to attend a boring class. luckily though, when we got there, the teacher prepared a hands on activity in the computer laboratory. i was seated next to seokmin, all the way at the back while the teacher was blabbing things in front. the boy was just playing pinball while i was searching up things about chuu.

seokmin sees my computer screen and chuckles to himself, "called it."

my computer mouse stopped scrolling at the end of the search page. and what met my eyes was something quite unexpected, but interesting.

looks like jiwoo herself forgot to hack and delete one thing that could ruin her reputation. the first thing i did was to look around, trying to see if anyone could see what i'm doing. just when everyone else in the class seemed to be minding their own businesses, i caught seokmin's attention and showed him what i saw.

"this is some good tea," he whispered "i'm nervous yet excited."

WELCOME TO SECRET ARCHIVES
[CHUU]

chuu was fifteen years old when she first started blogging, fifteen years old when her words centered on a life none other than hers. before the blog turned into a place for exposing certain people, chuu was just one of the typical writers who post stories about a day in their lives. but the sudden change, simply due to her "lack of interest" to write about herself lit a wire of about her additional inconsistent reasons for the turn. everyone else wonders, is it all that there is?

+ DELETED BLOG STORIES
- family issues
- sexual abuse
- movie reviews
[- homosexuality]
- school issues
- bullying

show more

hi, it's chuu! and i'm here to talk about something serious ㅠㅠ
something that has been bugging me a lot, and i think that publishing this could somehow make me stronger. i hope you will still support me as you reach the end of this story.

as a child, i honestly grew up getting all my wants and needs. Indeed, i was lucky, i also knew no gay people, as if "gayness" or even homosexuality was a just an abstract concept, something made up by other people who aren't contented with themselves, something that probably exists, but is never part of my surroundings. i grew up laughing as i watch my stepbrother imitate people in a high pitched voice, and then turn red in shame after my father beats him for "sounding like a homosexual"

and so i thought...is homosexuality a bad thing? is it wrong? i never really entertained the thought until i have come to the realization that, i don't belong to my group of girl classmates in school. something about them discussing their idols, crushes and straight fiction dreams made me feel uneasy. in fact, the only boy i idolized was my brother, for he's really fun to be with. but other than that, there's nothing!

one time, my stepbrother had to bring a group of classmates in the house to work overnight on their thesis. and i noticed one of them was acting weird. add the fact that my dad wasn't really pleased to see him, but indeed, i was. i had a good talk with him and it felt like he was my own sister who never existed. but...he's a boy, how could he act like a sister to me? i opened this topic to my sibling, and he talked to me about that boy, his classmate who came out of the closet as gay.

whether at home or in school, i have never heard homosexuality get discussed in a positive manner. my dad was a huge "gay-hater" or something that my brother calls as "homophobe" and i was confused. my brother's classmate isn't anything like what dad says about gays. he's really kind, caring and sweet to me. and so a knot formed in my throat as I tried to tell my dad, "i don't think being a homosexual is bad at all."

it was the first time i received a beating from my father, and it made me think a lot. why can't i get what i want now? why am i not right this time? why am i deeply affected by his negative attitude towards gay people and gay rights?

i had time to reflect on myself, and putting the pieces together, starting from when i realized i'm not like the other girls up to now that i find someone really pretty in our school and that i once fantasized the idea of being with her, made me realize that....maybe, i am one of those people that my dad hates. there was a momentary happiness when my brother understood my raw feelings, but my next emotion was panic. one, because my sibling will have to move out soon to keep himself focused on college and work, meaning that i'd have nobody to talk about these things to. two, because my dad would probably chase me out of the house.

through the days of keeping my secret, i was stuck to the habit of just taking photos of girls i find pretty and hanging their faces on the walls of my room. whenever my parents would see, i would just tell that those girls are the people i idolize and want to be as pretty as. although my mother found it weird, she told me that it's okay to be anything. at first i didn't know what she meant. but then i realized that i do have her support. she also told me that i can have anything i want. so, that means i can get whoever as well!

i accepted myself and liked the thought of being with girls a lot. girls that i like and fell in love with. and i know i'm going to keep this going until one of them falls for me too. clearly, if they don't, t̵͓̹̙͓̤̼̭̱̘̣̦̞̰͈̪̦̖͙̹̥̝̃͊̓̽̓̽͗̄̒́̚h̶̬͍̏͐̿̊̔͋̓͗̑͐̽̓̃̿̄̈́̀̋̾́̌̑͐̃̿́̚͝e̶̛̫̦͍̰̘̹̜̼̐͐̒̄͗̊̒̀͛̌͝ń̸̨̝̠̞̟͔̣͋́̒̇̚ ̵̨̪̞̮̦͕̙͉̪̭̲̤̘̱̹̜̲̼͗̅́͆̂́͆͘͜͠ͅi̴̹̹̱̼̣͓͓͙̓̿̊̉̊̊́̃̂d̴̡̨̡̜̤̳̣͍̱̰͇̹̹͎̹̼̬͚̹̒͑̇͑͗ ̴̡̧̡̡̡̧̼̮̳̺̫̠͖̣̬͉͚̯̹̟̗͓̟͙̯̦̣̩̞̘̔̂̃̄̑͑̑̇͊͆͆̃̅̈́̒̏̃̒̔͐̐̂̚̚͝͠͠h̵̛͙̖̄͒́̈͐̅͗́̈͆̐͑͐͛̚͠͠͝à̵̱̭̥͙̤͚̻͓̠̬͊͑̈̽̔͐͛̃͂̓͂̊̄́͆̀̓́̕͘͝͝͠v̶̧̧̧̫̫͙̟͙͚̳̗̭̘̥͋͜͜͠ȩ̵̢̨̡̨̧̳͍̜͈͉͔̗͍̤̫̱̦̻̲̹̹͚̖̤͕̀͊̈́̈́͗̌̄ ̷̱̟͕̞͉̻̹̟̯̲̜̂͌̊̃̔̈́̌͋͋̃̊̈́̄̏̏̔̄̽̽́͑͛̚͝ţ̴̨̛̫͔͍̫̰̱̜̘̙͔̘͙͉̜̭̘̟̰̗̹͚͍́͒̿̽̂̑̌͌̇̽̂̈́͊̔̌̏́̉̇̃̽͘̕̕͘͜͝͠͠ͅȯ̴̯̗̞̬̤̈̔ ̶̡̧͈͔̹̬̲̯͖̟̯̬̤̬͎̞̠̼̹̼̱̼̘̮̣͕̩̥̻̳̊̊͋̔̾͗̂͌̏̈́̂͑̓̏̂̔͊͂̿̋͗̅͆̇̐̎̋̕͝͠m̵̡̢̟̘̰͖̞̗̣͎̙͓̞͖̤͓̖̖̺̜͈̘̙̻̮͉͚̊́̚ͅa̶̘̗̰̜̾̎͒͐̃́̀ͅk̸̛̛͕͕̱̱͒̈́̋̆̈́̉͒̊̏͑͗͆̉̆̀̂̋͆͂͒̚͝ȩ̶̨̢̨̨̛͔̬̠͉̦̭͈̮̳͓̪̥͔̤͙̟̩̳̲̼̙̹̖̝̌̊̃̾͑͗̏̂́̃̈́̽̃́͐̉̐̾̄̊̔̈͊̿̏̌̚͘ͅ ̵̩͈̗̮̠͔̳͎̃̿͐́̑̄̂͒̀̃̾͒͌͑̋̑͑̓͝͝t̷̡̢̮͖͍̼̼̳͔͛͑̆̑̑̈́͘͜h̷̢̧̢̬̞̫̱͉̖̯͖̍́̽̍͂̓̿̐͋ͅe̸̤̎̆̂̏͒̓̈́͊́̐́̏̐́̊͌̐̊̋́́̕͘͝͝͠m̴̺̈͌̒̄̓̓́̏̀̾̉̀͊̀̓̽͒̌̎̚̚̕͝ ̶͔͓̯͚̙̻̱̩͈͔̰͚́̅̉̾̃̈́̿̈́̀͜f̵̨̡̛̲̤͔̳̞̩͖̘̝͒͑̅̆͑̏̀̅͒̑̃̌̔̌̀̓̕̕̕͘͝͝e̸̡̨̡̫͓̙͔̼̣̖̟̲͓͓͔͉̙̤͉̘̱̣̼̥̺̜̱̐̈́͛͂̍̎̍̍̅̓̈́͛̾̏̈́̄̑͑͘̚͜͜e̴̢̨̝͈͎̜̯̹͍̲̖̯̭̦̦͍̬̠͓̼̰̜̮̭͖̳̗͈̽̋̂͐̂́̅̊̔͑̊̀̄̕̕͝ͅl̵̡̢̛̛̠̟̝̹̝̳͓̯̭̗̼͎̩̪̘͔̪̹̗̥̥̜̠̞̏̄̈́̅͛̿͌̾͊̾͋̍͗̍͜ͅ ̸̡̦͚̲̝̱̣̤͉̹̤̑́̈̊̋̏̋̈́̌̊̀̏͑̈̉̓͋̕͘̕͠͝͠ͅt̴̼͍͈͉̺̱̭̞̏̈̾̉̈́̆̑̈́̓̈́͂̉̀̚͠͠͠ͅͅh̵̡͙̗̯͍̻̯̬̻̦͓̗͆̎͊́̐̿̑̕͝e̷̡̤͇̰̟̲̜͇͉͕̘͇̍̏͒̎̊̉̏̆̾͆́̿͌̔̍̑̈́̈́̕͝͝ͅ ̸̡̨͎̩̩͇̪͚̦̦̮̘͓̟̻̱̱̥̳̦̔͌̌̒͌͒͛́̓͐̈́͐͐̽́̽̔̐͗̌́̊̊̂͋̚ş̵̜͉͇̞̱͇̫̩̫̻̘̻̥̱͉̦̱̺̓̽̔͆͐͐̆̃̈́̅̉̃̾̾̀̈̃̆͋̇͑͒͐̓͂͘̕͜͠a̷̡̛̱͉̱͓̬̫͎̼̗̗̟̖̪͙̜͚̺͇̭̦̤͇̺͐̏̎̂͊͑͆̊̃̆̎͘͘̕͝ͅm̸̪̠̱̼̟̠̰̥̯̟̖̗̟̩͖̞͖͙̃̕͠è̴̛̛͚̥̝̲̭͍̺͓̺̐͑́̽̀̄̐̈́̒̈̌̏̇̂̓͆̚̕͠͝ ̶̧̮̻̹̯͕̼̮̣̙̹̞̼̩̹̭͈̺͖͙̰̝͉̦̗̈́̄̒̐́͗̌͜͜ͅͅẁ̶̢̧̡̼̱̲̤̻̩̭̼͉̝̠̺̺̻͕̲̻̝̦̪̍͛̒̿̾̓͑̌̎̔́͗̅̈́̇ä̶̦͍͕̫̰̺̬̟͔͚͙̯́̅̄̏͗͐̋̈́́̃̏͐͛̂̔͊́͌̏̀̕͝͝͠y̴̧̡̢̡̡̧̢͚̯͉̰͇̮͖̠͈̤̟̦̜̗̼͙̬̦͆̄͐̌̂͂́͘͜͜͜͜ ii̷ ̵d̵e̴c̸i̶d̶e̵d̸, I̷M̵ ̸G̴O̵I̷N̶G̴ ̵T̶O̸ ̸G̵E̵T̴ ̶W̶H̶O̴E̷V̵E̸R̴ ̷I̴ ̴W̵A̵N̶T̸. and i don't think hanging their pictures on my walls are weird. h̴̢̛̭͈̖͑̓͗͠ą̵̯͈̱̠̻̫̳̝͇̤̮̩́̑̈́͒̀͆̽͑͝ͅk̸̥̭̪̫̘̟͖̟̎̈́̈́̾̕ş̷̙̗͍͓͈̮͕͓̯͍̿͗̈́̑̽̊̆̚̕h̷̨̠̙̦̲̪̩̻̠͔̙͙̿͊͗͒͗̽̌͆̔͜͜N̵̨̛̪̥̥͕̺̮͇̓̅̈̊̍̅̊̽̃̽̎͜͠͝ͅj̸̟̞̃͊̀s̷̩̦̈́̒̎̿͗̍̒̅̔̊̑̂̎͐͌j̵̢̺̟̖͙̺͓̱̲̈́̽́̀̏́s̶̮͍̜̲̗̘̭̳̊̐̀̃͑̀͝j̷̡̛̛̥̰̙̫̍̋̽͒̀͋̎́̎̿̂͠͝ş̷͍̆̌̑̊͊̕̚ķ̴͕̟̬̜̗̻̥͕̤̪̳̐͌́̕s̸͔̙͎̭͊̽̈́̓̋͛́̊́ͅk̶̡̢̡̡͍̻̠̞̱͖̩̝͆͋̎͌͊̿̀̑̕͠͝͝ḳ̶̛̪͈͊̃̿̔̔̽̎̔̕s̶̨̠̠̠̦̩̬̼͚͇̼̓̉̾̽̃̿͆̍̑͛͋̊k̸̡̡̖̲͓̭̞̫͕͌̿͋̐͝è̵̥̥̩̗̄̏̔͒̽ͅl̸̢͔̞̭͓͔̖̻͐̆̿ȩ̷̧̞̠̙̦͇̹̅̓̊͆͐̈́̌̏̓̾͜ͅl̵̨̳̬̫̮͛̿̌̈̔͆̂͝ͅͅl̸̺̦̠̤̙̹̭̤̳͎̣̙̘̇̇͘̚e̴̲̙̗̺̒̆̈́é̵̡̟͇̬̞̬̰̙̙̥̞̮̙̈́͋ņ̴̧̡̻̣̱̮̠̙͚͓̣͈̫̿͊͛̍͂͗̏͛̍̌͝͝n̶̨̧͇̫̱͚̣̩͉͇͇̮̲̄̋͜͝e̴̦̤͕̱̝̽͊̂͗̓̀͝͝j̷̧̢̠̲̼̻̦̫͙̪̫̥̼͕́̉͒̀ it's just admiration, right? if this is what homosexuality is, then i'm gonna have to say that it's great to be a part of it! that is, i̸͖̼͉̘͖͖̤̰̺͓̱̩̬̯͖̋̀̓͋́̊̂͊̾͂̐̕͘̚͝ͅf̶̨̛̛̹̺̜̈́̀̓̏̽͐̾̆̅̾̔̆͋̿́̓̍̋͊͌͒̚̕͝͝ ̵̗̟͉̹̲͓̫̳͔̝͙̤̲̫͕̲͒̋m̴̨̡̨̢̤̫͎̥͙̫̬͔͉̦̍̽̄̐̐̀̅̈̽̓̚͜ͅÿ̷̧̹͖̹͈̺̖̹̲̦́̏̈́̈́̎͋͊͋̀̅̔̇͑̏̿̃͑̈́͘ ̶̨̛͕͖͖̫̗͆͗̄̈́͌̅̃̅̈́̇̇͝d̴̡̢̨̢̧̢̨͍̰͙̜̗͙͕̠̙͈͊̇̑̊̾̔̊͗̿̃̈̓͛̊͝ͅḁ̸̛̛̛͈̥̭͉͚̗͓̞̰̜̝̦̩͓͉̮̏̈́̒̀̿̍̃́͂̓̉̊̋̎̍̓̓̇̽͗̀̒͊̏̚͜͠ͅd̶̰͈͉͇͈̻͔͆̎̾͂͆̓̀̿̓͒̾͒̅͌̑̽̋̏̈͂͐̍̉͘͘͘͝͠ͅ ̵͙̥͙̠̩̙̙̭͉̻̹̻͎̬̓̐̍̇͊̉̔̈́̊̇͘̚͜d̷̗̗̹̠̆́̌̃̔̐͑̃̈̾̀̌͝o̵̧͙̮͔͇͙͇͈̳͍̺̫̠̫̱̝̳̘̫̜͚͇̗̲̙̥̗̹͙͋̓̌̎̍͐̉͋͒͊̌͒͆̇͊̀̈́̒͘͘͝ͅę̷̡̛͇͇̫̭̙̫̘͔͈̭͙̩̪̞̞̗̠͉͍͖̱̩̈́̂̉̑̆̀̃͗̂̌̽̊͂̑͆̓̊̀̊̈́͋͗͂̿̇̔̕͘s̶̨̨̛̮͕̥̓̍̑̀̽̀͗́̃̈͂̏̍̋͘ņ̶̡̧̺̲̝̲͓͚̳̻̤̺̺̟̞̻͚̜̹̝̖̱̓̿̋̊͑̓͒̿̉͐̈́͆͐̽͋͒̃͊̀̊̓͊̈́͋͛͘͜͝͝ͅ'̸͚͉̹̤̆́̇̏́̆̀́͒̏̊̎̀͗̎̈́̊͛̆͝͝͝͝͝͠t̴̨̢̤͚͈̩̯̟̼̖̼̞̩̗̝̯̼͙̀̊́̍́̂͆͗̔̎͂̂̓͆͆̎̀ ̷̨͍͓͕̞̱̭̪̳̥̼͔̼̥̗̃̌̇̏̓̽͊͗̚̕͜͝f̶̡̧͉̯͎̺̥̰͍̱̻̹̖̮̫̳̙̯͚̟̹̖̦̀̄͆͊̈́͒̆̏͆̈́̎̏͜ḯ̷̢̧̬̦̳̮̱̗̭̹̟̳̖͍̬̜̙̳͕͍͈̠̺̦̃̔͒̐̋͌̔́͒̉̀̈̀̃͆̈̀͒͜͜͝͝͝ͅͅͅn̷̢̨̨͖̙̙̗͈̺̖̜̘̮̹̣̮͐́̏̀̏̾̓̄͂d̸̘͇͙̭̥̯̜͔͎͎̟̳̟͒̈́̈́͐̽̈̔̈́̌́́̃̅̄́̿̈́̀͘̕͜͝͝ͅ ̸̡̯͉͖͚̠̗̞͆͆̈́̽̂͆̓̆͛̋̌͐̉͐̽͋̐͛̌͘o̴̢̡̜̹̥̖̫̲͚͔͓̮̼͚̞̬̼̼͎̫̟͎͙͙̅͋̑̀͂̉̔̃͒̐̆́͒͋̾̈̄̑̀̕͠ṳ̴̢̢̗̟͊̈̄̔t̸̛͇̥̼̣̟̹̜̪̰͎̪̐̂̋̌͐̑̄̓̎͊̊͊̋́͛̋͌͗̀͛̑̓̔̕͜͠

c̵̙̭̬͍̠̿́̕h̶̨̰͙̜͖̤͎̓̌̔̓͆̚͘͜͝u̷̢͇̝̞̞̰͛̚ͅu̵̧͇͓͌̉͑͊̕,̴̳͇͓͋͋̓̕͘͘ ̸̳̝͙̙̲̱̀̐͑̓͜ͅo̸̹̥͇͎͓͍̼̝̠̳͙͔̪̞͌̀̕͝ͅȕ̸̢͇͖̠͍͕̟̭̭̗̱̊̉̓̌͘͠t̶̫͇̭̫̩͇͙͔̮͎̎̀̾̈́̅̀̃̕!̷̻̖̱͖̎́͂̓͛̍͆̽̾͝!💓💓💓

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"seokmin," i mumbled

"yeah?"

"i think i know a better way of how to get rid of jiwoo now."

______________

that was lame but oK IM GOING TO HEAD TO PLAY PRACTICE NOW. IM ONE HOUR LATE >((

kbyeilu
-jiro